Okay, I may be back a little early…
Craig Who?
Hi Guys. Long time, no chat. Thanks for all your get well wishes; I’m feeling pretty darn good. A week away from blogging is something of a rarity for me, so it’s given me a chance to breathe, heal, relax and just be. I’m starting this post Monday morning – the day after completing our two-and-a-bit-day, live-in RYL2 program – and I will add to it over the next day or so. I say the program was “two and a bit days” because it actually runs over three days, from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. While I’m still in the head-space, I thought I would share some of my thoughts, feelings, revelations and ideas from the weekend with you. These insights will be relevant for most of you; not only those who attended the program.
We ran the first two-and-a-bit-day installment of the program (RYL1) a few months back and this weekend was the follow-up to that. We re-connected with a bunch of previous attendees, met some awesome newbies and began to explore plenty of fresh concepts and ideas, while also doing a little revision from the first program. The basis for the weekend was “100 Principles for Living” which is a book of mine that’s in the pipeline and will be in stores sometimes before your one hundredth birthday. I hope.
The very quick weekend report is that the weekend was an overwhelming success; mostly because the participants and my team of leaders made it that. My team – Mandi, Kylie, Mikey, Dr. Steve, Chris and Johnny – make my life incredibly easy when we run these programs. They are indeed grouse (our word for the weekend). They do all the hard work and I simply stand up the front and chat. Easy Peasy. *Grouse is Aussie slang for ‘fantastic’.
The Theory and the Reality of Transformation
Off the back of our last program (RYL1), we asked for feedback so that we might be able to tweak, modify and polish the program to be an even better experience next time around. The written and verbal feedback we received from our attendees was overwhelmingly positive. Which is…er… nice. But nice doesn’t always produce transformation does it? Nope. The point of personal development is for the participant to learn, apply, keep applying, keep applying and… transform. Of course the personal growth journey is an on-going process, not a weekend workshop. We had people return for part two of the program who had made incredible progress since RYL1. However, while many had transformed, some had stagnated and a few had gone backwards. Unfortunately it seems that some people are much better at the “theory component” of transformation, than they are at the “practical component”; that is, the doing. Possibly because the “thought” of transforming one’s life is much more comfortable than the reality of it. It seems some of us want change as long as there’s no major effort required.
Ouch.
A Challenge
One of the challenges for me as a teacher of personal development, is that not everything that needs to be taught, will be well received. “Do I tell them what they want to hear or do I tell them the truth?”, is a question I often ask myself. What people are comfortable to hear and what they need to hear (to create real and lasting shift in their world) are often very different things. As a presenter, I know I can make people laugh, I can entertain, engage and amuse, but the point of personal development (be that a program, book, CD or blog) is not entertainment, stand-up comedy, group shoulder rubs or cheesey high fives; it’s CHANGE. Specifically, permanent change. Forever results. With our relationships. Our career. Our attitude. Our behaviours. Our reactions. Our habits. Our financial situation. Our health. Our inner strength. Our communication. Our results. Our life.
Respect or Popularity
For an insecure teacher or life coach, asking the above question might prove to be something of a challenge. “If I tell them what they want to hear and keep it warm and fuzzy, they’ll like me. If I cut through all the self-help bullshit, make them uncomfortable and give them some home truths, I might be the only bloke left in the room ten minutes from now. Hmmm, let’s see; do I want respect or popularity?” My experience is that the day I stopped trying to be “everybody’s friend” (as a teacher) is the moment I became more effective at what I do. Not always more popular.
How we Interpret and Respond to Information
Depending on the subject matter, the teaching style and the emotional states of the various audience members, it’s very possible that my message (or any message for that matter) will challenge one person, motivate another, confuse someone else, enlighten yet another, excite the girl taking notes in the front row and piss-off the bloke up the back with his arms crossed; the one whose wife dragged him along kicking and screaming to listen to some self-help wanker he’s never heard of. Some people hear what they want, no matter what the person up the front is saying. No matter how relevant, meaningful or valuable that information might (potentially) be. Some people are determined to not learn, no matter what. You know at least one person like that. Some will look for a reason to be offended. Or motivated. Some will come ready to change. Some not. Some will be humble. Some arrogant. Some will be open to new concepts. Some shut down. Some will be courageous. Some controlled by fear. Some will sit there wide-eyed and fascinated. Others will sit there with a permanent scowl on their dial. The same can be said for the people who read my blog, which is why I often have both positive and negative feedback on the same post. Of course in most cases, offence has less to do with the message and more to do with the emotional and psychological state of the reader. We’ve spoken about the easily offended many times here at me-dot-com.
Cutting the Air with a Knife
To kick off the Saturday afternoon session of RYL2, I announced to the group that I thought we still had far too many passengers in the room. And we did. Simulated participation I call it; lots of nodding and writing but no real “emotional buy in” to the change process. Looks like participation, but isn’t. When I said this, most people looked uncomfortable and many people avoided eye contact with me. I suggested that “now” was the time for people to decide whether they wanted to be a spectator or a participant for the weekend. I asked them if they were after a social outing and a weekend away from the kids, or if they were absolutely serious about, and committed to, changing their life once and for all. I also reminded them that spectating would never result in personal transformation. Turning up isn’t enough. Knowing what to do isn’t enough. Listening and taking notes isn’t enough. Understanding the theory isn’t enough. Simply being in the room doesn’t cut it. Being safe wouldn’t do it either. After all, being safe often means not doing what scares us. Which means being controlled by fear. I stood there looking at my group. I didn’t smile. I didn’t make a joke. I didn’t make it easy for them. I just let the words hang in the air and let them sit in that feeling. There was much squirming. I continued to stand there. And they squirmed some more. And they felt what they needed to.
And that was what we needed.
From that moment the breakthroughs began.
Personal Development Doesn’t Work; You do.
Over the years, I’ve heard many people say something like “personal development doesn’t work; it’s all self-help mumbo jumbo”. I can actually understand why many people think and say that and in many ways, they are right; some of the personal development offerings are crap. And obscenely expensive. But that’s another article for another day. The question we should ask ourselves is not “did the program work” but rather “did I do the required work?” Most times the answer is no. Great information and resources (programs, books, CDs, blogs, coaches) will amount to zero transformation every time if the “student is not ready” to do what needs to be done. And keep doing it. And doing it. Knowing what to do is not nearly as important as genuinely being ready to change. When you’re absolutely ready, you will always find a way. People who aren’t ready will simply find another excuse. And then get mad at you for being honest. How dare you.
The Last Bit
As long as we continue to look for a magic pill, person or program to “do the work for us” we will stay trapped in a place that we don’t want to be. Transformation always works from the inside-out, not the other way around. We’re all capable of amazing transformation but my question for you today is… are you really prepared to do the work? Do you want to be the driver or the passenger? Do you want to be a spectator or a participant?
You choose.
xx
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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
lol one of my questions this week for you was going to be – how do you deal as a presenter when you look at some people in front of you and know that they are probably not going to apply what you are saying, as you said they will nod and agree but it aint gonna happen. if i was you i would get bloody frustrated and shake em or something. that was a huge lightbulb moment for me. if i want this to happen listening to you is all well and good but im the one whos gotta get up off my butt and make the changes. hugely incredibly scary. in a good way. been up at 5.30am last two mornings. next ryl i wanna be in the ‘made huge changes’ category. xx cheers Mr H. pps was worth the drive just to meet inspiring tattooed michelle. what a woman.
People who pride themselves on their “complexity” and deride others for being “simplistic” should realize that the truth is often not very complicated. What gets complex is evading the truth.
~ Thomas Sowell
Resistance to change is the lament of many a teacher to students, as we have become hardwired to be glued to our instilled beliefs. Change cannot, and will not take place, until I develop the skill to jump on and off beliefs just as a Jesus bird steps from lily pad to lily pad in Kakadu.
If I am lamenting a lack of change in another, then who is lamenting for me and my shortcomings? A shortcoming in me I wonder, is whether it is me wanting to prickle change in another? Is that just to validate my being? Or is it part of a higher calling and being part of an answer for someone who is ready for transformation? Or, if I am offering an opportunity to force feed change, am I just an escape and a pretense to experience something ‘new’ for those who present themselves at the opportunity?
What is a common denominator, is that we are all here physically experiencing the same planet, with pretty much the same hardware, but with lots of different software programs written into it.
Enlightened teachers have been before me, some will be present now, and plenty will be coming in the future. That is everyone.
But a common thread is that a desire for change will circumvent the change I am seeking. The desire will create conflict as I am projecting an image of myself into the future of what I want to be, rather than to be at peace with what I am now, in this present moment. How is the future ‘me’ going to be any different to what I am now, if I am totally dissatisfied with who I am right now?
True change arrives the moment this realisation of me ‘being at peace in the present’ becomes my new belief, over the belief that ‘I am not good now, but I will be in the future’.
We have to teach ourselves that.
No other can do that work for me.
No matter how many lifetimes are proffered to me, or teachers.
Hi Craig, glad that all was great on the weekend and you are feeling better.
I suppose to a degree I’m a spectator but am trying to change that to a participant. It is a scary concept at times to get uncomfortable, but if I remember back to fat Sue I wasn’t real happy or comfortable then either, so I would have to say that taking control of the steering wheel more now has been exciting & even exhilarating at times. A challenge that I have set myself is to participate in the OXfam trail trekker challenge next April (100km in 48hrs for Oxfam charity), when asked by a friend if I would like to do this, I initialy thought no I cant do that…..but after some consideration I said yes I can do this….. so the training begins.
A big part of opening up my world has been your insight and your Blogs. I know that I have had to change the attitude and will be forever a work in progress but that is what life is about, self discovery
“Thank you” I know it is only a small word but it is said from the heart.
Sue ((()))
Hi Craig,
Reading this post, it wasn’t hard to imagine sitting in one of those horrendously uncomfortable chairs again, made palatable (sitable, perhaps??) by my nana pillow and listening to you put us on the spot. Eyeballing included. And you’re absolutely right. Sitting listening to personal development stuff is invigorating and inspiring .. and easy. It conjures up images of potential; of a life that looks a whole lot like success, happiness, fulfillment and abundance. And we don’t have to lift a finger to dream it. Bit like a feel-good movie, I guess. But just like that, it doesn’t last. We leave after two-and-a-bit-days. Go back to our normal lives. Back to our fears and our busy-ness and our self-limiting behaviours. Hey, where did that image .. that dream .. go?? And all that inspiration? Vanished into thin air. Or perhaps I put it under the bed at Anglesea and forgot to pack it when I was leaving.
But .. I’m very happy to say .. that wasn’t me. I took real value from RYL 2 and together with other stuff I’ve done this year, I’m ready to say “enough knowledge acquisition” and get into the nitty-gritty of planning my better life and actually creating real change. I’ve bought my big sketch pad and coloured textas and have a plethora of things darting all around my mind. I’m ready to identify my core values and to look at my self-limiting behaviours. To put together a practical strategy of how my day-to-day life is going to change. Do different to create different. From my seat and through my eyes, Craig, the weekend was a huge success and whatever challenge you want to throw to us, I’m up for it!
Suz
xx
PS. Re RYL – to the Harper’s gang, thanks so very much for making it possible and for being the wonderful people you are. (((( ))))
PPS. To all my RYL buddies – so wonderful to catch up with you all again, and to meet the newbies. I had an awesome time and drew enormous inspiration from you guys who have made great progress since RYL. Thank you!
Dear Craig,
Ok. Most of us know that I thought RYL2 was going to be a walk in the park, a social event with a bit of exercise and some learning. A lovely catchup with the amazing people I’d met at RYL1. As an RYL1 graduate, I had made ‘incredible progress’ and transformed my body. I am lighter, leaner and stronger than I have been since my early twenties. On the outside.
On the inside, I am still weak and vulnerable. RYL2 showed me that I have done nothing to strengthen and discipline my mind. I need to make my mind stronger:
So I can stick up for myself and my views.
So I can pursue my own goals, not someone else’s.
So I can use the talents and opportunities that I have been given.
So I can hear uncomfortable truths and feedback without crumbling.
So I can stop needing the approval and praise of other people.
So I can be a comfort and a good friend to those who need me.
So I can be the calm in the chaos.
So I can learn to accept myself.
This is important. More important than my body fat percentage or my triceps (although I’m pretty bloody proud of them).
There is nothing wrong with my situation, it’s me in the situation. I need to put in the effort to train my mind to see the positives, appreciate what I have, choose my thoughts and ask the right questions. At the moment, my mind is a needy, impulsive, ill-disciplined puppy that jumps around, refuses to ‘sit’ and sooks when scolded. I have some work to do. And I thought I had finished once I could fit into my old jeans. Shit.
I can be angry with you for telling me the truth (actually I had arranged to send ‘the boys’ around, remind me to cancel that) or I can see this as a turning point. I choose the latter. RYL1 showed me irrefutably how weak and poorly-trained my body was and inspired me to do something about it. RYL2 has done the same for my mind.
So that is the next challenge: Strong Body, Strong Mind.
Watch out at RYL3. It’s going to be somebody else’s turn to cry.
Christina xxx
Christina – YAY!
Is that the beginning of wisdom I hear?
Is that a shift is consciousness I sense?
Is that a new level of awareness and acknowledgement I see?
Is that a shift in focus I feel?
Yes, yes, yes and yes. Good for you girl.
Of course, your life was never the problem.
Feel free to send the boys; I need a workout
xx
You’re doing great Suza – keep doing what you need to do, keep pushing, keep focused and don’t let up
xx
Good for you Hellen – it was great to finally meet you. And yes, Michelle is an inspiration. Hugs (( ))
Thanks Littlejohn – as always, gold
Cheers
You’re always welcome Sue (from Melbourne).
Enjoy training for your walk – you’ll kill it! Don’t over-think, don’t let your mind get in the way – just DO.
Go girl!
Hi Craigo,
RYL2 was a little uncomfortable for me, as you and everyone there would know (very sorry about my snot problems). I think back on it now and I still cry. To think I almost cancelled … what a lesson I would have missed out on!
I know this pain I am feeling is a kinda good thing, it proves there’s something wrong, something I must change. It’s raw. It hurts.
I felt none of this after RYL1 – I was a total spectator and I wasted a golden opportunity (and yet more time).
At the weekend I discovered my true ‘issues’ – not the superficial ones, not the ones I reel off just to have something to say … the ones that are tucked deep down inside, the ones I wouldn’t admit (even to myself), the ones I didn’t even know I had until the words came out of my mouth.
So, I have some work to do … okay lots of work to do. Lots of things to un-learn, lots of beliefs to challenge, lots of things to accept and lots of discomforts to ‘suck up’.
But I am worth all the effort, and more.
Thankyou for showing me that, Craigo. You saw what I wouldn’t admit.
Em
( ) x
PS: Thankyou to Kylie for “rescuing” me just as I was about to take off on my own. Your timing was impeccable and I really appreciate the chat we had. x
Oh, and to everyone there at the weekend – what a supportive, accepting bunch of people you are!! Thankyou. x
There is nothing “wrong” with you Em; you are gorgeous.
Like the rest of us you have decisions to make, things to learn and things to do. It’s a journey and you’re well on your way. Just like me. Just like everyone. We’re all amazing and flawed at the same time. Probably has something to do with that whole “being human” thing.
Em, find the good, celebrate what you have (your boys, your health, your opportunities, your friends, your creative gift), be “present”, ask better questions, be courageous, stop waiting, stop seeking approval and permission (you’re big now),realise that you are a joy to be around (I totally mean that) and for goodness sakes STOP OVER-THINKING!
xxx
Hi Craig,
Thanks to you and your team for another great weekend. I have come home invigorated to continue with the physical journey and know what I have to work on with the head part of the journey.
I took this week off work knowing that my head would be swimming with all the information you imparted over the weekend. I’m slowly processing it all and coming up with an action plan so that I can be a better version of me.
To all you RYL1 people … it was fantastic to catch up with you all and to the “newbies” great to meet you.
Hugs
Nell xxxxx
I’m really proud of my achievements since RYL 1. I will admit to not having lost a gram, and I’m fine with that. It was not my focus. My focus was dealing with all my other crap that I have stumbled over every other time. I did things after that weekend that I’ve been putting off for up to 15 years.
Nearing the end of RYL 2, I came up with half the plan for the next phase, the weight loss phase, of my renovation on Saturday afternoon. It came together wonderfully over Saturday night, a walk by myself early on Sunday morning, and on the drive home Sunday afternoon. By the time I was having a soak in the bathtub on Sunday night, things suddenly made sense and a plan had materialised from the bubbles I was soaking in.
And by some crazy coincidence, choosing to go to gym yesterday was not hard – it was an obvious, logical thing to do. And the contents of the pantry have not fallen into my hands, nor leapt from my hands to my mouth, nor have they considered it. Crazy, but true.
There’s a total sense of calm. Amazing. Watch this space – I’m gonna rock my own world!
Linda
I’m a spectator and i’m ok with that.
Hi Craig,
Wow, sounds like it was an extremely inspiring weekend judging by the posts here. As we are all individuals each one of us are motivated by different “things”, reasons and methods. Me, I love to participate, hate being “benched” (a sideline sitter). I just sometimes need a “kickstart” or a reminder of what an awesome natural adrenal rush I get from participating. I’m a bit of a slow starter, but once I get going and keep going……..
Will you ever being doing one of these weekends over here in NZ.??
Regards,
Debbie
It was an awesome weekend that I would strongly reccommend everyone to attend at some stage. I found it very confronting, an eye opener, challenging, I cried, I laughed, I felt anxious, I sat looking stunned at times (how could he say that about me – not that it was directed at myself, but every word coming out of his mouth was exactly how I had felt), but mostly I have come away motivated, inspired and ready to face a few things in my life that I need to change.
Yes I was definitely a spectator.Yes I sat there nodding and taking it all in, and yes I found it hard to get the words out of my mouth. RYL 3 look out, I will be the participator for sure.
Thank you to everyone for a great weekend. Sorry I didnt get to know you all better, must admit having my comfort ‘buddy’ with me made it easier to just sit back and spectate. Looking forward to RYL 3 and breaking through some of my own comfort barriers.
P.S. Tony is not into this sort of technology so on his behalf he wants to say a huge thank you to everyone for a wonderful weekend. He had so many light bulb moments, and is a ‘changed man’.
All the best
Rhonda
Hey Craig,
Your alive! G8T start… sounds the RYL was awesome!
Mmm well considering I have been wearing tight lycra 3 nights a week screaming and sweating down a mic.. I would say IM A participant!
So the question is NOW when you put an obstacle in my way what do we do… WE GOD DAMN JUMP IT that is what…
So how much do I believe .. I believe enough to cover my tears in sweat and go next level… RPM baby ! And all you need do is turn up! It always works.
So glad you are feeling better Craig and you were able to do RYL !
Spectator, actor or critic?
No, nature likes complexity.
And so I choose to be all three.
You’re welcome Nell. Enjoy your week off and congrats on your weight-loss
x
I’ll be watching Linda. Good for you.
Enjoy the calm.
x
Hi Michael.
If spectating is where you find happiness then you’re in the right place
Hi Debbie – yep, I want to do a program in NZ in 2010..
We loved having you and the big “Truck Bloke” there Rhonda – you were both great. Give Tony a man hug for me – I know he loves those
x
Good work Kate!
x
At least you’ll never be lonely Anon n
Hi all, it sounds as though the weekend was a great success for everyone who attended – Christina to “train one’s mind” would be the greatest achievement of all – I have one of those ill-disciplined implusive minds as well !!
Maybe a RYL “for the mind” in Sydney ???
Sigh!
There was no way I was ever going to make RYL2 with my current workload, but after skimming some of the comments and reading this post, I wish I’d been able to.
A mental workout is just what I’m in need of, for personal reasons.
With a brain like mine and all the stuff that’s going through it this year (be careful what you ask for…sometimes you get WAAAYYY more than you ask for!!!) I’m surprised that it hasn’t herniated.
I’m with you Christina. The body is so much better than it was at RYL1 and the eating has been controlled, but the mind, while more aware, is still a long way behind.
Well done for the realisations you’ve had BTW. I can’t wait to see what comes of last weekend.
Sounds like it was a great weekend and I will definitely be at RYL3.
Glad you’re feeling better Craig and I would have loved to have been in the room when you made your “being safe” speech and then let it sink in.
Hi to all from RYL1 and look forward to the next one.
Alan
Go Linda, sounds like you are NOW ready to participate .. !
Well Set up is everything… so, so glad you have that… and yes it is not all about losing weight… 1) great self honesty Linda…. I am completely behind you and remember it is when we dont feel like going to the gym and we go that we are strong.. so keep removing those obstacles and soon you will be jumping them XX
I’m a spectator due to geography, reading about all this real, raw vulnerability from the U.S.
I’m envious of the experience. so maybe that makes me a participant.
I’m really happy for everyone”s positive progress.
Craig, you should come to America and get people squirming here too.
p.s. I LOVE what you said to Em, “we’re all amazing and flawed at the same time,”
Craig, I rather be a participant. Today I saw a older hunchback gentleman standing in front of a corner store. When he was younger he begged for money. Now I see him and I say to myself that I never want to be in that predicament. He looks terrible and lost. I pray for him.
Wow awesome comments from everyone…yup RYL2 was pretty amazing. I am working on a plan for moving forward. I need to love and respect myself more and not let issues from my son affect me as much as they have been.
I have been to the gym twice so far this week (boxing classes) and have another on Thursday night. My current program is being reviewed on Saturday and knowing the person reviewing it, it will be tough…woohoo bring it on!!!!
My aim is to go to the gym 5 times in a week….3 boxing classes (cos I love them) and 2 of my program. I am also aiming to get the baseline data, in the form of a biological age test done in the next few weeks (just have to save for it)
I need to learn to prioritise and make “me” time. I am working on that. I need to get my weight moving in the right direction again (and it seems to be 3kg down in the last 2 weeks) I am still working on more. I have my version of butchers paper…just need some wall space to put it on…..! (hard when I have large windows lol….may need to be in my bedroom)
Thanks for a fantastic weekend to all who went and Craig for challenging me to be my best me…she’s in there fighting to get out. Like the butterfly I wear around my neck to symbolise new beginnings…this is my new beginning and my inner butterfly will emerge and soar!!!
Big hugs to everyone
Chelle xxxx
Hi Craig
Thanks Craig, for reminding me that I don’t need people to like me in order for me to help them. I’ve been struggling with that a bit. I challenge them and suggest some truth and get ‘the look’ then I start to back peddle to make them feel better… All because I want them to think I’m wonderful… It doesn’t help them and it doesn’t help me.
Any chance you’ll be bringing RYL on the Sunshine Coast?
PLEASE
Thanks for dropping by Diane
We missed you Big Al – maybe next time?
Take care Buddy
Hi Lisa – it’s my goal to make you Americans squirm very soon
And yes, I’m sure you are a participator…
You’re a good man Omar.
Peace
Hi Chelle
I know aspects of the weekend were challenging for you but I also believe the best is yet to come for you.
xx
You’re welcome Nicole.
Don’t tell anyone (it can be our secret) but I’m going to run a one-day program in QLD before Christmas. It will probably be my “Renovate Your Body” workshop (about eight hours) and it will happen before the end of November – soon! Details will be up on the site next week. Or maybe by this Friday if Johnny and I can get our shit together and find an awesome venue! I hope to see you – and two hundred of your closest friends – there
x
Hi all!
Glad you’re feeling better Craig! Sounds like you were in rare form this weekend!
I have long been guilty of spectating. I tend to be a little shy, in person at least, and reluctant to risk ‘looking foolish’.
I was usually a spectator in the lives of my husband and kids, since somebody had to juggle the details while everybody else had fun. (Isn’t that typically how the wife/mom role works out?) I was frequently the key ‘behind the scenes’ person in everybody’s lives. The person who took care of the details that made their greatness possible.
And that’s not a bad place to be. It feels pretty good knowing you made it possible for other people to get the things they want out of life. I still tend to do that. Helping people help themselves is what I’m best known for in my circle. I have a host of ‘other kids’ I’ve ‘adopted’ along the way, in addition to my own two, that I encourage, push, bribe, whatever it takes, to go after what they want in life.
Aside from encouragement and advice, I often provide them the tools to get them started. I try to help them get what they need to be independent and self-reliant. I provide the opportunity, but they have to do the work. I’ve paid for courses and testing to help people get diplomas, two of whom are in college now. I’ve helped people get driver’s licenses, and even cars. I think everybody should have a diploma and a driver’s license. I feel these are critical elements for opening up options in a person’s life.
In the long run, helping these kids helps everybody. They have what they need to take care of themselves, which helps them. It helps me because I don’t have to worry about how they’re going to manage, and I don’t have to worry about taking care of them. It helps society because they can take care of themselves and make a contribution. And eventually it will help their children because they will be better equipped to provide for them.
Some of these kids have had rough beginnings, few opportunities, and little encouragement before wandering into my life. I try to make the world a better place, one kid at a time. And that feels pretty good.
But it still leaves me being a spectator in other people’s lives. As these kids grow up and become the independent adults I’ve tried to help them be, my role is more and more reduced, as it should be. I’ve always believed that the key to finding happiness in my own life is to foster independence in others. If I have to worry about how others are going to manage, I can’t, in good conscience, go about doing whatever I want to do without worrying about what effect that will have on others who ‘depend’ on me. My youngest will be 18 next year, and is already fiercely independent. (It’s working!)
So, soon I’ll be free to do whatever I want (I hope!). The trick is to figure out what that’s going to be. I’ve started taking baby steps in doing things that don’t involve my kids in some way. I’ve never been reluctant to do things by myself. I rather like it actually! But ‘participating’ in something without a pre-defined role has been a struggle. For years I’ve been someone’s wife or mother, or part of some work organization. I’m working on being just me. Without my ‘roles’ I feel a bit like a fish out of water, but I’m trying to stick it out. I’m trying to get past my reticence and participate more in my own life.
Wish me luck!
Sandra
What about SYDNEY???? Craig!
You cant do America before you do Sydney….and well I am just getting over the fact that you are even considering QLD before us… wow we may need to give you a lesson on priorities…
Hi Craig…What a fantastic weekend.
I was feeling a bit like a spectator. My agenda for the weekend was a fact finding expedition as I was not sure what dreams or changes could be achieved or that I would want to put momentum towards. I was happy to have gathered tools to put in my tool box to build the best life for myself once I had figured out what that might be. And while I had several ahaa moments over the weekend and the feeling that you where talking straight to me on a number if topics it wasn’t until my drive home that I had some real positive awesome light bulb moments .
I have always had so much to be grateful for, life will always have its holes but if you look hard enough you will find diamonds in them. Having these beliefs have helped me through some rough patches but I now see that maybe I should believe in myself and be accepting and grateful of who I am and stop giving my personal power to others.
Making some choices will be hard as others wont like them but at the end of the day we only have one chance at this life and I don’t want to leave it being the people pleaser and the peace keeper….I want to go out with a bang , screaming WAA HOO what a fantastic ride.
I have my version of the butcher paper, the tool box full of great tools (RYL 100 life lessons) and I’m going to make several huge but gradual changes, heaps of smaller ones, and have the best time doing it.
Some times we need to be a spectator so we can learn to participate.
Thank you Craig, the Harper team, and all the other guys that attended RYL2 for a fantastic weekend. Hope to see you all again . Michelle X X
Go Sandra!!
You don’t need luck. x
Hi Kate.
Sydney… that’s on the east coast right?
Yeh, yeh, I’m on my way
x
Hey Michelle – we loved having you there. Big hugs for you xxx
Hi Craig,
Wow – glad RYL was so great. Is awesome and encouraging to read everyone’s reports here on how their mindset changed after their weekend. Me – participant or spectator – I think I’m a participant that needs to keep working – on mind and body.
Will stay tuned for more news about RYB in Qld – that’s great news and thank you to you and Johnny for choosing us !
Glad also that you’re 100 % healthy again and then some…..( ! ).
hugs,
Mon ( )
Yippeee !!!! I’ll be there for sure….
Hi Craig
What about Perth!!!
Judging by all the requests you could be busy.
Glad it was such a success and helped so many people, maybe one day I’ll experience it for myself.
Lucinda
Dear Craig,
Didnt know you were sick, glad to hear that you are feeling all better.
So reading up on “Are you a spectator or a participant” gave me a good slap in the face!!! You see I attend all these seminars and I sit there with my eyes wide open, nodding my head, saying Wow this is fantastic…then I go home and forget all abt it, well not forget I might do my exercises for a couple of days and then back in the draw it is!!!
Dont want to bore you with details, yr slap has jolted me, has made me think twice abt all the things I am doing and all the money I am paying while I sit there and wait for someone else to do the work for me.
Again you have been an inspiration, so jealous that I cant attend yr seminars
Keep up the good work!!!!!
Lots of love from sunny greece
Helen Vlahos
Athens, Greece
Kyro2@otenet.gr
Dear Craig have written you an email but forgot to notify you!!