The Button Pusher
It seems that yesterday I pushed a few buttons. Not hard to believe considering that I majored in button-pushing at college. Sure it was an obscure elective chosen by a select few, but I managed to make it my own. Of course. Did most of my training in an elevator. Natch. But I digress. Yet again. You love it. Anyhoozle… apparently I’m not alone when it comes to the self-doubt thing; good to know. I guess it would have been a somewhat lonely existence being the only person in the world with such an affliction, so thanks for making me feel like less of a weirdo. Truth be known, the self-doubt fraternity has just about the biggest membership of any group on the planet. If you’re breathing, you’re a member. So unless you’re planning on becoming a cyborg some time soon, the self-doubt thing is something you’ll be addressing for a while yet.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking… What could this photo possibly have to do with today’s topic? Well, in some ways, not much, but at the same time, plenty. If you’ve been a regular here at me-dot-com for a while then you’ve ‘met’ Loretta Watson before. Not only is Loretta one of our RYL graduates and a regular reader, but she’s also a ‘Figure’ competitor who turns forty next birthday and didn’t hit the gym until her thirties. Yesterday (I’m writing this Monday night) Loretta competed in the Miss Victoria Competition and won the overall title. This photo is from the show. You go girl! Do you think being required to walk on stage in a sequined postage stamp and stripper stilettos while being evaluated by a panel of gawking judges might lend itself to a little self-doubt? Jeeze Louise, my sphincter snaps shut just thinking about it. Sorry to you visual people. Yes she did the training. Yes she ate the food. Yes she made the decisions. Yes she got uncomfortable. Yes she did what most only talk about. Yes she persevered. Yes she looked for solutions, not problems. And yes, she absolutely managed her considerable self-doubt. If you’re wondering about the Xena (Warrior Princess) sword, that’s actually her first-place trophy. Pretty cool huh? Congrats Loretta and good luck with the Miss Australia (one week away) and the Miss Olympia (two weeks). xx
So what’s the best way to manage our self-doubt?
1. Say it out loud. It’s amazing what articulating our fears can do for us. It can be somewhat liberating. Sometimes just speaking it out loud can put us in a more productive, proactive, resourceful and powerful mindset; especially when we choose to do so in the company of someone who can provide us with some objective feedback, direction and support. And the odd smack behind the ears. Getting it “out of our head” and into the atmosphere makes it much easier for us to be solution-focused. As opposed to problem-obsessed.
2. Bite size chunks. For a long time I had a goal of working in the media, even though the self-doubt bitch (see previous post) told me I was being a delusional wanker. Of course my media career didn’t start in commercial television or radio; it started doing a community radio gig speaking to an audience of seven. Or thereabouts. As my skills and confidence grew, the bitch’s voice got quieter, more doors opened, I took a few chances and I made the most of my opportunities. Keep in mind that at one stage of his business evolution Steve Jobs (Co-founder of Apple), was building computers in his garage. Apparently he didn’t start out as a tech billionaire. Who’da thought? 
3. Talk to people who have done what you want to do. Find someone who’s done what you want to do and hang out with them. You might be surprised to discover how ‘normal’ they are beyond their achievements and their reputation. Most of the successful people I’ve met are, in many ways, quite unremarkable. But unlike the majority, they have found a way to use more of what they’ve been given. Despite their self-doubt.
4. De-emotionalise it. Don’t confuse what you “feel” with what is “real”. Feelings are often deceptive and debilitating. When it comes to creating genuine (that is, lasting) change in our world sometimes we need to acknowledge our feelings and then step out of the emotional (as best we can) and find our way to the practical, logical and strategic.
5. Take a risk. A life devoid of risks is a life devoid of excitement, fulfillment and personal growth. Stop being so safe all the time. Sometimes ‘safe’ is simply a euphemism for scared. The bitch hates it when you take a chance, get uncomfortable and do what scares you; that’s her Kryptonite. When you take back your power, she loses hers. Feel free to add a number six (7, 8…) to the list.
Ciao xx
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
HI Craig,
firstly to Loretta..Wow, what an amazing achievement…having met you at RYL1 and having seen a little of your progress since then, I am so proud of you for what you have achieved. Good luck with the rest of it. x
Yesterday I voiced one of my fears (and again to someone else today.) It was liberating and I feel so much more empowered to achieve what I want and need to.
So here are a couple from me:
6. Keep a diary of how you are feeling and maybe a picture in it of what your goal is so you can recommit to it and stay focussed, stick the picture on the fridge if you have to.
7. Use a mantra as a way to keep what you want in your head and use it as a positve when any negative thoughts start to form.
hugs
Chelle xxxx
‘Goggling and eye-rolling’
I wonder why I keep coming back here ;D
Loretta, CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is absolutely awesome – what an achievement and inspiration.
The acceptance thing is the key ….. feel it, acknowledge it, then let it go / act on it. Prove the fear wrong, be stubborn. instead of using the energy to fight the fear in your head, divert it and use it to do something about it.
xx
I would add talk to the right people because you would be surprised to find out how many people in this world actually do give a toss about you, think you are ok, admire you, want to marry you
etc. We seem, I do, to think the world is full of those who are stopping us. Yes they are there and yes there are billions who won’t care if we fall over and disappear. But the ones that do care – priceless as they remind you you are not the ‘self delusional wanker’ LOL as Craig so puts it 
Thanks again Craig for being there, virtually, and Kate & Suza and others while SD came along, as SD was quite vocal on the weekend and last night as my friendships, particulary two souls, became unstuck and confirmed I was not worthy of having good people in my life.
Good thoughts on all this self-doubt stuff. As you said, since I am still breathing, I am also a member. My boss used to give me some great advice when it came to making decisions and taking risks. He would tell me to take the emotion of out of a decision and figure out what the right thing (or rather the thing I thought was right for me) to do was, before I spent all of my emotional energy worrying about the what if’s and the potential consequences. That way I could think more clearly and rationally (as you pointed out). It has really helped me make better decisions. I still have to deal with the consequences of my decisions which are sometimes good and sometimes not so good. But either way, I am moving forward and learning and, I hope, continuing to improve………….
Thanks for the good thoughts. Cheers.
- Steve in CA
Great follow-up article Craigo.
I hate to admit it, but nothing you have written in the past little while has made me think, re-evaluate and open myself to my truth as much as yesterday’s post (possible exception: Dear You).
Yesterday I asked myself your questions … and I didn’t like the answers. Today, you have helped me with a plan. Some of it I have done/do already, others (the bits that take balls) I haven’t.
Not a big risk-taker. That MUST change.
Em
x
BTW: Congratulations Loretta!! I always knew you’d shit it in (for want of a better term!!). You go girl, you’re an inspiration and a real champion. x
Hi Craig,
Having been a reader of your site now for a month or two, I can honestly say that a mantra I have in my head is “fight the fear and do it anyway” (not original I know) but its short and sweet and to the point and it really seems to be woking for me.
Since saying this in my head over and over I am now doing bodyjam once a week and absoulutely loving it. I have no coordination and think I look like an idiot half the time but I keep going back week after week.
Great for mind and body.
thanks for all your thought provoking stuff, I tell as many people as I can about your site. I look forward to having a coffee with you one day
6. Play out the worst case scenario in your head. I tend to find doing this makes you realise that it’s not nearly as bad as your fear would have you believe. Sure, you may look like a fool. People may laugh. Criticise even. Could I live with that? Will I get over it? Absolutely.
7. As soon as you chest does that cave-in feeling and you hesitate, consciously think, “uh oh, here’s an opportunity for learning!” Are you up for the challenge? Hell, yes!
8. Be prepared to join the (large membership of the) “Oops, I Shouldn’t Have Done That Club!” Laugh. My ex-boss was a great supporter of this, which meant his team were prepared to try things and take risks knowing that he was never going to chastise them for it. Better, he was always there to laugh with you when things went belly up .. which they did at times. But boy, we also had some spectactular successes too!
9. If the fear has anything to do with how others will view me or perceive me or what I do, I remind myself that they have SO many issues of their own, that whatever they think of me will only be short-lived … because in the scheme of their own lives, they really don’t care THAT much about what I do or say!
Suz
PS. Congrats again, Loretta – you look sensational! And best of luck for the next events .. even though luck has little to do with it. You will continue to shine, of that I have no doubt. Am a little scared of that towel workout with you now though!
Yay so glad to hear (see) Loretta again… Good luck in the Australian Titles..
Craig, can you get Loreeta to write a little about her story ie. when she started etc.. Awesome work and yeah your right she did manage MORE Than just self doubt!
Anyway great post.. This head stuff is killing me at the moment I just want the outcome in reality why does it take SO god damn long.. I feel retarded…
1. Self doubt is the result if I base any skerrick of my emotional well being and esteem upon the opinion of others!
2. Self doubt is the result if I do not accept full responsibility for who I am!
3. Self doubt is the result if I cannot trust that I HAVE all that is necessary to journey into and be one with my inner self!
4. Self doubt is the result if I presume the journey forward for me will lie in what others have to offer and do for me, and not with the power and strength that lies within, should I tap into it and do for myself!
5. Self doubt is the result when I believe life does stuff to me, when in reality, I stuff up!
6. Self doubt is the result when I attempt to exercise control on my environment, rather than risk being fluid with the life force as I breathe in and out!
7. Self doubt is the result when I am afraid of being taken and being afraid to give!
8. Self doubt is the result when I escape into the drama of others, rather than confront my own drama!
9. Self doubt is the result when I am unable to be honest and open and pretend to be something I am not!
10. Self doubt is the result when I fail to respect and appreciate the depth and beauty of my inner self!
littlejohn……
“5. Self doubt is the result when I believe life does stuff to me, when in reality, I stuff up!”
That’s gold! Life would be so much more simple if we ALL embraced this little gem.
Loretta….You looked sensational at RYL, you look absolutely AWESOME now and I’m with everyone else. What a fantastic achievement. We all knew you could do it, now for the other 2.
You can shit those in too to steal Ems phrase. Can’t wait to see the rest of the pics.
And Craig, no additions to your list but I’ll get back to you after I’ve trained the 4 new staff, prepared a presentation and passed my management course while still doing the other things the job calls for. All by Dec 10th !!!
Using your 1 & 5 for now
Thanks
Alan
Hey Craig !
Nothing intelligent to add to your list but just want to say congratulations to Loretta and good luck for the next two weeks !!!
{{HUG}} Tina
These have assisted me with self-doubt. The book by Susan Jeffers ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
Also something else I read:
Take a risk, climb out on a limb where the fruit is. Too many people are still hugging the tree trunk, wondering why they are not receiving the fruit of life. Many potential leaders / people never achieved because they stood back and let someone else take the risk. To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach out for another is to risk involvement. To expose feeling is to risk exposing your real self. To place your ideas , your dreams, before the crowd is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk despair. To try is to risk failure. Risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing. He may avoid sorrow and suffering, but he cannot simply learn, grow, feel, change, love, live. He has forfeited freedom.
Nice work Guys…
Well, that was somewhat CONCISE.
Succinct.
Can I add about taking the emotion out of things. Even if something is horrible, doing this helps.
I’m joining Toastmasters as I need to talk in front of others, I had self doubt I could do this, but support does help.
Hi Craig,
Hmmm. You probably thought you’d escaped a not-short-of-a-word Christina comment on this one, didn’t you? I was just lulling you into a false sense of security; letting you get a little comfy then hitting you with an epistle.
I’ve learned over the years that self-doubt needs to be handled a little bit like religious fundamentalists. They knock on my door, often, uninvited. Always when I’m just about to do something exciting and rewarding. I must have a flashing sign on my door that says ‘Heathen About to Prove That Anything is Possible’. Clearly, I must be stopped.
They always arrive in pairs. They smile and they’re polite. They’re concerned for my well-being. They mean well. They’re not malicious, they just want to save me from making a fool out of myself. Which is kinda nice but kinda paralysing too.
I’ve learned, through painful experience, that you MUSTN’T enter into a discussion with them! They’ve done the research, they’ve got the goods and they’ve caught you unawares. They can be incredibly convincing. If you stand on the doorstep with them endlessly dissecting the ins and outs, pros and cons, logic and reason, then you will miss your opportunity. You will finally say goodbye, close the door, turn around and say ‘Oh. What was it that I was just about to do? That’s right. But it doesn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. I’ll just play it safe (again).’
The most effective strategy I’ve found is to say, ‘Thanks for your interest and concern. I appreciate it but now is not a good time to listen to you. Maybe later.’ And close the door. And keep doing the exciting, rewarding and possibly risky thing you were about to do.
If they knock again (and they will), you say ‘Maybe I’ll listen to you later’. When they knock again, and again and again, what do you say? ‘Maybe later’.
They will never give up, but they can be put off indefinitely. Cool, huh?
Enjoy your Wednesday.
Christina xxx
Brilliant addition, Christina! Although I had to look up “epistle”. Initially I thought it might have been a smaller, softer version of an apostle – since you were gonna hit Craigo with it. Or maybe you meant apostle .. but said it in a New Ziland accent, perhaps. But no. Apparently I was wrong in my ‘sumptions. Whodathunkit?? But I now be more betterer edumacated. Which reminds me .. whatever happened to Kitty???