Recently on a current affairs television program here in Melbourne there was a story exploring the concept of children not receiving ‘traditional’ school report cards and not being graded (marked) on their school work at all.
The key message of the program was that evaluating our kids and actually scoring them on their work and exams might set them up for some kind of long-term emotional pain or short-term social judgement and ridicule from their peers.
Apparently the traditional concept of report cards might do some kind of damage and it might be in our kid’s interest to ‘protect’ them from any form of assessment or evaluation.
Clearly, turning up to school is enough.
What a great idea.
That way nobody will get upset.
Fantastic.
We wouldn’t want children to compare report cards and we wouldn’t want anyone to do ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than anyone else would we?
Ideally, everyone will get about the same mark, no one will fail, no one will get upset, all the parents will be happy, no kids will have to deal with any pressure, no waves will be made and then we’ll all go home and sing nice, warm, fuzzy songs around the fire and drink hot milk.
Then we’ll put our pyjamas on and dad will read amazing stories to us; ones where we are the heroes.
Give me a bucket.
What a great preparation for the realities of life beyond school this kind of learning environment would be. What are we teaching our kids when the message is that… not studying, not paying attention in class, not completing homework and not being a responsible, diligent student… has no real downside?
Back in the dark ages when I was at school my teachers employed this wacky notion of telling us whether or not our school work was great, good, bad or otherwise.
They even gave us grades.
And when my report cards were bad my folks got mad at me… not the teacher.
Crazy, I know.
Surprisingly I didn’t die from this… or suffer any irreparable damage.
Sometimes kids even failed a subject.
Interestingly, none of them died either (as a result of that failure).
Some of them even went away, studied, worked harder, passed the next semester, developed some new skills and learned a lot from the experience!
Is it just me, or does is dawn on anybody else that the rampant over-protection of our kids (and not just in a school setting) doesn’t really help them at all?
It’s not always an advantage but often, a significant disadvantage?
I’m not a kid-ologist (made that up) but I do own a kid’s gym and do observe lots of parents in action and it seems to me that some parents are so paranoid and over-protective that the very thing they don’t want… they end up creating; kids who can’t cope, can’t adapt and don’t fit in.
The world is a messy, lumpy, bumpy, unfair, nasty, unpredictable place.
Perhaps we should let our kids experience a little pain, discomfort, adversity… life.
One of the realities of life beyond school is that we are regularly (if not, constantly) evaluated, judged, criticised and given feedback. Some of it’s positive, some negative, some of it’s nice, some of it’s nasty… it’s just happens.
Try and find a job where you’re never given feedback about your performance… good luck with that.
In life not everybody ‘wins’, not everybody has fun, not everybody has it easy and not everybody ‘passes’ everything.
Perhaps this would be a valuable lesson for our kids.
Sometimes we fail, fall down, get hurt, make mistakes… and dealing with these realities is how and when we do our real learning.
One day some of these ‘protected’ kids are going to get a rude awakening when they step out of their cushy, cosy, comfy, manufactured school experience… and step into the workplace.
I worry that by building these weird academic environments where ‘everybody passes’… and nobody gets and ‘F’… we prevent our kids from experiencing reality. We prevent our kids from developing the strength, skills, attitudes and coping mechanisms to be able to negotiate the realities of life.
We handicap them.
Yes, we mean well…but no, we’re not helping in the long-term.
I also worry that neurotic, insecure parents are raising neurotic, insecure kids.
I personally know several women who have been so determined to ‘protect’ their daughters from the ‘perils’ of obesity (fat girls get picked on) that they have kindly passed on all of their own obsessive behaviours and attitudes around food to their girls.
Mum was picked on for being chubby… so she’ll do anything to protect her daughter from going through that same experience.
Including giving her an eating disorder.
Thanks Mum.
I know that the parents and teachers motives are (usually) good and honourable but perhaps we need to ask ourselves whether or not all this ‘protection’ is grooming our kids for success… or failure.
Waddya think?
Let me know (and where you’re from).
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I also worry about the neurotic, insecure parents that are raising neurotic, insecure kids. Let’s blame everybody else for our children being the way they are. It’s clearly the fault of the teachers, television, McDonalds, and video games and not us the parents. It’s about time someone had the guts to write about this.
Thanx for your awesome blog. It is the first I read every day.
Deb – Chicago – IL
Hi Deb,
you’re welcome.
Have a fun day. ( )
Oh man! What are these people thinking? Why don’t we put our kids into a sterile bubble to make sure they are protect from ….. LIFE! Shish!! Gimme strength!! How will these kids ever fit into society (what ever that may be?)
There was another current affairs program (can’t remember which one) where the opposite worked wonders. Simply, the kids had discipline (not obsessive), did school work and homework, respected themselves and others and achieved marvelous results! Parents, teachers and kids were all happy!
I think we as parents need to ‘unlearn’ how we are bringing up our kids and let them make the odd mistake and take action to correct them, get dirty and eat dirt (if they feel like it!), bump and scrape their knees & catch the bus to school once in a while.
How else will they ever develop their own personality if Mum, Dad and teachers handled them with kid gloves and not let them be exposed to LIFE!!
Great topic Mr Harper!! Keep ‘em coming!
SB
Melb
Hi Craig, I couldn’t agree more. My eldest son (grade 5) seems to think he can go through his school life putting in a mediocre effort, not doing his homework etc because nothing bad really happens. Very few children have to repeat a grade if they fail, they just continue on to the next year with all the same academic problems which I find seems to be up to the parents to try to sort out, not the teachers. This year is the first year my son will actually get a report with A’s, B’s, etc. but I don’t think there will be any F’s. This certainly does not prepare them for the realities of the adult world. It’s good to see this issue being discussed, also loved your article on childhood obesity. Parents need to say ‘NO!”
Hello Skater Boy…
us old-school types know what works!
Bring back old-school I say!
Cheers.
Hi Sarah,
tell your son Uncle Craig said
“DO YOUR HOMEWORK KID!!”
Cheers. ( )
Craig
Just so you know I just left your seminar and am already on the site. I couldn’t agree more with your comments. I have friends who with or without knowledge of it have projected their body imagine onto their young daughters and seem to ignore it as being a potential issue.
I work in an environment where I am faced with predators of children. My collegues let their work environment and experiences affect how they raise their children. They do not let their children attend sleep overs, they do not trust babysitters, they do not allow their children to do things every other child gets to do. Yes they are trying to protect their children from harm but in the process their children are resenting them for being strict, they aren’t being trusted to make choices for themselves and they are not learning basic social skills.
Why not educate our children and ensure that they know what to do is placed in a situation and build strong confident little people to say ‘thats wrong’ ‘don’t do that’ but instead we hide them from the world because of our own fears.
KB Melb
Hi KB,
hope you enjoyed the seminar and thanks for your thoughts.
Cheers.
Craig, good point, except that a) kids develop at different “ages”, one 7 year old is not the same as another, will peak at 8 or maybe 11, maybe 30, for all we know. And b)what they teach in schools is often irrelevant and boring, so when kids space out, then do poorly, they’re to blame (now it’s immediately dx-ed ADD or better, ADHD, btw). And of course, the eating metaphor is perfect. Just eat it, kids. It’s good for you. Sorry, the post was simply too good not to rant about. GREAT job, whether we agree or not, impt pts for discussion.
Brilliant Point Craig!
I have worked with children throughout many fields & will always continue to work in various scopes & needs with them. Unlike the old days, we are not standing over them with canes & smacking them over the desk. What they need is for them to be aware, not sheltered. Making them oblivious can do harm, but opening them up to everything can too (fully aware of that too). BUT, ‘WE’ need to realise, ‘WE’ are the ones doing it. RESPECT, the children & ‘WE’ need to open our blinkers, not them.
Hope you had a Wonderful Easter Craig!
Cheers
Carmon ()
I don’t have children but I was raised with the old-fashioned report card and the idea that an “A” takes more effort than a “C” and wow, an “A” was better to get than a “C”!
Grades and ranking are a good way to prepare a child for the real world which is nothing but judgments and rankings! Most of the world out there doesn’t care what a nice person you are – they want results and they judge you by the results you produce.
I also think that competition is a good thing – if everyone wants to do better, it pushes the mark that much further. I am not saying that there aren’t any bad effects to competition but generally I think that a person’s striving to be better makes things better for everyone.
My God, it’s happening in Australia too!?!
I was planning on escaping to Australia when I retire.
The end is near I suppose. I saw all this coming years ago. That’s why I don’t have children.
Two parents can not fight an entire society of mixed up people.
The ironic thing in your post is that at the end of the day the dad reads stories that feature his children as heroes. If we stop adequately teaching our children, the next generation of dads won’t be able to read!
Here in the US this “protection of kids” has gone even further. Many school systems have banned tag on playgrounds. The children may trip and fall or get hurt. One school system I know has even banned running of any sort during recess. They are allowed to play soccer, but must walk to do it! And yet we complain about the childhood obesity problem.
When I was a kid you got a GRADED report card, you fell and broke your arm, you chipped your teeth on the metal monkey bar/jungle gym….and remarkably you grew up “normal.”
Found you through the Carnival of Family Life. Bookmarking you now.
Karen–London, Ohio
Here from the Carnival of Family Life and … well, what can I say? My husband and I both firmly believe that there’s lots to be learned by failing (sometimes more than from winning, as I told my daughter last night) and that if you never try, you’ll never grow.
Then again, I’m the sort of person (not necessarily just the sort of parent) who believes in throwing lots of ideas at the wall and then pursuing the ones that, like perfectly cooked pasta, stick.
Thank you! I completely agree with you, Craig. I found your article while searching for possible references for a thesis on this very subject. Children today are protected from any and every possible negative in life. We will have an entire generation of young adults who do not know how to deal with failure if we do not stop this behavior now!
From the Hoosier state in the great USA