Comments on: A letter to the Parent Blamers of the World http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/ Personal Development Life Lessons Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:10:29 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Anonymous http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-19513 Anonymous Thu, 04 Mar 2010 05:37:27 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-19513 I am a parent and I believe in God and it absolutely says in the bible that your parents are at fault for the way you become and yes you can change it by seeking God, but it is hard and takes time. Sounds to me like you are just feeling guilty because there was a lot of anger in your letter. I'll pray for you. I am a parent and I believe in God and it absolutely says in the bible that your parents are at fault for the way you become and yes you can change it by seeking God, but it is hard and takes time. Sounds to me like you are just feeling guilty because there was a lot of anger in your letter. I’ll pray for you.

]]> By: Cheryl http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-12069 Cheryl Sun, 22 Mar 2009 07:37:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-12069 Hi Craig<br/><br/>I found your letter interesting and for me it was timely as I've decided the physical and emotional abuse I was subjected to wasn't going to hurt me any more. However I know that serious abuse (see asca.org.au) can actually change brain chemistry etc. I know of someone who was abused so badly that they have PTSD. <br/><br/>You're right that we control our life from now on but please don't minimise the serious effects of childhood abuse. There is a difference in someone blaming their parents for imagined or minor shortcomings and someone dealing with the results of abuse.<br/><br/>Please keep challenging those of us who are copping out on taking responsibility for ourselves but have some compassion for those who may have challenges that many of us could not have coped with.<br/><br/>I look forward with interest to further letters. Hi Craig

I found your letter interesting and for me it was timely as I’ve decided the physical and emotional abuse I was subjected to wasn’t going to hurt me any more. However I know that serious abuse (see asca.org.au) can actually change brain chemistry etc. I know of someone who was abused so badly that they have PTSD.

You’re right that we control our life from now on but please don’t minimise the serious effects of childhood abuse. There is a difference in someone blaming their parents for imagined or minor shortcomings and someone dealing with the results of abuse.

Please keep challenging those of us who are copping out on taking responsibility for ourselves but have some compassion for those who may have challenges that many of us could not have coped with.

I look forward with interest to further letters.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-12045 Anonymous Fri, 20 Mar 2009 03:10:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-12045 Hi Craig. Loved this article - I used to be a parent-blamer but after much effort and support was able to overcome and move on. Worth all the effort, pain and courage.<br/>A related area I would be interested to read your perspective on, and one common to many women, is the emotional response after divorce that finds many women 'letting themselves go', gaining weight, so as to become 'invisible' to men, ie, not attractive, non sexual,unnoticed. I know this has to do with fear of being hurt again or rejected and has to do with low self esteem, etc. Still, I think a lot of women could relate to this topic and it would be great to read your thoughts.<br/>Thanks, Craig. I love and look forward to your site so keep up the good work.<br/>Cheers,<br/>Barbara Hi Craig. Loved this article – I used to be a parent-blamer but after much effort and support was able to overcome and move on. Worth all the effort, pain and courage.
A related area I would be interested to read your perspective on, and one common to many women, is the emotional response after divorce that finds many women ‘letting themselves go’, gaining weight, so as to become ‘invisible’ to men, ie, not attractive, non sexual,unnoticed. I know this has to do with fear of being hurt again or rejected and has to do with low self esteem, etc. Still, I think a lot of women could relate to this topic and it would be great to read your thoughts.
Thanks, Craig. I love and look forward to your site so keep up the good work.
Cheers,
Barbara

]]> By: Tina http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11964 Tina Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:58:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11964 Hey Craig ! I spent several years being the blamed parent, not because of anything I'd done, but because one of my daughters wandered off on the wrong path and lost herself. She "needed" someone or something to blame (according to the counsellor she was seeing) and I became the target... one of them, at least. We went through some really rough times, but at my 60th birthday party a few weeks back (still don't believe that number... I'm 17) when it came to speech time and my kids were asked if they wanted to say a few words, she took the microphone and told about 80 people "I was pretty rotten to Mum for a while there, thought she wasn't much of a mother, but since I've had these two little monsters (her kids)I've realised that Mum did a pretty darned good job, and here we all are standing up here together as proof of that". Wonderful moment !!<br/><br/>On the other end of the scale, her father (my ex) likes to blame her for his woes. At a semi formal family gathering on Sunday, he approached me after seeing the seating arrangements, asking "Did you know they put us (him and his wife) on the same table as T ?" (daughter). I wanted to say "grow up" or "think yourself lucky you were invited" or some such comment, but I just smiled and said "No, I didn't know that". Daughter handled it beautifully... she sat at the table to eat, chatted with everyone else at the table and avoided any unpleasantness by circulating amongst all the other tables when she wasn't eating. She had a great time, as did 130 or so other guests, but I'm not sure about him. Then again... why should I care ??!! Best thing I ever did, getting rid of him !!!<br/>{{HUG}}<br/>Tina Hey Craig ! I spent several years being the blamed parent, not because of anything I’d done, but because one of my daughters wandered off on the wrong path and lost herself. She “needed” someone or something to blame (according to the counsellor she was seeing) and I became the target… one of them, at least. We went through some really rough times, but at my 60th birthday party a few weeks back (still don’t believe that number… I’m 17) when it came to speech time and my kids were asked if they wanted to say a few words, she took the microphone and told about 80 people “I was pretty rotten to Mum for a while there, thought she wasn’t much of a mother, but since I’ve had these two little monsters (her kids)I’ve realised that Mum did a pretty darned good job, and here we all are standing up here together as proof of that”. Wonderful moment !!

On the other end of the scale, her father (my ex) likes to blame her for his woes. At a semi formal family gathering on Sunday, he approached me after seeing the seating arrangements, asking “Did you know they put us (him and his wife) on the same table as T ?” (daughter). I wanted to say “grow up” or “think yourself lucky you were invited” or some such comment, but I just smiled and said “No, I didn’t know that”. Daughter handled it beautifully… she sat at the table to eat, chatted with everyone else at the table and avoided any unpleasantness by circulating amongst all the other tables when she wasn’t eating. She had a great time, as did 130 or so other guests, but I’m not sure about him. Then again… why should I care ??!! Best thing I ever did, getting rid of him !!!
{{HUG}}
Tina

]]> By: Jules http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11963 Jules Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:43:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11963 I certainly am Craig :) I unlocked the door to my-best-life about an hour ago. I certainly am Craig :) I unlocked the door to my-best-life about an hour ago.

]]> By: Craig Harper http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11961 Craig Harper Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:31:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11961 R U in Melb yet Jules? R U in Melb yet Jules?

]]> By: Craig Harper http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11960 Craig Harper Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:30:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11960 Where's our photo of you in your shirt Friday? Where’s our photo of you in your shirt Friday?

]]> By: Craig Harper http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11959 Craig Harper Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:27:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11959 Cheers Planning Queen :o) Cheers Planning Queen :o )

]]> By: Craig Harper http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11958 Craig Harper Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:25:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11958 Good for you Miss Jojo ( ) Good for you Miss Jojo ( )

]]> By: Jules http://www.craigharper.com.au/self-improvement/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11957 Jules Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:24:00 +0000 http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/a-letter-to-the-parent-blamers-of-the-world/#comment-11957 There isn't much I blame my parents for. But here is one conversation you must NEVER have with your folks. The "don't you understand I'm trying to eat healthy? Why do you keep buying cakes/bikkies/icecream - you're making this harder than it needs to be for me."<br/><br/>I've had that conversation a bunch of times. It only ends in tears (for me). YES YES YES - it's not about my parents OR the food my parents buy. It's about ME and the CHOICES I make.<br/><br/>Jules (Melbourne - the ex-Brisbanite) There isn’t much I blame my parents for. But here is one conversation you must NEVER have with your folks. The “don’t you understand I’m trying to eat healthy? Why do you keep buying cakes/bikkies/icecream – you’re making this harder than it needs to be for me.”

I’ve had that conversation a bunch of times. It only ends in tears (for me). YES YES YES – it’s not about my parents OR the food my parents buy. It’s about ME and the CHOICES I make.

Jules (Melbourne – the ex-Brisbanite)

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