The Six Stages of Transformation

Change

The over-riding theme (for want of a better term) at me-dot-com is change. Physical, emotional, psychological, sociological, spiritual and financial transformation is what we’re after. If not all of it, then some. It’s what we want. It’s why we come here. It’s why we read (certain) books. It’s why we join gyms. It’s why we go to church. It’s why we diet. It’s why we pay a Trainer. It’s why we set goals. It’s why we enroll in courses. It’s why we make sacrifices. It’s why we take chances. The hope of better (whatever that means for each of us personally) is what drives us. A new and improved us; it’s what we think about. Dream about. Plan for. It’s what makes us do what we do.

Creating Different

Think about it… nobody joins a gym and says to their instructor “okay Biff, I’ll hand over my hard-earned money, get up early every morning, work out five days a week and then at the end of the year, I want to look and feel just like I do now”. Of course they don’t, they want different. We want different. Nobody comes to me for one-on-one coaching in the hope that six months from now their life will be… exactly the same. And of course nobody buys a self-help book because they want to learn optimal stagnation techniques. Ten Easy Steps to Sames-ville; out now for $9.95 in all crap book stores.

Nup, not gonna happen.

The Wheel Spinners

Despite the obvious collective desire for different, it’s clear that (for a range of reasons) many of us inhabit same. Despite our reading, planning, talking, wanting and intending. If you don’t believe me, take a look around. Or perhaps, take a look closer to home. In the mirror perhaps. Ouch . It seems that some of us are champion wheel-spinners. We’ve got the tools, reasons (to change), resources and the time, but all we do is spin our wheels and bog ourselves deeper and deeper into the mud that is our (often) messy existence. As I’ve said many times on this site, transformation works from the inside out so let’s take a look at the stages of change according the world famous Harper Model of Transformation.

** Yes, I’ve covered most of this before (in some shape or form) but the constant stream of emails I receive about this subject tells me that some people still need to get their head around how it all works, so I’ll do my best to keep it understandable, succinct and useable. As you read, see if you can identify which stage(s) are the biggest challenge for you. If you see yourself in any of what I’ve written, consciously and calmly do what you need to do.

Stage 1. Acknowledgement and Awareness.

The first stage of creating lasting transformation is for us to experience a genuine shift in awareness and understanding - in terms of how and why we ended up in the place we did. And by place I mean where we’re at in the different areas of our life (relationships, habits, lifestyle, physical health, emotional health, finances, career, reputation… and so on). This shift in awareness is often the result of an experience, situation, conversation, event or circumstance (discovering that someone we respect finds our communication style to be offensive for example) and requires us to take a look at things such as our history, patterns, attitudes, decisions, behaviours, standards, internal dialogue, reactions and the type of results we’re currently producing in our world. Keeping in mind that:

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”

Genuinely making the effort to see things from someone else’s perspective is often the beginning of a new level of awareness and an indication of a shift in consciousness. If we can do this honestly and un-emotionally, we will learn much about ourselves. Also necessary at this stage is a genuine, humble and courageous acknowledgement of what we need to do differently and how we need to do it. When we learn to see ‘old things in new ways’ then the world can become a very different (read, better) place. All the potential, opportunities, reasons and education will amount to nothing (in terms of lasting transformation) if we fail to acknowledge that we are totally responsible for the results we do and don’t produce in our world.

The longer we stay in the blaming, excuse-making, procrastinating, finger-pointing, self-pitying stage, the longer we will spin our wheels, waste our time, alienate ourselves from others and squander our significant potential. And no, this stage is not about beating ourselves up for what we have or haven’t done (that will only take us further away from where we want to be), it’s about intelligently, strategically and consciously going about the process of change. Until I become aware that I simply eat too much food and the wrong types of food on a regular basis (for example) and until I acknowledge that (1) I need to change right now (2) I have created this problem for myself and (3) I am the only person who can ‘fix’ the situation, I will continue to inhabit an unhealthy body, waste my genetic potential and exist in a state of frustration.

Stage 2. Different Thinking

When we have a genuine shift in awareness, consciousness and accountability we see the world and everything in it – including us - differently. That’s a good thing. It means that our internal landscape (the place we live) starts to become a healthier environment to inhabit. That is, we think, process, filter (information) and react differently. More positively. It means we become more solution-focused as opposed to problem-obsessed. We begin to find the good and not the bad. To ask better questions. To appreciate what we have rather than agonise over what we don’t. To value what we’ve taken for granted. And to live in the present moment instead of being pre-occupied with the past and future; two places we’ll never be. A shift in thinking means a shift in reality because our thinking is our reality. Capiche?

Stage 3. Different Decisions

When our thinking changes, so does the types of decisions we make. We think different(ly) so we choose different. Because our mindset is more solution-focused we make much better (less emotional, more productive) decisions with far less stress and drama. Our better decisions become our new normal; our new standard. In stage three we are now making decisions that take us closer to where we want to be. Instead of making meaningless, incidental decisions (I’ll wear the blue socks today), we begin to make life-altering decisions. Instead of making the self-protecting, comfortable, safe decisions (which ultimately do us more harm than good anyway), we make the gutsy decisions that force us to grow, adapt and learn…  which is all analogous to transformation. The better the decisions we make, the better the results we produce. Some people have been avoiding certain decisions for years – decisions they know they should have made – with the net result being that, in many ways, they have compromised and survived rather than conquered and thrived.

Stage 4. Different Behaviours

When we choose different we do different. When we choose better, we do better. We embrace more positive, productive and solution focused behaviours because we’re now thinking, choosing, coping, processing and reacting differently. Not a difficult concept to get our head around is it? When we arrive at the place (mentally and emotionally) where we are consistently making better quality decisions then our behaviours start to become more reflective of, and in line with, our values, goals and plans. That is, our desired life reality. That is, our true self. Who and what we want to be. The beauty of genuine internal shift (stages 1-3) is that our new better behaviours are a natural progression and flow-on of what’s taken place already; they are something that just happen as a by-product of what’s been happening at You Central. Our behaviours change because we’ve changed. What was terrifying is now normal. What was hard is now easy. And what was seemingly insurmountable is now just what needs to be done. No biggie.

Giddyup Grasshoppers.

Stage 5. Different Results

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. The moment we start to see, think and do different, is the moment we start to produce different results. The day you choose to change the way you interact (talk, listen, react) with your boss (kid, wife, brother, mother, neighbour, dog) is the day you consciously change the dynamics of that relationship and also the day you start to produce different results. We can start to produce different outcomes almost instantly by following some simple rules. By knowing how situations, environments and most importantly, people, work. We can change results right there in the moment, like when we consciously and methodically change our communication style and overall approach (mid-conversation) to change the tone, direction and energy of a situation that’s turning ugly. Different thinking, different approach, different result. When we think different, we choose and do different and when we do all that… we create different (results in our world).

Stage 6. Different Reality

When I say ‘different reality’ here, I’m talking about our physical reality (not our cerebral landscape). The place we wanted to be. If stages 1-5 are the journey, then stage 6 is the destination of the change process. Stage 6 is the place where our internal shift has been matched by a comparable practical, measurable and literal change in our three-dimensional world. That is, different (quality of) relationships, finances, career, physical health… and so on. It’s important that at this stage we allow ourselves to acknowledge, enjoy and appreciate what we’ve created. No guilt, no anxiety, no arrogance; just humble gratitude and appreciation for where we are and what we’ve achieved. Too many people arrive at their destination (weight-loss goal, income, career, situation) only to find new and exciting ways to make themselves miserable. Allow yourself to enjoy and allow yourself to be happy.

You’re worth it and you deserve it.  

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