From Whinger to Winner (Attitude Renovation 101)

First, a definition (of a common Australian term) for my international friends…

Whinger (noun, pronounced w-i-n-j-a): a person who frequently complains or protests, especially in an annoying or persistent manner.

The verb is to whinge (w-i-n-j).

Blunt, politically incorrect Craig has been on holidays.
He’s back.
And has been chatting with far too many whingers lately.

Yep; reached my whinger threshold.

It’s true… lately I’ve spoken with way too many people who feel compelled to constantly share their negative, self-destructive, woe-is-me attitude with the world at every opportunity.
We all know (work with, live with, live next door to, are married to, gave birth to) a chronic, career-whinger.
They are exhausting (see my energy vampire post) and they are not fun to be around.

Like milk, they have a used-by date.
I usually throw my whingers out with the hard rubbish collection.
I put them on the nature strip and the council garbage guys pick them up once a month.
Come past my place the first Tuesday of the month and you’ll see a broken card table, a bike with one wheel, some old speakers and two whingers on the grass out the front.

You’ll hear them still whinging as the truck heads down the road.

With so many good twelve-step (type) programs available, perhaps we need one for whingers; Whingers Anonymous (WA) perhaps.

“Hi I’m Sam… and I’m a whinger.”

Sometimes I feel like I’m a sponsor for a hundred members of WA.

If someone’s got a million problems, hurdles and challenges and a good attitude, I’m happy to help.
If not, go and whinge elsewhere.

I don’t care about your looks, talent, money, IQ, background or education; I care about your attitude.
If you choose to have the right attitude, we can get stuff done.
Quickly.

If you’re not serious about doing everything possible to create your amazing life then please keep your glass-half-empty-ness to your depressing, I-want-attention, self.
We’re over it.
(I’m not talking about people who suffer from clinical depression here or who have the occasional bad day – as we all do… no, I’m talking about people who consistently choose to make things harder than they need to be).

Yep, it is a choice.

People who whinge, whine, complain, blame and vent on a daily basis.
People who want constant attention and sympathy but are not really prepared to do what’s necessary to create life-long positive change (or at least give it a real crack).

(real crack: Aussie for genuine attempt).

And before you goody-two-shoes(ers) jump down my throat, yes we all need a little sympathy and attention from time to time… that’s normal and healthy.

Not what I’m talking about here.

We all know that there’s an undeniable relationship between our attitude and the type of results we produce in all areas of our life and we also know that winning (whatever winning represents for us individually) is not about one thing, but many things.

But with all this knowing…. it seems that there’s still not enough doing (building our attitude muscles and doing everything humanly possible to change our crappy mind-set).
Last week I spoke with a lady who has been a regular on my site since day one.
Loves what I write, told me it’s inspirational, life-changing stuff and… then proceeded to absolutely unload on me about her woe-is-me, the-world’s-not-fair, nobody-gets-me… life.

I told her she can read all she likes, have all the knowledge and live on my site… but her life won’t change until her attitude does.
(Yes, I told her I would write this post).

Without doubt, poor attitude and a negative mind-set are still the biggest hurdles for the majority of people (living in Western society).

We know what to do but we don’t do what we know.

Too many talented, intelligent, capable people are chronic under-achievers because of a crappy attitude which pervades every area of their existence (work, home, relationships, health, communication).

They could do and be so much more.
They focus on negatives.
They major on minors.
They look for reasons to whinge.

As a change specialist (for want of a better term) I am constantly consulting with people who want to create positive change in numerous areas of their life, and while there are many ingredients in the recipe for winning, without doubt the most important success ingredient is the right attitude.

I don’t have all the answers (nobody does) but I have some suggestions for those in need of an attitude renovation:

1. Ask the right questions.
Ask the “what can I do” questions… not the “why is this happening to me” questions.
Learn to ask the empowering questions not the woe-is-me ones.

“No, I don’t enjoy having these genetics or weighing 300 pounds but what can I do today to start the wheels turning?”

“Can I start to move more from today?” Yep.

“Can I choose to eat differently from right now?” Yep.

“Is it physiologically possible for me to lose the weight (even though I haven’t done it before)? Yep.
“Can I choose to listen more to my partner and make them feel better?” Yep.
“Can I learn new things and develop new skills… even at ‘my age’?” Yep.
(See the recent story in the news about the ninety five year-old lady from the US who just graduated from college… she thinks she might do her masters!)

She asked the “what can I do” question.

2. Don’t waste time or emotional energy on things you can’t change.
The past, for example.
Other people, for example.

3. Make a conscious decision every morning to be positive… even when you don’t feel positive.
Sometimes that glass-half-full disposition is not about feelings or emotions but choices.
Do it often enough and you’ll actually believe what’s coming out of your mouth!
Creating your new-and-improved attitude needs to be a conscious process… this means changing how you communicate with others, changing how you react and changing how you choose to exist.

Creating a winning attitude doesn’t happen accidentally; it’s a conscious, methodical process.

4. Spend time with winners.
Let them challenge you, teach you, influence you and slap you behind the ear.
Hang out with losers… and pretty soon, you’ll be one.

5. Change your self-talk.
Constantly putting yourself down doesn’t help.
Anyone.
The “I’m fat, useless, ugly and dumb dialogue” is pointless and unnecessarily painful.
When someone compliments you, simply say “thanks”.

6. Shape up.
There’s an undeniable relationship between our physiology and our mental and emotional health.
It’s impossible to have our best state of mind (attitude) when we have neglected or abused our body.
While we don’t need to be an Olympian or a gym junkie, it is amazing what a dramatic effect an increase in fitness and overall health can have on our day-to-day attitude and outlook.

7. Keep things in perspective.
Easy to write… hard to do (sometimes).
Nonetheless, it needs to be written because it’s true.
As I’ve said once before on this site, spend a few weeks in the Sudan and you might (will) change your attitude about your current situation.
Some of us find things to whinge about.

8. Embrace challenges, adversity, competition, discomfort.
Resistance in life (like in the gym) makes us stronger.
Changes our thinking.
Changes our attitude.

9. Toughen up.
Occasionally I get criticised for my stop-being-a-sook philosophy.
But the undeniable truth is that winners are tough.
They are not precious.
By the way, you don’t need to be some big wanna-be-alpha-male-(or female)-warrior to be mentally and emotionally tough.
One of the toughest people ever (one of my heroes) was a little old woman who lived, worked and thrived in some of the worst conditions imaginable… every day of her life.
By choice.
Her name was Mother Teresa.

10. Understand that a good attitude is a psychological commitment (a decision), not an emotional state of constant optimism or euphoria.
People with good attitudes don’t constantly buzz around feeling happy, positive and amazing. They get sad, frustrated, anxious, stressed… all the normal stuff.
They just make the choice to find the good.

Lots of things in this life are beyond our control; attitude is not one of them.

What will it be for you; whinger or winner?

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