The You and Me Connection

Most days when I write on this site at least one person will send me an email sharing how relevant, timely and almost-psychic (prophetic?) that particular day’s post was for them. Over the years many people have told me that they enjoy and relate to the way I think and write because, on some level, they feel like my messages speak directly to them. And that sometimes, I am simply expressing what they have thought and felt many times but struggled to articulate.

Well, good.

Of course, there are also those who think I’m a douche who’s not worth listening to. And that’s okay too. Sometimes, they’re right.

When I first meet people (in person) who have been reading my stuff for a while, there’s one very common conversation which goes something like: “when I read your posts, I feel like I know you and you know me.” And on some level we do know each other because, although we are all unique in our own way, on many levels, we are actually the same. While we might all be wildly different when it comes to things like musical taste, creative abilities, sporting prowess, physical appearance, social habits, spiritual beliefs, lifestyle, political views (and so on), the place we tend to merge, or at the very least, come a little closer together, is in the emotional realm.

And that’s because we are all emotional creatures with similar needs and issues. Yes, even us seemingly-robotic, bullet-proof men. Or perhaps I should say, especially us men.

I’m guessing that you want to be safe, valued, loved, respected and needed. Me too. I’m also guessing that you want to laugh and have fun. Me too. You might want to contribute to the greater good, invest into the lives of others and be an agent for positive change. Me too. You probably want to learn, grow and explore your potential. Me too. Having said that, I bet you go through times when you feel inadequate, unsure, insecure, anxious and even fraudulent. Me too. There might be times when you ignore your very logical mind and allow your totally illogical emotions to throw you into a self-destructive tailspin. Me too. And there are probably times when, even though you know better, you allow fear (and your subsequent irrational thinking) to make you do dumb shit and say dumb shit. Me too.

See, twins.

You see, the reason that you and I connect is because we’re just as dysfunctional and gorgeous as each other. We’re totally different, yet totally the same. When I look past all the stuff that you are not (your body, issues, title, achievements, money, possessions, lifestyle… your stuff), there you are with that slightly goofy look on your face. Just like me.

And that is why I know you. :)

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{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

Gayle June 11, 2012 at 5:45 pm

All I can say is, WOW!

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Dragon June 11, 2012 at 7:02 pm

A simple message with such a deep meaning…

It seems to me that the genuine differences between people from the same cultural backgrounds are becoming more marginal and the differences on a geocultural level are also diminishing. Perhaps its the nature and frequency of communications we have been exposed to in the last decade? A lot of energy is spent looking at what makes us different rather than what makes us the same. If we spent all of our collective energy on improving those areas that we all have similar needs (food, water, shelter, love) rather than (power, money, status, ego) I think life (in general) would be a whole lot better….because then the differences that are left (diversity) would be something to really celebrate. It really comes down to the values and guiding behaviours we set as a standard and whether we act on them in standard we expect or the standard we accept…

Anyway may have gone off topic here but it just got me thinking as usual.

ps. we have the same haircut and yours looks great big guy :)

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Fi June 11, 2012 at 8:21 pm

For the past two and a half years, I have been visiting this site to check-in, just like an alcoholic may do checking in, attending AA group therapy sessions.

This site has been my therapy and rock of support. Craigo and all of you fellow readers and commenters have brightened my days so much and mean so much to me. I agree sometimes I think posts are penned just for me, or I wish or maybe not… ;-)

I never would have come across this site…..

I met Craigo, finishing one of his gigs interstate at the airport. Our flight was delayed. Without boring you with too many funnyish details, he was polite and caring and I made a total dick of myself for 5 or more ish hours consuming way too much wine in my corporate attire, while he sipped his water…….in his gym gear.

I had no idea who he was and to be totally honest giggled to myself, that he was just so nice and a little daggy. Who ever knew … so I googled him the next day and ….. Wowser….. I felt so guilty I called Johnny and apologised for being a total twit…
Johnny laughed and probably thought what a …

Anyway, I still struggle to articulate what I want too and am that emotional creature Craigo refers too.

For a very long time, I did not feel safe even though I finally fled a domestic violence relationship with my kids 18 mths ago.

I am free but still don’t feel ‘safe’. I am valued, loved, respected and needed and I laugh and have fun and have a loving family and friends and networks. I contribute to the greater good, invest into the lives of others and am positive to change.

I just want to thank-you all for visiting this site and yep I still have times when I succumb allowing my totally illogical emotions to throw me into that self-destructive tailspin.

And I regularly feel like a total dickhead.

I know better, but still allow my fear and my irrational thinking to do dumb shit and say dumb shit to Craigo.

I can be gorgeous and just want to give Craigo a group hug for putting up with me… I kinda look normal….. but we all have issues and I reckon a site like this, is just the best life saver… ;-)

Xx Fi

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chebbieanne June 11, 2012 at 11:29 pm

You forgot to mention your courage and strength. You had the courage to pull that thorn from your side and the strength to walk away. Never underestimate those qualities – they are rarer than you think and valuable assets to have.
Emotion is by it’s nature illogical, it is that mental roller coaster that can take us on some wild rides. Learn to enjoy the rides whilst understanding that the ride will end and life will go on. Self destructive tailspins are just time out for your head they are not the end of the world. Having said that chatting up guys wearing gym gear in an airport ……mmmm – you must have been totally wasted. Hahaha wish I had been there PMSL just thinking about it!
Isn’t feeling like a dickhead normal for everyone?? And doing and saying dumbshit?? Now I am going to have to go away and really over think that! Really?? it’s NOT normal – I always thought it was. Is it too late to change???

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Fi June 12, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Thanks Lovely

LOL, btw I did not chat him up at all, just for the record he had on this muscle thingy skimpy windcheater top showing off his big muscles and I got the giggles in my neck to toe suit… even you would have gone… what the !!! Anyhozzle I survived the Family Court today until late and was brave and did not waiver to my fear….no anxiety and no emotions – I was that big brave girl ( and blossomed internally)
Day 2 tomoz bring it on… xxx ;-)

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Trish B June 12, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I spent 3 years fighting for my rights in the Family Court (and eventually prevailed) and found it helped to imagine a whole group of my supporters there with me, cheering me on. I’m sure all of us would be happy to be that group!

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Anonymous June 13, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Hi Trish

Totally agree with you the feeling in there is weird and so many women struggling in the corridors to fight the battle just for their children…

Although. I was there I could not help bu t stop and talk to other women on my breaks and what. T hey were faced with and just listening to them with a laugh or two of support and a hug to cheer them on …

Go Girls ;-)
Well done you xx stay strong

chebbieanne June 12, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Massive congrats on today brave warrior. You grow in strength every day and make us proud. Amazon princess!
You so did chat him up! That big hunk of spunk squashed into his three sizes too small hoodie. He would I know be sooo hard to resist especially after a wine or two LOL and you all togged up like a corporate princess. Oh yes I would have watched with glee and thought – what the ….! indeed.
Thinking of you tomoz, knowing you will again show all the courage and strength to win the battle.xxxxx

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Anonymous June 13, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Hi Lovely yeah I did it today and survived a positive result ….. Yay yay yay…

Actually back to the airport thing, Craigo was playing hard to get after I said I did not want to sit next to him, i would rather stand. Never am I like that but he was kinda cheeky. I felt guilty so went over to say sorry but he totally enjoyed me having to ‘ suck up ‘ big time … ;-) he enjoyed every bit of my wine dribble but there was no touching those muscles girls…. Sorry.

Xxx

PG June 13, 2012 at 10:12 am

WOW, Fi!!!!! GOOD ON YOU! What a great post to read that you survived – and better than survived, you didn’t waver, you stood firm in your power and stood up for you and your kids. WELL DONE. I hope today goes well too – please let us know! Channel the power of the positivity on this page that is here for you, and know that we are behind you! GO GO GO!!!! (PS – when I met Craig, I grabbed hold of his big muscley arm and oohed and aahhed about how big his muscles were too…..and I’m in a same-sex relationship and even *I* was impressed and acted all silly around the big muscles! hahahahaha!!!)

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Anonymous June 13, 2012 at 7:03 pm

HI PG

Thanks lovely for your kind words. Day 2 I did well and had a great result for my awesome kids – its not about who wins but taking back the power and telling the truth and being honest, proud of who I am and knowing I did nothing wrong…. Finally you feel your voice is heard,
And the right thingy. … Xx

Fi June 13, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Whoops forgot my name above xxxx

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chebbieanne June 13, 2012 at 10:59 pm

A true Warrior Princess wins the battle. Yeh! Congratulations on your well deserved victory. xxx I knew you would – never a doubt in the world!
Now back to the airport again ………- so it was either sit next to the gorgeous Craig or stand? as in the only seat was next to him…..mmm why was that ???? Was it like Prince Valiant captures the heart of the Warrior Princess? That is so cute Fi – it brings tears to my eyes – No wait cant afford the erosion lines LOL instead – better lines that way. I so get it! hahaha. Warriors in days of olde also took wine in abundance to great effect. Again so proud and happy for you. Bigger, stronger and better in a really great way.

Craig June 12, 2012 at 8:40 am

Thanks Fi. :)

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Fi June 12, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Thank you C – I did well today….. big girl x

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Suu June 12, 2012 at 10:01 am

(((((((Fi)))))))

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Vin June 11, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Especially “us” men. Who are you kidding
Your 30% female in a mans body.

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Anon June 11, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Vin, he is not that female yet, he is a little hairy.. when he goes the full male manscape.. then maybe 30% but naah not that girly.. ;-)

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Craig June 12, 2012 at 8:44 am

Good point Vin but I was tapping into my 70% when I wrote this. Okay, I’m off off to Jazzercise… :)

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Anonymous June 11, 2012 at 8:33 pm

You’re not a douche (horrible word).

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Holly June 11, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Craig, don’t use the word douche (google it).

Fi, Dragon and others (you know who you are ;) ) We would never have met such like minded souls to share our journey with if it wasn’t for Craigo.

P.S Fi, you are gorgeous and I luv ya to bits xx

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Craig June 12, 2012 at 9:07 am

Hi Holly.

Yep, I know. It also has a less-anatomical inference and that’s the one I was referring to but point taken. :)

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Anonymous June 13, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Hi holly awe miss you lovely too – when you having another girls weekend at the Heritage xxx fi fi

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Suu June 12, 2012 at 12:29 am

If you know me that well I’ll be closing the curtains and showering with clothes on!
I agree that I get my daily Internet fix here for thinking differently about some things and not thinking too deeply about them.
The best thing I leave here with is a smile on my dial.
Suu xxoo

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Craig June 12, 2012 at 8:46 am

But Suu, your body is not you and you are not it. ;)

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Fi June 12, 2012 at 9:08 pm

LOL Suu you are just like me – I would also shower with my clothes on….. weido I know I am.. ;-)

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PG June 12, 2012 at 1:40 am

Ahhhhh well that explains it all, Craig!!!!! It’s a great post and a great reminder about how similiar we all are…all from the same amazing energy. I still marvel that you know WHEN to write about the shit that is swirling in my head. I still like to think about you being spookily in tune with us all, though!!! And Fi, WOW you sound amazing!!!! Good on you being brave and doing such great stuff in the world. I applaud you. PG xx

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Craig June 12, 2012 at 9:02 am

Hey PG. :)

Truthfully, some posts almost write themselves. I’m often not sure where my messages come from but in those moments I feel like it’s my job to simply ‘stay out of the way’ and let the lesson, idea or philosophy present itself. I know this will sound weird to some people but that’s honestly how it works for me.

While I value and respect logic, reason and strategy (as a scientist and observer of people), I seem to experience the greatest insight, connection, flow and joy when I’m in a less cerebral and explainable place.

So there. :)

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PG June 13, 2012 at 10:33 am

Oh I love it, Craig! I think it’s quite the skill to be able to “get out of the way” and let the message come through – sometimes, there’s a LOT of ego involved for some people who are lucky enough to tap into the message and share it with others – so it’s awesome you know how to just let it flow and share it with us. You know we love it! :) I’d be putting this down to your 30% chick-ness…. ;) As you know, I’m a big fan – keep the insights coming for us! :) xox

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Clarks@Victoria-carpet.com.au June 12, 2012 at 6:21 am

Wow! That has to be one of your best! You are gorgeous! Like minded people coming together on the checkerboard of life! Always my messenger! :) nobody does it better! You are definately fulfilling your life’s purpose, i want what your having! :) feeling like my life’s about ti change! That’s a good feeling! Thank you! Sharon :)

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Craig June 12, 2012 at 9:04 am

Thanks Sharon :)

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Felicity June 12, 2012 at 9:27 am

And thats why I am glad I know you :-)

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amanda June 12, 2012 at 10:33 am

Great stuff Mr Harper. Thank you.

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Pet June 12, 2012 at 10:40 am

AWESOME!!! I love it…..& I love being surrounded by like-minded people :-)

Still got my goofy smile on ;-p

Pet
xoxo

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Trish B June 12, 2012 at 10:41 am

Keep ‘going with the flow’ Craig, because it’s obviously working!
One of the main benefits I’ve gained from reading your posts is the courage to let go of the negative people who were lurking in my life.
Your posts are so overwhelmingly positive (in a “suck it up Princess” way) that it puts other peoples’ attempts to drag me down into perspective.
I now let them believe that the world is a dangerous, unhealthy, unfriendly place and get on with my amazing life without their input! As always, thank you.

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Michele June 12, 2012 at 11:18 am

Hello me, how am I today ? :)

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Craig June 12, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Just like me. :)

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Sue2 June 12, 2012 at 11:54 am

Wow.
Just curious what is your Myer Briggs personality Craig?
Also noticed that a while back there were several posters who I felt dominated with their opinions but no longer seem to post. Now people seem more like minded people posting

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Craig June 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Hi Sue2.

I’ve never done any kind of psychological or personality testing. :)

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Deb deb June 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Love! Great post.

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Christine Angelini June 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Don’t know what your ratio of readers are guys or women. From the comments, I guess I would say men. Most relate….or they would not be reading your posts. I am a woman….I relate….often send your tidbits on to my grown son and daughter. Don’t know if they appreciate that…they never say. But as a Mom I feel better forwarding “good stuff.” Thanks for being out there.

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Kassy June 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Craig I love the way that you write. I tried to explain this to someone the other morning when, with an it’s-too-early-I’m-not-awake-and-my-traps-are-too-tight sore head, I tried to explain why I wouldn’t ever want to exchange brains with another human (because that’s the kind of conversation you have before 6am in a pilates studio). I didn’t quiiiite put it like this and ended up looking like an asshole. Right now I wish that it was you in that pilates studio, but not in the ‘you are me and I am you’ kinda way but the ‘maybe I’ll swap with that other person’s brain after all just for a moment’ way.

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Mares June 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Beautifully said!

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Tracey Ph June 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Always love your insights into my thoughts, comforting that i am not the only person to have them (and over assess them). My day was much better for reading your post and all the comments. Truly lovely people attract lovely people, this is true with you and the commenters on your site. Well done and thank you. T

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Mikki June 12, 2012 at 6:57 pm

As always, you reach somewhere in my brain where recognition lives. Thank you so much, you made me smile today.

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KTB June 14, 2012 at 8:12 am

Thanks Craig, made me cry before breakfast, your a legend in the best of ways. And now I can articulate to someone special, something so very important, you really are amazing. This is me bowing and tipping my imaginary hat, thank you.

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