“In many instances, the likelihood of an individual succeeding (no matter what the goal) will be dependant on how uncomfortable that person is prepared to get and for how long.” C.A.H.
The Application of the Information
This morning I coached someone who asked me to expand on the ‘growth comes through discomfort’ theory. It’s something I’m always teaching and it’s a concept my client was having trouble getting her head around – from a practical application point of view. As the concept is relevant to most of us, I thought I would expand on it a little today.
What’s Growth?
In the context of this discussion, growth could mean a range of things: learning, improvement, adaptation, skill development, greater insight, better understanding, less fear, more confidence, greater productivity, less anxiety, more patience, fewer destructive habits and even something as practical and measurable as greater physical strength and improved health.
For an athlete, growth might mean more points per game, a higher vertical leap or a faster time. For a shop-aholic it might mean eliminating debt and changing spending habits. For the person with a social phobia, it might mean looking someone in the eye and initiating a conversation. And, for the chronic people-pleaser it could mean saying ‘no’ to somebody, taking a stand and not backing down. In simple terms, growth means creating positive change in some area of our (personal) world.
What’s Discomfort?
Discomfort, on the other hand, could be anything that (in a general sense) we’d rather avoid. It could present itself in the form of a work problem, a financial situation, a conversation we’re always deferring, a fitness challenge, a health issue, a habit we need to break, a fear we need to confront, a relationship we need to end, a dynamic we need to change or even (as many people have experienced) an unexpected illness. It could arrive in the form of an emotional, physical, psychological, sociological, financial or professional challenge. Or, a combination thereof.
Individually Uncomfortable
The interesting thing about the discomfort/growth paradigm is that it’s completely personal in terms of how and when it works and what it means to us. By that, I mean one person’s discomfort (and, therefore, opportunity to grow) will be another person’s minor event. There is no universally relevant discomfort scale because we all think, feel, experience and react differently. A scale like P.R.E. (a widely-used scale which gauges an individual’s Perceived Rate of Exertion while completing a physical task) tells us that comfort or discomfort, hard or easy is all about the individual. Which tells us that learning, adaptation, change and improvement are also about the individual.
Standing on a stage and talking is simply part of my job. For me, that task is about as stressful as driving a cab might be for a cabbie. That is, not very. For someone else, it might be an exercise in anxiety or maybe even terror. And, at the same time, a major opportunity for growth. Knowing that things only have the meaning we give them, we can safely assume that there is no single experience, process or situation that will produce consistent or equal results in terms of positive or negative change across the board.
Naturally, not all discomfort serves a positive purpose (standing in front of a moving bus for example) and, of course, we need to be wise and discerning about how, when and why we ‘get uncomfortable’. Having said that, it’s important that we find the awareness, courage and understanding that allow us to see problems, hurdles, barriers and catastrophes for what they really are: opportunities to grow and learn.
Is it time for you to address that thing you’ve been avoiding?
Don’t get mad at me – you keep putting it off. I’m just reminding you. 
P.S. I apologise for my scarcity this week but the Universe, God, Mother Nature (insert your preferred Higher Power) has brought to my attention the startling revelation that I am, in fact, human. And I thought I was an android. That’s right; Mr (alleged) Exercise Guru has rooted (shagged, stuffed, hurt, injured) his lower back while dead-lifting. For the last three days I have been moving like a statue. Sadly, bulging lumbar discs and sitting at a computer don’t go well together. Neither do they (bulging discs) improve one’s creative output. Apparently I’m not twenty-three any more. Who knew?
Traction anyone?
See you next week. 
* Don’t forget my new kid’s book (The Angry Ant) is out now! Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and get my FREE Ebook!
{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }
Is that another example of discomfort bringing some kind of growth?
Ooooooooooowch. The alpha male in me wants to know how many kgs did you deadlift? Was it anywhere near your PB? The older male in me (54) wants to encourage you to take it easy and swallow your pride and think about admitting that it is time you started decreasing your weights.
Ha ha it took me a few moments to realise that CAH after the quote was you. I’m curious – the ‘A’ in CAH what is your middle name?
Lol. I feel your pain Craig. I’m slowly getting back into training after my back episode. Hope you recover quicker than I have.
Take it easy.
Hey Craig,
Hope you feel better. I did the same thing early this year. Thinking I am super women I did a boot camp session that involved jumping on the beach (which had already hurt my back) then rode my bike to work with 5kgs on my back up and back. By the end of the day I couldn’t move. Chiropractor saved my life (well not really but you know what I mean
)
Hope you recover fast!
Craig, psychologists everywhere are loving you at the moment. Your discomfort-growth theory is widely supported by a large volume of evidence across a broad spectrum of problems. As is your hallmark, you language it in a truly accessible form. That right there is the secret of an effective teacher.
Sorry to hear about your back. Being no spring chicken, myself, its a timely reminder to lift, push, pull, swing, and drop weights with care.
Jenny – yep. Patience.
Johnny Mo – hey man.
1. Not max. 330lbs (sets of 8). Last rep. Last set.
2. Anthony.
Cheers
Thanks Robbie
Cheers Zal
So you are living out your discomfort then? Get well soon.
Good to know Robyn (re the psychologists). Thanks for saying hi
Thanks Michael. Yep, not nearly as good (strong) as I thought I was..
“Is it time for you to address that thing you’ve been avoiding?”
YES! How did you know?
Thanks for the nudge Uncle Craig. I know what I need to do. I just have some attachment issues. I’ll get over it. I have to. I need to GROW and LEARN and become BETTER. Hello discomfort. Please be my friend.
Hi Craig,
Hope you are up and about soon. (Without the pinching nerves and spasming muscles)
This is a very relevant post to me at this time.
The rational part of my mind understands and believes everything you have said. It sounds so easy and probably is…. Its the irrational, fear based part of my mind that fights, sabotages, restricts and controls growth, or lack of… At the moment I feel paralysed (to the point of being unable to speak) by the impending discomfort, of letting my guard down and not only taking a good hard look at what I have tried to hide from myself and others for most of my life, but trying to accept/forgive myself. I guess it is having the courage to feel that I am having the most trouble with. And the lack of self worth. And giving myself permission to let it all go. How do you find the courage without self worth, but how do you find self worth without having the courage?????
Maybe this is all just an excuse???
Get well!
Discomfort right now.
Hi Craig,
I love discomfort and this is my cornerstone for coaching…the development of mental strength through discomfort. If we’re not experiencing discomfort either the goal isn’t worth it or we’ve given up.
I enjoy mountaineering and when I experience discomfort I know I’m on a good mountain. The reward is working through the discomfort and getting to the top.
I like your reference to P.R.E., the good thing about this is it establishes that exertion or discomfort is very individualized. The trouble with this is it is “perceived” and not actual. This gives the individual an easy out based on their perception. This is one reason I became a coach like you…to help people expand their P.R.E.
Hope you get and feel better soon!
I agree with the discomfort/growth appoach to life.
It is a bit like the theory I have of dealing with grief, i.e. sitting in it and fully experiencing the pain, and not trying to go around or avoid it.
Have a good day.
No probs Jules..
Hi ‘Me’
Break the big stuff down into little stuff. Do something – anything – to take a smAll step forward. Get things done early in the day (to create momentum and build confidence) and don’t over-think it. Don’t dwell. Be mindful of the big picture but find a way to de-emotionalise the process (as best you can) and focus on what you CAN and WILL do today – no matter how seemingly small. Do something every day to take back ground from that negative and fearful mindset.
The feeling of not being good enough is a self-created illusion. No matter what situations or people have ‘taught’ you, you ARE good enough. I understand your feelings and your fear but more importantly, I know your potential. How do I know? Because we all have it. The ‘I’m not good enough’ paradigm only becomes a reality when you allow it to become real.
Thanks Ester
Learn, grow and adapt Catherine. By choice. You can be a victim or a victor.
Is it time for you to address that thing you’ve been avoiding?
Make that “things”. And yes, it is. One thing at a time – overload isn’t part of the deal.
Thanks Gregg. Keep helping people move those (self-imposed) boundaries and I’ll do the same.
Thanks for sharing Mignon
LOL – hope you are feeling better soon!
Good plan Helen
You’re laughing at my pain Kate!
I am not laughing at your pain…I am laughing at your HP! and the visuals of you feeling some discomfort in being human! Who would have thought;)
Big hugs .. not easy being injured… I am sure being as fit as you are u will recover quickly Kate
It does take a while to get into one’s brain that we are good enough. But you are right. Recently my ex friends have been saying i’m fat as but when they found out I was doing something about it they started saying I was a loser etc. I cut off contact and was told that was denial. But, I find not being around them I can concentrate on exercise etc but there is that voice going I’m garbage as I had a weight problem. Still, you are right others don’t have the power really. Good point Criag.
Sorry to hear about your discomfort, Craig.
Oh no, hope you’re feeling better soon Craig.
Since RYB last Sunday, I have been doing my daily running/walking first thing in the morning as opposed to mid morning after breakfast. I have found I get an extra hour in the day because of it!! I don’t have to wait till my breakfast is digested to be able to run, as my stomach is empty to begin with.
Also, I typed up a resume this week, it was a goal to have it done by this Friday….I applied for a part-time job on seek last night, so I am hopefull something will come of it.
My point is I have managed to do a couple of things this week that I have been putting off for a while, I guess you could call them getting uncomfortable. I feel much better for it. I still need to work on some of my long term goals in life and get a little bit more “uncomfortable”
Thanks Craig.
I am in the depths of emotional discomfort as I ended a long term relationship. It was wrong for me and going nowhere. I know this is the right thing for me and I am expecting a lot of growth due to the intensity of the discomfort! Looking forward to that when my internal struggle is over and I can reap the rewards of lessons learned and better opportunities.
What an attention seeker ;-p
Well I’m going to be getting VERY uncomfortable from Monday (yes starting on a Monday, but I need the weekend to prepare) for 25 days, cos I’m taking on the 25 Day Extreme Fat Loss Diet. I even went to the gym to attempt some of the exercises & today I can barely walk…..*oh woe is me* …… ;-p
Get better quick He-man!!
Pet
xoxo
Hi Craig
I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing physical discomfort at the moment. Take care and keep reminding yourself that you’re human.
I’m anticipating great discomfort in the next few months and it’s making me feel sick. I think that I need to end my marriage because it’s not meeting my needs. I love my husband, and everyone thinks we have a perfect marriage – including my husband… but I’m feeling like a human sacrifice. I have to say though that he loves me, he’s good to me, he provides financially, and he is my friend, but I need more, and he doesn’t seem to be able to give it. Many say that I have everything, yet I’m seriously considering giving it all up which would leave me worse off financially etc, but provide the opportunity for more growth and adventure. Yet, I feel selfish and I’m afraid to cause him pain.
Any advice would be appreciated…..
Suck it up Princess.
Dear Karen,
You’ve just given Craig the best advice for yourself in the situation you described:
Take care and keep reminding yourself that you’re human.
My life-mess is totally different, for one thing you don’t mention kids, but your human sacrifice comment hit me. It’s the ultimate discomfort in a relationship.
You seem to already know what you need to do. My advice is not to let the judgements of others affect you. People can form opinions about another’s life but they never really know what it’s like on the inside.
Good luck from Lisa xox
To Karen,
Tell your husband how you are feeling before you end the marriage. You can still grow as a person and learn lessons in life and be married at the same time. Maybe it is you that is holding you back and not your husband. I say this because I feel a bit like you in a sense and have had the difficult conversations with my husband. I have made a choice to work on my marriage and to choose to be positive and to look for the good. You can still have adventure in your life, with or without him. Don’t rely on somebody else to make you happy, find it within yourself.
hi Karen
Some possibilities:
- Stay with husband and preserve equilibrium
- Leave husband for growth/adventure
- Stay with husband and find growth/adventure on different terms
- Leave husband for growth/adventure but keep contact (you love each other)
Have you talked to your husband about how you feel / what you are thinking?
There must be other possibilities as well.
Love, Catherine
Hi Karen,
Ouch – I have never been married but I do think that marriage/bieng a parent is human sacrafice..
I cant help but maybe you need ask yourself what is it you really want – More what? Define it..
He does sound like a great guy and you are great woman to be asking these things…
Cheers Kate
Mr Harper,
Just interested in what brand flannelette shirts you wear, and where do you get them. I’m a big muscled guy, and have never found them with enough room around the arms and chest.
Thanks
Jim
PS This is a serious question, not a p*ss take!
Are you looking for a sparring partner?
Love Catherine
Since RYB last Sunday, I have been doing my daily running/walking first thing in the morning as opposed to mid morning after breakfast. I have found I get an extra hour in the day because of it!! I don’t have to wait till my breakfast is digested to be able to run, as my stomach is empty to begin with.Also, I typed up a resume this week, it was a goal to have it done by this Friday….I applied for a part-time job on seek last night, so I am hopefull something will come of it.My point is I have managed to do a couple of things this week that I have been putting off for a while, I guess you could call them getting uncomfortable. I feel much better for it. I still need to work on some of my long term goals in life and get a little bit more “uncomfortable”Thanks Craig.
+1
Craig–sorry to hear about your back. I have bulging discs as well and found magic in the pool. Take a noodle or some other flotation device that you can place under your arms, go into the deep end and just hang there (may be a bit into your discomfort zone because you’d want to do laps or some other kind of exertion, right?!) for 5-10 minutes or longer. Works best in either a therapy pool or a heated one, but any old pool will do. The water acts like gentle traction and the discs can go back to their homes between your vertebrae.
Hope you get better soon!
Discomfort always comes up when learning something new – and its too easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated at that point and simply give up. Sometimes it is good to get a reality check of your progress and put things into perspective
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