How to Stop Being a Dickhead

Hi Team. If you’re feeling a little fragile today, then you might be advised to come back tomorrow. The following is a bit of fun and a bit of ‘serious’. I’ll let you decide which is which.

The Adjective for Dickhead?

Do you have a propensity to be periodically dickhead-y? Or, is it dickhead-ish? I’m not certain what the relevant adjective is but I’m pretty sure most of us have the capacity to slip into dickhead-mode from time to time. Or, maybe it’s just me?

Awkward.

Nah… we’ve all worked with, lived with, socialised with and, from time to time, been that dickhead. And, if you think you’ve never been a dickhead, then you need more help than this article can provide. :)

While dickhead-ology (the study of dickheads) is a vast area of scientific research, the following suggestions might be considered something of a starter-kit for your garden-variety dickhead who’s looking to change his/her ways. The list is certainly not exhaustive but it might be enough to create a little momentum.

1. Stop trying to impress people. We all know what you’re doing. Shut it down. You might as well wear your “I’m insecure” hat. Desperation: not sexy.

2. Talk less. Dickheads love the sound of their own voice. If you want to create connection with people, shut up and listen.

3. Turn down the volume. Dickheads also talk too loud.

4. Get off the angry pills. Angry is ugly. And pointless. And destructive. On lots of levels.

5. Stop waiting to be saved. Life doesn’t get better, you do. Stop hoping and start happening. Being a victim: also not sexy.  

6. Stop spending money you don’t have on shit you don’t need. Now you’re a dickhead with less money.

7. Don’t laugh at your own jokes. It’s horrible.

8. If you don’t know something, say… “I don’t know”. Give it a try. You don’t need to make shit up.

9. Stop making and breaking the same promises. Either do it or don’t do it. Don’t half do it three million times.

10. Stop having the same pointless conversations about the same issues with the same people. You know that doesn’t work right?

11. Stop talking about what and when you’re going to change. We’re sick of your plans and intentions. Show us some results.

12. Say sorry. Possibly the biggest challenge for a dickhead. Humility is not their strength. Try it. It’s liberating.

13. Stop being a Delusionite. Stop poisoning your body with toxic crap while telling people you need to get in shape. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, then everything you do to your body is a conscious choice.

You’re welcome. :)

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