Morning Class.
Once a fortnight (or so) here at me-dot-com, I walk to the back of the cyber-classroom and hand over the teaching reins and coach’s whistle to you, my readers. Today is that day. Keep in mind that you don’t need to be a guru, genius or expert to teach the rest of us something (I’m none of those things, so there’s your proof). No, you just need to be willing to share your thoughts, ideas, opinions and experiences.
Where We Live
Have you noticed that we all have a default setting? It’s the ‘place’ we do most of our living. It’s our own personal version of ‘normal’. Our default setting determines the way we typically think, choose, act, react and experience the world around us. Sometimes, we will move away from it for a while but, invariably, it’s the place we find ourselves returning to time and time again.
Re-defining Normal
For somebody who has had unhealthy eating habits for twenty years (for example), his biggest challenge (in the change process) will not be his physical body, his genetic disposition, his potential for change or his knowledge. No, it will be his overwhelming propensity to find himself back where he’s been so many times before: junk-food central. In other words, he will return to his version of normal (for a range of reasons).
For this bloke, his default setting (his natural habitat) is making excuses, waiting for the right time, eating poorly and avoiding exercise.
Expecting to Fail
He has started and stopped more diets and fitness-kicks than he can remember and while he hopes to change (on a conscious level), he actually expects to fail (on a subconscious level) because his past has ‘taught’ him that any positive change will be short-lived. Naturally, when somebody hasn’t achieved a particular outcome (in this case, permanent weight-loss) – despite the fact that he has tried a zillion times - there will be an underlying expectation of failure.
How could he not expect to fail? He’s programmed for it. It’s his history. His default setting.
Like many of us, his mind (thinking, expectations, beliefs) has been getting in the way of his body (his physical potential to change) for a very long time. Just because he’s never done something doesn’t mean he can’t do it (of course). It just means he hasn’t done it, yet. He needs to create a new normal. To re-program his default setting.
Maybe, so do you?
Some questions for your deliberation, dissection and discussion:
(1) How do we change our default setting?
(2) What has worked for you?
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
(5) How do we change that inner dialogue (you know the one)?
Feel free to answer as many (or few) questions as you see fit. Or, simply add your general thoughts on the topic. Love to hear from you long-time Lurkers. And you regulars (of course).
A Spesh Surprise…
Today, I thought we might try something new. For the commentor who floats my boat (the most), I will donate a half-hour coaching session (with me, of course) valued at $150.00. The session can be of the face-to-face, phone or Skype variety. The winner (hmm… winner is probably not the right word) can use the session or they can choose to give it to somebody who they believe might benefit from such a gift. Natch, this opportunity is available to our international readers too (providing you have Skype access). 
P.S. I’m looking forward to those 28-day updates on Friday!
P.P.S. I’m heading to Wilson’s Prom today (Tuesday) to do some recon for our upcoming MBE Program.
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Hi Craig
Can you help me understand what’s happening. I think I am a little out of sorts.
In my physical environment the outside real world, I have made changes of late to change my default settings, but to be totally honest invested little emotional input to create ‘normal’ in the process – to just get the job done. It’s like one day I woke up and knew it was my time to relieve my pain and start being me.
I know I have needed to change for some – well years and I avoided the process because I knew it would cause pain to others I love. I really believed my purpose in life was to take care of others – since I was a young child.
I find myself most of time daydreaming and visualising my new life – its happening in my mind – but my mind is out of sync with my body . I am trying to create a new normal but why am I so weird. I am putting in great effort to understand me and what is going on in my mind.
It’s like want to run away but I cant now I have started the process.
Changing my default settings requires the deprogramming my mind from unconstructive thoughts and beliefs and reprogramming it with the good stuff. Deprogramming means freeing my mind from subconsciously assimilated ideas based on my past experiences. These experiences form my existing knowledge and become my reality; and unfortunately, work rather like a filter and without new input limit my new experiences from assimilation. I’ve chosen three areas to work on to change my normal.
Once again I’ve begun my healthy living plan. But this time, it’s not just the diet and exercise regime but overall lifestyle. It wasn’t at all difficult to start and I have found it isn’t at all difficult to stop! So, what is the default program that’s running that stops me. I’m tempted to believe its called habit. I do know that by continually pushing on past the stop sign means I’ve already gone a long way toward dislodging it.
I’ve started to take notice of when I get upset, because when I get upset, I go onto auto-pilot, thinking negative thoughts and behaving like the old me (eg. comfort eating) that I am trying to reprogram. I am tuning in to those negative thoughts, what feelings they are creating and whether or not I can figure out their origin, I stop myself. I’ve found I can actually change my mood, control my thoughts and therefore my behavior just by identifying these default thoughts.
I’ve surrounded myself with strong, powerful people who demonstrate the characteristics that I want (or at least their material, eg. DVDs, CDs, books). I want to be around people who have similar goals for themselves. I want to use their enthusiasm as a catalyst to keep me going until this reprogrammed me becomes my normal.
Is it my imagination or are we hitting it all out this week Mr Harper? Or maybe that’s just me
Hmm, my biggy would definitely be the thought/inner dialogue habits, an ongoing work in progress. Something that I stumbled across that was helpful to me was to just say ‘cancel, clear, delete’ whenever I thought anything negative and then consciously replace that negative thought with a positive one. I began noticing these thought habits much more often once I started and am slowly moving through them which for me feels awesome. Practice, practice, practice til the practice becomes habit and the habit becomes default
(1) How do we change our default setting?
I can’t float your boat, I really believe in the persistance principle, if I have a junk food night I simple go ok well that ain’t good so let’s go back to the healthy eating. It is just a matter of trying and doing again.
(2) What has worked for you?
The threat of death when you are told you have cancer in the gall bladder and test after test does not find one trace of it. I used to scoff at those stories of people who face illness and come through. Now I know the scare factor. It makes me think twice about the fried foods.
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
When you breakup with the one you want to be with, when you are in agony in your body, when you get fired, when you have no friends, when you……….get my drift
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
To look in the mirror and go i’m ok as I am, I can improve but I am ok at this point in history. If people who committ the worst crimes can do it, then it’s a piece of cake.
(5) How do we change that inner dialogue (you know the one)?
I still have issues with doing that, it is just being aware of negative things and stepping back, but it is difficult sometimes.
Can’t help on this one as my ‘battle’ is to stay the same.
To me at least, #5 in the list above is the most important step. The best way to effect permanent change in your life is to change that “little voice” in your head. You know the one . . . the one that is Mr. or Ms. Negative . . . who says you will fail again, like always, you can never do anything right, the worst will inevitably happen, you don’t deserve happiness, health, etc.
I’ve found I have to constantly, CONSTANTLY, monitor that little voice. Each and every time I catch myself in a negative, self-defeating thought, I immediately cut it off and replace it with a more constructive thought.
Example: I’ve yo-yo dieted for years and have always put the weight back on, this time will be no different . . . I stop that line of thinking by saying to myself, “Self, that is nonsense. People can and do change. You can change. No one is stopping you from changing except yourself. Get out of your own way and just do it.
This is a topic that has affected me for a long time. After functioning in ‘survival mode’ half my life, I now manufacture stress to provoke my decision-making skills. ‘Normal’ has become a level of anxiety that translates into health and relationship issues. I influenced my default once when I was very passionate about a goal I made 6 years ago to move to a new location (took 5 years!). Now that I’ve achieved that goal, my focus is lost and I haven’t identified another passion strong enough to maintain focus. I realize that I shouldn’t *need* a massive goal to focus myself, but it seems like small daily stuff just knocks me off-kilter otherwise. I definitely need help changing my inner voice(s); affirmations feel hollow, and my mental cross-talk ranges from pessimistic to rebellious. My head buzzes like a train station!
Strangely
, it is not so much the fear of failure that is a real poblem for me, it is learning to be that “new” successful person. Many things are going well for me at the moment, but there is that uneasy feeling that this can’t be right, it has to change, when is it all going to come unstuck?
So I need to relax in to feeling successful, because in my heart of hearts I don’t feel that this is the real me.
So let’s keep on working at it.
The key to changing you default setting is IMHO finding the things in your life that keep you stuck and actively forcing yourself to get break free of them and get uncomfortable. It can be something that seems good and well intentioned but ultimately keeps you stuck, I was desperately seeking a job a couple of years ago and my mother was supporting me fianicially, It was only when I refused this support that I found a job! Not my dream job (still looking for that) but something to keep me going.
I think deep down everyone knows what they need to change, sometimes it’s hard to see the wood from the trees but if feel like your spending your life trying to bang a square peg into a round hole it’s a sign you need to change something!
My biggest challenge is to stop trying to please everyone and accept that not everyone will like me and that will be the case whether i achieve my goals or not!
My thing is mindless overeating. This is where I go back to when I have been successful, unsuccessful, happy, sad, stressed, relaxed! It is insane!! I have thought long and hard about it and have asked the questions. What am I distracting myself from? By setting up the lose weight/gain weight back senario I don’t have time to think about the “other” stuff! Why do I need to feel “full”. What does this say about me and how I feel about myself? Does this behaviour ensure I still “fit in”?
I believe I need a very strong and powerful reason WHY I should stop. Therein lies the problem because in some warped way this crazy behaviour serves me well. I just have to figure out why?????
OK, here goes…
You talk about peoples’ personal version of normal as being a “natural habitat”. 2 things about this, firstly, change has to involve a realisation that “normal” might not be normal (hard to admit), and secondly, like any ecosystem, if one thing changes there may well be other changes, intended or unintended, as a consequence. Both these reasons are why change is hard to achieve.
I think change happens either when you try to get away from something (e.g. an unfit body, debt, a boring job) – i.e. the default setting becomes too uncomfortable – or when there is something you are trying to reach (a healthy body, credit, an interesting job) – i.e. when you want something badly enough to abandon the defaults.
What worked for me was deciding I want to live, because a lot of choices stem automatically from that, e.g. I want to live so I will eat, I want to eat so I will work, etc. A level of refinement is that I don’t just want to live, I want to live well, although exactly what does that entail? Better minds than mine have been baffled across the centuries.
I think that maybe the inner dialogue is the thing that tells us it’s time to change? When it starts evolving from “I’m alone” to “I’m alone, but I don’t have to be”, something’s shifting.
A big re-programming challenge for me is to change from the default, “Only judge me as long as it’s favourably”. Your opinion may be abraisive, but it is valuable to me because it is honest, intelligent and constructive (no points for sucking up). That’s why I’m e-mailing this.
(1) How do we change our default setting?
I beleive all our default settings are ingrained in us from young children – we are taught from our environment and to change can take amazing personal courage, strength and wisdom. To do it we need a goal – a reason to change – to change a default setting we can’t change unless we really want to change no one can do it for us !
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
removal of all fructose to allow me to take control of my knee pain and in turn life again – amazing new lease on life – sensational energy and able to deal with things a lot more clearly
2) What has worked for you?
After 3 years of knee pain which resulted in surgery, painful blood injections and multiple other horrific treatments and massive $$$ i started to listen to my body. 3 months ago i was in tears in the surgeons office – i had strolled around a park for 20mins prior to my appt = knee inflammed and painful – i couldn’t continue living the life i wanted to live which involved being active as it was. I decided to stop all intervention and listen to my body. I went cold turkey off all fructose and gluten – now 3 months later i have just completed a 2.5 hour spin / cycle class and have run for the first time in 3 years pain free ! I am no longer even attracted to eating anything sweet and have breaked that sugar addiction we all have in our default settings !
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
We eventually discover we need to change when we keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result !
(5) How do we change that inner dialogue (you know the one)?
That is a massive thing to do – surround yourself with information / education / amazing people and find a alternative – in my case as the knee got better i was able to swap food rewards for exercise which i was thrilled about – you can’t break habits without finding a replacement – just work out the big picture you want and live like you really want it. I can say the first month of not eating sugar nearly drove me crazy, but i have just survived a conference without wanting / needing the bowl of lollies or deserts that were constantly offered to us ! The reward of no pain is worth the small sacrifice !
Hi Craig,
I am one of those lurkers that enjoys reading your blog and finds a lot of inspiration from what you write. I am also one of those people that has tried to lose weight yet always seems to fall back to that ‘default’.setting.
At Easter time this year something just went click in my brain – I just had enough of feeling unhealthy but I was afraid to step out ‘once again’ because looking at my track record was not an encouraging thought, yet something had to change. I made the decision that no one can take responsibility for my body except me and it is about time I took the responsibility – not a diet, not a fitness book or fitness guru but myself. .Maybe I am finally growing up!
Since Easter I have taken myself off sugar and have eaten sensibly, slowly reducing my meals, exercising three times a week (wtih a friend) and keep repeating to myself “I WILL NOT LET MY PAST DICTATE MY FUTURE”. I want to and need to be healthy so I can enjoy my family and others to the fullest and that they can have me around longer as well. There is still a lot I want to do.
At Easter this year I weighed 102 Kilos. As of today I weigh in at 92.9k. It is slow but sure, and I am making lifestyle changes one change at a time, giving the space inside my head a chance to adjust to my new life.
My next goal is to drink more water and make it such a habit I don’t even have to think about it.
Thanks for your wonderful thoughts you share with us Craig.
I am (was) 188cm 89kg male who goes to the gym 5 times a week and thought I was in very good shape.
I’ve given up alcohol for the month of July and, with no adjusment in diet, I’m now down to 85kg. I didn’t even think I needed to lose weight.
Sometimes making the effort to change can really positive results that we cannot foresee.
I’ve been thinking about default settings a lot lately actually. Mine have changed so much recently, and I’ve been waiting for a post like this one, and now it’s got my skates on… so I apologise if I ramble here… but…
(1) How do we change our default setting?
The default setting, in a basic sense, is a habit. Like having a bad day and deciding that chocolate or McDonalds or a cigarette will make us feel better.
The default setting is where we stumble back to when we think things are hopeless.
The default setting is us trying to comfort ourselves, against all the injustice in life
Like a habit, it can be changed. Like biting your nails, or smoking, or going to Maccas on a Wednesday night you can change it. But it takes time. And effort. And getting uncomfortable (hey, I’m learning huh??)
(2) What has worked for you?
I’ve had a few default settings. The first being “I played tennis today therefore I can order an extra cheeseburger when I get my Big Mac Meal.
The second being around exam time and the packet of smokes that only lasts three days (not a lot for some people, but a lot for me).
The third being the weight that I default to when I give up on a goal. It used to be 120kg.
It’s now 92kg. I am getting there, slowly.
Like I said with the habit thing, they take time and effort.
I made the effort to learn about nutrition and how I was fuelling my body, how it expended energy, and the fact that I don’t care if I played tennis for 6 hours, Mcdonalds is not something I should eat every week. (Or twice a week, depending on the laziness I was feeling… oops).
Around exam time I have to make a new habit to stop turning to the cigarettes. This one is still a work in progress, but a combination of meditation, exercise, and simply stepping outside for some fresh air is working wonders. I can often go for two or three weeks without resorting to my “default” setting.
As for the weight… My body is becoming more efficient. I have been on this whole self-improvement caper for about 18 months now. I know I don’t want to go back to where I was. I know that once I hit a certain point that it’s time to get back to “normal” which, these days is a good steak and veg rather than a whole large BBQ meatlovers pizza.
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
When we let ourselves get in the way.
When you decide not to go out with your friends because you can’t find something good to wear.
when you are too embarrassed to dance because you think your butt jiggles.
When you are the only person outside in the rain having a cigarette.
When you cry for no reason.
When you find yourself at home, eating whatever you can to make yourself “feel better” and it’s not working.
Yet people can do all these things for years and just keep going…
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
My partner, actually… but he’s getting there. He, like me, didn’t learn a thing about nutrition when he was growing up. Sure, we learned the food pyramid at school, but this sort of thing needs to be taught by parents, and ours sucked at it.
When he brings home cupcakes, he gets sad if I don’t eat them with him. He sees donuts on special, and he gets excited and buys them…
My second biggest challenge is my default setting when I get injured. I was in a car accident recently, and, as a new triathlete in training, I have struggled with not being allowed to run, ride, etc.
I have dealt with injuries badly before. Really badly. To the tune of 30kg, that’s how I got where I was, you know?
This time… I refocused. Remembered that I can STILL do this with food. Exercising when I can, swimming and walking… It’s not much, but my dog loves it. And it’s enough.
I am now allowed to train and realizing that I am starting from the start fitness wise, but I haven’t done a lot of damage to myself (weight wise), at least not as much as I could have done, because I didn’t think that the situation was hopeless, like in the past.
(5) How do we change that inner dialogue (you know the one)?
Write it down.
I write in a blog. It all comes out. The internet is a marvelous place where you can be anonymous if you want. I started out that way.
Everything gets out there, from work, play, my partner, my dog, my parents. It’s all out there. I can read it back and know, logically, that I am being ridiculous. And other people can help me out too. These days, I don’t stay off track for more than one day, whereas in the past I could hide within myself for months on end. Making the public statement, making the commitment to share what you are doing with other people makes you think twice about what you do.
I know I have to go out for a run tonight, because tomorrow, people are going to ask me about it. And they take no prisoners when it comes to excuses…
Ok that’s enough writing. <3 you guys
Wow. This really couldn’t have come at a better time for me. It’s like you knew exactly where my thoughts were heading!
I’ve been changing my lifestyle habits to much more positive habits over the past six weeks and I can tell that it’s paying off! I’ve lost 4.1kg so far (5% of my target goal) and I’m feeling so engergised. And, for someone who craved and depended on sleep-ins, I am now getting up at the crack of dawn for bikram yoga and the gym.
The problem: the subconscious thought pattern….
‘This is temporary. This isn’t going to last. This is just the flavour of the month/ year. What’s the point of doing all of this now when you aren’t going to keep it up?’
And you know, when I picture myself in the future, I picture the old me with my old habits. This saddens me.
Like Rae, I’ve started to take notice of my emotions and how that feeds into my eating habits. Like Alisa though, I too feel like I constantly need big goals to keep me going which isn’t always realistic.
I think that it will take time and energy. At the moment, I choose to have a strong, like-minded support network. This network is filled with people who are themselves changing and re-invigorate me OR have already adopted a positive lifestyle (like I’m trying to achieve) and see anything but it as abnormal. This includes having a great support team at my gym and a boyfriend who has been very open to change also.
It’s also psychology – positive reinforcement (or negative). If we gain something positive from what we are doing, that is reinforcing us to repeat this action (or if something negative disappears – likewise).
So, we need to find variety, fun and fulfillment from what we are doing and that will help us to repeat these actions. This will then lead to habit, where new habits are formed after 12 (and sometimes more) repetitions (I think!).
I’ve begun a bit of a ‘scribble book’. In the front, I’m putting quotes that inspire me to essentially ‘toughen up’. (Shann, yours is now being added to that list!). I then dedicate a page per goal category (i.e. weight, fitness, mental health, relationships, career etc) including their due dates/ milestones.
I then have begun listing and answering all of the questions that pop up in Craig’s daily emails to challenge my mind. Wow, has this challenged my thinking.
It’s a journey, I know. And like many other gen-y-ers, I want results NOW. But, I know that this is only the beginning.
Keep on moving!
(1) How do we change our default setting? and (2) What has worked for you?
Rae mentioned reprograming your mind, but with the “good stuff” which I absolutely agree with. I have tried to stop doing something that I conciously know is bad for me (i.e. a strong mid morning cookie habit!) but only really found success when I replaced this poor habit with a healthy one (i.e. mid morning call to a friend while I drink a protein shake). Rather than trying to stopping a default, you need to rework it into something that works for you! And it is helpful if you can make it as different and appealing as possible.
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
When you realise the ways those short term fix, damaging habits are affecting your long term enjoyment of life (be that health, relationships, career etc). Realising how your “daily defaults” are out of step with the bigger picture you want for yourself.
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
For me, this is when my damaging defaults are intertwined with other people, like family or friends. Sometimes reprogramming a habit that is not working for you personally also means risking breaking habits that are part of your relationships with other people. This is collateral damage that is sometimes upsetting to me, but again, keeping sight and committing to your bigger picture of success has helped with dealing with this.
(1) How do we change our default setting?
For me, changing my default setting has included making a small change every week that becomes a new “routine”. All of these changes over the past 18 months have added up to a lot of changes and many positive outcomes. It also requires the belief and determination that you CAN change and that you DESERVE to be happy. Everyday is an amazing oppurtunity to learn and grow as a person, I remind myself of that everyday.
(2) What has worked for you?
Hard work, determination, having a set goal in mind, the ability to move on from a “stuff up” and learn a lesson from it. Listening to my body, listening to my mind, making a concious effort to understand and learn from how I am feeling and what I am achieving.
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
I think every body has different “light bulb” moment, it might be an illness, wanting to run around with children, fitting into jeans, seeing a shocking photo of yourself, all those things can bring on big change. Little change needs to happen everyday, we are constantly learning and changing on a daily basis!
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
The ability to socialise without alcohol, I would love to be a person that can go out and have 2 drinks and feel content, unfortunately this is a challenge I am still struggling with.
(5) How do we change that inner dialogue (you know the one)?
Practice and awareness. Be aware of your negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, keep telling yourself you are wonderful over and over and eventually the positive thoughts will take over the negative ones!
Sue from Perth
1) How do we change our default setting?
There has to be a catalyst to really make you want to change your lifestyle forever. An “A ha moment”.
2) What has worked for you?
Rather than imagining myself as how I wanted to be, such as a celebrity, I imagined myself as turning into someone that I didn’t want to be. In my case I asked a workmate to tell me something to motivate me to train and diet properly, and he said if I didn’t make an effort I would end up like a miserable, unhappy, overweight person that we both knew. I was a bit upset at the time but it was the trigger for change as I could see myself heading down that path.
3) How do we know we need to change?
When we aren’t happy with ourselves as we are and with what we have in our lives and envy what others have. When we are just existing from day to day and not living life.
4) What’s your biggest reprogramming challenge?
I lost the weight (15kgs), I got fit, I looked great, I left the toxic workplace, I improved my relationships, I retrained and got another job in a different industry, people looked up to me and I was happy for a while……..then I let self doubt creep in and sabotage my efforts and 4 years down the track I’m slowly going back to my old ways. Up 7kgs and needing another catalyst for change. At 51 it’s now or never.
5) How do we change the inner dialogue?
I tell it “shut up I’m not listening to you anymore”. And “come on we can do this”.
Hi Craig,
This post on changing the default setting came at an interesting point in my journey, because I am doing things differently, seeing results and it is taking very little effort. Not possible, I hear your readers exclaim!
Let me explain: I have been a voracious reader of self-help books for many years (because of low self-esteem, a weight problem and an aversion to exercise) and finally realized that these books tend to suggest one thing: retraining your subconscious mind, and they all suggest the same method.
To summarise:
A. decide how you would like your life to be in all areas
B. make a list of POSITIVE statements as if these changes have already happened
C. repeat the list frequently (at least a couple of times per day, minimum)
D. give it time
E. be amazed at the result
I had tried this in the past, but had eliminated the step D and had given up after a day or so, and therefore didn’t have a chance to experience step E.
Having done it now for about 3 months, I am astounded at the difference in my life, my body and my health. I have made changes without even realizing I was doing it, obviously because the sub-conscious programming finally kicked in. I am so much calmer because I feel well and in control of my life, and as I said before, no effort is required except to repeat the statements often (and you don’t have to believe them, just say them). On my list of 10 statements are things like: ‘I am perfectly healthy’, ‘I exercise regularly’, ‘I deal assertively with everyone’ (an important statement for a chronic people-pleaser) ‘I eat only healthy food’ and so on.
It takes a while to kick in, but I assure you I have lost weight, look forward to exercise (most unusual) and feel fantastic.
I only wish I had followed through with it before this, because I have wasted so many years struggling and getting nowhere. I’m living proof that it works!
Hmmm… This one struck a chord for me today. You see, I DID change my default setting. I lost 50+ pounds and became a runner. I got promoted twice. I was on top of the world. Buying clothes in the “normal” section of the store and having people I’d only known for a short time tell me that “they couldn’t imagine” I’d ever been fat. I began to believe that it was possible to really, fundamentally change my life for the better. To find that new reality.
But those default settings, I’m not sure they every really truly go away. Because stressful times come along, you get comfortable again, you start to slip a little and you get away with it, and then you slip a little more. And before you know it the scale is on an uptick. The voice is back. That voice. Reminding you that you can never really succeed. I was fortunate in stopping the slide — at least for now. And I’m working on getting the scale back down to where it was. But I have to keep reminding myself that I’m only one excuse from being back on the couch. Not running. Reverting back to “normal.” Hanging out with my old friends Slothdom and Excess.
For me, what got me to change my default settings was small successes. Doing one thing right for one day. And then another day. Losing one pound. Then five. Running a 5K. I started to genuinely believe that if I put my mind to it, I could do anything. But it takes focus… and those days when the focus isn’t there, well, that’s when I slip up. And it’s so hard to maintain that laser-like focus every day. Life happens. Inertia takes over. That’s when I need to dig deep and find that commitment again.
Still a work in progress!
Ah, the mighty murky waters of the conscious versus the unconscious, the unaware versus the aware… oh grasshopper, I think you have discovered a very big can of worms.
(1) How do we change our default setting?
Each little step in a new direction will invariably lead us down a new path. Small steps are easy to focus on and easy to take and they add up to a whole journey.
Firstly, we have to recognise that our default setting is no longer working for us and we need, on some level, to want to change. We can’t really change that which we can’t see needs changing. Then, and this is where some self awareness comes in, identify what can we tackle on our own and what parts of the change we are going to need help with and support in changing. And through all of it – small steps of great diligence.
(2) What has worked for you?
Many things, but I think it has always helped me to get clear. Pulling apart my life piece by piece to really work out which bits of it need an overhaul. If I am ever not sure on what will work, I try everything – affirmations, sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, talking (with friends, counsellors, others who have “been there done that”) – until I find the thing that feels right and fits the need. And for me, it needs to be simple to follow otherwise it just adds to feeling of overwhelm and in the too hard basket. Also, it helps when I ask myself “is this a real problem – or just a made up one in my head?” Eventually the default settings get changed one small piece at a time.
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
Well apart from the obvious “crisis point” when something breaks so badly in our lives the only option is change… sometimes it is just the recognition that we wish to unfold our personality into something different. As humans we seem to wait until some crisis pushes our buttons before we act on a change. I don’t want that. I don’t want to expect that something like a health scare will be the trigger for looking after myself and appreciating my family. And yes, sometimes that happens, but if I wait for life to slap me in the face before I act, I will just end up with a bruised face.
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
aye, aye, aye… learning I am not my thoughts. My biggest challenge is the regular one of knowing that my mind is just another “muscle” (for want of a better term) in my body and like all the other muscles it needs regular healthy exercise to stay in shape. It would be really dumb of me to eat loads of junk food with the expectation that it will help me to loose weight so likewise I don’t feed my brain negativity or criticism and expect it to make me feel good or help me cope with life’s challenges. My mind will do what a mind is built for, that is to think, I just don’t have to believe every thought it has so I try to focus on the ones that are helpful and supportive to creating a great life.
(5) How do we change that inner dialogue (you know the one)?
Okay, so it’s gonna sound a little hippy but let me just put it out there – love and acceptance. So, if I want to change the inner dialogue the first thing is to stop fighting it. The more I try to deny that the inner dialogue exists and belongs to me, the harder it is to like myself and want to do something good for me. When I dwell on the harsh, self critical thoughts I just end up hating myself for being so hard on myself. When I struggled through the height (or should I call it a low) of my depression the more I couldn’t think happy thoughts the more it just became a battle with myself about how “bad” I was. Once I could begin to accept the fact that I had these thoughts, I could find the love (and compassion) to treat myself as a person with an illness and focus on bringing my mind back to good health. No different to nursing myself through any other injury, with rest and healing and some gentle exercises to get myself back on track. The default has changed over time
I have often thought that it is the mind mess that creates the dis-functions in the body so if you can heal the mind, then the body will most likely just follow along. I heard somewhere that the way to live a great life was just to live it one great day at a time. Excellent, that is next step for me to focus on. Today.
Hi Team – fantastic input so far. Keep it up. I’ll announce a winner before the end of the week. Enjoy your Tuesday night.
To be honest, the one thing that has worked for me is the 28 day thing. I can put my heart and soul into 28 days, knowing that I can wimp out after the 28, but also knowing (from experience) that I probably won’t.
The second thing that’s worked is to focus on ONE thing for the 28 days that I want to change. If I try to change everything at once, it’s too much, it’s too overwhelming.
My first 28 day goal was to walk every day. And then keep it up for another 28. Two years later, I am still walking every day, even it’s at 8pm in the rain or freezing cold. And I’ve discovered along the way that it’s a fantastic mental time-out – bonus!
Currently I’m doing minimum 10 mins of stretches every day. No excuses. It’s only 28 days. But already I am in less pain, I sleep better, and I reckon the benefits will keep me at it.
I have other 28 day things in mind, but this totally works for me. No excuses, no bailing out, no slipping back. After all, it’s only 28 days….
” There is no normal, there is me and everybody else” a quote from Billy Connelly. ::)
I believe that to change anything you need to be aware of your own behaviours. This enables you look at yourself, and I don’t mean admire yourself in the mirror every morning (Although that is ok) I mean truly look at yourself.
In this process I have come to accept all of who I am (To the best of my ability). It didn’t start out this way for me because some of the things i saw I wanted to deny. So accepting all of who I am including my “dark side” I have come to believe is important.
From this place I believe you can then choose to change some things, and choose how to behave knowing I am capable of behaving good or bad. (Whatever that means)
I find it hard to define 1 single thing that has worked. I read a lot of self help books and have had for years, I am sure this has helped but at times also hindered and confused me.
One thing that I’d say I’m working on is working out “what works for me” regardless of what others think. (A work in progress)
I made a decision many years back after seeing something in the world and watching people change because of it that I didn’t want to wait until something devastating happened before I make changes.
To this day as best I can I stick to that. (Awareness plays a part)
I have a few challenges, I am very good at getting things done, the way I used to do it was full steam ahead, plough over my emotions, look out here I come. Did I get the job done oh yes of course.
). So much is changing in my world and I am still getting used to this new feeling that I have and I like it more and more as the moments pass.
I decided based on some things I experienced that it was time to feel my feelings, still use my determination but use it better. And holly shebang what did I do that for, all this emotion comes up from what appears to be nowhere, random bouts of crying, and a very confused state of being.
I had emotion related to all sorts of things, my past etc etc. It has all helped me understand things better for me, accept me more and accept I have emotions (All sorts
All the while I have left a 9 year relationship started a new one, started a business, study, new income generating activities etc etc. (I am trying not do it all at once in the future;-))
For years I used to get really tired because my head wouldn’t stop, it was relentless. From a man who questions everything (Oh slight pain in my knee what does that mean?), lives outside the box, can see the contradiction in selfhelp, spirituality and can hold two opposing views at the same time and still function. I have tried many things here, view my thoughts as separate, replacing them with affirmations that I repeat over and over. (Positive ones of course)
I learnt to play the Djembe this year, drumming helps. I have only just realised writing this that what is also working for me is that I ask myself “what works for me” and that tends to slow/change my inner dialogue.
And if ever I am down I just visualise this guy that I know that has big biceps apparently in his flannelette shirt riding his scooter hahahhah Oh stop it hahhah
Hi Ian
Wow of all the responses you really stand out. I think you are a little different and that is cool. I bet you have some real spunk ‘about you’. Self help stuff often confuses me. I like these lines you penned..
I have come to accept all of who I am (To the best of my ability).
I read a lot of self help books and have had for years, I am sure this has helped but at times also hindered and confused me.
One thing that I’d say I’m working on is working out “what works for me” regardless of what others think.
I have a few challenges, I am very good at getting things done, the way I used to do it was full steam ahead, plough over my emotions, look out here I come. .
I decided based on some things I experienced that it was time to feel my feelings, still use my determination but use it better.
So much is changing in my world and I am still getting used to this new feeling that I have and I like it more and more as the moments pass.
For years I used to get really tired because my head wouldn’t stop, it was relentless.
I have only just realised writing this that what is also working for me is that I ask myself “what works for me” and that tends to slow/change my inner dialogue.
And if ever I am down I just visualise this guy that I know that has big biceps apparently in his flannelette shirt riding his scooter hahahhah Oh stop it hahhah .
I encourage you to keep writing. Take care and just be ‘you’
XXX
I can’t comment on having to lose 50 kilos or having to pick myself up after a depressing situation, for me more so it is trying to get back after being injured and get back into the pattern of training again.
But what I can share are a few things that for me are very simple ways to change what we do on a daily basis. A lot of them are things that Craig talks about on a regular basis.
Here they are:
1) Create daily habits – as human beings we are creatures of habit. Take note of what you do today and then see what you do tommorrow. If its the same then change something about it. It generally takes 14-21 days to create a habit, depending on what you have been taught. It can be as little as not eating any chocolate or getting yourself out of bed at 0430 to go and train. Give it a go – once you pass that mark it really does become easy.
2) The power of the spoken word – in my industry I hear this ever so often that I don’t think I can or I’m not fit enough or I have tried before and I couldn’t. You reap what you speak. If you continue to tell yourself that you can’t then you never will; however if you continue to think and speak positive then although you might give it a go and fail a few times, I guarantee you one day it will happen. The mind is a power tool. There are a lot of people who have the physical ability; however there are fewer who have the mental will to carry on when things become a bit to tough. Become one of those people.
3) Associate with winners – this ties in with the number 2, as if you constantly surround yourself with negative speaking, uninspiring people then it will very quickly rub off on you. The power of association can and will change people. Try it and see what happens when you hang around positive, happy, energetic people for a few days.
These are only a few things that I know can make that change in people and although there are many more, these 3 seem to have the biggest effect straight away and keep things moving forward.
Motivation and success principles alone aren’t enough, you need to live them out in your private life until they do become habits and second nature.
When everything around you is gone, you need to remember that only YOU can change YOU!!!
Dream – Believe – Create – Succeed
1. How do we change our default settings?
I believe patience and consistency to be the key. Making small changes at a time not huge transformations all at once (been there done that a number of times). Surrounding yourself with people who you admire. Believing in yourself and believing that anything is possible
2. What has worked for you?
A work in progress, I think I am going through a realisation phase that nobody is going to do this for me, it has to be me. It is no use talking or researching, you (I) have to DO.
3. How do we know when we have to change?
When you wake up one morning and you are over 40 and you know that you still aren’t the person you want to be. When you almost lose everything that you love in the world due to one stupid incident.
4. Biggest reprogramming challenge?
Spending less time with people who have different attitudes and negative thoughts on the very things I want to achieve and surrounding myself with like minded positive people. I am working on this one day by day, but sometimes its hard because they are not bad people, they just have different views and goals.
5.How do we change that inner dialogue?
I have always been good at stuff, school work, sport, work, being a mum, everyone tells me that I’m good at this and that. BUT I have never been GREAT at anything. My biggest internal dialogue problem is that I believe I am good at most things and thats Ok but deep down I want to be GREAT or EXCEL at something. I don’t have a weight problem, I probably have les than 5 kgs to lose but it doesn’t happen because my mind tells me I’m good, I’m Ok.
To change I need to tell myself that its not ok, if I want to look hot in my bikini, if I want to go from running 10km fun runs to running half marathons (by September) I need to tell myself OK is not good enough and I need to change my lifestyle to suit my goals or just shut up and go back into my OK hole.
Man, that felt good to get it off my chest. Thanks Craig, not sure if it helped anyone else though.
Firstly, Craig, may I say how much I enjoy reading your blogs. And, NO!, I am not crawling just to win the prize. (may be just a bit, ha ha) Can not believe how tuned in to how people are that you are. (bit of a gobful) I love people who tell it how it is, should be more of it.
Don’t feel up to numbering and answering each question but I had a major turn around last year. At the age of 47 had been overweight for over 30 years, blobbing out to 110kg at my highest. Had been o/w for so long had long since given up believing that I could in fact be a normal healthy weight. There was no one light bulb moment. When you have been there for so long over the years, the light bulb moments come and go, then you need a new light bulb.
Decided last year that I would give the weight loss journey one more bash before I resigned myself to being a boomba forever. I had no set goal in mind, just thought I would take one day at a time and see how I went. There were many issues that I confronted on the way and many a slip up as well. What was different this time was that I never gave up. I have always enjoyed exercise, so that was not really a problem. Re-educating my eating habits was and still is to this day. When I reached 70 kg I could not believe it. I weighed less than I did at 16. I did not expect losing weight to bring up so many issues and was surprised at both mine and other people’s reactions to some things. It was not an easy journey but not as hard either as I had made myself think it would be. There is lots more I could say, but will save that for my book.
The biggest challenge has been to keep the weight off and this year I have taken the brakes off a bit with the result that I have gained 10kg. I recently joined Craig’s 28 day challenge to get motivated and back on track. Happy to say that that is working and am down 2 kg already.
Change is one of the hardest things to effect in any area I think, but reaps so many rewards. I am on my way at the ripe old age of 48 to finally living the life that I always knew I could.
Alrighty, I will read thoroughly through all the responses tomorrow, skimming through they sound great but it’s getting late.
For me changing my default setting bit by bit seems to be working………..strangely.
Righteo. In the weight scenario my cut off point used to be 90kg. I’ve yoyoed up and down many a time largely over the years. Only once did I ever see 90 register, (actually twice but I only really think of it as of once LOL). I remember at 22, almost 23 after a big meal and lots of wine full in jeans/clothing I summoned up the nerve to see what I knew would be my highest ever number on some scales in a foodcourt at Cairns. I knew I’d gone up at least a dress size and couldn’t get most size 16′s done up and felt really uncomfy. I was prepared for the high 80′s which would have been shocking but……93.6, – over 200lb! That was 7 odd kg above my previous highest ever weight! I’d put on 10kg in 3 months through comfort eating when not finding work in a big way! I hated that number and the thought of triples in kg looming really closely shocked and horrified me! A short 14 months prior to that I was 60kg, – 132lb a comfy size 10 which felt awesome and worked for that! So I ate very little, (not that hungry) for about 3 days and braved some other public scales before brekkie in loose singlet and t-shirt and they told me 90kg so I went with that. Started walking, (leading to more) and being controlled in a sensible way and lost about 16kg in 3 months. However over the years several times I’d unfortunately done similar things reaching 89.something kgs on a few occasions before ‘getting back on track’. But not actually seeing 90! 2 years ago I decided to try and make that ‘cut off point’ 85kg instead of 90 and succeeded with that all last year reaching a high of about 84.3. This year I decided to not see anything ’80′ or over, am so far successful relatively easily. The same with debt. Over $2000 at once is disgusting whereas before it had been $8000 followed by trouble.
I have aimed to improve this altogether and stay controlled and do know it’s doable but I am liking that I am seeing longterm progress in the right direction too. Commitment and doing and control I think is the answer to not swinging the pendulum in an uncontrollable way! The yo-yo pendulum cycle is now smaller though with great highs.
Oh, have cancelled the credit card I forgot to say, – bravery! Visa Debit all the way now that I’m now in that position.
(1) How do we change our default setting?
One step at a time. Making small changes can have a bigger impact than going for the big guns from the get go.
(2) What has worked for you?
At this moment I am on a mission. With regards to weight loss and my slimming class I’m treating every week as my first week. That week when everything is new and you’ve got the motivation and desire for success. I’ve done this for 2 weeks and it has got things moving again.
Keeping track of my food intake is working too. Again, I’ve been doing it for 2 weeks. With regards to being active, I know I work better when there’s someone working with me.
(3) How do we know when we need to change?
When something stops working or we lose the “passion” for what we’re doing (maybe we’ve been doing the same thing for too long), then it’s time to make a move and try something different.
(4) What’s your biggest ‘re-programming’ challenge?
There are a few but I think one of the biggest ones is believing in myself and accepting that it IS actually me who is achieving. Also that I deserve the success. I’ve been on this wagon so many times since my late teens. Sometimes I’ve ended up a few steps behind where I started. Other times I’ve done great then fallen flat on my face. Other times still, I’ve remained glued to the starting blocks. I feel that this time is different. Short of ending up 6 feet under, I had my crisis point in April this year and have no desire to repeat the experience.
(5) How do we change that inner dialogue (you know the one)?
Work in progress, not qualified to answer this one yet
Hi Craig,
1. Changing the default setting won’t happen overnight but with consistency it will happen! I ‘talk’ to myself’ constantly (hopefully it only remains in my head not out loud – yet!), read relative books to understand the ‘why’ because for me if I understand the ‘why’ do something I am more likely to do it – plus I am learning at the same time. Surround yourself with like minded people – I love my PT and constantly ask questions. These things with consistency will eventually become a habit…….how did my bad habits get there in the first place? I wasn’t born like it……at least I think I wasn’t.
2. What worked for me is all of the above and distancing myself from the persons/ things in my life who/that are ‘toxic’. You know the sort – gee out of my comfort zone yessum – now THAT has been hard to do. But – it can also be liberating. Getting rid of those pesky monkeys on your back well means I can stretch out now.
3. How do you know when you need to change? When I found that what I had been doing quite frankly wasn’t working. I was ‘tired’ from it all – I needed to put up a STOP sign. Upon reflection – honest reflection; warts and all type stuff – there was a pattern. To break that pattern required that I change what I was doing, behaving, etc. As Stephen Covey said:”If we keep doing what we’re doing, we’re going to keep getting what we’re getting”.
4. My biggest re-programming challenge is to finish. I started my journey 2 years ago – first my health and well being – well into that and love it but need to finish; down to the last few kilos – oops %of body fat – now I am working on my ‘new’ career – one I have dreamed of for more years than I can count, the wheels are turning…. I know as I get closer I do not want to do what I have always done get to the ‘door’ and instead of walking through I run in the opposite direction…sorry for all of my analergies….
5. How do we change the inner dialogue? One of the biggest things for me was the realisation that ‘it’ can happen for me. I have been under the impression for all of my life that everyone else must have this special gene that I missed out on at birth….seriously. They had ‘something’ I didn’t – never quite knew what it was.
My greatest realisation is that ‘greatness’ (I’m not necessarily talking about being an Olympian or the CEO of a major multi -million dollar company), my personal best – can happen. Where on my birth certificate does it say Leanne xxxxx doomed to mediocracy at best? Why do we believe it’s for others not ourselves. Since this revelation I also realise I have to ignore all negativity (not easy) as as you become happier, leaner etc. the knockers come a-knocking. Joining a gym was a major turning point – I love how good you feel – I adore the philosophy and attitude. It suits the new me!! Aas Craig says – be the change – Hey look at this website – your amazing Craig () I’ve never felt the urge to hug someone I don’t know before!! lol – I try to smile everyday.
I know I am late, but I just wanted to add a comment as my experience was a little different.
I had to first identify the sub conscious thoughts that were sabotaging my efforts to change.
I had no idea why I failed over and over at weight loss and relationships. I thought I was just rubbish at both.
Then one day I asked myself ‘what does fat mean to you’ and I answered ‘safe’.
My response was a surprise to me! But it enabled me to (via therapy) work out what my subconscious beliefs were. The theories were of full of holes and leaps of logic that it was surprisingly easy to discredit them and then start to replace the habits.
I am now happily married. I am still obese but that too is slowly changing.
So for me it was not as simple as changing my idea of normal – I had to first work out what that was.
HOw do we change our default setting?…
2 ways I think we have to succeed in changing our homeostatic balance
are:
1) setting a plan of small steps – too many people try to do it “perfectly”/all at once, straight away (and this only works for a very small percentage of the population some of the time!) – setting these steps with someone else for support or doing them with someone else is essential too
2) outlast your (dis)comfort zone – I’ve found that everything we try to change and regularly apply ourselves to has a different “break point” (point where it becomes easier to do regularly). I find regular exercise takes around 12 weeks to get to the point where people aren’t making excuses and dragging themselves in. Changing basic nutritional habits like eating a bigger breakfast (or breakfast at all) often only takes 2-4 weeks.
Using both of these together works great, I find that if people know they just have to outlast 4 weeks then they can bring a little more self discipline to the table.
I like to focus on solutions not problems and practice catching the “problem” thinking/talking and changing it to “solution” thinking/ talking.
Staying aware of my thoughts and talk, not judging them. Practicing living presently and accepting that this might well be a life long practice – but hoping that I will master it.
Thank you
I am really enjoying your blogs and sending them to friends, staff and clients regularly
Susie
New Zealand