G’day Team.
Great responses to Friday’s post. Clearly you all have way too much time on your hands. Made me laugh out loud though. Thanks for that. As usual, we poor dysfunctional males took something of a hammering but perhaps we deserve it. Or perhaps we can take it. 
Did I think that or say it out loud? Hmm. Anyway, after much deliberation by our extensive judging panel (Baldy and Moi), we have our two book winners…
“What do you mean today’s our anniversary?” (Sheila H, South Carolina)
“Wanna hear me burp the alphabet??” (Suza, Sydney)
If you two chicks (you can thank Christina for the use of that term) care to email the Bald Man (Johnnie) your postal address, we’ll see that the company carrier pigeon delivers you both a book. Yours might take a little longer Sheila and you may need to give Fergus (our pigeon) a drink and some seeds when he arrives. Thanks for your contributions.
On with today’s post…
When was the last time you questioned your beliefs? Really questioned them? That is, took a practical, realistic, uncomfortable, honest and un-emotional look at some of the beliefs that “run” your life. You do know that some of your current beliefs suck right? That’s no major revelation is it? When we consider that most of our decisions and behaviours are a reflection of our beliefs, it’s never a bad idea to put those beliefs under the microscope and see if they hold up to a little scrutiny. To see if they serve us or sabotage us. Help us or hinder us. So what are your core beliefs and where did they come from? Did you choose them consciously? Did they choose you? Did you simply adopt them from someone else? What are they based on? Do they empower you or hold you back? Sometimes the only thing that stands between us and success (whatever that means for us personally) is (a) our inability to challenge (question, examine, discuss) our existing beliefs and (b) our inability to unlearn certain things. No, not learn… unlearn. Some of us have spent decades clinging desperately to beliefs that are either (1) destructive and dangerous (2) unconsciously and unintentionally adopted from someone else (3) under-pinned by fear and/or social programming and/or (4) simply not true.
Here are some examples of each..
1. Destructive and Dangerous. “I can’t have a good time socially unless I drink and/or do drugs.”2. Adopted from someone else. “I would never buy a Holden; they’re rubbish” (spoken by the fifteen year old son of a life-long Ford driver).
3. Under-pinned by fear and social programming. “The only way to get to heaven is to (insert belief) and if I was ever to (insert second belief), I would go to hell.”
4. Simply not true. “Nobody could ever love me, I’m not worth it.”
Some of us have believed certain things for so long that even the thought of our “truth” being false is terrifying for us. When you’ve believed something for decades, you have a significant emotional investment in that belief. It’s all you “know” and on some level, you’re comfortable with it. The last thing you want to do is discover that some of your long-held beliefs are the very things that stop you from learning, growing and maybe even finding your way to happiness. For some people that prospect is simply too uncomfortable to consider, so their typical reaction is to become defensive, angry, irrational, accusational or evangelical about their own very familiar and comfortable beliefs. What they won’t be, is open-minded. Willing to learn something new. To unlearn something old. To consider another truth. Or to question their own self-limiting beliefs. And this very common reaction is a manifestation of fear. And no, I’m not suggesting a “daily changing of beliefs” (of course), but what I am suggesting is that when we are incapable of even “considering” another perspective, we have a problem. Most of us love certainty and predictability and when we suddenly discover what we “knew” to be true is in fact false – or at the very least flawed – we can feel incredibly vulnerable, lost and confused. Betrayed even. And for a person who gets their “sense of self” from their beliefs (most of us), this can be traumatic and unsettling. Welcome to life.
How many people ”pretend” that their partner is not having an affair (when they obviously are) because the consequences of that truth (psychological, emotional, practical, sociological, financial) are simply too much for them to deal with (or so they believe)? So they tell themselves a “more comfortable story”; one that becomes their truth. “Oh, yes he/she is has a big work project on, so the work hours are long at the moment…”
The last five years have seen me question almost everything I’ve ever believed. About everything. From effective weight-loss strategies, to the mind-body connection, to healing, to the meaning of life, the existence of God, relationships, consciousness and enlightenment, the role of money in my life, personal power, my potential, humility, love, gratitude and a whole lot more. And not for the sake of being some overly-deep, philosophical weirdo, but so that I might find my own truth and live a life of alignment (beliefs, values and behaviour). And so that I might step away from the influences, the programming, the self-created fear, the weight-of-expectation, the collective mindset and begin to think clearly for myself. For far too long I simply believed what I was told, rather than believe what I had learned to be true. And for far too long I respected other’s opinion and ideas more than my own. In some ways I allowed their reality and truth, to become mine. These days I will listen to, respect and consider almost anyone, but I will think, choose and believe for myself. Without regret or explanation. I can honestly say that I have learned and changed more in the last five years than I did in the first forty. Mainly because I began to ask the right questions, to listen to my inner intelligence (the one we all have) and to challenge my comfortable and familiar beliefs.
I hope you will do the same.
Hey Melbournians! Don’t forget that we have a get-together this coming Saturday (July 4, 11.00 am) at Marlo’s Cafe, 268 Centre rd. Bentleigh. I’ll be the one in the corner immersed in cheesecake. Love to see you there. Even you long time lurking Scaredy-Cats…
Ciao x
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks to the judging panel of … the Odd Couple! Sorry, Johnny .. didn’t mean you…..
The sad thing is, I’ve actually spoken those words .. more than once. (Lightbulb moment) … Errrr, is this why I’m single????
Craig, a few days ago there was a late comment posted by Pip, to which I responded because of the similarities between where she finds herself and where I used to be. Can I donate my winnings (Fattitude) to Pip, if she doesn’t already have a copy?? I think she may find it very useful at this point.
Will have to ponder some more on this new post before I add anything, so .. (spoken like a certain ex-buff, Austrian actor) .. “I’ll be buck”!
Suz (Sydney)
Craig, in the gay, lesbian, bi sexual community, monogamy is generally not practiced by many. The same sex couples, being inquizative as i am, i have asked them and the general view is that so long as they are safe and they tell the other partner, it’s ok. I know that’s horrifying to hetrosexuals or those that believe in one partner, but that’s the way it is in that community. I know that many would view it as cheating but that’s not the mindset of others and there are many couples still together that I have known since meeting them that don’t stay sexually to one person, but in other ways they do.
Anyway I do want to comment on this Craig
‘For far too long I simply believed what I was told, rather than believe what I had learned to be true. And for far too long I respected other’s opinion and ideas more than my own.’
I’m afraid that that’s me still. But it cost me. If I had not taken as law every person’s view, every article, every advice column, I might have not believed I was such a basket case and that others matter not me. This is not to say to become ‘i’m right’ all the time. But rather taking on another’s view as absolute has proven to be foolish. So very good point Craig. Questioning for an over analysis person like me might be paralysing – but I have questioned so much and in some ways at 44 that’s probably healthy.
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. ~ Andy Warhol (1928 – 1987)
Easier said than done Andy!
I vividly remember a strong belief of mine that I once had pertaining to a character called Santa Claus. The moment I was let in in the secret about the truth of Santa, I felt incredulous someone could be so preposterous as to even suggest that Santa flying around the sky with reindeer was a load of bs. and that I had been totally sucked in. Over time, I came to see the folly of my belief which was a slow and laborious process.
So there is now only one belief, and that is my master belief, which is, that NO belief will hold sway over my thoughts and actions other than my master belief. Change becomes possible now with a lot less fuss. One day I forsee that that master belief too, may no longer serve a purpose for me.
There are always questions pertaining to any belief of mine…..Does this belief serve and support my way forward…Does this belief provide me with an outcome I desire?..Does this belief CONFLICT with other beliefs I have, eg “I am rich and wealthy in all respects”…but I have others residing within simultaneously, which may be “Rich people are selfish and mean”, with another, “I am not a selfish and mean person!”
But why is a belief that I hold critical to how I function, to how I react to the forces exerted upon me by the nature of this planet? A belief is critical to how I act out because my subconscious takes hold of a belief of mine, and in no uncertain terms, ensures that those beliefs are exerted by me onto my environment. Those people who feel that the “Secret” or LOA will manifest above all else, take note. The subconscious is resolute in holding sway over all obstacles in the diligent manifestation of my belief. It is uncanny how strongly the subconscious performs this role. If my subconscious is on side, a task will just happen of its own accord, with little resistence, little struggle. Resistence and struggle to my wish for the manifestation of a desire, point to a belief or beliefs that are in conflict with my goal. I then need to begin digging into which beliefs I have that could be causing conflict. It is tough, for as Mark Douglas notes, “beliefs demand expression, and beliefs are resistent to change.”
This is why change is so difficult, for I may have a belief that change is problematic. That belief will cause my subconscious to override any attempt by me to change. It will create self sabotage, which for those who have tried to instigate change within themselves or others, will be intimately familiar with.
Once I hold a belief, it will never cease within. My task becomes to identify a new belief which I feel will serve my outcome better than my current belief. I then have to energise that new belief, which will begin to minimise the power of the old, which is the process which happened with Santa Claus. The belief that SC is true, is still valid within me, but it cannot express itself, as my new belief that it is a whole lot of codswallop has the energetic expression of my subconscious powering it. To energise the new belief, tools such as affirmation and visualisation will power it up. Techniques to tap the subconscious are available, similar to the installation of a software update in a computer.
So in a nutshell, emotional pain is a notice that I need to dig for a causative belief that is causing the manifestation of pain.
What can I do to heal that pain, what learning is there for me?
The answer will be a requirement for a belief change.
Or so I do believe!
This one has got me to really thinking Craig. It makes a WHOLE lot of sence to me. Another one of your great works that I had to print a hard copy so I could put it on my bulletin board to keep reading daily.
Thank you for that!
Sheila H. in SC
Top beliefs that presently serve you Craig?
I find the subconscious adopts and locks that which is first person, present tense positive. eg, ” I am giving “…whereas “I am not selfish” will be taken as instruction for “I am selfish”
No1 for me … I am open to new belief always….
2 I deeply love respect and appreciate myself
3 I am love
4 I am open and honest about my inner thoughts
5 I allow others to be who they are
6 I am giving and I accept giving
7 I create
8 I am healthy
9 I am wealthy
10 I have all I need to succeed right now
11 I believe anything is possible
12 I believe anything can happen
13 I am a winner
14 I am grateful for all I have now
and many others?
As I empower these beliefs, I need to become aware of the conflicting ones within that will not exist in harmony with my new.
Tough job, as beliefs are resistant to change, and this is where perceptual blindness is a tool for an old belief to resist the change.
I do become sensitive to my perceptual blindness blocking the awareness of changing circumstances around me.
Thanks Craig!
Hi Craig,
Thanks for the post. it reminded me of one of Robert Frost’s poems ‘Mending Wall’ which highlights the way in which blindly following traditions and beliefs can stunt growth. He says of his neighbour:
… He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father’s saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’
Sometimes it can be very painful swimming against the tide, especially in organisations that value tradition over innovation and brand new ideas as akin to heresy. But ultimately it’s worth it.
Thanks for the thoughts.
Christina xxx
I am so grateful for the fact that we live in a time where ‘beliefs’ as a concept alone, let alone the fact that they are choosable and changable can be openly discussed and considered. Once upon a time, the only ‘belief’ anyone would be aware of would be the one you may have held by being a church goer.
To realise that you also hold many other beleifs as well – passed on from parents and society was not even acknowledged or recognised. Lucky us that we live in an age where awareness is possible and where looking inside ourselves and examing our own internal dialogue is encouraged and taught.
I’m listening and learning Craig and love the realisation that your post on this brings – you are living proof that the ‘unlearning’ process can be so beneficial and empowering.
I also loved littlejohns mention of ‘powering up’ the subconscious. Craig’s post often do just that for me….but the real work of change begins inside my own head, I know, so I’m working on the ‘powering up’ part, too.
Also, can I just mention how much I love reading and also learn from everyone’s comments and reflections here – I I forget to say that sometimes, so I just wanted to make a point of saying so today. You guys all rock! Have a great day all…
Love,
Mon ( )
littlejohn, great words again. I am, however, a bit skeptical that every belief is difficult to change. I think the one about ‘it does not serve me now’ is one that shifts things. Sometimes experiences seem to change a belief.
Christina I went against the tide in my organisation and had to leave so it wasn’t worth it, but Frost does say:
Before I built a wall I’d ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,
Sounds like Frost was questioning beliefs there
IMHO the problem with blind and uncritical adherence to certain belief(s), is that these belief(s) are sometimes used as a rationalisation for extremely inhumane behaviour towards others – the irony is that this inhumane behaviour goes against the core tenets of this belief(s).
Hmmmm … am having a bit of trouble with this one. Not the concept – I totally agree with that. And I can identify numerous beliefs that are positive and help serve me to live a better life. It’s identifying the bad, destructive or restrictive ones that I’m having trouble with. And maybe that’s part of our problem – our complete blindness to that side of us.
I like to think I’m very open-minded and fluid in my beliefs and that I’m not afraid of change or challenging the comfort zone. And I’ve certainly done a lot of that recently. But what now? Am I done? Hell no! Do I still have beliefs that hold me back or go against the way I want to live my life? Of course I do. I guess I need to be more conscious of some “givens” that go through my mind so I can actually recognise these beliefs and start to address/question/change them.
I totally agree with littlejohn – once the subconsious gets behind a belief, that will become your truth. And you will automatically make life easier by following it and hard by going against it – or at least perceive it to be that way.
Good job, Craigo .. you’re really making us think lately, aren’t you? Doing your “job” well, I’d say.
Suz (Sydney)
Craig –
These parts really hit home for me:
“When you’ve believed something for decades, you have a significant emotional investment in that belief. It’s all you “know” and on some level, you’re comfortable with it….Most of us love certainty and predictability and when we suddenly discover what we “knew” to be true is in fact false – or at the very least flawed – we can feel incredibly vulnerable, lost and confused…And for a person who gets their “sense of self” from their beliefs (most of us), this can be traumatic and unsettling…”
For so long I’ve believed that I was a fat, slothful person that couldn’t lose weight. I believed that I had bad knees and couldn’t run or bike. I believed that I was a boring person, shy, socially awkward perhaps. And so I became that person. But now I’m becoming another person, a THIN person, a runner, I’ve been promoted, I’m become more popular and successful… and suddenly it feels like EVERYTHING that I’ve believed about myself for years is… GONE. And it IS damn unsettling. I am working on embracing new beliefs… more positive beliefs, but I do feel like I’m having a bit of an identity crisis! I DO know that I”m getting better everyday! Or at least it seems that way!
Thank you for your continuing inspiration… and a few yuks along the way.
Hello Craig,
Well this has made me think alot…
I have certain belief’s that I have huge questions about..
1/ Spiritually I just don’t know what to believe anymore, what is really true, I have no confidence on this topic & have no idea where to go with this one….Still searching I’m sure I will find it soon..
2/ Love & relationships, my belief’s have been slightly shifted on this one, I have know idea if there are people out there who really know what love is & do they care anymore? It’s like its all to hard for them!
I know there are people out there but not too many…
3/ As for the Holden dislike (which I have), I was brought up with Ford only, I have had the experience of having a Holden, & hey they are really crap!!!! (Hee, hee!)
What I have learned over the last 12mths is that people will hurt you, lie to you, basically treat you like crap, even the ones closest to you, but I now know it’s how you react & deal with the situation..
I’m getting there still a lil precious though….
Thanks Craig, great post, the brain is ticking overload…
Hugs
Charlotte xxx
Hi Craig,
Mmmmm… yes very deep Craig;)
Lately I have found that when I question one fear I actually find that in all honesty the opposite belief or fear is what my core issue is ie. fear of being rejected is actually fear of being accepted.. And that fear is actually no belief in GOD only in self reliance (again self) .. Weired but anyway this sort of pendilulm is taking a massive presence in my life (the last three days) … just recently this sort of truth has revealed itself to me… anyway out of there…! WOW a bit too heavy!
I had also thought (you did) I changed more in the past four years than ever before but the other day I caught a glimpse of myself and my heart broke… as no matter how much I have changed or tried, my best just isnt good enough… and isnt going to get me there… this is such a sad reality for me… but reality! Sad enough to cry about but not sad enough to stop trying as that is all I can do and No i dont believe it is denila of not doing the action.
Anyway .. I am in very deep thought now.. proably will be until Monday so you wont hear much from me;)
PS. The spin went well – and is hopefully on its way now
Thanks
Kate
Craig,
I think I am an open minded and rational person. i am always keen to examine the reasons i have for my beliefs, and I never conciously hold beliefs without good reason.
I don’t think that i am even close to free of irrational and damaging beliefs though. It is relatively easy to identify and question our ‘big’ beliefs, but, we all hold so many beliefs, and they relate to each other in such subtle, complex and hard to understand ways.
So, identifying some of those ’sucky’ beliefs, so that you can ’shine the light’ of rational thinking on them, is difficult (Well i think it is, but is that just one of my irrational limiting beliefs? Argh!). How do identify those ‘hard to find’ beliefs?
Cheerrs,
Scott.
Hi Guys – once again, some amazingly insightful and thought-provoking comments for us all to chew on… thanks. Kinda busy today, so sorry I’ve been a little scarce… you all seem to play well, when I’m not around though.
Suz – yes. Littlejohn – wow. Michael, Sheila, Christina, Mon, Kate, Charlotte, Sparkrunner, Ben… group hug (( )) 
Thank you very much Suza and Craig!!! I can’t believe how helpful and kind you are!!! Suza, thank you so much for your great reply to my comment the other day.
Craig – thank you. Not sure which of my questions you answered with a yes, but I’ll take it as your answer to all of them! (In which case I’ll stop offering to burp the alphabet……..)
Pip – you’re very welcome. Your situation REALLY struck a chord with me and I can tell you that overcoming the issues that hold you back feels TOTALLY AWESOME and life looks very different. The mountains that I was always either struggling to climb or getting prepared to climb in some way or another have just disappeared, and now it’s easy access to the other side .. where it’s now all onward and upward. I SO want you to experience that too. So if you don’t have a copy of Fattitude, email Johnny your details and he can send you my winnings. All the very best, sweets .. and keep us posted, of course! (Thanks, Johnny .. thanks, Craig.)
Suz xxx
Craig I notice that when you challenge people’s beliefs they get upset and then you feel like your wrong for offering a different view. Or I get frustrated when someone doesn’t listen to me or view it from my angle.