* Warning:
Okay, so I’ve taken a blunt pill.
A big one.
If you’re feeling a little emotionally fragile, you may want to read this one later.
Or never.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
As a bloke who is constantly dealing with people who want to create positive change in their life (relationships, finances, career, health, appearance, attitude, lifestyle, etc.), I hear way too many excuses.
As a rule, I have more people tell me why they can’t change than why they can.
And while I acknowledge that we all have challenges, hurdles and obstacles to navigate and negotiate along our path (some more than others), in my humble opinion, most reasons (for not doing something) are in fact, not reasons at all.
They are excuses.
A reason for not going for a run is, “I have a broken leg.”
An excuse is, “I don’t have the time.”
We have the time.
We don’t make it.
It’s rarely about time.
It’s usually about us.
To be honest (there’s a shock), I get sick and tired of people’s whingeing, whining, complaining, rationalising and justifying why their life is a succession of unfinished endeavours.
People who have lost and regained weight a hundred times and they’re still looking for a quick fix and an easy solution.
When we stop looking for easy and start looking for effective, then… we start to make real progress and start to create forever change.
(What we’re all about).
I am over people telling me that their life (or something about their life) is not fair.
It’s not about fair!
It’s about dealing with life… and coping with our ever-changing, unpredictable world and everything in that dynamic environment; some of it will be great and some will be crap.
Deal with it.
If you want to handicap yourself for life and be a chronic under-achiever, then tell yourself on a daily basis how tough you’ve got it and how unfair life is in your world.
This year take your summer holiday in The Sudan; you might re-think your hardship.
Some people have almost done it (whatever it is) three thousand times.
They are always about to change.
Every time you see them, they’re just about to start some amazing life-changing process.
Sure you are.
I would prefer to work with someone who has little talent, limited potential, a great attitude and a genuine readiness to change, than I would with some of the high-maintenance, rich, precious, deluded, spoiled brats that walk through my door who think that things should just happen for them, the world owes them something and that I will fix them!
Attention brats: the world owes you nothing.
Neither does anybody else.
You owe you something.
You owe it to you and your family to take your head out of your butt and wake up to yourself.
Stop being a pain in the arse.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop making excuses.
Stop making life hard.
Success has a price.
The price is discomfort and the rewards are many and varied… but you need to decide if you are willing to pay that price.
And pay it every day of your life; not for two weeks while you’re ‘in the zone’ (I hate that term).
When the motivation ‘wears off’ (and it does because we’re human) we keep doing… even when it’s not fun, easy, comfortable or convenient.
We keep doing because we don’t want average.
We keep doing because we have created different standards for ourselves.
We keep doing because we know what we can be… and do.
We keep doing because we don’t want to live with regrets.
Because we want amazing.
And amazing is something we create, not something that happens to us.
The irony of my job is that, while I’m a change specialist (for want of a better term) and many people come to me because they (allegedly) want to create a ‘new and improved’ version of themselves, more often than not, when I chat with them it becomes glaringly apparent that they are not ready to change at all.
It’s like, “I’ll change as long as I don’t really have to do anything… or get uncomfortable… or deal with any of my issues…..or make any sacrifices… in fact Craig, don’t you have a pill or something?”
“Sure I do; it’s called the anti-idiot pill. Here, take one.”
They want the benefits of change… but they don’t want the journey.
And the crazy thing is, the journey is where we grow, learn and change; you can’t have one without the other.
The journey is the best part!
At the time we don’t always think it is… but long-term we begin to understand how the discomfort, the speed-humps, the challenges and pain mould us, transform us and make us infinitely more capable, confident and competent.
And happy.
And fulfilled.
So many people are lost, directionless and unfulfilled once they become successful (whatever that is for them) because they’re not in the journey any more… and the journey actually challenged them, stimulated them, fulfilled and gave them a sense of importance, value and self-worth every day.
(All crucial for happiness).
Interestingly, many wealthy people who have ‘hung up the boots’ suffer from depression because all those great things are gone.
Heaps of money and toys… not much else.
Doh!
Should have thought that through a bit more perhaps…
Mother Teresa was an amazing, inspirational, incredibly capable, resourceful and powerful woman because of her experiences.
Because of her journey.
And her faith.
Because of the skills, knowledge and strength she gained through doing what she needed to do to achieve her very noble, selfless goals.
She embraced discomfort… her life was uncomfortable.
Because she understood the price of creating amazing and she was prepared to pay the price.
Sometimes, what we need to do, takes priority over what we want to do.
Every day I ask myself this question:
Do I want it enough?
And every day my answer is yes.
Let me know your thoughts and where you’re from.
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Ouch!!! Finally, a personal development blog that doesn’t pull any punches. Thanks for having the courage to say what needs to be said. I’ll be back tomorrow.
(Abu-Dhabi,UAE)
Have we become so caught up in our own little world’s that we have forgotten why we exist. We exist for us and the rest of us. In some sports they say, don’t worry about technique, just hit it as hard as you can hit and worry about direction later. We just have it stop thinking about IT and just someTHING, anyTHING will do, because it’s better than noTHING.
Hi Craig,
Ifound your website a few weeks ago. Since then I have taken up doing sports again, along the lines of your short program for at home. I mostly agree with you, people all too often are not ready for change. They don’t like the discomfort-phase and can’t see beyond it. If they realize there’s a better place to go, be it even through discomfort, some of them will move.
When you talk about their endless griping, I can fully understand you. However I came to realize that this is just a game. They complain and in return they get attention and pity. I didn’t come up with that myself, I read it in a book (Eric Berne: Games people play).
Finally, since you asked: I’m from Germany. Thank you for thought, you helped me change myself!
Guido
Hi Larry,
You’re welcome.
See you tomorrow!
Cheers.
Hey Anonymous.
You’re right; too many people talk about it… but never do it.
Cheers.
Hey Guido,
glad I could help and glad you found me..
Best Wishes.
Hello Craig,
Thank you for being a true source of inspiration in our daily pursuit of an “amazing” life!
Growth in various mediums is always exciting to nurture and observe. Just like a seed that produces rich plentiful fruit – l liken your site to an evergrowing tree of knowledge that has branch out into the blogosphere and creating a positive impact on people all over the world.
Congratulations……you should be proud (yes, you to Johnny)! You are making an “amazing” difference to people’s lives and their happiness.
Your honest, unique and intelligent insight on a diverse range of life topics are thought provoking and challenging (yes, we love that)….the perfect ingredient for lasting change and success!
Thank you…..always looking forward to your next post and the new video-post!
Keepsmiling
(Melbourne)
Sensational blog!!
I echo Larry Richards comments whole heartedly!
Bravo Craig!!
))
(do you wanna run for PM or boss of the World?)
Hello Hawkeye (Craig).
PM…mm.. I’d give it a crack but I dunno how many votes I’d get.
It certainly wouldn’t be boring if I was captain of the ship!
Cheers.
Hello Craig,
Thank you for being a true source of inspiration in our daily pursuit of an “amazing” life!
Growth in various mediums is always exciting to nurture and observe. Just like a seed that produces rich plentiful fruit – l liken your site to an evergrowing tree of knowledge that has branch out into the blogosphere and creating a positive impact on people all over the world.
Congratulations……you should be proud (yes, you to Johnny)! You are making an “amazing” difference to people’s lives and their happiness.
Your honest, unique and intelligent insight on a diverse range of life topics are thought provoking and challenging (yes, we love that)….the perfect ingredient for lasting change and success!
Thank you…..always looking forward to your next post and the new video-post!
Keepsmiling
(Melbourne)
Hi Anonymous,
you’re welcome and here’s some cyber-love for you ( )
I just sent a link to your blog to a dear friend of mine…. she is doing the hard yards and putting the work in… that will keep her going more…
I can’t wait also to see the new video post– now that will be cool!
I am from The Wimmera-Mallee in country victoria…
Thank you .. thank you .. thank you..
Hello YM,
you are welcome, welcome, welcome
Cheers.
Just found your blog. I do think our westernized, wealthy societies have become very lost and very spoiled…lost in that we are conditioned to think that success means things, not hapiness & fulfillment from the inside out and I think for the most part people just don’t know there is another way, a better way…then when they finally realize that there is more than just stuff, they think it should just fall into their laps.
We are conditioned to avoid pain, that pain is bad, that suffering is to be avoided at all cost…look at the success of the drug companies. Take a pill, make the pain go away, make the sickness go away…escapism. I think a lot of it is just plain old ignorance, and yes excuses.
I think perhaps I stopped making sense a while back, so I shall stop my ramble now…
meredith
(from the USA, BTW)
Hello Meredith,
You made more sense than many people I talk to!
Thanks for visiting.
Thanks for your motivation Craig.
I have been guilty of telling myself on a daily basis how tough I’ve got it and how unfair my life is. Thanks to your blog I am getting ready to change.
(B.A.-Argentina)
Hey Pia.
You’re welcome.
I think you’re my first visitor from Argentina…
Thanks for visiting.
Craig, you said:
“I would prefer to work with someone who has little talent, limited potential, a great attitude and a genuine readiness to change, than I would with some of the high-maintenance, rich, precious, deluded, spoiled brats that walk through my door who think that things should just happen for them, the world owes them something and that I will fix them!”
Well, why not seek offer your services to such people then? If you don’t like your clients a lot then you should stop offering your services to them. You might get more personal fullfilment by helping a new set of clients but they are probably the ones that can’t afford the services of a coach.
I know you are making a valuable point but there is an element of “biting the hand that feeds you” in this post. The whole coaching and motivation industry survives because of people with more money than sense. So rather than you whining about these people (who presumably contribute to your annual income), why not offer your services “pro-bono” to some deserving people who might not otherwise be able to afford the services of a mentor.
Hi Craig,
Wow…..don’t hold back. Some times you really just need to hear the truth.
Hey Craig when walking for weight loss and to become fit is it important to walk at a fast pace or walk a longer distance/time .
Michelle (Malmsbury, Central Victoria)
Hi Michelle,
you know I don’t hold back…
For you (personally) longer is the answer to your question.
Cheers.
Hi Alan,
Thanks for your perspective.
Here’s my response:
1) I don’t dislike any of my clients. I occasionally dislike their attitude.
2) I am not all about money. If someone has a bad attitude, I won’t work with them no matter how potentially lucrative it may be.
3)I help many people for free. That is why I have developed this site and why you don’t have to pay for it.
4) I am not whining about anyone. I am describing some of the people I meet.
5) I sponsor over twenty people who can’t afford the services my company offers. They recieve free mentoring and training. I pay my staff to work with them.
Cheers.
yah! Someone who isnt scared to speak up. Have just found your site through another. You have echoed exactly what I think quite often about my own clients in your blog and in your comments and much gratitude for the timely reminder of why I am on my journey. Am also so excited to find an Aussie site as it appears that there are few who care like you seem to.
Bel Australia
Hey Bel,
glad you found me… keep visiting.
Have a fun day…
Well said Alan – You moron!
I have never met Craig but I bet he turns people away that do not have the right attitude. Is this right Craig?
In case you haven’t noticed Alan, if you take time to read all of Craig’s articles you will find that unlike other “personal development types” he is not pushing a program or product, he says he’s not the answer to their problems, they are.
We actually like his bluntness, frankness, and honesty, so why don’t you bugger off to other “personal development sites” that provide loads of fluff and feel good stuff and leave Craig alone.
Sunbury
Australia
Errr…hi Kev.
At least someone loves me!
Thanks for your vote of confidence.
Yes I do turn people away if I believe they are not genuinely ready to change (that is, do the work).
Cheers.
This post reminds each if us we’re the reason for where we are and what we do or don’t do in life. It may be hard for some people to accept, that our conditions aren’t someone else’s fault, but the result of our mindset and choices. We can be our own greatest critic or our own biggest fan. Once I learned to step back from what other people advised me to do with my life, I realized I can exert a great amount of control over my destiny. Empowerment can change anyone’s life.
Hi Liara.
Thanks for you thoughts; always worth hearing…
cheers.
Craig~
Discovered you when I linked here from something on Zen Habits that linked to something I cannot remember now to you a couple days ago. Great stuff, because truth is what we all need in our lives (truth shall set you free…). This article in particular was something I need to hear!
Orv Erickson (Iowa, USA)