What Works for You?

How to Operate a Human

Have you ever noticed that we’re all the same but different?

One of the most important things I’ve learned over the years is that different things work for different people. In order for me to be able to help people (or even just connect with them), I first need to understand how they ‘work’. I’ve never been a fan of the one-solution-fits-all approach when it comes to the process of creating positive change in our world. Not only is it (for the most part) ineffective, sometimes, it’s actually destructive and disempowering. Let’s take a peek at a few (kind of random) examples of how we’re all wired differently…

Food

Four girls decide to go on a (miracle) low-carb diet. They are all similar age, similar body types and a have similar amount of weight and fat to lose. Over the course of four weeks, they follow exactly the same eating plan. One loses six kilos (mostly water) but lacks energy and feels deprived. One feels amazing and full of energy. One feels irritable and grumpy and is chronically constipated. The last one throws in the towel after two weeks and eats her own bodyweight in chocolate.

Exercise

Four blokes start an exercise program at the same time. They are all of a similar age, fitness level and body type. They all follow exactly the same program. One gets injured in the first week and hates the whole process. One experiences no post-exercise soreness while another experiences plenty. The last one makes more progress than the rest of the group despite his (apparent) genetic disadvantage.  

Communication

I’m a coach addressing four of my athletes. They have all just played a terrible first quarter. I sit them down and give them the same message at the same time. What I think I’m giving them is instruction and motivation. Despite my good intentions, one gets offended, one gets intimidated, one is confused and the last one is (amazingly) inspired. Instead of creating connection, all I achieve (for the most part) is disconnection.  

Recovery

Right now, I’m working with an elite athlete who is eight-weeks post-op from a full knee reconstruction (true story). Over the years, I have helped about fifteen athletes rehabilitate from the same operation. While some athletes are ready for action seven months down the track, some will take twelve months – even with the same level of care, attention and effort. While a particular exercise will accelerate the recovery of one athlete, the same movement will cause an inflammatory (and swelling) response in another.

Sleep

For Bob, seven hours of sleep is what his body requires (today). For Sally it’s more than she needs. For John, it’s not enough. Tomorrow, however, will be a different story. Tomorrow, Bob will have a very busy, stressful and physically active day. As a result, his body will need more sleep than it did today. Tomorrow, he will need eight hours because (like all of us) his body’s needs vary from day to day.

Learning

This is one of my favourites. By recognising and understanding our own learning style, we can use techniques to help us learn more efficiently and effectively. Some people (like me) are experiential learners (we learn most effectively by doing). Some are visual learners (prefer to use pictures, images, diagrams, charts). Some are verbal learners (prefer written and spoken words). Some are kinesthetic learners (prefer using their body, hands and sense of touch). Some are logical learners (prefer logic, reason and systems). Some are aural learners (they learn most effectively via music and sound). So, with all that in mind, it becomes much easier to understand why some kids thrive in a classroom environment and others don’t. And why a one-dimensional academic approach to teaching can produce results ranging from fantastic to terrible.

Love

In his very cool book “The Five Love Languages” Gary Chapman teaches us that, when it comes to love, we all speak different languages (which is one of the reasons we see so much disconnection in some relationships). For some people, love is all about praise, encouragement and words of affirmation. For some, it’s all about physical touch (not necessarily sexual). For some, it’s about acts of service (doing stuff for people). For some, it’s about spending quality time with the person you love. And for others, love is about receiving gifts (and no, this love language is not about materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift). FYI, my love language is cheesecake. No pressure.

Perception

There’s no doubt that we all see (and respond to) the situations, circumstances and experiences of our lives in our own unique way. That is, we all create our own version of reality. Four people find themselves in the same situation on the same day. The situation has zero meaning until each individual gives it a label (which is what we humans do). One calls it problem, one a lesson, one an opportunity and the last one calls it a minor distraction. Naturally, it becomes exactly that. For all of them.

And Now?

One of the biggest challenges of the human experience is to truly ‘get’ other people. To grasp how they think, learn, communicate, perceive, feel, react, process and experience the world around them. To understand – but not necessarily embrace or agree with – their version of reality. To be able to walk in their shoes; even for a minute.

And then there’s you. One of your biggest challenges will be to discover what works best for you. In listening to your body, your heart, your spirit and your mind (and paying attention to the numerous signs), you will begin to understand how you’re wired. There is no (universal) best plan, but there is a best plan for you.

Pay attention.

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