Today, a re-working of an old fave….
A few years back I received a great email from a bloke named Cam. Among other things, Cam thanked me for being his unreasonable friend. You’re welcome Cam.
Dude, Your Breath Stinks
I immediately loved that term.Cam shared with me that “an unreasonable friend is someone who will tell you that your breath is bad… not to offend, but because they actually care about you.”
In other words, an unreasonable friend will tell me what I need to hear, not necessarily what I want to hear or what’s comfortable for me to hear. An unreasonable friend is more concerned with my wellbeing, progress and happiness over the long-term than he or she is with making me feel momentarily good by stroking my ego or propping up my frail self-esteem with some well-intended, feel-good but ultimately pointless fluff.
I like that.
A Personal Cheer Squad
Sometimes, in our search for acceptance, approval and comfort, we surround ourselves with (or only pay attention to) people who will tell us what we want to hear. What we’re comfortable with. And in doing so, we create our own handicap. Having a support crew can be a good idea at times but when that crew becomes a personal cheer squad whose sole objective is to make us feel good and to give us approval no matter what, it’s time to find ourselves an unreasonable friend. The 24-7 cheer squad will do us more harm than good over the long term because we will fail to recognise or deal with reality beyond the back-slapping.
By the way, more often than not, it’s our desire to be comfortable and safe (emotionally, physically, mentally, professionally, financially, socially) that stands between us and our best life. Between us and personal empowerment. Between us and transformation.
So as you consider this concept, be mindful that an unreasonable friend is not a critic or a hater. Critics and haters are usually self-interested tools whose objective is to pull you down and make themselves look and feel good. No, unreasonable friends don’t criticise, they provide honest, reasonable, objective and valuable feedback. Quality information that you can use to grow, learn and adapt. And their motives are honourable and generous, with no agenda, angle or catch. Which can be a great asset when you remember that you can’t be objective about you because you are you.
Sometimes, in our quest for growth and change, the words we need to hear are not the words we want to hear.
So, who’s your unreasonable friend?