Dear Women of the World…

This morning I coached an intelligent, attractive, funny, well-educated, professional woman. She is thirty-ish and lives with a constant sense of “I’m not good enough”. It you were to meet her, you’d never pick it. But then things aren’t always as they seem. The cover is not the book. The marketing is not the product. Over the years, I have coached many women just like her so off the back of today’s session, I felt compelled to reach out to my female readers – and anyone else that you feel compelled to share this message with. If you’re a bloke, you can come back tomorrow. Or, if you’re a smart bloke, you can pay attention and learn something. 

Dear Women of the World…

Despite what some of you have been led to believe, I want you to know that you are enough. Even when you don’t think it, feel it or know it. You are more than enough, in fact. Attractive enough. Smart enough. Talented enough. Courageous enough. Strong enough. Good enough.

Enough.
Enough.
Enough.

Now, I know that based on some of your experiences this message might be hard to believe (deep down) but I also want you to know that your self-worth should only be determined by you. You can, of course, allow other people to do it for you but we all know that never ends well; so I don’t recommend it.

Sadly, some people want you to believe you’re not enough because that’s how they endeavour to control, manipulate and/or defeat you. Such people are full of self-serving shit. They are smiling scumbags. Ignore them. Recognise them for what they are (and are not) and do not give away your power. Some people don’t want you to be empowered, confident or courageous. They don’t want you to tap into your considerable potential. It scares them. They don’t want you to think, create, choose or learn for yourself. It doesn’t suit their selfish agenda. They too are purveyors of toxic crap.

* Of course, there are also many people who are generous, kind and selfless. :)

By the way, if you don’t know how powerful you are then the problem lies not in your power but rather, your understanding of, and belief in, your power. It’s there but it’s impotent until you do something with it. Take it for a test drive. The thing that invariably stops people from exploring, exploiting and embracing their power and potential is fear; which invariably manifests itself in the form of negative self-talk.

If not, self-loathing.

As a rule, it’s in your interest to be conscious and careful about who you let into your head and your heart. Who you pay attention to. Who you respect and trust. Like other pests, some people are very hard to remove once they’ve moved in.

Of course people will label, treat and assess you in less-than-desirable ways; it’s what people do. Well, some people. Even in the middle of my moderate success, I’ve been labeled everything from egotistical, arrogant and ignorant to fat, ugly and stupid. As a small relatable example, some people hate the fact that I often talk and write about behavioural psychology (like right now) without being a psychologist. It bothers them. Fortunately for me, I don’t need a psychology degree or anyone’s permission to encourage, support and coach people towards their best lives. To the haters I say, stop wasting your negative energy on me and do something positive in your own world.

Or fuck off.

Despite being called Jumbo all through school (a reference to my obese body), I chose to work in the ‘body industry’. Apart from it being empowering and liberating for me, I wanted to help people over-ride their destructive fears and beliefs and to let go of their painful past. I wanted to help them understand how much more than a body, a bad experience or a negative label they are and to support them in the exploring of their potential. If I allowed other people’s opinions of me to determine me, I would never say anything, do anything, create anything or achieve anything.

In fact, I’d never be out of therapy.

As a man in awe of the power, strength, wisdom, compassion and beauty of women, it hurts me to see such amazing potential attached to so little self-belief and self-esteem. Despite the outer semblance of ‘girl power’, when I scratch the surface, what I often see is many brilliant and talented women who are paralysed by fear, poor self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.

If you relate to this message then I’m well aware that one post from me ain’t gonna undo years of damage, painful experiences or self-doubt. I’m also aware that me telling you you’re amazing and powerful doesn’t instantly make you ‘feel’ amazing and powerful. Of course it doesn’t. But hopefully it might interrupt that incessant negative internal dialogue. Even for a while. Maybe it will help you realise that your negative feelings and thoughts don’t need to become your literal reality. And perhaps over time you will begin to tell yourself better stories.

Healthier stories.

Changing your default setting and your internal dialogue from “I am crap” to “I am okay” to “I am pretty freakin’ awesome”, is not a quick process but the good news is, it’s possible. Totally possible. If I’m someone who you trust, respect and pay attention to as a writer and mentor, then pay attention (and don’t over-think it) when I tell you that you are…

… enough.

If you think this message will benefit someone you know, please feel free to share it any way you see fit. :)

If you liked this article, subscribe to my blog and receive my FREE eBook. Click here: I want a FREE eBook. If you’re interested in having me work with your organisation you can contact me here.

{ 107 comments… read them below or add one }

Anneleise March 24, 2013 at 6:51 pm

What a freakin great post. This has plagued me all my life, just at 45 getting to have the upper hand on the ol beliefs! Thanks Craig women do so many terrific things in life & use the ol beliefs to verify. Like ‘just a mum’, and a million other roles.. Pretty happy the place I am in now in life.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:08 am

You’re welcome Anneleise :)

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Rachel March 24, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Fantastic post Craig. Have recommended and linked it along!

Why do you think women tend to be plagued by those feelings of not being good enough more than men do? Or are men simply better at not showing it?

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:17 am

Hi Rachel – I think women are often subjected to more unrealistic, unhealthy and unfair expectations and pressure than blokes – especially when it comes to things like appearance. Having said that, yes blokes also feel inadequate and unworthy but in my experience tend to deny and deflect more – rather than articulate their feelings.

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Susan March 28, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Hi, Rachel, I highly recommend the book “The Dance of Anger” to get some clues to why women feel this way. Women are frequently shut down when they try to express their power–in very subtle, passive-agressive ways. For example, Craig can say “Fuck off” and it is accepted as normal. Women who do things like that are bitches. It is pervasive. We have to get past it. The Dance of Anger provides really excellent information on how to recognize when this is happening, the anger it creates, and how to step out of the dance–quit participating in it.

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Nikki March 24, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Thankyou for your article Craig! Your way with words really do bring emotions to the surface at times. Way better then any person holding a psychology degree (that I’ve met anyway). It’s true. Most of us women do feel inadequate and don’t give ourselves credit where credits due. I’m sure Men have these feelings also. They probably are locked away somewhere, unable to be expressed easily.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:17 am

Cheers Nikki :)

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Jenny Mc March 24, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Hear hear!!!! :-) …And I am pretty amazingly awesome if I do say so myself. Thank you Craig. The girl with the Bob Marley braids and the can do attitude is back – live and kicking!

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:17 am

Yes you are Jen :)

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Kat March 24, 2013 at 8:40 pm

I have shared this with everyone I know already. I will be printing it out and putting it up at work.

My favourite part? (apart from the fact that I am, indeed, ENOUGH)

“To the haters I say, stop wasting your negative energy on me and do something positive in your own world.

Or fuck off.”

LOL that is why I enjoy reading your writing and why I am increasingly becoming one of those people who “say it like it is”

Because if you don’t like my way of saying/ doing/ being… you (and the horse you rode in on) can fuck off!

Said with humility and respect of course ;)

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:18 am

Go Kat! :)

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Dimity March 24, 2013 at 9:17 pm

Thanks Craig, really appreciate your post today.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:18 am

You’re welcome Dimity :)

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grasshopper March 24, 2013 at 9:28 pm

Thank you! :) xx

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:20 am

Cheers Grasshopper :)

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Anonymous March 24, 2013 at 9:45 pm

Awesome post !!! Thank you for all those wonderful compliments I’m going to print your post and hand it to my friends and put it ony fridge and read it daily !!!! Thanks Craig!!!!

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:20 am

Read it, believe it… :)

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Jo March 25, 2013 at 12:44 am

The point about being careful about who you let in to your mind is a great new way to be in control. However, we did not have control over who asserted themselves in there in our formative years. Clearing out these pests can be difficult. Strange as it may sound, forgiveness is the most selfish of all solutions.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:21 am

Thanks for your thoughts Jo :)

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gem March 25, 2013 at 1:33 am

I needed this today. Thank you.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:21 am

You’re welcome Gem :)

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Lexi March 25, 2013 at 2:02 am

I was going to say something like American culture powers that be promote and brainwash us all with the message that we are never “good enough” but I think this (sick) message is conveyed in one way or another in most countries by business who use this form of marketing to sell their wares. Make up, clothes, fashion, shoes, cars, homes, anything and everything. If you purchase “this and not that” you will be cool and good enough, but without it you are nothing. The economy is built of this kind of shit, sadly. One can spend huge amounts of money, lots of time, effort and energy and still feel empty inside. Don’t buy into all the lies.

Rachael, women get more of this because up until recently in history they have been second class citizens and they are some who still want to keep it that way. Men experience this as well, but to show it are labeled with names like “pussy” (a female term-interesting don’t you think?) or some other degrading label, and so they hide it. Having said that, I do think because men have more testosterone than women, they approach life differently. And when you are traditionally the bread winner, you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself or ponder whether you are good enough, you have to get up in the morning and kick butt or people don’t eat. Just my two cents. smile

Craig, thank you for posting this-top dollar!

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:22 am

Nice two cents Lexi :)

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Gina March 25, 2013 at 3:04 am

After nearly ten years of emotional abuse from my husband that culminated in his abandonment of our family and now what promises to be continued abuse through the US court system my sense of esteem and power has taken quite a hit. This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!!! Just what I needed…

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:23 am

A hug for you Gina ( ) …. :)

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Gina March 25, 2013 at 12:05 pm

I needed a hug Craig. Behind on my daily hug quota.

BTW – I shared your article all over Facebook :)

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sweetpea March 25, 2013 at 3:29 am

Like this…particularly go tell them to fuck off bit… especially when you your are creative…they (some) men will endeavour to find ways to steal your light or ideas. or work for that matter…and fear…yep they like to create that…too….its a crock…yep… and always cowards too…
amazing how they lurk in the shadows… must be the small testicle syndrome…perhaps they have small willies too… sorry Craig…(present company excluded..not that I know or anything…) . but geez …a capital F…for

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:30 am

Sweetpea, you are right – some (not all) men do make it hard for women and some men are total dirtbags. Fortunately there are also some great, emotionally evolved and aware blokes doing great things. I’m trying hard to be in the second group. :) Having said that, many of the women I coach tell me that they receive just as much, sometimes more, hardship (pressure, ridicule, judgment) from other women! So let’s not hate on ALL blokes ;)

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Lexi March 25, 2013 at 10:25 am

There are LOTS of great men out there. I am married one of them. And in defense of men, there are some pretty awful females out there as well. I feel that if we want to be the best people we can be, first and foremost we just tell the truth.
And we honor both men and women for the wonderful humans that they are, and respect and delight in the differences instead of compete, and degrad. Women who put down other women are just as afraid as the men who have those small testicles, as sweetpea said. Fear is the great enemy of either sex. So, girls, put on your brass ovaries and go shine! Go and love one of those good men out there!

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Helen March 25, 2013 at 5:21 am

If i knew how to do one of those little smiley faces that everybody uses I would! Nice post Craig. Thank you.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:31 am

Helen… one of these : plus one of these ) = :)

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Emzo March 25, 2013 at 6:26 am

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, Craig!!
I’ll be passing this on to a couple of people I know.

It IS such a deep-down, buried thing that you write about here. You’re so right when you say the cover is not the book. And most women are masters in hiding this. This is something I’ve been working on for years and years! Since your first Renovate Your Life weekend!!

But I can feel myself chipping away at it and I’m better than I used to be. I’m chipping away at insecurities, chipping away at feelings of worthlessness and slowly building the blocks of self-value and esteem.
It’s a long process! You’re right … years of negative self-talk can’t be undone with just one blog post. But hopefully it can provide a catalyst.

What is that oft-quoted saying? I’ll probably get it wrong …

“Our greatest fear is not that we are weak, but that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Yep, something like that.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:31 am

Thanks Emzo :)

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Lilby March 25, 2013 at 6:33 am

Loved your post this morning.
I am going to print it off share it with the Women in this world I know who suffer from low self esteem and even those who don’t.
I will be printing it off and reading it as often as need be to remind myself that yes I AM ENOUGH.
Thank you Craigo

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:32 am

Yes you are Lilby :)

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Nicole lambert March 25, 2013 at 6:58 am

Women all over the world just fell in love with you x

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:34 am

Thanks Nicole but if they saw me when I first get out of bed the love would fade pretty quickly ;)

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Anonymous March 25, 2013 at 6:00 pm

“You’re good enough…”

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Nycole March 25, 2013 at 8:35 am

Dear sweet Craig,
Thank you for seeing us as ‘enough’. I have two teenage daughters (and two teenage sons) that my husband and I try to empower, encourage and teach that they are enough and so much more.
I shall be sharing your post with them.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:51 am

You’re welcome Nycole :)

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Katie March 25, 2013 at 8:45 am

Dear Craig,

As a woman of the world who absolutely loves this post, I just wanted to send you a THANK YOU, all the way from snowy England.

If it’s ok with you, I’ll be sharing your remarkably wise words on my blog ‘Pouting In Heels’ in the next day or two as I feel that I really need to share this with my readers.

My blog is all about making women feel better about themselves and so, in a nutshell, this post fits the bill. Down to a pretty perfect tee.

I will copy and paste it exactly as it is and of course give you full credit, links etc etc.

Thanks again for much thought provoking stuff. As I think they say around your parts, you’re a real beaut! ;-)

Best wishes,

Katie

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:52 am

Thanks for the tick Katie and I hope the message resonates with your readers :)

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Caz March 25, 2013 at 8:46 am

Ok so you’re not a woman BUT this post of dear Craig is for YOU

Hope all in still good in your world!

Holidays are almost upon us!

Caz

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:53 am

All good Caz :)

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Lynn March 25, 2013 at 8:46 am

What a powerful reminder. Thank you so much.

Lynn

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 8:53 am

Most welcome Lynn :)

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Deidre March 25, 2013 at 8:53 am

Hi Craig.
I never comment on your posts, but today I just had to.
Thank you.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 9:23 am

I appreciate it Deidre. Don’t be a stranger :)

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Lisa March 25, 2013 at 9:02 am

Wow! You can see from all the comments how spot on this was. Enough said. Have you also come across that other deep insecurity of most girls? ‘I’m too much’? It plays hide and seek with ‘I’m not enough’. Thanks for your honesty Craig.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 9:24 am

We’re all complex creatures Lisa (blokes and girls). :)

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wendy March 25, 2013 at 9:15 am

Thank you Craig for making my day. Sometimes I think you know exactly what I’m thinking and then you write a post and there’s my wake up call! WOW!

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 9:25 am

You know how I know Wendy? Because we ALL think like that sooner or later :)

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Carol March 25, 2013 at 9:18 am

Thanks Craig. A must read for all women!

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 9:26 am

You’re welcome Carol :)

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Milly's mum March 25, 2013 at 10:06 am

omg, when I got into work this morning and read this post I nearly cried, I too in some parts come across as confident and as soon as I doubt myself that inner voice comes out and I feel that I am not good enough. It is something I have been working on for a while and also been serious about getting healthy for the past 12 months. I am going back to my old position after being away for 15months working in a different area, there are so many smiling assains or scumbags that I need to really work on my mindset of F you I don’t care what you think. Thanks for another great read and I will be definately sharing this around.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 10:28 am

I seem to be making people cry today ;)

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Tez March 25, 2013 at 10:23 am

‘… Or fuck off ‘

Love it.

Friday
xx

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 10:33 am

My mum doesn’t love it Tez ;)

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Helen March 25, 2013 at 10:26 am

Thanks Craig :-)

7 yrs of sexual abuse (between ages of 6-13) from some big ape who became my stepfather when I was 12.

5 yrs of sexual and emotional abuse from Papa Smurf’s evil twin (my paternal grandfather) between the ages of 8-13.

A few years of emotional and minor physical stuff from a brother that got involved with a dodgy crowd/drugs. Ok, more than a few years. Started when I was 15 and he was 13. Finished in 1998 when I was 24.

Aggravated burglary at the hands of 2 nameless, faceless idiots in August 1998.

It’s now 2013 and I’m 38yrs old. Three years ago I met some really lovely people. They’re the positive influence that I missed while growing up. It has taken me that long to realise that what I see is what I get from these people: caring, loving, trustworthy, humble, patient and honest. They’re bridging the gap between what did happen and what SHOULD have happened while I was growing up. Slowly but surely, I’m growing up emotionally.

Some days I still feel as though I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve to succeed, feel/be happy. Those days are nowhere near as long, drawn out and black as they used to be. And you know what? I’m winning. They didn’t beat me :-)

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Lexi March 25, 2013 at 10:54 am

No Helen, they didn’t beat you. You beat them.

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Diana March 25, 2013 at 11:04 am

Helen you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story.
You are amazing!!!!!you are one intelligent girl.

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sharlene March 25, 2013 at 9:35 pm

you are strong as nails

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Helen March 26, 2013 at 5:34 am

Thanks everyone. Support gratefully received :-)

There’s a Britney Spears song where one of the lines something like:

“Not a girl, not yet a woman”

That’s where I am emotionally. Maybe even physically (self-perception). I went to see my older half-sister yesterday. We grew up in different houses. She lived with her Mum, I lived with mine. Dad was a “blink and you miss it” kind of role model. Full of words and not many actions to back them up. My half-sister and I didn’t really have much of a relationship until I was 16. We’ve been kind of close but not really (if you know what I mean). We still don’t really know each other. Well, yesterday was what I can only describe as a shift to the next gear …

We huddled up on her sofa for 3 1/2 hours working on a family tree! Not our mutual branch (dad’s lot). We focused on her Mum’s family and my Mum’s family. Lots of laughter, little one liners about sharing dizzy blonde brain cells and stuff like that. It was light conversation. Nothing to with the past, family issues or anything else. Can’t remember the last time this kind of thing happened. Maybe never given the family history.

My 13 year old niece walked in. She’s just started going through the “girl to woman” transition phase. She’s funny, bubbly, intelligent and confident. Thirteen going on 28 …

My sister was telling me a bit about what she’s like personality wise. One minute laughing, next minute doing a perfect take of a wild lioness stalking her prey. Oh, how I was laughing inside at that comment. Like mother, like daughter. And Aunty!

Aunty is going through the same feelings and emotions as niece at the moment. Aunty has lost 9st 3lbs in a year (about 57kg) and her body is beginning to function more normally. Niece is experimenting with clothes and makeup. Aunty didn’t care about herself or how she looked for soooo long. Now she doesn’t feel dressed without mascara and a little bit of lipgloss. She’s looking in the mirror, trying clothes on and … er, does this look ok? Is it showing too much, do my hips look too big? Half the time I’m still so unsure, lol.

Oh, to be a teenager again. Actually, scrap that. I didn’t do teenage the first time round. I skipped from child to adult (emotionally and mentally) while on the outside everything looked normal. Think I’m allowed to have some fun now ;-) xx

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 10:28 am

Helen, you are one of those amazing, strong, powerful women who inspire and teach me and help me put things in perspective. Thankyou. :)

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Jo March 25, 2013 at 10:40 am

Wow,

This seemed so important today.
Do guys just hide these emotions?

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 11:49 am

Not always but often Jo.

Until there’s an emotional explosion. :(

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Diana March 25, 2013 at 11:01 am

Keeping it real. Love it. We girls are so hard on ourselves.
Sharing the estrogen love .

Thanks Craig

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 11:50 am

You do know I’m thirty percent female Diana (with one ‘n’)? :)

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Dianna March 25, 2013 at 11:05 am

For every hater I can guarantee there are a bunch of women that think you are the perfect man :)

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 11:52 am

Hi Dianna (with two ‘n’s)

A bunch? Well, there’s my mum ;)

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Anonymous March 25, 2013 at 1:45 pm

Lol, funny too ;-) that would be Perfect with a capital P…..2 makes a bunch doesnt it? All you need is your Mum and a Dianna with two n’s ;-) lol

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Scaredy cat March 25, 2013 at 11:33 am

Dear Craig,

Today is the day I needed to read this. You’re right that one post cannot undo a lifetime of negative self talk and forming patterns but it did interrupt my thoughts for long enough to make me stop crying. (Was crying again by the end!)

I’m 26 and feel with every part of heart that I am not enough. I am an actor and comedian so on the surface I am the girl who always has a comeback and can make everyone laugh. My reality is very different – struggling to get out of bed, bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night because I am so deeply unhappy. I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, talented enough, strong enough, smart enough. I have achieved nothing – I am simply not enough.

Feels incredibly hopeless, so reading your post, if only for a minute or two, made me feel like maybe someone understands.

Thanks Craig.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 12:09 pm

I do understand Scaredy Cat and I do sense your pain, desperation and fear. It’s exhausting living a double life (of sorts) and feeling compelled to ‘live up’ to the expectations of others when your overwhelming feeling is one of “I am crap”. I can’t say anything to you (right now) that will ‘fix’ the problem but I will tell you that, even though I don’t know you and will probably never meet you, I am taking the time to write this message because (1) I genuinely care (2) I believe in you and (3) I want you to know that you are not your achievements, your career, your body or your brand. You are you. You are not ‘good enough’ because of what you do or don’t achieve. Do or don’t look like. You are good enough because of who you are. You were born good enough.

You need not earn it but rather, own it.

Love :)

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Helen March 26, 2013 at 6:06 am

Hey honey.

Feels like you’re a whole host of different people, huh? On the outside you’re one person – maybe doing what others expect – but on the inside it feels like you’re two or three different people so there’s a constant battle going on. That’s my definition of the survivor’s mask anyway. And you ARE a survivor even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

From experience I know there’s no miracle cure and no amount of words will help if you’re not ready to hear them. That day WILL come. It will arrive when you least expect it, then look out world!

Hold on tight, honey.

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Marie March 25, 2013 at 1:07 pm

I’m freakin’ awesome!!!!!!
This is what I tell my children to be….
AWESOME.. AWESOME ..AWESOME…
For the people in your life that don’t think so just tell them to F€#K OFF…
thanks Craig

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 1:39 pm

You’re welcome Marie :)

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 1:43 pm

Hi Everyone.

Thanks for all your input. It seems to be a relevant and timely message for many. It appears that a button or ten has been pushed. It also appears that I have somehow opened the ‘swearing door’. ;)

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Sandy Fishwick March 25, 2013 at 2:09 pm

This is fantastic and even better written by a guy, sharing this one with all my girlfriends.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 2:56 pm

Thanks Sandy :)

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Molly March 25, 2013 at 3:00 pm

Wow. Talk about girl power! Ironic that all this is happening on a guys blog.

Molly x

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Ironic or apt? Hmmm….

Thanks Molly :)

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Susanna Brown March 25, 2013 at 3:16 pm

This is what I wanted to hear today!

Hopefully by the end of day, my day will be better than in the morning.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Hopefully :)

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Carol March 25, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Thank you so much Craig – low self esteem is rife in women – and so is the feeling that anything they do for themselves is ‘spoiling themselves’ – they are spoiling themselves if they excercise – what is with that????
It took 55 years for me to take charge of my body and get it strong (still a work in progress) because I am human and we need to function well, be strong and the best person I can be.
Kelly Rae Roberts is also changing things for the better in the USA but we need more people to stand up and say what you have said today. Thanks for that – we are enough (and often more than enough LOL) and we need to rejoice in that

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Thanks for joining the conversation Carol :)

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Patricia Singleton March 25, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Fantastic article. I have read & shared this several times already. I wish more people thought the way you do. As an incest survivor, I once hated myself & believed that I wasn’t good enough because that is what I was taught by my abusers. In healing, I learned to love myself & to give myself value & respect. I found my power as a woman. I have a great life today because of all of the work that I put into healing. Today I tell other survivors that they are good enough.

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Craig March 25, 2013 at 7:22 pm

You’re a role model and an inspiration Patricia. I always value your thoughts :)

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Deborah March 25, 2013 at 9:11 pm

From this point forward, this website shall be dedicated to the empowerment of women everywhere :)

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Craig March 26, 2013 at 11:48 am

There’s a thought… :)

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Patricia Singleton March 26, 2013 at 5:04 pm

Thank you Craig, your posts always keep me grounded in the real world. I love the way you tell it like it is, without any bull. You inspire me to be honest and straight forward. Your mama did a great job of teaching you respect for women. That seems to be something that is missing in so much of the world. Thank you Mrs. Harper for the special man you raised. Empowerment is a good thing for all of us, men and women. Empowerment doesn’t mean power over someone else like my controlling daddy did when I was a child. Empowerment means being in touch with the power that comes from within each of us, the power that allows us to be real without hurting ourselves or others. Being powerful within myself feels really good. Thanks for the reminder that I have that power and so do we all.

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The Schubinator March 25, 2013 at 9:24 pm

After an emotionally abusive childhood at the hands of my adoptive mother the lack of self esteem, sense of worthlessness, fear of abandonment and rejection was all encompassing. Years of destructive relationships, depression and self sabotage ensued. After a spiritual encounter in my early twenties the road to healing began but I still entered into a marriage with someone I should never have because I thought I didn’t deserve any better. Thank God after 10 years and almost at the point of a complete, mental and emotional breakdown I woke up and realised I deserved better. I’ve now been on my own for 8 years and although being a single parent is a tough gig I am finally living the life I have always wanted. I have the best friendships, the best body, the best paying job I’ve ever had and most of all I am happy and confident in who I am as a person. I am strong, independent and resilient!

Thank you Craig for reminding us women just how amazing we are.

You have been a big part of my journey to becoming my best self.

Love you heaps XXXOOO

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Craig March 26, 2013 at 11:51 am

You’re welcome Schubinator. I do my best. :)

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pearl March 25, 2013 at 9:32 pm

so true..keep em coming

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Craig March 26, 2013 at 11:51 am

Ok :)

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Scaredy cat March 25, 2013 at 9:55 pm

Thankyou Craig. You have no idea how much those words mean and my day has been a little brighter with a few less tears than usual. I have written on a piece of paper ‘I was born good enough’ and stuck in on my wall.
Honestly, thankyou.

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Craig March 26, 2013 at 11:52 am

My pleasure :)

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Peta March 25, 2013 at 11:33 pm

I echo the comments above and would like to include Craig’s mum in my offering of thanks… What a lovely boy she raised so that we could all benefit from his teachings/motivation etc…

Thank you for filling a tiny void in many of us today..

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Craig March 26, 2013 at 11:52 am

Go Mary! (my mum) :)

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P March 26, 2013 at 8:51 am

Thank Y.O.U.

Great exhale moment while reading!

~p

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Craig March 26, 2013 at 11:53 am

W.E.L.C.O.M.E. :)

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Dolores March 26, 2013 at 12:15 pm

Thanks Craig.

These comments echo how much this ‘not good enough’ epidemic exists in our society. As a victim, I concur with everything I have read hear and congratulate everyone for having the strength to make their thoughts public.

God bless you.

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Matt Collins March 26, 2013 at 1:10 pm

“Or fuck off” hahaha! Love it!

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Fay March 27, 2013 at 1:45 am

Thank you Craig. I have been sharing this with as many women and men today as possible and will continue to go on sharing it.

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Leona March 27, 2013 at 3:01 am

Great post! It took me one full year of therapy to realize that I’m worth something and not the ugly, stupid failure that I always thought I was since childhood. There are still days when I have to ‘reset’ and remember those sessions and realize I’m not that person anymore. I struggle still but it’s better than before. Very interesting post and it helps to know that there are a lot of us out there who feel not good enough. I thought it was just me, there’s a comforting thought knowing its not just me and I’m not as ‘abnormal’ as I thought :) .

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Kayley March 27, 2013 at 8:45 am

After receiving your daily email today I referred back to Monday’s gem as I hadn’t yet read it and wow….yes I will be passing it on to my girlfriends as not only was it heartfelt but made me stop for that 5 minutes and realise that I AM good enough.
I too like a lot of women am crippled (at times) by the F word…fear. It stops me from even starting things as I have the good old “I’m going to fail so why start”. Crap I know. But it’s so hard to stop it sometimes (I have no evidence to support this by the way).
So where to now? Who really knows…reading your next post and taking a minute to breathe, smile and thank you for writing something that we can relate to.

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Patricia Singleton March 30, 2013 at 8:41 am

Craig, I shared the link to this article in my current blog post called “Government Pay Attention to Child Abuse And Its Damage To Society And Children”. I wanted the women and men of the world to know that they are good enough. I used your article to do that. It ended my article on the note that I wanted it to end on – positive. Here is the link to my post: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2013/03/government-pay-attention-to-child-abuse.html

I invite any and all of your readers to come and read my article but especially those who may be child sexual abuse survivors like me.

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Me April 2, 2013 at 10:56 pm

Yep, I cried when I read this and for a long time in ages took a deep breath – somehow, I’d been holding my breath for years, rushing around, never being good enough, and it just took that moment to breathe & stop & think. I AM pretty damn good, I love the people around me, I look out for them, I am good at my job & while my singing is atrocious, I smile & sing, especially in the car.

I’m not as bad as I thought I was.

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