In life, there are no failures.
Until we say so.
Universal Standard for Failure?
In fact, there are no universal failures, only individual experiences and different interpretations of those experiences. One person’s failure will be another person’s lesson because you and I get to choose what things mean for us personally. Not all of us make the most of this potential (of course) but we all have the ability. Which is very cool. 
An event or situation which sees one person spiral into a self-destructive abyss will be the genesis for another person to develop skills, strength, understanding, confidence and greater personal power. We see the same event producing two different reactions and, therefore, two different experiences: one positive, one destructive. While some will only see the catastrophe, others will find the lesson. And while some find pain, others will find power.
Every experience, situation and event can teach us something when we allow it to.
A Myth
For the most part, failure is a myth. A self-created phenomenon. A mindset. An experience we don’t need to have. It doesn’t actually exist until we make it a reality via our thinking, beliefs, self-talk, behaviours and vocabulary. It’s simply a disempowering and debilitating label that we individually give (certain) events in our world. The moment we tell ourselves that we have failed is the moment our mind, body and emotions react accordingly. We put ourselves into a negative, destructive and unproductive place. In other words, (the abstract concept of) failure becomes a literal (self-created) reality for us. Conversely, when we label that same experience a ‘lesson or opportunity’, we avoid the pity-party and the destructive self-talk and, in doing so, we keep our head and heart in a more productive, proactive, creative, positive and solution-focused place.
Which makes our (self-created) reality a much nicer place to live.
What Problem?
When someone who is diagnosed with cancer can reason that they have a ‘challenge’ on their hands (as opposed to a catastrophe), then it becomes apparent that most problems, failures and even catastrophes are optional. When we truly understand that it’s possible for us to create and inhabit our own reality, then almost every personal (emotional and psychological) experience becomes a choice because they are all within our control.
And yes, this is a totally weird concept (for some of us) to wrap our heads around when we’ve been programmed to think differently but, in truth, many of us have been misled and misinformed when it comes to our potential in this realm. Of course, the theory is always easier than the practical application (of such information) but that’s no reason to stay where we are. Metaphorically speaking.
In the Middle of the Mayhem
I have produced many less-than-desirable outcomes on my journey, made some monumental stuff-ups, been treated badly by people whom I loved and trusted, and made numerous stupid decisions. Still do. Call me human. Of course, bad things happen to good people and, of course, the world is not a fair place at times but in the middle of all the mayhem and unpredictability, the key to our own personal growth is what we choose to learn, how we process experiences and information, how we evolve, how we adapt and how we manage our internal state (the place we live).
Fortunately, things in my world only have the meaning I give them, so I choose to label all of my experiences (positive or negative) lessons, opportunities and sometimes, minor speed bumps. I can get angry and frustrated or I can get educated and enlightened. I can overcome or I can be overcome.
It’s a choice.
Some people suggest that, from time to time, I over-simplify complex issues. And I suggest that perhaps they over-complicate simple issues.
I’m glad I’m not as smart as them. 
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
THE blog post of the year. Brilliant. So true.
Craig,
I love the emphasis you have been putting on perceptions lately. It has really got me thinking! We create these mental schemas based on things society tells us or our parents teach us, but when we look at these schemas, a lot of times they are not true. For some reason, we have turned them into rules in our minds. Our idea of what constitues success or failure is really just an extension of our perceptions of what is good and bad. And perceptions are 100% relative to the person at hand. So now that we acknowledge that our notion of what constitues success or failure is skewed and negatively affecting our reality, how do we change these?
I am interested in knowledge
Awesome post Mr Harper. I’m also love the stuff you’re writing lately. My brain is currently going through a little reprogramming thanks to you. Your ability to explore complex subject matter in such a digestible manner is a gift. Thank goodness for you and your gift. Kaz x
Years ago I had a boss who pulled me up one day for saying that the Sales support team made me angry (I was a ‘gun’ salesman at that point, and they just weren’t keeping up)
He sat me down and explained that no-one made me angry – I did that. I chose how to react to whatever stimuli I encountered. The sooner I learnt to recognise that – the happier and more in control of my life I would be.
Unfortuately I was only 22 at the time, and far too sure that I already knew everything to give it any credence. I lasted about a year in the role, and moved on to another place where people made me angry/frustrated/upset…and another…
It took 12 years and a potentially catastrophic personal eventn to realise the truth of those few words. The event became – as you said – a ‘challenge’ instead, and an opportunity to learn more about myself, my influences and how I can control the way I see and react to any new ‘challenges’ as I move forward.
Interestingly, though I’m well and truly on the path to enlightenment in that aspect of my life, I have a complete blind-spot to the personal-health-weight-and-fitness side of things.
So, it’s just another challenge…right?
Hi Kristi. You won’t re-program your mind in five minutes but all transformation starts with awareness, acknowledgement and willingness. You have all three – so that’s a great start!
Try some, all or none (!) of the following:
1. Constant re-enforcement of your ‘new’ language’.
2. Become more aware of your self-talk – your inner dialogue.
3. Spend time with like-minded people who are ‘running a similar program’. People who will drag you up, not down.
4. Make different decisions.
5. Try new things.
6. Change your behaviours.
7. Face your fears.
8. Ask better questions (you’ve already started with this).
All of the above actions are potentially transformational. They help us see old things in new ways. When we ‘do different’ our perception changes automatically.
Kristi, changing and managing our cerebral landscape is not a five-minue process but, rather, an ongoing journey. Enjoy it.
I am reminded of the quote – It’s about the journey, not the destination (I think it’s something like that) and I totally agree with your philosphy.
On mistakes and lessons – get this one – yesterday I wrote a post on my blog and called it (in part) Your Magnificent Physical Presence – LOL – this led to a few visits from some people in a totally unrelated territory for whom “Your Magnificent Physical Presence” has er….another meaning (altogether!!!)
The post itself was about positive body image awareness and was encouraging people to stop using all the perjorative labels we all sometimes attach to ourselves.
It (the post) had nothing to do with er….you know…other stuff!! LOL There’s a lesson there about taking more care when naming posts !! Still, it was kinda funny.
On the subject of challenges versus catastrophe – I’m working on that one and getting better at it, I think. It’s certainly does create a better reality.
I love the way you teach Craig.
Mon ( )
Mr H, you don’t oversimplify complex issues – you just won’t tolerate people on the victim/sympathy bandwagon. its the old mindset of ‘but you don’t understand my situation.’ thats why I get frustrated with the hypocondriacs in my life. hello! attention seeking behaviour!
I spent time recently with a family who bought home their premmie baby last week who was born back in January! He is still so tiny and I cuddled him tubes and all. Im sure many people would just see the machines and the tubes and the looming diagnosis of cerebal palsy. Not them. They were just over the moon he was home. I Love experiences like that cause they ground you instantly. and make you realise a situation is only a disaster if you let it be.
Hey Mr H – It’s been a while……
This little rambling definitley caught my attention today….ahem….dont think I need to share why….
Suffice to say that this section helped my pee-size, blonde brain, the most today!!
Have shared it on my FB Fan Page to.
“I have produced many less-than-desirable outcomes on my journey, made some monumental stuff-ups, been treated badly by people whom I loved and trusted, and made numerous stupid decisions. Still do. Call me human. Of course, bad things happen to good people and, of course, the world is not a fair place at times but in the middle of all the mayhem and unpredictability, the key to our own personal growth is what we choose to learn, how we process experiences and information, how we evolve, how we adapt and how we manage our internal state (the place we live).”
Oh and for the record, Matt (Collins) tried to say exactly the same thing…..but as a partner….well you know how it went down
Hugs to you x
Jen
Goal Power Training
I dont know abt this now .. I feel like i have been doing different to my max capacity for over 5 yrs now and well things arent awesome…
yes my awarenesse and spirituallity are but I hate to say it I am human where are the other pay offs…. it doesnt add up to me!
I feel like I have had enough of this – I see so many doing so little and getting great rewards -so where is the law of give and take i ask… Call me selfish I dont care… but enough is enough – And Craig YES i have given good enough – I know that…
My winge which wont make a good damn difference… but this is what I factually see..
I didnt want to post for a long time but I could give a million examples of this… and I know Im not princess! a princess benches 2.5 kg and call this balance… I bench way more than this….So suck it up I think not pissed off – totally!
It’s like you read the blog I wrote yesterday about weight loss being my ‘failure’. (I don’t normally put my blog link in but today it seemed relevant)
Thank you for this fabulous post.
If I can change the way I think about my past weight loss efforts I can hopefully overcome my fear of ‘failure’.
Hi Craig,
this topic has so much meaning for me. Four years ago I had reached the part of my life where I finally was going to pursue my goals and ambitions.
The excitement I felt was unbelievable. Finally it had become my turn (married with two children) to fulfil my dreams. Instead I collapsed with many…. health conditions which completely changed my direction. Actually to a complete halt!
Since then I’ve been learning on how to get my life back.
My journey has been one of struggle, I didn’t know or understand how to look at the situation as ‘what’ can I do instead of why or how could this happen.
Why some people can look at a crisis/illness as a challenge and others such as myself as a catastrophy, I don’t know.
I continuously read and listen to people to learn how to cope . I have learnt alot about accepting and growing as a person and am trying to see this as a lesson. I am trying to learn to work with what I have now.
I’d like to know how does someone cope when the struggle is still happening. How can we get strength and find happiness in a situation where one is continuously trying to heal.
Craig,
This is one of your coolest posts ever !!!
Cheers
Unfortunately many people put themselves in the category of “OMG, if I try something and I fail, it means I am not good enough and nobody will love me”.
Newsflash! You gotta love yourself first, and by that I mean be accepting of yourself (warts and all) and be okay with who you are. So, if you don’t like what you see in the mirror and it is because you’ve porked up for example, take it upon yourself to get fit, see Mr C and get into a gym and sweat (like the rest of us).
Be aware of what you shove down your gob etc.
It has taken me a while to be comfortable in my own skin. After that whatever you do, whether the outcome is as you intended or otherwise, is just something you did (“shrug”). It is NOT you.
Dear Craig,
I feel you’ve pointed out – eloquently again I might add – one of the greatest understandings in life.
I view nothing as a failure. And, yet, I’ve made many mistakes in life.
My intention isn’t to pretend I never feel discouraged or defeated – momentarily. It’s that I choose NOT to live there! And I don’t. I can honestly say I’ve taken painful experiences and transformed my life as a result of them.
It’s all about perspective, as you demonstrate. We get to be in our bodies on this planet interacting with others, with life. How good is that!
Failure is a silly way to view things – and disempowering. Why embrace a concept that isn’t uplifting.
That said, sometimes I wallow in a painful experience for a bit. I then pick myself up, dust myself off, and begin to become curious and ask myself questions. The learning and expansion then begins.
Thanks for a balanced approach!
Warm regards,
Lauren
Every action creates a reaction in our life….and it is how we react to those actions that create a negative or positive experience (or atleast in my mind this is how it works). And as I can sit here and tell this to a million people, it never seems to amaze me when I am caught up in all the trama of the negative experience because I reacted in a totally negative way.
If only there were a filter between my brain and my mouth. If only I had a five second delay on what I was thinking and what actually came out of mouth – alot more of my experience may end up positive instead of so very negative.
I merely wished to officially say “Hi there” to everyone here. In my opinion , that this appears like an unusually appealing place to be online.
I cannot wait to begin. Do you have any sort of guidance for someone in the beginning stages? Any certain section that you would advise more versus others to begin?
I want to to share with you a quote that i have often found to be tremendously motivational in order to start formal introductions:
Never believe in mirrors or newspapers. ~Tom Stoppard
Greetings,
Mark