Comments on: Toxic Dumping

By: Leonie

Leonie — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 13:19:44 +0000

Hi
Have just “cut off” a toxic sister and she sent me the most horrible email, outlining every little thing i have “done to her” for the past 35 years. Have had a difficult upbringing with dad, but my mum had misled me on him and the divisions on my family were all wrong. Psychologist said my mum filled my head with dads awful treatment of her and I became her personal dumping ground. Then my sister has now adapted her role. I have told them on several occasions about boundaries even having a “clean slate” discussion with my sister late last year, yet she has reverted to her ways, so I now feel it is time to cut off as she has the awareness of how she hurts me but still continues. I am having good days where I keep myself busy and then bad days of feeling the guilt again apparently a way a bully controls you. I am 42 years of age and am not wasting any more of my life with negativity and control issues. I just want to have fun and meet interesting, loving people. I hurt my back last week falling over in the bathroom. Mum came over and all she was interested in was doing my dishes, no kiss or cuddle. I couldn’t even move. It was like yep she ticked that box of helping me.
Anyway life is like a train where you stop at stations, people get on and off, some for a little while, some for life. It is my life’s mission to get on with things and not allow them any more power over me. Oh and I ignored her hurtful email, she even wanted a “response” to make sure I got the email, to which of course I said no.

By: Evelyn

Evelyn — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 02:04:00 +0000

Hey Craig,

Thanks for this article. I'm in the process of detoxing my mind; so your tips here are pretty timely for me. I'm hoping that the energy within and all around will be a positive and uplifting one!

With much thanks and appreciation,
Evelyn

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:52:00 +0000

Hi Craig

I have a toxic friend. Trouble is she's one of my closest friends. Whenever we see each other which is only a couple of times a year (she lives overseas), she always makes a comment about my appearance: my hair, my eyebrows (true), my weight. I'm not Elle but I aint that ugly either, so I finally figured out that the comments were more about her insecurities than mine - she is overweight and looks much older than her years due to not looking after herself.

I now make this a bit of a game. Because I still don't like the comments, I always make sure I get my regular "maintenance" prior to seeing her. That way, any negative comments (and they will come) make me amused more than angry. It does help with my self doubt and confirms that it's more about her than me. Even more amusing is that even my hairdresser (who knows what's going on) organises my appointments around when I will see this friend. Funny huh?

Hope the skiing is going well!

Anne

By: Craig Harper

Craig Harper — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:17:00 +0000

You’re welcome lightening…

By: lightening

lightening — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 12:18:00 +0000

Thanks for your response Craig. Some helpful stuff there.

By: Craig Harper

Craig Harper — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 01:37:00 +0000

Enjoy your new job Darren,

Cheers.

By: Craig Harper

Craig Harper — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 01:36:00 +0000

Hi Enuff. Thanks for dropping by and for sharing. ( )

By: Darren

Darren — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 23:46:00 +0000

Hi Craig,

Another great post. I truly agree with you.

I am moving jobs in the next couple of weeks. In part because I want to work with positive inspiring people.

As I write this comment I hear my manager say to someone. "Anytime away from work is quality time."

I assume he also means time at work is NOT quality. So basically he doesn't want to spend time with his team.

Man bring on my new job.

Keep up the great work.

By: enuff

enuff — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 19:47:00 +0000

Hmmm….let me just say that getting the toxic poison out of your system can be one of the best ‘forever changes’ you can make in your life. It is a long process, and my journey continues. I have not been this well, this centered, this positive, this confident for a very long time. I can and do accept compliments gracefully instead of batting them away. I do need to practice saying ‘I am not talking about this’ to my toxic 17 yo….no need for that with the ex…he doesn’t talk to me…thats toxic too but needs me to be confrontational – in a non toxic way. That is proving to be a challenge. Craig your 5 tips of advice above are excellent – you should ad them to the post. How many might miss them because they are in the comments?

Jamie…toxic mum gets the cold hard truth these days…it shuts her up and sotps her in her tracks. She lives, as does our relationship. The ex – well – he lives too – in his own toxic world. The in-laws…chose isolation. Good for them. (laughing at myself here – I lack that description of how they are behaving…choosing isolation! It puts owndership of their behaviour right where it belongs and well out of my zone – one more bit of positive self talk discovered!)

Anyway, I have adressed a specific toxin for me – confrontation – in my blog. http://www.enuff.wordpress.com

Enjoy the journey Craig!

By: Craig Harper

Craig Harper — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 17:04:00 +0000

Hi Jamie.

YOU'RE FANTASTIC... there, take that!!

If you do organise that ship for all the negative people... Make sure you don't make me the Captain. It could get messy!

Cheers.