Isn’t it funny how things happen?
It’s five past eleven am (Saturday) as I type this word, been up since four thirty and did my radio show between six and ten.
Five minutes ago I had just walked in the front door and was making myself a cup of tea when it dawned on me that I haven’t posted (written an article) for a few days.
As I jiggled and dangled my teabag and pondered my next addition to the site, I was acutely aware of my lack of inspiration; usually things present themselves to me and say “here I am.. people need to know about me, start writing.”.. . but today; nothing, donuts, nada, zippo.
It was a veritable black-hole of creativity.
As a rule it’s pretty busy in my head.. and the bloke with the yellow woolly wig, red nose and the big green shoes who rides the unicycle around my brain is ever-present.
But today…
Blankarama.
“Oh well, something will hit me.. I’ll head up the stairs to my computer, check my emails and see if I get inspired”, I told myself.
So two minutes ago I opened my emails and there were two (site-related) emails only; both were replys to (comments on) the same article – A Practical Guide to Overcoming Procrastination.
Both were from (allegedly) different people, both said (very) similar things and both asked me to write a post on exactly the same issue.
This is pretty amazing when you consider that:
(1) Not too many people write to request that I address specific subjects
(2) The emails were sent by different people six minutes apart and
(3) Of the two hundred-plus posts I’ve written, both people commented on just the one post… which was written some time ago.
So I guess there are a few possibilities:
(1) I’m meant to write on this subject
(2) Someone sent me two emails under different names
(3) That’s some weird-ass coincidence.
Personally, I’m goin’ for option two but I figure that if someone will go to the trouble of writing two different emails under two different names they must really need some answers and direction… so for that reason alone, I better (do my best to) help them out.
Here are the emails… you figure it out.
Email one. (sent at 9.18am)
Hi Craig, Great post.
I read your post early yesterday morning and consequently had a really productive day getting things done that I had been putting off for 2 months. I feel much better having done them, almost like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I read your posts regularly and I would like to make a request. Could you please write a post on support systems (partners, friends etc)and their importance in life.
I’m sure in your position you have plenty. In our busy lives I feel it is difficult to always remember those who are our rock, our support. What do you think?
Louise, Ringwood
Email two. (sent at 9.24am)
G’day Craig, Great post.
I have a request. Could you please write a post on support systems in life (friends, partners etc). I have a very busy life and just realised how much I take my support systems for granted. How do you believe support systems have helped you? How do you make time for those who mean a lot to you?
Nadine
I’m thinkin’ Louise and Nadine might closely related.
Real close.
Irrespective of their source, I think they are important issues and questions.. and at the same time, probably not something that was front of mind for me (in terms of subject matter to write on).
So here we go; support systems.
Well.. err.. ah… I.. ah.. guess.. I…
Is it hot in here?
Can someone turn on the air?
Hmm; possibly a tricky subject for the fiercely independent, I don’t-need-anyone’s-help, only child.
Time for some introspection, humility and honesty.
Darn that whole honesty thing… so over-rated.
Can’t I just fib a bit and tell you all how ace I am at accepting people’s help?
Guess not.
Okay, first I’ll chat in general terms about our (human) support systems and then I’ll chat about me personally (do I have to?)
Part one; the general stuff.
On some level, we all need our own support system… be that in the form of family and friends or something more formal and professional like a coach, mentor, therapist, psychologist, dietitian or doctor… or perhaps someone a little more spiritual like a rabbi, pastor, guru or.. (insert the religious leader of your choice).
Or maybe a combination of them all!
We all desire to be loved, wanted, respected and important to someone.
And we regularly need encouragement, guidance, support, feedback and occasionally, correction (some more than others).
In truth, there is no ‘set’ method or ‘rules’ for being part of someone’s support system or building a perfect one for yourself; different people need different things.
While one person will thrive on constant feedback, approval and attention, another will resent it.
I think the question to ask when we look at our own support system is whether or not we have a healthy one… and whether we have a practical, functional, common-sense model, or an unhealthy dependency on another person or group.
For some people their support network has become their dependency network.
They can’t function independently.
That positive in their life has become a negative.
Social and emotional support is great, but social and emotional dependency is unhealthy.
And common.
Sometimes there’s a fine line between helping and hindering someone on their journey.
Sometimes not helping someone… is what’s best for them.
Even though it may be painful and unpleasant at the time (for both parties), sometimes tough love produces the best results (over time).
I have worked with many people who have been ‘protected’ and ‘supported’ into total dysfunction. Their ‘support system’ is so extensive and pervasive that they don’t know where they (personally) end… and their support system starts; they don’t think or do for themselves.
They end up with no practical coping skills.
They are helped.. into helplessness.
They end up weak; incapable of dealing with problems, making decisions or thinking for themselves.
On the other hand… I’ve also worked with people who have been supported back into health, happiness and productivity; people who have moved from dependant to independent (yay).
We’ve all heard the saying, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a life time”.
Well, some people have been handed too many fish for far too long.
They’re like the sad seals we see at the zoo who have been hand-fed for so long that they are incapable of surviving in the ‘real world’ (their natural habitat).
Put ‘em in the ocean and they die… because their ‘support system’ took away their ‘life-skills’.
I’m all for healthy support systems and helping people but I believe the best gift to give someone is that of personal empowerment; new skills, new attitude, new possibilities.
And (loving) honesty.
Periodically, brutal honesty.
But… I will only share (what I believe to be) the truth with people who:
(1) Want to hear it and
(2) I believe can cope with that truth.
I Hope that, for some of you, I am part of your support system.
That would be my honour and pleasure.
I want to encourage, provoke, challenge and teach you… but ultimately, I want you to do it.
You to make the decisions.
You to get uncomfortable.
You to confront your fears.
And you to grow and develop by scraping your knees on a regular basis
If you’ve got no recent scabs or scars you’re probably not fulfilling your potential.
Part two; the Craig stuff.
To make it easy (on me!), I think I’ll refer to the specific questions from the emails.
(1) How do you believe support systems have helped you?
I am very fortunate in that I work with two of my best friends; Johnnie and Mikey boy (love you lads). Not only do they tell me I’m an idiot when I need to hear it, but they also give me the practical, emotional, social support and perspective I need… to do what I do.
And I do my best to support them also.
While working with your friends can prove to be catastrophic for some, for me it’s one of the high-lights of my life; I love it.
If I’m gonna spend so much time working, it may as well be with people I care about.
Over my journey the thing I’ve relied on most from my friends, mentors and family has been their honesty and feedback. I hate it when people tell me what they think I want to hear… when in reality, all I need to hear, is the truth.
Whether it’s comfortable or not.
Like most, I also love encouragement and support but only if it’s absolutely genuine.. and not someone merely trying to pump up my tyres.
I guess being an only child and living on my own since I was eighteen has meant that I am relatively independent and self-sufficient (to a point).
This can be good and bad.
Good because it means that I have reasonably good coping skills and can deal with most things… and bad because it means that, at times, I have a tendency to (unintentionally) keep people at a distance (emotionally).
While I do love and trust many people, it is not always easy, natural or even wise to trust people when so many have demonstrated an ability to be dishonest and deceitful.
I think it is wise that we let people earn the right to be loved and trusted by us.
Over the years I have had many people lie, cheat and regularly steal from me (if you’ve ever owned a business which deals in cash, you’ll understand).
And while there is no residual bitterness, anger or any other negative emotion loitering deep within my subconscious, there is a certain level of skepticism, caution and discernment with which I approach people.. in both my personal, and professional lives.
By the way, that’s called being smart, not cynical.
Having said all of that, I have always been a person who looks for the good and who has more belief in most people than they do in themselves.
(2) How do you make time for those who mean a lot to you?
I am a good listener and I am reasonably perceptive when it comes to what people need, how they are wired and what will make them feel loved, needed, secure and appreciated.
But if I’m being completely honest, I don’t spend enough time with some people who are important to me… and yes I’m working on it.
Don’t tell anyone, but I’m flawed.
Yep, I stuff up on a regular basis.
I hurt, neglect and offend.
I never intend to.. but I do it.
I think it’s called being human.
If only I was a cyborg.
The practical realities of my life mean that, at times, it’s tricky for me to spend enough quality time with some of the people I care about… so for me, it’s a matter of balancing the practical with the personal, emotional and social.
I’m getting better at it.
Just don’t talk to my friends.
And don’t let them read this.
Well Louise and Nadine, thanks for challenging me and making me think.
Dunno if I was any help at all but hey, at least we opened the door on an interesting subject.
Hmm… I just thought; waddif ‘Louise and Nadine’ are actually friends of mine who wrote those emails in order to make me think?
Hey that would be sneaky.
No wonder I don’t trust them.
(kidding).
So clearly, I don’t have the final word on support systems.. so please share your thoughts and teach me something.
* Click on the comments button, let us know your name and where you’re from. If you’ve never left a comment… stop being a chicken.
Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and my FREE Ebook!
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeah, going for possibly #2 (both emails by the same person) is probably right. They even used parentheses similarly.
This is true. I think a support system is like ropes. They can support you. You can reach for them when you are about to lose balance. They can form a net to catch you when you fall, but when these ropes are doing too much, you are tied up in it and become a puppet.
Haha, I guess that’s the kind of analogy a puppeteer would come up with.
Sometimes (actually, a lot of times) this “not spending enough time with people I care about” thing is not entirely your fault. After all, it takes two people to spend time together, but it only takes one person for it to not happen. I guess that’s something both parties should mutually work on, but it’s probably encouraged to show the initiative to see if the other person respond to it. I probably don’t do enough of that. I should work on it.
Oh yeah, I am from Los Angeles. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again.
Hey Kelvin.
Number 2 it is.
Nice analogy (the rope and puppet thing; cool).
Peace.
Craig You are master of analogies:
Well, some people have been handed too many fish for far too long.
They’re like the sad seals we see at the zoo who have been hand-fed for so long that they are incapable of surviving in the ‘real world’ (their natural habitat).
Put ‘em in the ocean and they die… because their ‘support system’ took away their ‘life-skills’.
I reckon my ex has an ocean of fish swimming undigested in his gut- fish handed out by me.
I also have to agree with kelvin: “After all, it takes two people to spend time together, but it only takes one person for it to not happen.” What is really sad for my girls is their grandparents on his side have said call us anytime you want to talk…but they never call to even say g’day…and they are the adults in this supposed support network. That makes me mad. he does the same…complains we wouldn’t know if he was dead because we don’t contact him regularly but it takes two…kind of mirrors the sad reality of the bad marriage really.
Ok enuff sad stuff – let me just say that there are positive support networks out there and you need to work out what is working for you and what is not…then you’ll be on track.
Hi Jen.
Yep it does take both sides to make a relationship work… and while I understand your pain, my advice to you would be…. don’t waste your emotional energy on stuff (other people) you can’t change.
Easier said than done, I know.. but give it a shot.
A few deep breaths Mildura Girl…
Peace.
I think you are lucky to have guys like Johnnie and Mikey around you to support you in what you do. Unfortunately, the reality is that alot of us do not have the ‘right’ support that we need. We need people that will tell us the truth and not what we want to hear. I believe there is an element of luck in having people like these come in to our lives. What do you think?
Hi Abbey.
Some luck, some planning, some choosing…
I only hang out with people I respect.
Happy hunting!
Peace.
hey craig, i just found this blog and as i was about to click away something caught me, your writing. Your content is great, but even more importantly you are a spectacular writer.
Thanks, Alex