It’s a Question of asking the right Question

When it comes to creating our best life, here’s what we know for sure:

1 . We all want more (happiness, health, peace, knowledge, significance, fun, wealth) and of course more means different things for each of us individually. We visit sites like this because on some level, we all want to create positive change in our life.

2. The types of questions we ask have a significant impact on our mental and emotional states (our ability to create and be productive, or our ability to spontaneously combust and throw ourselves into a negative state).

3. Our mental and emotional states largely drive our behaviours (what we do day to day).

4. What we do (and don’t do) largely dictates what kind of results we create in our world; our life reality.

5. Very few of us manage to get the absolute most out of ourselves, and very few of us are living our ideal life (that’s not to say that we’re necessarily miserable either).

6. In life, it’s not so much what happens that matters but rather, how we deal with it. For some people, their life (situation, circumstances, environment) is not really the problem, they are.

I have spent much of my working life watching talented people under-achieve, self-sabotage and live an existence that they don’t really enjoy or want, often because of their inability to ask themselves the right questions; their inability to get themselves empowered rather than frustrated, angry and fearful, and their inability to make the most of what they have, with what they’ve got, where they are. If there’s a way to ‘find the bad’, they’ll do it.

So, often the difference between a great day and a terrible day is as simple as the questions we ask ourselves. Some questions put us in a good place emotionally and psychologically (resourceful, creative, optimistic, positive, productive), which in turn creates better decisions, behaviours and results, and some questions put us on the slippery slope to depression, frustration, misery and desperation.

Here’s what else we know:

7. We can’t change our genetics – but we can manipulate them and maximise them.

8. We can’t change our history – but we can change how we let it affect us today.

9. We can’t change other people – but we waste lots of time and energy trying anyway.

10. We can’t change our chronological age – but we can change our biological (body) age.

11. Many of us invest mountains of time and emotional energy into things that we can’t change, while doing nothing about the stuff we could and should change – kinda silly.

A simple rule:

“Change the stuff you can and let go of the stuff you can’t.”

Not rocket science really.

Here’s some of the typical questions I’ve heard over the years, accompanied by some better options….

Why does this always happen to me?
Now that this has happened, what can I learn from it?

Why can she eat whatever she wants, yet I look at food and I get fat?
With my genetics, what’s the best exercise and nutritional strategy for me?

Why am I always the one to get injured?
Okay, I can’t run for a month, 1) what’s the best way to manage my injury and 2) what can I do to stay in shape without exacerbating my ankle problem?

Why am I such a moron?
What can I do in the future to ensure I don’t make the same mistakes again?

Why does everything she touches turn to gold, but for me everything turns to crap?
What can I learn from her?

What’s the point; surely I’m too old?
What can I do practically to wind back my biological clock and create real, measurable change.

So, your exercise for today (okay, for the rest of your life – but we’ll start with today) is to consciously and consistently (that’s the key) ask yourself better questions. Ask those thoughtful questions; the ones which will put you in a productive, creative, solution-focused place, not those destructive, woe-is-me questions. Ask the questions which will keep you honest, accountable and proactive. Don’t allow your mind to wander down the very wide self-pity path (where most tread) but rather keep your eyes and feet focused on the narrow path of learning, growing, adapting and fulfilling your potential.

Remember… if you want to be exceptional, then do what most won’t.

Okay, your first four questions might be something like:

1) What can I take from this article and apply to my situation right now?

2) What’s a communication habit (including self-talk) that I need to change from now?

3) What can I do to ensure that I follow through and stay accountable with these changes?

4) Why will it be different this time?

Ciao.

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