Change Your Relationship with Change


What kind of weird-arse title is that? What does it even mean?

Well, in a not-very-technical nutshell, it means that some of us are crap at dealing with change and if we’re serious about creating better results in our world, we need to do better. On the one hand, we say we want to change our life (or part thereof) but on the other, when our day to day reality is not familiar, predictable and comfortable, we freak out. Sometimes, get angry. Occasionally, have an emotional melt-down.

A Barrier to Happiness

For many of us, the inability (or unwillingness) to deal with change, unpredictability and uncertainty is our biggest barrier to personal growth, empowerment and happiness. Period. In theory, we’re enamored with the fairy-tale of creating our best life (the fun, easy, painless, quick version) but away from the feel-good self-help fluff and out in the real world, many of us continue to avoid anything that might interrupt our all-too-familiar routines and rituals. We are predictably predictable. Of course, we want the results of change (the end benefit) but we don’t necessarily want the process of change. We want the rewards without the risk.

On some level, all this avoidance comes down to fear and ultimately, you will control it or it will control you.

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Kat May 5, 2013 at 3:41 pm

I’ve read a few of your articles where you say we need to manage/ control fear or be managed by it. What are some practical strategies for doing this. I’m not so much the anger person but, I am very much the ‘fear’ person. I would like to manage this response to situations.

Great seminar on Friday by the way.



Craig May 5, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Kat, there’s no easier way to overcome fear than to do what scares you. Start with small things (mildy-scary) and graduate slowly. As you conquer your small fears, confidence and courage will grow and before long your ten-out-of-ten fear response will become an eight, a seven, a five and maybe one day… a zero. Most of us will never ‘think’ our way out of fear, so we need to ‘do’ our way out of it. :)


Nikki May 5, 2013 at 10:10 pm

I’m with you Kat. I am constantly struggling with fear.


Anonymous May 5, 2013 at 11:27 pm

I’m nervous about change – but also not entirely wanting to stay as I am, which is familiar, and safe, but isolated. Have progressed as far as saying hello to quite a few people, which is a start, but find it quite difficult to get to know people, because I don’t get much beyond talking about the weather or the traffic.


Brian May 6, 2013 at 8:28 am

Treat change like the first time you made love !!


NIkki May 6, 2013 at 10:34 am

Haha Brian. Ummm. That brought back memories. Awkward, self conscious and broken condom memories :-) probably too much unnecessary info, I know….


Chim May 6, 2013 at 10:26 am

It’s the age old problem. Ever met a woman who wanted to have a baby but didn’t want to be pregnant? Not possible, at least not yet. There’s always a process that precedes significant accomplishment – and that process is often not pretty.


Jen N May 6, 2013 at 10:41 am

It’s a sensible weird-arse title (you asked) :)


Astrid May 6, 2013 at 11:10 am

You are so right. Our greatest barrier to success is our inability to change. I guess if it was easy, everyone would be doing it :)


chebbieanne May 6, 2013 at 6:03 pm

It really does just come down to the mindset with anything. If you need to do stuff then the process of change, although not always pleasant, still beats staying where you are. That works for me. I now change stuff constantly and cannot remember what a comfort zone feels like. I try new stuff and if that does not work I try something else. Being able to actually try new stuff just because you can is a bit of an adventure.


Self Help Robot May 7, 2013 at 12:50 pm

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge”

A wise man once said and it’s so true. We need to learn to love change.. the question is are we willing to “change”.


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