LATE NEWS FLASH: Hi Gang, work takes me to Sydney today (Tuesday). I know it’s kinda late notice but I thought that perhaps one or ten of you might wanna catch up with me for a coffee, chat and fruit salad later tonight in the Harbour City. Yep, I’m abstaining from cheesecake. Shocking I know. For anyone who’s interested, I will be in the foyer of the Radisson Plaza – somewhere near the reception desk – (27 O’Connell St. Sydney) at 9.30 tonight. I know it’s late(ish) for a Tuesday but you’re big now, so it’s okay. I also know you had your night all planned and you hate to mess up your routine but maybe you should shock yourself and come and see me anyway! We’ll hang out till around 11.00(ish). Don’t be scared. I don’t bite. Often. See you then. Or not. 
On with the show….
Well aren’t I a lucky boy? The cyber-love was certainly flowing yesterday. It’s great to feel valued, appreciated and missed, so thank you all from the bottom of my bottom. I went to bed feeling all warm, fuzzy and just a little bit spesh. Okay, enough of the cyber-mush, it’s time for an arse-kicking. Strap in and hold on kids.
Our Default Setting
If you’re a regular visitor to this site then you’ve heard me say it a million times:
We know what to do (to create positive change) but we don’t do what we know.
Or if we do (do what we know), it’s often temporary. That is, a momentary change of behaviour. We do something different for a while (eat less, move more, procrastinate less, listen more, smoke less, ask better questions, etc.) and then, for a range of reasons, we return to our emotional, psychological and behavioural default setting. Blaahs-ville; the place we don’t want to be. We go back to where we came from (metaphorically) and then we wait for the next (short-lived) burst of enthusiasm and motivation to arrive. And the stop-start cycle continues.
And so does the frustration.
Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda
Then one day we wake up only to find ourselves ten (fifteen, twenty, thirty) years older, still living in the same place (mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, etc) and still not dealing with same issues that (by now) should be nothing more than distant memories of a less-than-desirable past. Let’s be honest, clear and practical about this point (that is, not defensive, emotional or precious): in terms of our big-picture goals and aspirations, many of us have spent a lifetime wasting much of our considerable time, talent, opportunities and genetic potential simply because we don’t (won’t) persevere. For many of us, our past is littered with more aborted resolutions, programs, promises and intentions than we care to remember.
But, But, But….
Sure we can explain, rationalise and justify it (our inability to get the job done) till the cows come home (when is that by the way?) but it doesn’t change the fact that we simply have made yet another decision that we haven’t followed through on. For many of us there have been far too many excuses and far too many wasted opportunities for far too long. And what’s the net result of all that? Our current reality.
But then maybe I’m not talking about you.
Stopping and Starting
We are great at stopping the stuff that we should keep doing (the positive, life-transforming stuff) and even better at maintaining the stuff we should have ditched long ago (the unproductive and destructive behaviours and habits). And then we find a way to rationalise – to ourselves and others – why we’re not doing what we should and why we’re still doing what we shouldn’t. If you know what I mean. The reason we stop when we should persevere usually has something to do with our aversion to discomfort. That is, we hate being uncomfortable – which is something of a problem for the would-be success story when we understand that the change process is invariably an uncomfortable one (for a period of time anyway).
Over the years, many people have said to me (something like) “but Craig, I don’t enjoy exercise“. My standard response is “Well, will you enjoy heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, muscle wasting, diminished lung function, postural problems and a premature death? Because they’re just some of the potential alternatives for the sedentary population. That is… you!”
It will surprise some of you to know that much of the time I don’t exercise because I enjoy it. No, I exercise because it produces the results I want. Pretty much the only thing I can’t replace in my world (in terms of resources) is my body, so my choices, behaviours and habits will be a reflection of how much I value and appreciate what I’ve been given. Health. Function. Strength. Fitness. I would rather inhabit a fit, lean, strong, functional body than I would a fat, unhealthy, dysfunctional one. I have that choice, so I make it. For me, it’s that simple. Sadly, some people choose to make it very hard. And then get angry at people like me who present them with the truth.
Their loss.
When the idea of transformation and the reality (of the transformation journey) don’t parallel, many of us give up - often within days. Too often we go into the change process with fantastical and delusional ideas of how quick, effortless and fun our personal transformation will be, only to find it’s actually kinda messy, painful and at times, terrifying. Welcome to life. You know that what’s written on the front of your Personal Development CD collection is only marketing right? That’s called Selling Stuff 101. The only place that success happens in Ten Easy Steps is on the front of a box.
We’re both amazed and disappointed when we don’t undo twenty years of crappy behaviours, choices and habits in three weeks. I find that (mindset) amazing in itself. You? Our ever-increasing quick-fix mentality has proven to be a significant psychological hurdle which stands between us and genuine (lasting) transformation. Some (I say some) personal development types have much to answer for in this regard.
While the personal development journey can be the best trip we ever take, it can also be the most confronting, challenging and uncomfortable thing we ever do. The moment we genuinely choose to do whatever it takes – despite the discomfort, despite the fear, despite the resistance from others and despite the cost - is the moment we begin to step out of the ‘theory’ of change and into the glorious reality of it. The good news is that all the growth – the learning, the adapting, the changing and the improvement – is found in the uncomfortable stuff. The stuff that scares us. The stuff we try to ignore. People who constantly gravitate towards the comfortable, the easy and the safe also gravitate towards stagnation.
Don’t be one of them.
Over the years I’ve seen many (many) people standing at the threshold of major personal breakthrough and transformation only to throw in the towel because the situation demanded a price that they weren’t prepared to pay. Note that I didn’t say couldn’t pay, I said wouldn’t. Mediocre decisions, attitudes and behaviours will never produce amazing results.
Next time we’ll take a look at some practical strategies to help us stop stopping.
So to speak.
* Does this post seem like it was written just for you? Did it push a button? Or six? Share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, stories and feedback with the rest of us… even you long-time Lurkers (non-commentors).
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Hi Craig,
I am a newbee follower of yours, starting and stopping is one of my biggest problems. I actually love exercise, but stuff up on the diet side. My goal for this year is to go from 24% body fat to approx 11% and maybe even enter a bodybuilding competition. After reading Fattitude I realised I always make excuse, and start and stop heaps of diets. But I am choosing to go back to basics, and have slow steady weight loss, rather than choosing unrealistic approaches and giving up in a few weeks!
No it didn’t push any buttons as such, although exercise is the main topic, this can apply to anything.
For example, I had a fantastic couple of experiences in Sydney last week that have had a huge efffect on my self worth. I am making sure I keep this going. I think we fall off the wagon but to get up again is the way to go. As soon as we commit the act of eating the pizza or screaming at the kids or whatever, stopping and being nice to self, saying ok I did that will stop and think next time, is the way to go.
We beat ourselves up to much for failing. I also agree with you on the quick fix thing. As much as I like the walking and gym I am not going to be a muscle man, but that does not stop me from going on because out of the blue sure enough someone without my prompting will say gee you look good. That day will come because it has in the past.
Another example I just came home from my walk and during the walk my chest hurt, and no it’s not sinister had that checked, and I sat at the bus stop but kept a cap on it. The pain past and a few minutes later didn’t notice it.
Quick fixes are what humans will seek, but we on this blog know better.
PS I don’t feel like you have kicked my backside Craig try harder next time ok
Funny, I wrote a post on my own blog about a month back about resetting my default thinking. My default thinking was a never-ending sound track of self-doubt, self-hating, self-loathing, self-bashing. 2009 was a big (and not very pretty) year. Emotionally, I was Titanic-ing… taking on water big-style.
Anyhow, I was thinking about how as a primary school teacher I help kids to work to change their internal dialogue all the time… and if I could do that with them, then why the hell couldn’t I do it for myself? I ended up being very teacherly, and making a weird, reverse Lotus Diagram. I listed my top 8 horrible thoughts about myself, the self-bashing thoughts of choice, and then listed 8 pieces of evidence that disproved each. It was HARD. REAL HARD. It took me about four hours to come up with all that good stuff, and I had to ask around for a bit of help too (OMG – me?! Ask for help?! What?!)…
For example, I often thought of myself as very boring – somebody who isn’t really interesting or worthy of friends. So I listed stuff like “I am creative”, “I have varied interests”, “I have lots of life experience”, etc.
I printed out that list and put it EVERYWHERE. There’s a copy in my handbag. Another copy blu-tacked to my bathroom window, one folded up in the glovebox of my car, one in my diary, one folded up and used as a bookmark in whatever novel I’m reading, one on the fridge, one in my laptop bag… you get the picture.
I made it a rule that whenever that familiar old record started to play in my head, I had to get out that list and read and repeat it until my new list drowned out the old one.
It has made quite the difference – since then, I’ve ‘started’ again in my new way of being but I’ve not ‘stopped’. I’ve not considered stopping. I’ve gone to the gym when I haven’t felt like it; not allowing myself to make excuses. I haven’t drowned my feelings in a block of Cadbury; I’ve actually allowed myself to feel my feelings! The list could go on and on… And the best bit? In the process I’ve lost 4 kilos in 3 weeks. This is my new normal – and I quite like it!
Linda
(erm, sorry for the waffle)
Oh, and while I think about it, consider my hand up for your experimentation this year – I’m game. So long as there are no electrodes.
Linda
Happy 2010 to Craig and Team!
I know it will be a great productive one for ya all!
Yep, that post did push buttons. But I don’t feel I want/need to make big announcements.
Am rather on track to standards I’m quite happy with regarding getting fitter and triathlon training.
Pip
This is the theme I wrote my first comment on, and it was life-changing for me My results don’t involve fitness, but I wanted to share anyway!
Craig included a comment about dying with your music still in you, and it gave me shivers. Still does.
I guess it’s easy to let yourself believe there’s plenty of time-later-to do the hard work to push yourself forward.
So, because of this mental shift, I’ve been producing much more art, and it’s selling well.
I’d only ever sold commercial work in the past, and never exhibited my own stuff. So, to have people buy work this personal has been really
validating. There’s also been a surprising ripple effect in confidence and success in other areas.
Craig, thanks for the kick in the ass!!
I love to read all of the success stories here!
Yes I feel it has pushed a button this post
But lately I’ve been thinking, that I will have to make some sacrifices to my old routine if I want to move forward in my life. This post has been a nice little reminder of what I have to do thanks
Thanks for the post, I have been a long time reader but this is the first time I’ve commented. It always seems I make little steps going forward but eventually fall back into default and you are absolutely right about the stagnation of comfort. Does it come down to tricking ourselves? It seems like theres on ongoing battle between the image of what I could be versus who I am.
Thank you for your website.
Did you write that piece just for me? Feels like it
I’m going through this right now and battling with old patterns big time. I can remember seeing a show with Gwyneth Paltrow once and she was very keen for everyone to see her doing her exercise routine and daily health habits. She was being interviewed by Oprah, and wanted everyone to realise that she had to work (exercise) really hard to maintain her body and always careful about the food she ate. She spoke about the days she didn’t feel like exercising and how she gets through those times. I thought it was very honest and made me realise that everyone is in the same position and can make the same choices. Thanks for a good start to my day 
Hi Craig,
The mind and negative self talk is a very powerful thing. I am addicted to watching a british show at the moment called “The Spa of Embarrassing Illnesses” (Foxtel, channel 120, on at 5.00) The show is all about people who have a physical condition due to emotional past experiences in their life. They go to a spa, away from their everyday living and routine, and they detox, they have things like coffee enemas and do yoga and have acupuncture or things like reflexology.
The results for these people have been amazing, they never thought that their condition was due to a past traumatic experience, eg one girl has suffered from irritable bowel syndrome for over 3 years, only to go to the spa to find out that her suffering is a direct result from supressed emotion from not dealng with the breakup from her partner 3 years earlier. Fascinating I know!! Anyway, because she is aware of what was causing the IBS, she was able to work through her emotional issues and no longer suffers from it. This hit home for me, a my sister has suffered from IBS for over a year now, and it was only a year ago that her ex partner tried to kill himself after confessing that he had cheated on her. Do you see the correlation?
Anyway, I guess my point is, seek and you shall find, if you look for answers you will get them. If you don’t look for answers or seek to better yourself, its that old craig saying “same produces same”.
I have a reflexology app tonight for the first time. I can’t wait.
Awesome! see you there… didnt read the rest of the post Kate
Does this post push any buttons? Does a certain blogger enjoy inflicting a little pain now and again? This is a major obstacle for me and one with which I deal constantly. I will start doing what I know and I know steady,consistent action is necessary to make a lasting change. I know this is a safe,supportive environment and I intend to stay connected as a means to help keep me focused. Your insight and inspiration is greatly appreciated and I wish you great succes with the changes you intend to create at you.com!
Hi Craig,
I am one of those long time lurkers you mentioned, & don’t laugh but just writing back to you is getting me out of my comfort zone. Something I plan to do a lot of in 2010 (1 of my new years resolutions).
Well you have hit a chord with me in regards to ‘stop the stopping’. I am so sick of sabotaging
all my exercise efforts, I jog, I do weights (which I dislike) & fitness classes with usually giving myself 1 day off a week. I consider myself to have a reasonable fitness level & am not over weight. My downfall is my poor food choices, what I eat isn’t effecting the outside (not yet anyway) but the inside often feels quite fuzzy (head), heavy & less than motivated for anything else (other than exercise). Dont get me wrong it isn’t all bad just a fair bit of it (enough to mess with all my hard work). I exercise because I love it & for the feel good but I’ve been doing the same with my food.
I have just recently celebrated my 40th birthday & decided I want to be take charge of me & not the other way round (if you get my meaning). I am always wanting to make long term dietry changes but seem to fall off the wagon when things get emotionally tough, I don’t reach for a fag or a wine but a bit of comfort food.
Help – am I just weak & need to toughen???
Are their other bloggers out there similar to me???
I would love to read more about the emotional connection of our food choices & how to get over them for good.
Cheers
D.
Fat Burners Groupie.
“Sadly, some people choose to make it very hard.”
I was going to explain but I probably don’t need to, nor would it help any, just wish I could bloody stop! I am infuriating myself.
Thanks for being back with ‘the real’ Craig,
Celia
This pushes buttons. I actually love exercise, I always have. I use it to escape the other ‘stuff’ that I have to deal with.
Dealing with the ‘stuff’ is my downfall. I don’t. I ignore, procastinate, avoid, you name it I do it.
This adds to my negative self talk and makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. Sigh. Looking forward to part 2.
NHJ
Long-time lurker, first time poster. Your line “mediocre decisions, attitudes and behaviours will never produce amazing results” really pushed a button for me. Too many thoughts running through my head right now to articulate, but I plan to be there tonight for a coffee and chat
14 months ago I left a full time job and a promising media career (and a car, laptop, phone and long lunches!) to open my own personal training studio. I had no clients and a stack of equipment loans to pay off. Talk about terrified.
Once the novelty of wearing sneakers every day wore off, I realised that I had thrown myself in the deep end, with no lifeline. I had never worked in the fitness industry, I had never owned a business and I didn’t even understand the meaning of cash flow, BAS, hiring people (and firing people).
On the 24th December last year I was closing up the studio for our Christmas break. There was $11.38 in our business bank account. When I closed the doors that night I didn’t know if I’d actually ever open them again. I was ready, seriously, to quit.
Since returning to work on the 4th January, I have signed up a bunch of new clients, and our bank account is healthier than it’s ever been. Yes, it’s January, yes it’s a good time for the fitness industry, but I can’t believe how close I was to quitting, when I was actually on the brink of a breakthrough.
I have vowed to never be one of those people who quits when life gets uncomfortable. At the moment, I’m extremely uncomfortable every day. I wake up in the morning and have to find an inner strength I never knew I had. Because I have no security – I alone will make or break this business. I alone will determine my own destiny.
So I’m still here, I’m still in business. And one day it will pay off. For that reason, I will do whatever it takes.
Carly xx
Craig
Another wake up call. I had to retweet your message to thousands.
We all need it. Looking forward to Part 2
Greg
Nope. Stopping and starting is no issue of mine. Not! I appear to be able to control myself about as well as I can control the weather! BUT…that being said, I think I am headed in the right direction. The first thing to realise, as Craig always points out, is that it is in fact possible to have lasting self control and it’s no excuse to blame the fact that we are irrational, emotional human beings. No, we are not robots, but we can control ourselves on an ongoing basis and we can do this because we deserve it. Somehow we have learnt to say “I deserve the cake” instead of saying “I deserve to feel healthy and good about myself.”
Shut everything out – all the opinions, expectations, stereotypes. Find out who YOU are based on when YOU are happy. Go with that as when you find that you will want to keep it and you will make those around you happy too!
Thanks Craig for the constant reminder…I always apply the NIKE approach to the things I don’t like doing. Whilst I really do enjoy exercise I don’t like waking up at 5.30am to complete my workout (as this is probably the only time I have available). Some cold mornings I truly can’t be stuffed but I lie in bed say NIKE or you know what Craig would say “Exercise is not negotiable”. Then I jump out of bed and the rest is real easy.
Gullu
You people – CJ and D especially – need to step back and go ‘ok look I didn’t stick to eating plan’ and get back on the horse to use a phrase. That’s the downfall of many: we criticise ourselves when something goes wrong. Poor food choices are to me a slip up; you get it into your head that ok look the chips at 9 pm at night sound good but I prefer the healthy things so i’ll not eat or have water. CJ and D are doing the best they can, just don’t be hard on yourselfs over things.
Sabotage is real like a wild tiger that although not always tamed can be put in a cage and looked at (not that I am for jailing animals this is just a metaphor).
I’ll give you an example today. My main thing ATM is to work on self worth issues. Undoing 44 years of programming and sabotage takes time. I feel so silly walking around going ‘i’m wonderful, kind, things are healing, I am moving towards a better life etc etc’. I’m thinking Michael you are a loser in everything, so I say to that, right thanks but I choose not to think that, if others do meh that’s ok but that’s not me. New age gurus espoused that line of changing your thoughts, told the world and now they live in Hollywood Mansions. The point is, we slip, we persist, because there is a point in the future that without thinking about it something happens to confirm it was all worth it. With food I got stuck into my favourate Cheese pizza got halfway and just went this is nice but I’ll leave the half for the other day. That other day came weeks later and the pizza was still nice but was not hanging around the hips.
Hang in there and be nice to self.
This definately speaks to me…… My husband calls me an Obsessive Dismissive. I tend to go all hard core really quick, burn out and then ditch. This year’s aim is to have some balance and long term commitment. Thanx for the article
)
A message for D. (sorry Craig)
When I read your post I had to think twice, I’m sure I didn’t write that. I’m the same as you just turned 40, not overweight, exercise my ar#@ off. 4 days a week at boot camp, a bit of jogging on two days and one day off. My problem is my diet, I am not a bad eater just bad enough to ensure all of my physical efforts help me maintain the body I have now instead of transforming me into the next phase (the place I want to be). I’m looking forward to Craig’s next post on how to stop the stopping.
Hi Craig! Welcome back and Thanks.
For a while I have been one of your lurkers and have enjoyed reading your posts. I have found that so much of what you say is really helpful and has helped me define who I want to become, what I want to contribute and what I want to have in my life. I thought that I would stop lurking and contribute to the discussion!
Tuesday’s post really rang true for me. I am often motivated and then disappointed when I don’t achieve my results. But looking at my behaviour, I haven’t wanted or worked hard enough for what I want to achieve. So thanks for making me realise that I’m not doing the hard work and so am not getting results. It’s funny, I think that I ave been apporaching my goals much like society does, with a quick fix. Anyway I’m really looking forward to your next post. I am definitely going to take close note!
Have a great day,
Clare
This post is so me it actually made me cry.
I think that light bulb is starting to get brighter.
Nat
Hi Guys – in Sydney at the moment (on a skanky hotel computer), just finished a couple of gigs for an awesome company (an hour ago). Just read all your comments – sounds like a few buttons have been pushed, some feathers ruffled and a few ‘aha’ moments were had. Good.
A big hello to all our first-time commentors – thanks for saying hi and for coming out of the cyber-darkness. This is a pretty cool community to be part of and you’re very welcome.
Next post will be up Thursday…. I hope to see some of you tonight.
x
Hey Carly. Kudos to you for hanging in there – most people (myself included) lack the courage to do what you’ve done, by going out on your own as an entrepreneur. I hope that 2010 is your breakthrough year for your business.
This was so me a few years ago! Now I know I am never going to want to get up early and go do exercise but I treat it like a job I could be fired from. I set the alarm and have my exercise clothes all set out including my shoes. Sometimes I haven’t even woken up properly and I am locking the front door! If you wait until you are inspired to get up you NEVER will.
This too is my first time to comment, though read often. It too pushed soooooo many buttons for me….and having recently (yet again) getting on the healthier eating and more exercise treadmill for the billionth time….I keep waiting for my little bubble to explode in my head and chuck eveything in (yet again)…..HOWEVER…..I am determined and having actually recently started exercising most days, I find I actually look forward to it….now that is progress for me…I too am one of those people who has always said I don’t like exercise….thanks for your own honesty Craig that you don’t necessarily enjoy exercise, but do it because of the results it achieves….I am beginning to get it….not before time!!!
This year will be the year that I allow myself to be okay with who I am. For years I have held myself back for many reasons but now I see that in my son and I don’t like it. I want him to aim high and achieve what ever he wants in life without the fear that I feel.
Hi Craig! Thanks for the tea and chat last night. It was great to meet you and the other girls. I had a fantastic evening, aside from the interrogation from Dad when I got home because he’s convinced I was out seeing some secret boyfriend (he’s a bit paranoid like that…you’d think that he would realise by now that I’m 23, not 13 *shakes head*)
Anyay, like many other people here, I’ve struggled with crippling self-doubt for a long time. No idea why, but I’ve always felt like a failure, and that even when I do my absolute best it’s still not “good enough”. I’ve come to the realisation that I have to learn to love myself, and not let other people’s opinions get me down….to realise that work is not the be all and end all of my life…that I can have an existence outside of my 3m x 3m workstation. And especially to stop letting work and office politics get in the way of acheiving my goals, because realistically I’m unlikely to find a workplace that doesn’t have inherent politics of its own to deal with.
So this year I’m going to focus more energy on helping myself instead of helping everyone but myself as I have been doing for many years
PS You look much younger in real life than in that photo at the top of your website.
Please do Travel Chick because i’m nearly 45 and it only hit me know how much I held myself back, still do, because of self worth and esteem issues, that I was hated etc. It’s worth working on. I hope you post again would like to hear how you and your son are doing.
I don’t think that you can have too many posts like this one, it is always a good reminder of what you have (or had) planned to do with your day, week, month, year or whatever and possibly still have on your to do list!! I am very good at procrastination and finding very valid reasons to put something off until later. Not anymore though I am now borrowing/using the Nike slogan of ‘Just do it’, so everytime I think, I will do that later or after or next or whatever I think to myself ‘Just do it’ and then it will be finished and done and you won’t have to keep adding it to your millionth ‘to do list’ and not only that you will feel so much better for completing the task at hand, regardless of what it is.
I am very much looking forward to Part 2 – the practical strategies.
Hey Guys (again). Just walked in the door from Sydney and Bisbane… so I’m a little shagged (yeh Baby). Thanks for all your comments and feedback. Well done to all you first time commentors – especially you Nav… thanks for the kind words (it was pretty dark though!)
x