Change-ology
As you know, this website is essentially all about change. Specifically, how you and I might create positive change in our world. So too, the vast majority of my presentations revolve around the key issue of creating positive change. That is, the science of producing better outcomes in our day-to-day lives; both in the short and long term. Personally and Professionally. While it’s my job to teach principles and strategies for change, it’s your job to apply the (relevant) information and produce the desired results.
Whether it’s changing something about our body, thinking, relationships, business, career, finances, nasty habits, environment, situation or perhaps the way we make (or don’t make) decisions, many of the underlying principles of change are universal.
Doing What Doesn’t Work
While some of us spend much of our lives perpetually getting on and off the change-merry-go-round with very little long-term success, other people (just like us) seem to deal with the same challenges much more effectively and produce consistent and gradual improvement in their world.
Why?
The question is why? Why do some people with no more knowledge, potential, skill or resources create amazing results over the long term, while other people in a similar situation with similar goals are forever spinning their wheels and finding themselves back where they started? Or worse?
While there is no single answer to that question (because we’re all wired differently and we’re all in different situations), there is one common mistake that is made by many (many) people who are seeking to build themselves a better existence. Although the principle I’m about to share with you is not true for every person in every situation, my experience and observation tells me that it is true for the majority:
“The more things we try to change (in the short term), the less likely we are to change anything (over the long term).”
Making Change Stick
As a rule, for results to ‘stick’ the change-process must be gradual, progressive and maintainable. Many people undertake programs which will never be maintained for more than a few weeks because they are simply too extreme, demanding or unrealistic. Trying to completely re-invent (almost) every area of our existence – all at the same time – is a recipe for disaster; not change.
As a general rule, extreme doesn’t work.
I’m always amused by people who want to ‘undo’ decades of self-abuse, destructive habits and poor choices by next Tuesday. If it’s life-long results and genuine change you’re after, make your transformation a logical, gradual and intelligent (not emotional or reactive) process. If, like many others, you keep finding yourself back in the same ‘place’ battling with the same issues (I call it circular behaviour), pay close attention to what I’m saying today. 
Ciao xx
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Interesting one Craig! Not sure completely of my thoughts here.
I know when I have tried to change things gradually on the times I’ve done that, I expect less of myself, I get bored with little and slower results, very slow momentum and seem to chuck in the towel for that lethal short term pleasure.
Also I have long term yoying tendancies with financial control, fatloss/gain, binge eating, drinking too much alcohol at times. I know in the past when focussed on getting fit/shedding fat I’ve done well with that, – but ignored the financial side and completely lost desire for bingeing and replaced that pleasure with wine and flash new clothes. I did lose fat, get fitter, was happy about that but sucked in other areas! And at times a bit of vice versa.
I am really working to focus on all things to a ‘move forward’ level each way at the moment. Yep, it is changing habits formed from many years. But even gradual changes in each area I’m worried won’t put me actually going forward/building momentum, maybe just going backward at a slower rate.
Hmmm………………..great topic!
Craig, maybe some of us are never meant to have X and Y or this body or relationship or millionaire or whatever. The terrible reality of change is that we might change and be run over tomorrow. It’s life. John Lennon found peace and was shot. A North Carolina man on the weekend found the person he was going to marry and a car plowed into him – she now faces life without him. It just simply happens, we change, work at change but it is often against a tide that sometimes wins.
Having said that Craig, all we can do is work at it and finding your blog helps to keep that happening, so it is not a negative thing. Thanks again for your insight.
Hi Craig,
Well, I’d have to agree with this rule. Not because I’m a big brown-nose suck-up crawler (although clearly that’s the case) but because my recent experience has proven it to be true.
A few months ago, I decided to focus on changing ONE aspect of my life – my health/fitness– between now and the end of the year and that strategy has worked. There are other areas that I could have changed too because, sadly, I’m not perfect but there was nothing that couldn’t be just kept ticking over until I could give it my full attention.
Making gradual changes to my diet has proven to be the best strategy, too. Your taste slowly adjusts and you create a new normal. For me, now, full cream milk on cereal would taste like melted icecream – yuck. This is the first time in my life that I have lost weight without counting Weight Watchers points or being on a ‘diet’. I simply want different foods now. Strange but true. Having created a new ‘normal’ will hopefully mean that the changes will stick – if I’m not ‘on’ a diet, I can’t go ‘off’ a diet, can I?
I also think it’s important to establish WHY we are trying to change. If it’s a change that has been imposed upon us then we’re obviously going to resist it and rebel at the first opportunity – nobody likes being told what to do. I have a friend (it’s not me, really) who eats her own body weight in lollies every time her skinny husband suggests that she could lose a few kilos. However, when she decides to look after her body and exercise for the sheer joy of it, she goes great guns. Trying to change to please or impress someone else isn’t going to work, ever.
Oops. Another long comment. Sorry.
Enjoy the sunshine.
Christina xxx
Hey there!
I was on the merry go round of self abuse and since RYL I have made some steps to break the cycle which has occurred only through great advice Craig and that was your great line …
The more things we try to change quickly …
And so I returned to real life and took that advice on along with being level headed about the exercise and diet approach. I used to give up completely if I missed a day a the gym now I grant myself permission to let that go feeling of guilt go and get back there tomorrow instead of giving up altogether. I have found since I have stopped that inner dialogue of blame etc I have greater acceptance that stuff happens and to move forward and even though the results are not quick, they appear to be longer lasting – which exactly the result I would prefer.
I also feel that understanding that change is not stagnant it is a cycle that is ever moving, nor is it a destination just a journey.
And I thank you for being apart of my journey.
Kisses M mwah x
Well, just because Christina got in first to be the brown-nose suck-up crawler today, I’ll be the rebel and disagree. I’m with Pip on this one – too little change and too slow in results just messes with my enthusiasm. If you have the motivation and drive, post yourself some serious goals and go all out, I say. But that’s just what works for me. The more I change, the less inclined I am to drop the ball in any one part since I’m working so hard in all the other areas. It’s kind of like my hard work across other facets acts as my accountability partner – I don’t want to let them down.
Now all I have to do to keep the changes I’ve made for the long term is to believe I’m worthy of the new “normal” that I’ve created. Not to think that it’s a peak and therefore I’ll “go back” to normal.
There’s a question for you, Craig. I keep coming back up against this one. Even when your intellect is convinced of your worthiness, how do you TRULY get through to your feelings (or subconscious), so that the issue or behaviours go away, once and for all?
Happy beaching.
xx
We are all creatures of habit. That is what gives circumstances such power over us.
(In fact, the original saying was: ‘MEN are creatures of habit. That is what gives WOMEN such power over them’… khem… khem…)
Sorry for the digression. Well, what I am driving at is that a great change is great stress. Therefore, subtle changes to one’s lifestyle are far more effective than ‘big’ decisions simply because we are more likely to accept them.
Are you ever wrong?
Okay, first up – Pip and Suza.
While both of you say that the gradual change thing doesn’t really work for you, I’m yet to be convinced that the “everything at once” approach has ever resulted in life-long change for either of you.
From what I know, both of you have spent more than a little time stopping and starting, progressing and regressing and getting on and off the change-merry-go-round at different stages of your journeys. As I said in the post, there’s no single answer to the change question but it is true that for most people (and you two may prove to be the exceptions), permanent change (that is, NEVER to be the same again) will not be found by trying to change everything (or many things) simultaneously.
Now for the encouragement: there is NO doubt that you girls can both contradict the majority and do what most don’t (and I hope you do) but keep in mind that we’re not talking about behavioural change for weeks, months or even a few years; we’re talking about being and doing different for the rest of your time here on the big blue ball.
xx
That’s why we need to focus our energies on what we can control and let go of what we can’t Michael…
Thanks for giving us a little insight into your journeys Christina; the three-dimensional one and the one in your head
Good to hear Mary Anne and you’re very welcome x
Hi Anon. I’m often wrong.
Daily in fact.
Hi Craig, Like the other two girls i find going slow just wears me down its all or nothing i guess. My problem is i can go so far then something stops me in my tracks. It could be fear of the unknown and it could be fear that i will finally prove what i have heard for most of my life isnt true. I guess when you have grown up hearing something you take it on as truth afterall, adults dont lie.!! Especially the ones who say they love us.Ive walked the weight off and put it back on and Im so tired of doing it and having to redo it. I dont want to work at it Im tired of working at it only to have it fall in my face, but i like what i got then i self destruct. I guess its the case of the one foot nailed to the floor thing.
Being slim scares me and yet i want it. I have a conflict of interest going on inside me, the negative voice is very powerfull and drowns out the positive voice struggling to be heard. I dont want the day i die to be the only day i finally feel good about myself. I couldnt make it to Noosa and Im sort of glad because Craig i would of poured my heart out to you and we would of been there for ages.
Im hurting Craig big time this conflict inside me is slowly killing me, I laugh on the outside cause i dont show the tears Im crying inside and the self loathing and hatred of my body i feel. I can give to others but there is nothing for me, i feel i dont deserve it.
sorry for the long comment.
You’re absolutely right, Craig. While my journey has seen me improve overall, I can’t deny it’s been a merry-go-round .. albeit 3 steps forward and only 2 back. Earlier this year, I’d kicked my weight-loss and fitness goals right out of the ballpark. Then sat back on my laurels. And got soft again. Only about 3kg, but noticeable to me, nonetheless. And certainly NOT the elite martial artist athlete I want to be! Clearly, I haven’t got a handle on the “maintenance” part of living with the new-and-improved me. Definitely learning some valuable lessons here.
Perhaps the formula for me (and maybe Pip) is to go all out to actually REACH the first goal(s), but then to make some gentle but permanent changes to lifestyle .. and commit to those changes.
Hmmm… didn’t initially expect to get anything new out of this post when I read it, but I mostly certainly have! Thanks heaps, O-Ye-Wise-One!
And at the risk of trumping Christina in the Long Comment Department, something I read this morning really resonated with me – and ties in with what you’re always saying, Craig. From Dan Millman’s “No Ordinary Moments”:
” “Participants in my training sometimes ask, “I know what I need to do, but where do I find the discipline? How do I motivate myself?” When people ask me how to do something, I remind them that they already know how; they are really asking, “What’s the easy way?”
On planet Earth, ‘easy’ is hard to find. Any accomplishment require effort, courage and will…
Those of us who master change, or at least accept it, recognise the cold, clear realities. ”
Have an awesome Hump Day!
Suz
xx
Hi Craig,
You hit the nail on the head.. I was looking back over the past five years recently feeling like a failure .. but then it hit me how far I had gradually come and where I need to go…
Unfotrunately I had such high expectations when I set out on this and whislt there is nothing wrong with that my timeframes where so unrealistic..
I now need to know where I am at, what the best route is and how long it will take for me to be where I want to be.
Cheers
Kate
Well I am going to be a bit of a devil’s advocate here (no suck up points for me)
This slow and steady approach that you are advocating seems very sensible and logical. However I think this approach is way too logical. It sounds as exciting as watching paint dry. I love your blog but your message today came across as very bland and ho hum – no energy no excitement. Are you a bit tired/ lacking energy today Craig?
You could probably sell ice to the Eskimos Craig but today you have been very convincing to the logical part of the brain only. You left out the magical ingredient – remember that human beings are a wonderful mix of emotional and logical, and in many cases more emotional than logical.
What about the other side of the coin? – a topic you have raised many times on this blog Craig where people are faced with extraordinary circumstances (eg diagnosed with a severe or terminal illness) and all of a sudden they are able to make huge and very sudden positive changes in their life – there are no gradual changes in those cases.
So what I think you have missed here Craig is pulling the logical and the emotional together – yes most people do need to make gradual changes but in order for this to work there needs to be a big emotional investment in the process. We need to get EXCITED about change.
Lets throw some emotion in there, celebrate every positive change no matter how small. Every pore of our emotional being needs to be along for the ride or we will leave part of ourselves behind.
Stands down from soap box……
Thank you for listening
Christina,
Totally agree, I use to think extreme and quick was good however on honest reflection at age 33 I see I have gained more in the past 3 years of my life than ever and the different, slow gradual changes… although in my head they are of course fast, massive events;)
Gradual lasts. .. but as always speed always wins.. even the tortise beat the hare! (my fav RPM saying)
I do agree with the gradual change thing. Absolutely. It sticks. I think also that changes that are congruent with each other also stick (as long as there is not too many)..
We are all human after all and with all our daily responsibilities, daily routines and daily tasks etc…some little changes here and there (when applied consistently and over time) are not only more achievable, but also allow for a gradual emergence of a new normal.
From little things, big things grow.
At least that’s what I’ve found. Back sliding usually occurs when we have started to become a little too self critical (without realising it) and then perhaps also a little impatient with our slower than we would like it to be, change.
Recognising and celebrating every little change or goal achieved is also another really helpful thing to do. Sometimes we can get in the mindset (if we don’t stop to consciously become aware of it) of building up others (who may seem to be making bigger steps than us) and talking ourselves down.
Celebrate and give yourself a pat on the back I say for each and every positive change you make, Then make some more.
Thanks for letting me share….hope the surf is still good up in Noosa (if you’re still there).
Mon
xo
I need to back you up not against any poster, but rather I have tried the change all at once, the reinvent yourself myth. Gradual change daily in and out affirmations, behaviour changes and actions seem the way to go. I have had it said to me ‘oh look you will be run over by a bus so go for it” arguement. I agree that is possible to do a massive change, but life tends to throw up things to challenge that change. Look at moving house, a major immediate change, and how many obsticles happen.
I’ll give you an example. I swore off pizzas. In the past 4 weeks I’ve had severa
. What do I do? Well, I don’t punish myself but rather look at the pizza and go, well it would be better not to. It is that simple, it is wussy and fluffy, but that is what works. Just keep the three cheeses trio pizza away from me 
So I do see Pip’s point, I just have a higher tolerance for the setbacks and boredom then some people offline I know, but you do get little signposts. E.g. you have been on a diet for months and no one gives a rats, but you turn up to meet an old friend and they say ‘my you have lost weight’. That’s rare, but priceless.
So Craig yeah it seems Tortoise steps are the way to go but in this fast society, poor Sydneysiders probably feel this the most in Australia, we need the rewards now. But the change does not become forever.
Well it seems that I’ve opened a can of worms today and we’re not all on the same page. Good. As I’ve always said, we don’t need to agree, just listen and respect.
I will clear up one thing:
I never said it’s not possible to change a whole lot of things at once. What I DID say is that for most of the people, most of the time, that particular approach does not prove to be effective over the long term.
Yes, I’m all for people doing the exceptional and the extraordinary, but I’ve also been watching people work through the change process for twenty seven years, so I know the difference between what’s possible and what’s likely… which is why I don’t try to sell people on the idea of dramatic and large-scale change in a short period of time..
Thanks for all your input today Guys; I appreciate ALL of it.
By the way, you’re right Johhny Mo; it wasn’t the most exciting or inspirational piece of writing I’ve ever produced…