The Change-ologist
People come to see me because they want to change stuff in their world. Big stuff. Small stuff. Body stuff. Head stuff. Emotional stuff. Relationship stuff. Personal stuff. Career stuff. Financial stuff. Business stuff. Life stuff. Stuff to do with attitudes. Stuff to do with fears. Stuff to do with destructive beliefs, behaviours and habits. Stuff. Stuff. Stuff. We are, indeed, complex and groovy cats.
Well, I’m groovy. 
Of course, I don’t have all the answers but I do ask some good questions. And the better the questions we ask, the more creative, positive, resourceful and solution-focused we become.
Nobody comes to see me because they want to stay where they are - metaphorically speaking. On some level, we’re all in search of improvement. Positive change. ‘Better’. Growth. More. Less. Learning. Success. Understanding. Enlightenment. Internal shift. Calm. Consciousness. And, occasionally, a six-pack and a smaller arse. 
That’s why you’re reading this. Not the smaller arse thing – the other bit.
Or maybe not. Hmmm. Anyway…
My Job
Being as ‘change’ is my job, I’ve always taken an interest in how other people (facilitators, teachers, speakers, coaches, writers) ‘do it’ (change). I’ve also taken an interest in the ever-expanding range of personal development products and services on offer. Some are great. Some, not-so-great. I’m not, in any way, interested in promoting (or criticising) any particular program, presenter or product; all I’m interested in is what works. What really works? That is, what kind of approach, method, strategy, model (of personal transformation) is most likely to produce the best results?
Beware the Sharks
Of course, there’s no universal one-approach-suits-all formula and, naturally, different things work for different people. However, when we cut through the fluff, the rock music, the mirrors, the promises, the testimonials, the hype and the marketing, what I want to know is: what approach will maximise my chances of producing inside-out, forever, never-going-back transformation?
That’s what we need to know because that’s what we all want.
Most of you know I’ve never really been a member of the back-slapping, high-fiving, mantra-chanting, group-hugging, fire-walking, fist-pumping club. I’m not really cool enough. Or pretty enough. Sure, that approach might work for some but whether it works for a day, a week, a month or a lifetime is the relevant question. I have a sneaking suspicion that many change-your-life programs are rarely the catalyst for genuine lasting transformation.
Selling Stuff
In an effort to make products sexy, appealing and marketable, some folk will tell us what they think we consumers want to hear. This is calling selling, not informing. Which is why words like ‘quick’, ‘easy’, ‘painless’ and ‘breakthrough’ are used to increase the sell-ability and sexiness of their… er, stuff. Of course, many of them won’t tell you that the practical process of change is rarely sexy, quick, painless or easy. Those of us who are in the middle of it understand that shifting our reality is usually a messy, uncomfortable and lengthy gig.
At least for a while.
Naturally, terms like tough, confronting, painful and scary won’t help anyone sell anything so why would they even mention such crazy terms? They wouldn’t. Yes, creating our best life can be an amazing and rewarding journey but all too often the actual change-process is more about hard work, perseverance, resilience and mental toughness, than it is glamour, glitz and high-fives. And who on earth wants to buy hard work, sacrifice, self-control and sweat as a strategy for change? That’s about as sexy and sellable as a fungal infection.
I’ve heard.
Beyond the Euphoria
I always wonder about what happens once the emotion, the euphoria and the hype subsides. What happens when the high-fives, the back-slaps and the group hugs are nothing but distant memories? Even with my own work, I’m most interested in what happens when the program participants, the audience members, the book (or blog) readers and the CD listeners step away from the ‘theory of change’ and back into the day-to-day reality of their world.
Over the years I have had to keep myself into check that I don’t buy into the razzle-dazzle of the industry. It wouldn’t be hard to do. And, yes, it is an industry. A whopper. I’m all for a feel-good moment, a hug and a few tears of joy but I’m acutely aware that warm fuzzy workshops and mildly-amusing personal development articles (like this one) don’t necessarily equate to action, results or change. Words, ideas and concepts only become powerful when they have life breathed into them.
While I acknowledge that (on a level) we’re all emotional beings, when it comes to the challenge of creating genuine, measurable and lasting change, I tend to de-emotionalise much of the process and to commit to a logical, practical and strategic plan and accountability system. This approach keeps me ‘doing’ even when my emotions (and my over-thinking mind) threaten to derail my progress, waste my potential (again) and sabotage my endeavours.
It’s true that the theory of transformation and the reality of it are (often) vastly different beasts. If you’re serious about changing your reality once and for all, here are eight crucial questions for you.
Remember: better questions produce better results.
(1) What will keep you doing what you need to (to create your best life) – when you don’t feel like it, it’s uncomfortable and there ain’t no fun in sight? (Apologies to my year-ten English teacher.)
(2) What will keep you productive, proactive and positive – when the support, the fan club, the euphoria, the high-fives and the feel-good moments are a distant memory?
(3) Why will it be different this time and why will this be the last time?
(4) How uncomfortable are you prepared to get and for how long?
(5) What price are you prepared to pay?
(6) How much do you want it?
(7) How much do you want it?
(8) How much do you want it?
High-Five?
Not.
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Hi Craig,
Well I, for one, love your non-fluffy, non-high-fiving approach. Although, a little rock music never goes astray!
It’s a good point you make – it doesn’t matter about the bells and whistles … does it work? The PD industry is a virtual mine-field and it would be easy to lose sight of the simple, practical basics.
As you know, I personally wouldn’t exactly call your last RYL a “feel-good” camp – it was fun and nice and supportive and stuff … but the words challenging, confronting, painful and … well … snot spring to my mind.
But (and this is the thing they don’t want you know in the infomercials) pain is the best teacher and when a mirror is held up to your life and you see it for what it is, it hurts.
And that stays with you.
Today I took a step out of my comfort zone – for the sake of my fledgling business idea. It got to the stage where the pain of taking this action was outweighed by the pain of never giving it a go and never knowing. It hurt, I was uncomfortable, I was dreading it, I tried to procrastinate for as long as I could … in the end, I just did it. And … I didn’t die of embarrassment, people didn’t yell at me or throw stones, the response was very positive. I’m a happy girl!
So, next week I’m gonna do it again!
Em
( ) x
I like your site and the way you do business Craig
motivation is hard, failure is easy. thats why we are all so fat!
When the euphoria and the hype subsides I cumble in a heap and revert back to my old ways. Could you come live with me please
Val.
It’s either high fives or hugs Craig it’s your choice
Ok to questions:
(1) What will keep you doing what you need to (to create your best life) – when you don’t feel like it, it’s uncomfortable and there ain’t no fun in sight? (Apologies to my year-ten English teacher.)
I don’t want to think of that, depending on what it is, let’s take exercise for example, Ipods take away boredom.
(2) What will keep you productive, proactive and positive – when the support, the fan club, the euphoria, the high-fives and the feel-good moments are a distant memory?
Memories of success or CJ’s photo
(3) Why will it be different this time and why will this be the last time?
No it won’t be the last time, but being aware you can make it different.
(4) How uncomfortable are you prepared to get and for how long?
It depends on what it is.
(5) What price are you prepared to pay?
Getting rid of people, including friends and family, who drag me down and are unnecessarily negative, stopping you in some way from going forward. That is mean but that’s the experiences I have had lately.
(6) How much do you want it?
(7) How much do you want it?
(8) How much do you want it?
A Lot
A Lot
A Lot
I would add, you are right a lot of the time regarding the self-help stuff like Robbins and The Secret. I cannot rule out that they don’t work, but it is up to me to apply.
However, there is no doubt that, and I did this, we go to these things and get excited and then wonder when we don’t apply or live these things why they don’t work. I think it is part of human nature to go ‘ok well I did the course where is the Rolls Royce” I know I did that. The point is, these things can, they possibly can work, but again how much do you want it. And actually, sometimes giving up something is good!
[...] The back-slapping, high-fiving, mantra-chanting, group-hugging, fire-walking, fist-pumping Club [...]
This is definitely a timely article! We all need a serious kick in the pants now and again.
Thanks for this superb post. It is so easy to lose focus and motivation.
[...] The back-slapping, high-fiving, mantra-chanting, group-hugging, fire-walking, fist-pumping Club [...]
Very inspiring article. I like your blog Craig!
[...] The back-slapping, high-fiving, mantra-chanting, group-hugging, fire-walking, fist-pumping Club [...]
Good one Craig. Those 8 questions really hit home. Going to preserve this on. And hey, I like the way you write
bulbul ( from small town Bhiwadi rajasthan, india…. believe it or not)
Craig, you’re creepy! I swear you must stalk me! your posts are sooo on cue as to what i need!!! keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What works for an individual? Depends on the individual and where they’re at. But mostly, I think it depends on what the individual CHOOSES to take from it. You can get a positive message from just about anything if you really want to .. and certainly from any personal development seminar/book/lecture/etc.
I can’t comment on ALL the high-fiving, back-slapping, fist-pumping courses around, only on the intensive week-long one I did late last year. And while the touchy-feely fluffy stuff didn’t really float my boat personally, it did actually balance out the rawness of the full-on stuff we went through. Don’t be too quick to assume it’s that silly, fluffy stuff that is meant to change your life – in this one it was a necessary yin to the yang of the tougher stuff.
Personally, the fire-walk and board break and arrow snap that we did all symbolise certain things that I STILL call on to recreate certain feelings of positiveness and a can-do attitude. The ceremony around these events was to free yourself from previous limiting beliefs and behaviours and if you do the process with your heart, it can have deep and lasting impact.
Maybe I was lucky to find a very good personal development course – which, by the way, comes with a year of monthly follow-up meetings to keep you in the zone (which I don’t attend – but that’s another story). Just don’t be too quick to judge the ones that involve what appears to be fluffy stuff as lacking in substance. Sometimes they have more depth in the non-fluffy periods and the fluffy becomes a welcome relief!
Suz
PS. I believe there is only one question that matters – and it’s either number 6, 7 or 8. That question is pretty much the answer to all the others anyway.
this one smacked me between the eyes and when i started reading i didnt think it was going to be relevant to where i am – wrong
“I always wonder about what happens once the emotion, the euphoria and the hype subsides” – I can tell you – you fall in a very deep dark hole. 14 months ago I coulda (a word) taken on the world and literally walked hot coals(hehe not sure why but I can giggle at that) – I was awesome – and now the ‘hype’ as gone – boy am I a sad excuse for a together individual.
then “What will keep you productive, proactive and positive” tough question. I have become very good at ignoring helpful people, the good things in life and in particular my deserted runners at the front door begging to go for a run. They say you have to hit the bottom to start climbing up but I had no idea the bottom was such a long way down! Now – how do I take the first step…..
Yep Yep Yep..And you know we know that you mean it…
I want it more than anything!
Prepared to get VERY uncomfortable along the way. Prepared to get embarrassed, disappointed, and frustrated. It’s all worth it!
By the way Craig, did my first presentation two days ago to 30 college students on being ‘Professional’. Absolutely awesome, what a rush, I must get out and do more
First time commenter, long time reader.
A fantastic post Craig. You have given me so much inspiration over the past three years.
This struck a chord with me.
Getting rid of people, including friends and family, who drag me down and are unnecessarily negative. Wow! I had never considered that these people may be dragging me down but you are absolutely right. Time to make some changes.
Cassie
Hello Cassie
I don’t recommend that, but it is the way it is sometimes because it stops you from healing and going forward when others won’t change. I won’t go into the things that happened to me, you get guilt poured on you for being a victim, but put it this way, all the self-help people I encountered were into forgiveness. That was easy to do, but part of forgiveness and learning to me is not to repeat things. That means cutting from anyone or anything, I believe, that trigger the old behaviours. Yes I know it’s different with smoking or food, but I just found not going near the person, animal or thing or situation works, all this Cog Behavour Thearpy, affirmations, diaries etc, does not work to me, it is getting away, running away from the thing/s that works, you can work on self later. If a bush fire approaches you do you stand there and go ‘hmmm i’l forgive you bush fire for destroying my house” errr no, you run like hell and deal with ’stuff’ later.
Self help people, including one of my friends who I don’t contact but of course will when she rings, want you to live a Gandhi life of running through fields of flowers forgiving all (including the person who murders animals or people), pat fluffy bunnies and grovel and lay at the feet of people begging forgiveness even for stuff you have not done. Granted, being hard nosed bitch/bastard trampling over all and putting up walls does not work either, but some seem to tell others to forgive things like it is “forgive or else”.
There was a post Craig did last year on forgiveness. To say the only reason to forgive is so you don’t have a heart attack to me is a cop out. I don’t think running around bagging anyone and complaining who does you wrong is right either, but at the core of many seminairs I have been on is this forgive and get over it, so your entire family perished in a fire, big deal, get out there and become a winner crap- of course I have questioned one person once who espoused forgiving and when she was assulted she changed and said “if I get my hands on him I would slit his throat”. Justified, yes, but point is, those that espouse all this unconditonal love rubbish when something happens to them everything changes. Hypocrites.
As Craig has said I think it went be part of the solution or something (sorry Craig if got it wrong), there is no doubt the back-slapping mantra things can work, I mean some of Louise Hay and others have contributed to me not becoming worse in life, but at the same they make their money feeding on your guilt not to be a victim and you are responsible for everything. And when you are down in life you reach for anything and will pay money for it. They are parasites.
Hi Guys – great to hear from you all. A big hello and welcome to our Newbies – Cassie, Jo, Bulbul, Farouk and anyone I missed..
Geez Hellen the girl from Kinglake, I read your blog and I recommend others do because you are the first person in ages who does not have a victim complex and isn’t scared to write on boards that life is crap. I thought stuff happened to me was bad! We need to respect what you and others went through during those fires; I think we push it under the carpet like other things as we don’t want to think about what was left behind and what happened to those that survived.
I wanted to add one last comment on this topic; I bet others don’t go back to Craig’s endless postings, as I do but his blog has moved me and movitated me to be better, so if you read this Hellen or anyone here is a point I want to make and forgive me for being self-indulgent.
We seem as a society to be running around high fiving and going things are great. When someone is down, however, we do all we can to squash them as not fitting in with our life is wonder mantra. We especially make people feel guilty over the word ‘victim’.
Hellen went through the bushfires and is blogging wonderfully. Hellen, thanks for putting my issues into perspective tonight from you blog – it has snapped me back into reality that life ain’t really that bad more than any new age guru could.
Craig,
I love your blogs and I love you!!! You have such passion for helping people and from what I have read you really care. I must apologize for the length of this blog, but I would like to add some help with my own testimony. You see I was severly abused as a young girl, traumatized on a few occasions. As a result of that I had quite a few flaws to say the least. I grew up and for the most part I was very happy and successful in my own terms I loved my career, I had a nice home, and two wonderful children. I worked on myself and did a lot of self-help. Well tragedy struck our family and I lost 5 family members within a very short time. I lost my home my career, I went through ten years of depression, therapy, I trund to drugs, sexual perversion anything that would take away my pain. Then behold, God seeked me out right in the middle of all this mess, and I got on my knees and asked Him to forgive me for all my sins and I told Him how sorry I was for living my life that way, when He had sacrificed His only son for us. Well from that moment on my life changed.. i received the gift of the Holy Spirit amd I cannot describe in words how that has changed my life. I now live with purpose,, love, joy and atrue understanding for humanity, I am still learning, because I said Lord I could never become a Holy roller and judge people, I had to work on it and now I am learning the true meaning of love and I am on such a beautiful journey, no therapy or self help could have given me what i have today. Someone mentioned forgivness, I want to tell you it is the best thing you could ever do for yourself, harboring any type of bitterness is so destructive for your body and your mind. I had a spiritual awakeng when I forgave the ones that abused me and I got a glimpse of what Heaven is like. I ask anyone that has a problem with this to take the time and forgive others, I promise you, you will see the beauty in the world again. God Bless all of you.
P.S. Craig even though I learn so much from reading the Bible I learn a lot from you as well, keep up the good work
Lots of love,, Sandy
Hi Craig,
At the risk of sounding like a high-fiving back-slapper I’ve got to tell you I really enjoyed this post – both the style and the substance of it. Listening to some of the more “positivity-crazed” self help people always reminds me of that dance group in “The Simpsons”….
Announcer: And now, get set for our fabulous halftime show, featuring the
well-groomed young go-getters of `Hooray for Everything!’
Homer: Oh, I love those kids. They’ve got such a great attitude!
Thanks for a dose of reality!
Gareth