Given the opportunity, most (if not all) people will reel off a list of things that they would like to change about their life. That’s not to say (necessarily) that their current reality is intolerable or in immediate need of change, but rather that there are areas of their life which could do with a little ‘renovating’. On some level, we all want more; more happiness, more freedom, more peace, more money, more health, more excitement, more fun, more recognition, more love, more opportunities….. and so on.
Creatures of habit.
For many people, their inability to adapt and to deal with change is what stops them from fulfilling their potential and living their best life. They are creatures of habit (bad habit) and they are largely controlled by fear. New things (situations, circumstances, environments, challenges, people) freak them out, and typically they are addicted to routine and all things familiar. Mostly, they avoid discomfort at all costs.
Being a person who is incapable of dealing with change is somewhat of a handicap in a constantly changing, dynamic world. While life is often messy, uncomfortable and unpredictable, these people gravitate towards predictable, familiar, comfortable and safe – not a great way to make any kind of progress or to create positive change.
If life was a theory…
My experience has taught me that the people who succeed (in whatever endeavour) are often those who are the most adaptable; those who can deal with change, discomfort and the unpredictability of life. Surprisingly, in the quest to create a better life (or part thereof), the determinant of success is far less likely to be things like talent, skill level, intelligence or potential, and much more likely to be an individual’s ability to adapt to change and challenge. As an employer, I would prefer to hire the person with less talent and more adaptability than the genius who can’t cope with the lumps, bumps and hurdles of everyday life. If life was a theory, I’d go for the genius but being as it’s an actual event, I’ll go with the person with the amazing coping skills thanks.
The last few days here in the snow fields of Keystone, Colorado have been interesting for me because everything is unfamiliar; different money, different climate (ten inches of snow fell today), different culture, different language (yes Americans and Aussies speak English but it ain’t the same language!), different food, different attitudes and different rules. Not better or worse, just different. Even ordering a coffee at Starbucks proved to be a lesson for me. I have had plenty of lessons since I’ve arrived and I love learning new things about different people and their culture.
The microwaved brain.
For the boy who grew up in sun-drenched Australia, walking around in minus ten temperatures (Celsius), and ankle deep snow at nearly ten thousand feet above sea level has been a steep learning curve. Today I walked about one kilometre without my hat and I nearly snap-froze my brain. Honestly. As I left my apartment I remembered that I had left my hat behind and being the genius alpha, male warrior (aka idiot) that I am, I figured I wouldn’t need it for such a short trip. I figured wrong. When I got home I had to put my brain in the microwave (30 seconds on defrost). Needless to say I have learned and I am adapting.
If you’re all about taking your reality from mediocre to amazing (or you want to be), then it’s imperative that you learn to deal with the unpredictability of life. Revel in it even. That’s where we learn, grow and and adapt, and that’s where the real joy is.
Some suggestions:
1. Don’t let yourself get too comfortable. A little comfort is great, too much holds us back.
2. Consciously put yourself in challenging situations – the ones you’ve avoided for too long. Stop being a big baby and step up to the plate. Stop waiting for success to fall on your head.
3. Do the same things a different way. Like when we do a daily workout as we have done for years and then one day we decide to completely change the way we do that workout. We will see our body start to adapt straight away because we have stimulated it differently. Like our body, our mind needs to be stimulated and challenged for it to learn and adapt. If we always do the same things that same way, we’ll always produce the same results.
4. Work hard to avoid being a creature of habit. Some habits are good but that’s not what we’re talking about here. Sometimes we do things a certain way simply because that’s what we’ve always done.
5. Do new stuff. Just because you can. Surprise yourself and others. Stop being so predictable and safe. Stop being so logical and reasonable you boring old fart. Stop rationalising your fear by giving it another label.
6. Face those fears. Our inability or unwillingness to adapt is usually fear-based. Start with the little stuff (minor challenges), gain some confidence and then graduate to the big stuff. Do something that scares you. Leave a comment perhaps!
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Stepping outside your comfort zone. It’s something I love to read and talk about.
I once read a book (Millionaire Upgrade: Lessons In Success From Those Who Travel at the Sharp End of the Plane). In the book it had a whole chapter dedicated to stepping outside your comfort zone. In there, it give a very simple challenge that everybody could undertake.
Right now, as you sit in front of your computer, naturally cross/fold your arms. Notice which arm is on top. Then switch it so that top arm is now on the bottom. It doesn’t feel “right”, does it? You just stepped outside your comfort zone.
After reading that book I attended a short marketing seminar. There I was, 17 year old entrepreneur. I walked in to the room and I was stared at. “What’s he doing in here? Did he get the wrong bus to school? Is he *really* in the right place? I’ll sit as far away from him as possible.” I could tell that was what was going around the head of every 30-50 year old businessman and women in that room when I walked in.
I sat down. Pulled out my silver pen and introduced myself. Then I did something I’d never done before. I truly stepped outside my comfort zone. As the talker at the front tried to inject a little interaction from his audience, everybody sat in silence hoping somebody else would talk first. Nobody wanted to stand out. I was one of them, but I also realised I wasn’t alone. Everybody in the room was thinking the same thing, so I decided to talk. I talked and talked and talked. I made them laugh. I gave them advice. I told them stories of my marketing and sales mistakes and triumphs. I generally kicked ass, and this 17 year old kid who seemed to have missed school now had seven people queuing up for his business card.
I stepped outside my comfort zone. I gained respect because of it, and it was the biggest rush I’d had for a very long time.
Craig, I know the feeling of being in a strange place all too well. I was in New York City at the end of January. My first time in a city by myself. I was a little nervous but I soon realised that this was a city that people worked and played in. So I went out. I stepped outside my comfort zone. I laughed with the guy on the subway who insisted on listening to music through his headphones and singing the tune as loud as possible. I talked with the locals, and I ate some awful curry. It was an experience, and a very enjoyable one at that.
I could talk for hours about comfort zones. It’s something I’m very passionate about. But I won’t bore you further, other than to say we just got our first snow of they year and I’m supposed to be away camping later this week!
Hi Craig,
I am sitting here with a big smile on my face as l think of you in the cold, snowfields of Keystone, Colorado!
As for the reduced oxygen….isn’t it great?
Perhaps you can climb a big mountain now that you are acclimatised to higher altitudes?
Then we can call you “Mountain Boy!”
Let me just say, the unfamiliar environment is certainly NOT affecting your writing ability as you have produced 2 excellent posts in the last 48hrs!
Love your brilliant work!
Re: To adapt or not adapt…
One of my favourite Buddhist authors Pema Chodren advocates taking away our habitual and other escapes. Like you have stated, she knows that it can be human nature to run away at the first sign of discomfort. She instead recommends “running towards the biting dog.”
I totally agree and like this idea…let’s go chasing that puppy in all areas of our life!
Enjoy the beautiful mountains of Colorado!
Hug from home!
Mountain Girl
( )
I did just that today Craig! Day 50 for me now and I randomly, (won’t go into the situation) went on a DATE on WA Labour Day here in Perth.
OK, OK, that disrupted my evening ‘intense training plan’ and I was concerned about my budget being out etc etc. But on my suggestion we left the city, went to the beach, (and I wore a bikini instead of boardies and rashee top while swimming the first time in months!) I was upfront from the start, told him of my training and was insistent I got some good swimming practice in out in the waves and did so!
Next he suggested he was really hungry, I was getting there as it was tea time. He wanted to take me to this awesome new Italian restaurant. Now the question of what to have??? A pizza, heavy pasta dish or something involving pastry or thick rich sauces were out, (and not what I wanted). He went for a appetiser of chips and then a heavy meal. Me, I decided on an appetiser of 6 raw natural oysters with lemon juice, (I LOVE them) and a side dish of Asian green steamed vegies, (that was the description!). The vegies DID however come with a salty soy sauce/olive oil marinade and I didn’t fuss, just made sure I sort of drained the vegies before eating. So while not maybe perfect I didn’t binge or let myself lose control otherise. I did have 2 glasses of wine though with dinner.
Am not quite where I wanna be leaness/fitness wise yet, have attained 72kg now and another 5-6kg gone with a hardened midsection, will be awesome!
Hi Jamie,
I would have enjoyed seeing you in that seminar teaching all the oldies.. nice story.
Cheers
Hello Mountain Girl,
Yeah this place is amazing and beautiful alright, if only there was some oxygen up here!!
I will continue to run towards the biting dog.
( )
Hi Pip (Bikini Girl),
you’re doing great aren’t you? Congratulations on your progress. Checked out your blog and had a laugh. Good for you.
( )
Sometimes we have to do some house cleaning before we’re ready to step out of the comfort zone. I’ve found that weeding crazymakers out of my life–those people who thrive on creating trouble and sucking the life out of you–helps a lot in getting rid of the inner compulsive drive to find comfortable, habitual ruts. Once your own life is calm and you’ve regained some energy, stepping out of your comfort zone can then be an adventure.
Hi Kristi.. thanks for dropping by and sharing.
Cheers.
Yay to me … I took my first step out of my comfort zone this morning … after longer than I care to mention … I have thought “I must get back to the gym, I must get back to the gym” … but thinking about it aint gonna help me lose 40kgs is it?!??!! … so this morning … 5.30am … I actually DID IT!!!
Some of us are a bit slow ta catch on Craig … but thanks for the reality checks … “Comfort Zone – Be Gone!!!!!!!”
Mandy
Brisbane
Go Mandy!
Keep us posted on your progress. We will all be your accountability partners.
( )
Craig
I can only remember one time about 7yrs ago that i stepped out of my comfort zone and i haven’t been there since. I took my first trip overseas on my own to visit my parents family i was going through a bit of an identity crisis at that time and wanted to.. i don’t get to know my family tree and all that crap. Now i am by nature an incredibly shy (believe it or not) person and find it incredibly difficult to open up (i start to shake, my voice breaks, my face turns red etc) so here i was going on a plane to meet people i’ve never met before. I forced myself into a position where i had no choice but to make myself open up, talk to people i’ve never met, ask questions, be independent and find my own way around the place. And you know what? It wasn’t that bad. Yes true i was panicking beforehand thinking ‘what the hell did i get myself into i want to go home’. I was so worried about how i would cope that i broke out into hives (never had hives before) on the day i had to fly out. Hives on an 21hour flight squeezed in between 2people ain’t the best feeling in the world. Anyway talk about adaptibility these people i visited, most of them didn’t have food, most of them didn’t have a toilet except a hole in the ground in a small wooden shed which was the worst cause my squats were real weak. I couldn’t squat my own body weight and kept falling backwards.To make it worse the hole was behind a horse stable and everytime i went there to do my business the horse would kick the back of the shed. I think he wanted me to hurry it up cause i was disturbing him. The snorting from the pig pen on the other side of the toilet didn’t make things anymore comfortable either.Oh yeah and the toilet paper? What toilet paper? Use leaves and old newspapers. No more 3ply for ange. And another thing the country i went to was kinda under war sanctions so you couldn’t really buy the basic stuff and parts of the country was on stike so at time there was no electricity, shops closed etc. I stayed there for 6 weeks and came back home 12kgs lighter. It was awesome and i’m glad i went cause now i know that i can handle being on my own. Next is the Kokoda trail i think. Anyone out there up for it? It’s only like a 9 day hike.
Craig that bit you mentioned about how you would rather hire someone who is adaptable then someone who has experience? It reminds me of a conversation i had recently with a friend. He was telling me about his experience on going through recruitment for an elite military group. He told me that the instructors weren’t interested in the guy who can run for hours with the most weight on his back without stopping. The didn’t want the physically strong guy, they wanted to recruit the guy who was struggling, who couldn’t do the exercises but still kept going. They wanted the guy who after he collapsed cause he couldn’t run anymore would keep crawling, he would do anything to keep moving. Cause this is the guy that doesn’t give up, this is the guy who will use his last bit of energy even if he is dying, to pull that trigger. That’s the person you want out their on the field.
I think it’s called tenacity. I should get me some of that.
I’m not sure if this has anything at all to do with what your talking about but that’s what your post made me think of.
Ange
Microwave!
That’s the perfect way of dealing with brain freeze!
Why didn’t I think of that? You are a genius! Thank you, Craig!
Hi Ange.
Thanks for sharing a very interesting story. That’s some weird-ass weight loss strategy. Kokoda would be great for you!
Let me know if you’re going to do it…
Cheers.
Hey Kelvin.
I do what I can.
Cheers.
I am really interested in all you guys are saying !! I have been healing after a major upset in my life, and feel calm and ready to get on with my life…..all ready to step out of my comfort zone. But into what??? I’m 55 and I’m really really searching for my gifts and interests. But I can’t find them !!!! I really really don’t know what I’m good at or what I like doing. In the past I have not been very good at sticking with anything that I have started(ie. going to the gym, starting a course etc.) and I think now I’m wondering is it worth starting something?? Help !
Ange, you rock!!! I would love to hear a Kokoda story as good as the one you have just shared. Rarely out of my own comfort zone until recently….but I am learning.
You make some good points Craig. I have personally seen too many people waste their lives doing the same thing over and over because they were not prepared to adapt to changing circumstances.
Recently stumbled across your blog and gotta say I am enjoying the sense of community you have created here. Some of the commentors are so funny. Nice to be part of it.
Hi Anne.
Of course it’s worth starting something. Sometimes it’s not a matter of ‘finding’ gifts but more about experiencing new things, taking chances, getting the wheels turning and developing unused potential – then your gifts / talents will become apparent.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. What gets me excited?
2. What am I passionate about?
3. What would I like to change about my reality?
4. What can I do to empower and help others? When we invest (time, energy, care) into others is when we grow, learn and change the most.
5. When do I have the most fun?
Answering these questions should be a good start ( )
Keep learning Michelle.
Thanks for dropping by Seth.
Cheers
Welcome to our little cyber-fam Danni…
Hi Anne
I’m like that too i’ve never known what i wanted or what i would be good at either cause i failed in so many things. I’ve probably dropped out of a 10 courses in the last 12 yrs. Do you know why? I thought i had to have my life figured out by the time i was 20. I thought i had to have a ‘professional career’ to know who i was (doctor, lawyer, astronaut etc) but it doesn’t work like that. So now i have starting doing what interests me ‘right now’. Forget the future. Next month i’m starting a course that i wanted to do for years but thought no it’s not practical it won’t help me in my future career. What future career? who cares. Maybe if i did something i was interested in at the moment i may actually finish what i start and that may give me the confidence to continue doing other stuff. For me lately making an effort to do the little things that interest me right now is actually helping me figure out what i may want to achieve in the next couple of years and it’s also helped pull me out of a really bad depression. I don’t know if any of this makes sense but i’m saying it anyway. The thing is if you don’t start doing anything then nothing will ever change and before you know it your 80 and you look back and think ‘shit what i waste’.
Like right now i’ve started to train for the sydney city to surf in august cause i always wanted to do a marathon but it was always i thought. I don’t know if i will still be interested 5 months from now but you know what it doesn’t matter what matters is it’s been on my mind for months and i should do something about it otherwise i’ll keep wondering and regreting and bitching about how my life is nothing.
And speaking i’ve getting out of the comfort zone i’m doing my first ‘spin’ class tonight. It was recommended to me and apparently burns a zillion calories. Ever since this person mentioned it it’s been in my head and i started arguing with myself ‘should i shouldn’t i’. Then last night i thought fuck it just get in there and do it. Just cause i’m doing this doesn’t mean i have to get myself a gym membership or commit to 20 classes, i just have to commit to one class. Even though me and my fat ass don’t want to go tonight cause we feel embarrassed and we only had 4hrs sleep we are going anyway. Me and my fat ass are gonna be flying out of a our bike seat tonight!
Ange