The Test is not the Test

Before We Get Under Way

Hi Guys, this “Monday” post is up a day early as my Sunday afternoon and Monday morning schedule is somewhat manic and doesn’t really allow for writing. Life’s about choices and today I’m giving you two; the written word and the audio version. Or I guess option three could be that you experience both. All for the incredible price of… nuthin’. Bargain. With the recent acquisition of my new digital audio recorder, there’s been a whole bunch of experimentation and play over the weekend. While most of my posts will continue to be the written variety, my plan at this stage is to include one or two audio instalments each week. Unless of course they suck, and/or I hate them. In which case the shiny new recorder gizmo will find itself in the spare room with all my other un-used and un-loved expensive crap. Although I’m not really a fan of my voice, I gotta say that five or ten minutes of speaking into a microphone is way easier than several hours of writing. Anyway, let me know your thoughts. Also… for my Aussie readers, I will be on Channel Ten tomorrow (Tuesday) at around 10:25 am(ish) talking about why most people who lose weight re-gain it. Unless the station re-schedules me; which happens now and then. And finally, you can listen to today’s post by clicking on the link at the bottom. On with the show.

“The test is not the test; your reaction to the test is the test”

One Upon a Friday Night….

It’s the end of another busy week and you’re pumped because you’ve planned a relaxing weekend trip to the mountains with your partner; some time to get away, de-stress, re-connect, breath in some fresh air, commune with nature, enjoy some tranquility and simply step out of the chaos that is your busy, urban existence. You’re very excited; you can almost smell the trees, hear the birds and feel the mountain air on your face. You’ve been looking forward to this all week and now it’s Friday night, the car’s packed and you’re good to go. You get in the car and breath a sigh of relief. Bliss – here you come. You put the key in the ignition, turn it and… nothing. Zippo. Donuts. You’re blood pressure rises a little. You feel a little anger well up. Some negative thoughts knock on the door of your consciousness and you invite them in; “make yourselves comfortable fellas”, you say.

The Anxiety BrothersYou clench the steering wheel and turn the ignition again. Nada. Silence. And while the car remains silent, the noise is your head begins to increase. The internal chatter is reaching an unpleasant crescendo. You exhale loudly in frustration, you bang on the steering wheel and your partner shifts uncomfortably. The excitement is disappearing at a rapid rate and in the space of sixty seconds the mood has become decidedly negative. The energy in the car has gone from very up to very down and it’s all because of you. Of course you think the problem is the car but in this moment, the problem is you. Without notice there’s another knock on the cerebral door; this time it’s those highly seductive and destructive emotions – Resentment and Self-Pity. They have decided to join their old buddy Anger, and of course you welcome them both with open arms. “Pull up a chair lads”. True to form, Anger, Resentment and Self-Pity make themselves right at home and take a quick tour of your body just to ensure that Mr Blood Pressure, Mr Heart Rate, Mr Vaso-constriction, Mr Cortisol Production and Mr Respiration (known collectively as the Anxiety Brothers) are all on high alert.

Get Back in the Car

You remove the keys from the ignition and look at them. You’re not really sure what you’re looking for but you do it anyway. You put them back in. You try again. Nothing. And again. And again. Still nothing. You jump out of the car and slam the door. You swear. By now the Anxiety Brothers are high-fiving each other. You walk in circles, kick the ground, clench your fists and throw your arms in the air. You’re angry and heading towards out of control. Your much calmer partner tries to console you and offer a sensible suggestion. You snap back with another profanity. You mumble something about fairness and God. You ask some pointless questions and are just about to throw your own personal pity party when you hear a noise behind you that sounds exactly like a car engine. You spin around. The engine is running and your partner suggests that you might want to get back in the car.

“It helps if the transmission is in Park and not Drive”, you’re informed.

In the space of a few minutes you went from positive to negative, happy to unhappy, calm to angry and from polite to rude. All the while, your partner who was in the same car, the same situation and was faced with the same challenge didn’t change at all. While you were immersing your miserable, melodramatic self in the (imagined) “catastrophe”, he/she was all about calmly finding a solution. There’s a thought.

The Problem is… You

And what (or who) created all those undesirable responses? What is the car situation? Nope, it was you in the situation. Cars don’t create stress, people do. Engine issues don’t make things unpleasant, people do. A transmission in “D” instead of “P” is only a disaster when we make it that. In truth, there are no problems; only events. A “problem” is a label we complex creatures give certain situations, circumstances and events. That’s why John’s catastrophe is Julie’s life-lesson and why Sally’s problem will be Sam’s opportunity; it’s all about individual response and personal interpretation.

If things only have the meaning we give them (and they do), then the only place that problems can exist is in our head. I know this will be difficult or maybe even illogical for some of you to accept but I would urge you to at least consider a different perspective. Sometimes a change of perspective (that is, thinking) is what we’ve needed all along. If we acknowledge that my reality is not yours and yours is not mine, then what else can we conclude? We can realise that we each create our own reality; the good and the bad, the problems and the solutions.

A Problem-Less Existence

I’m not for one moment suggesting that messy, undesirable, painful and difficult situations don’t exist in our world; of course they do. What I am suggesting is that the impact those things will have on our practical reality (good, bad or neutral) is totally dependant on how we react to them. And if we know that we have the ability to choose our reactions (which we do), then we also know that we have the option of a problem-less life. We can choose problems or lessons. You may think I’m being overly simplistic and that it’s all a matter of definition… and in a way, you would be right. However, keep in mind that the labels and meaning we give things has an immediate and dramatic impact on mental and emotional states, our nervous system, our physiology and of course, our (version of) reality.

The Problem Myth

The problem with problems(!) is that we have bought (emotionally and psychologically) into the myth. We create them. We give them power in our life. We willingly (and unnecessarily) surrender control to them. Having worked with numerous people with terminal illnesses over the years, I can tell you that whether something will be hard or easy, painful or pleasant, melodramatic or matter-of-fact is five percent about the situation and ninety five percent about the person in it.

See you tomorrow.

As always, love to hear your thoughts on this subject and feedback on this post. You can do that by clicking on the link below. If you’re not sure how to leave a comment, click here.

* Listen to today’s post by clicking on this link… R1_0003.MP3

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