Morning class. Some tough-love today. No retreat, no surrender. Put on your bullet-proof vest. Open your mind. Leave your issues at the door. Find your best attitude. Be courageous and completely honest (as you relate the information back to yourself) and then do what you need to do. 
The Idea Ain’t the Reality
Last week I gave a corporate presentation and I asked two questions that I’ve asked many times to many audiences. They were:
1. Who would like to be fitter, leaner, lighter, stronger, healthier… and sexier? Of course, every hand in the room went up. Especially on ‘sexier’.
2. Who wants to live an incredible life; one that’s exciting, rewarding, fulfilling and fun? Again, the hand-raising was universal.
The next bit went something like this:
“Okay, by the raising of your hands you’ve given me a degree of clarity, insight and understanding about what you want in, and for, your life. Now, tell me what you’re committed to because clearly, wanting something and being committed to it… (do it, build it, create it, change it) are very different things.”
Group silence.
“So what are you personally committed to creating, doing, changing and being in your world over the next 1, 2, 5 years… and how that will happen?”
By now most of the smiles have gone and some people are starting to avoid eye contact with me.
More silence.
A little shifting in seats. And a change in the energy of the room. How dare I ask them such questions! Isn’t my job simply to entertain and amuse the masses? Perhaps I’ll do my moonwalk. Where’s my glove when I need it? Surely the audience shouldn’t be required to ‘do’ anything in such a situation? Shouldn’t I just walk in, wave my personal development wand and transform their lives?
A Big Fat Cop-Out
The way many people embrace ‘Personal Development‘ and ‘Motivation’ as long as it feels good is an interesting phenomenon to observe. As long as it’s comfortable. And convenient. As long as they don’t need to do anything more than read, listen or sit. As long as I don’t confront or challenge them during my presentation. Until some people get their heads out of the warm, fuzzy, back-slapping, hand-holding idea of personal development (that is, the theory) and into the dirty, messy, uncomfortable practical reality of it (that is, the doing bit), they will never change their situation. The eternal quest that some people are on to find the quick, easy and painless path to transformation is a big fat cop-out because that attitude says they’re simply not prepared to do the work, to get uncomfortable, to make the sacrifices or to pay the price of change. Where there’s no effort, there’s no growth and where there’s no growth there’s no (lasting) change.
Same produces same. And that’s where the majority live.
Where do you want to live?
Paying the Price
Lasting change always comes at a cost and the excuse-makers, procrastinators, blamers, chronic victims and the easily-offended are simply not prepared to do what’s necessary to succeed. Yes, they want the results without the effort, energy or sacrifice. Will they admit this? Never. Will they get pissed at me when I call them on their crap? Of course. Will some people resent the ‘tone’ of this article? Yep. Because venting and getting angry at me is easier than acknowledging what and how they need to change. I get some pretty interesting emails. Criticising me takes the pressure off them (in their head anyway). It means I’m at fault, not them. Very convenient. And comfortable. They don’t want to acknowledge that what I’m saying might be right because then they would have to get off their arses and actually do something. And we wouldn’t want that would we? Besides, “now’s not a good time for me Craig”. And my back is sore. And I have three kids. And a mother who is nasty to me. And you don’t understand my situation. And I’m nearly fifty (sixty, seventy… thirty!). And I’m too busy with work. And anyway, I’ve tried it all… nothing works for me.
How many of those (type of) discussions do you think I’ve had in my time?
People will rationalise, explain and justify almost anything in order to make themselves look good, to avoid the truth, to stay comfortable and to feel better about what they’re doing and not doing. Just take a peek at some of the comments we get on this site. Sometimes I wonder why certain people (thankfully, the minority) continue to read my articles when they seem so determined not to change. And then I remember… oh yeah, the theory of change is much more comfortable than the practical reality of it.
What We Want and What We’re Committed to
It’s true that, all too often, what we want and what we’re committed to achieving are different things. What many of us have is a wish list for our life, not a practical plan. It’s also true that some of us are far more comfortable with the idea of success than we are with doing what’s required to get there. Last time I checked wanting, hoping and wishing doesn’t get results. But commitment does because commitment produces action and action produces change.
Sadly, many people are in love with the idea of personal development, the idea of change, the idea of a better life, the idea of a leaner body and the idea of inhabiting a different reality – while simultaneously being allergic to commitment. Pity. For them the change concept is way more attractive and comfortable than the change process. Why? Because one requires effort, discipline, sacrifice, self-control, perseverance and courage, while the other… doesn’t. Which is why we bump into so many people who are always about to start transforming their reality. Tomorrow.
A transformation that will never take place until they step out of the theory and begin to embrace the practical reality of what’s required to succeed. A transformation that will never happen until what they want is also what they’re committed to.
So, are you serious about creating lasting change or - like the majority – do you have commitment issues which need to be addressed? If you want to be like everyone else then do what they do. If you want to live in Groundhog Day, then don’t change a thing. However, if you have a genuine and passionate desire to be exceptional, to live an exceptional life and to produce exceptional results in your world, then be prepared to do exceptional things my friend. Life ain’t a theory, idea or abstract concept. Life is a lumpy, bumpy, messy, unpredictable, amazing, exciting, glorious opportunity to learn, experience, share and connect. It’s a journey and some of you reading this need to step out of the comfortable and safe ‘theory’ of life and into the messiness, excitement and wonder of the journey. Life is as hard as we make it.
And boy, do some of us make it hard.
Love to hear your thoughts on this article and especially love to hear from any of you long-term Lurkers (non-commentors). Go on, come out of the cyber-darkness; we don’t bite. . Often. And to you Queenslanders… don’t forget that I’ll be in Brisbane next Sunday (the 22nd) with our RYB Program to teach you how to create (and keep) your best body. There are still a few seats available…
xx
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mm not much to say but that i totally agree!
For me its not a about being leaner or sexier anymore… its more about what do I really want and sometimes the truth of that is actually going to cost me more than going for the tangible goals… I want an exceptional life, understand the pain involved in achieving this but I also dont want to do it all on my own.. to me that is not success anymore…
So I dont know how to go about doing both when I have limited time, capabilites etc… cant work out if it is a compromise to be with someone who would love me but I probably wouldnt have enough ‘me time nor control’ to have the abosutely amazing body, start my own buisness etc.. Maybe it is enough to have enough to have a nice home someone who is committed to you and you to them…
Anyway.. have been instructed to book some holidays… so I best get to it…Enjoy!
Craig, are you saying that “us” procrastinators shouldnt commet unless we get off our “buts”?
I had a light bulb moment the other day and would like your thoughts on what i discovered.
it occured to me that our bodies can be like rubbish tips. At first the land was empty then one bag of rubbish was put there and so on till the pile was huge as it was wide.
Now when clearing a rubbish tip you cant do the whole lot in one day, but if you take one bag away at a time slowly but surely the tip begins to disappear and low and behold the land is back to being empty again.
so if we want to clear our “rubbish tip” you need to start taking one bag away at a time whether its walking to the shop or even moving from one place to another, the thing is your moving and doing more than you were the day before.
Maybe your starting to rub off on me craig as Ive started walking the “tip” off.
Hey Craig,
I find this to be very true. Most people don’t really commit to certain goals, they just hope they’ll come true. I think commitment is a lot about the power to make short or medium term sacrifices, even big ones, for long term gain. I find that a lot of people simply can’t tolerate certain sacrifices, is intensity or length, and thus are unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Eduard
Hi Craig
Are you still doing the Saturday night social meet up at Rydges, I have that in my calender to come out that late to meet you and some others? How is that for commitment
I could go disco dancing instead 
but hey you offered the meet with some of us posters so barring a 2012 calamity i’m there.
One thing I am unsure of with this article is do you have an issue with those that don’t commit period to something or those that complain that want X but do not commit to getting it? In fact I would not say you have an ‘issue’ but what I am asking is at what point with someone do you let go to their own path, if they won’t commit then so be it? Surely some clients of yours might be excellent gym goers who don’t do coffee and fags now, but perhaps won’t commit to having a relationship? As you say you all the new age things or positive techniques are there but it takes time etc to do them but some won’t or maybe they won’t in some aspect of their lives yet other aspects they do. I committed to try to patch things up with my co worker, my brother and Stephen but they would not come to the party so to speak so as hard as it is I had to let that go, horrible but I had to, so sometimes people won’t do it and make excuses not just exercise things but whatever in life they are not comfortable to face.
Now the second thing, not so much an excuse, but what about the day itself? For example, when we meet you will recognise me as I’m overweight but also tall. I do commit to the walking regime and cutting back on vege pizzas and chocolate sure. But there might be one day that I refuse to get into the Brisbane heat. But other days it is, and one poster months ago wrote this, almost a healthy addiction where I need or really want to go and walk and it does not seem like an effort.
See that’s the thing you talk about in the post people won’t do the heavy sweaty stuff but how many of those actually do it with other things, say look at the great ladies that look after babies, that is commitment. Perhaps as you say it is sometimes not in the doing, but rather the ‘it’s all too hard’ mindset, yes they want the body, relationship etc but don’t like what you say. But did they not get out of bed and commit to coming to your workshop? That suggests even if they squirm they are open to hearing the facts on what it takes. Maybe there is an aversion to the word not the act because many a time I have moaned about going for my walk yet at the end of it feels so good I wonder why I even complained? But I did it anyway.
Now one other example. One commitment I made to myself is to continue meditation. That is not hard physical sweaty stuff, but mind wise, it takes a lot of self talk to convince myself I ain’t human trash. Well, today and yesterday, my two friends had money issues and used the excuse of the lack of it (actually three of them), but normally Michael would breakdown and go what’s wrong with me? But the commitment to my positive self talk etc that I have done paid off. I went out anyway and met others. So for me that was evidence enough, much like how I can slip into my new jeans even though tummy is still there, that commitment works. Is it really such a bad word?
Nice post Craigo,
I still have some work to do on this (read: lime and black pepper chips) … but I am miles better than I was pre:RYL2 in Oct. I had my breakthrough there … well, you know all about it – you were there, you called me on my shit.
Now I have embraced the practical, instead of being a “gunna”. Although it’s harder, challenging and less comfortable, I’m much happier, because I am actually ACHIEVING something, I’m off my arse, I’m thinking clearer, I’m more focused, I am more positive (nicer to myself) and yes, I am committed.
And the funny thing is, it is much easier telling people what I am doing now … because I’m actually friggin’ doing it!
Today I did my very first duathlon. It wasn’t pretty. But, you have to start somewhere. Tomorrow will NOT be a comfortable day
Although I am tired and have eaten the house down (and then moved on to the supermarket) I am happy. Today I achieved something … it was only little, just a taster of what I am capable of, but it’s on the way so bigger and better.
I think, for a lot of people, mediocre comes from a lack of self-belief. That they not talented enough/pretty enough/rich enough etc. to create their own fabulous life and they wait for it to drop onto their laps. If they could just get a taste of what they could have/do/be – that would be enough of a wake-up to get off their arses and chase that life they want.
I consider myself like a greyhound (I said, ‘like’): got my game face on and I’m chasing as hard as I can!!
You’re right, the lessons and the growth (and I think also – self-respect) come from doing the hard yards.
Top post dude! A wake-up call is often required, and that was a good’un!
Em
( ) x
Some would argue that participating in sport is way more fun than sitting back in your favourite lounge chair being a passive viewer in front of the tv or a spectator high up in the grandstand. So, why watch/read/hear about others creating their amazing body/career/life when you could be doing the same?
I’ve resisted (for more years than I care to admit) the transition from understanding the theory to applying it. While you can reel out excuses/reasons till you’re blue in the face, none of them will get you to where your heart knows it could be. Your ‘dumb’ head stops you. Don’t let it stop you anymore. Didn’t you hear the referee blow the whistle indicating that the game has started?
If you aren’t yet in the ‘right head space’ to change, then work on getting to that place. It isn’t that hard when you are truly COMMITTED.
Yes, Craig, I am committed now to doing, being and creating AMAZING.
You’re right Eduard – most people aren’t willing to pay the price (of money, time or whatever) to get what they want. Only the commmitted are. How would you expect your car to get you from A to B when you refused to fill the fuel tank and get it serviced?
Craig, I must say i would like to meet you for the coffee at Rydges but Im worried that i will stand out like a sore thumb and you will look at me and say aha i know what your problem is and then i will fade into the background ashamed that you have seen through my defenses and opened up the wound i try to hide.
Silly I know but i just know that if i see you i will blurt out everything cause even not having met you I trust you and would pour my soul out to you.
Is that being commitment phobic?
Enjoy that holiday Kath…
No Anon 1 I’m not saying that. I love your comments but I also love to see the theory (what I write) become much more in your world (practical change) and.. I look forward to meeting you at Rydges.
PS Stop over-thinking!
x
Cheers Eduard..
Yes Michael we’re still meeting at Rydges at 9pm (in the foyer). ANYONE who wants to come along and say hello to Johnny and I – and meet some other cool like-minded people – is very welcome.
I’ll have to answer all those questions of yours next Saturday over some cheesecake
Transformation works from the inside-out and you’re changing plenty Em. I’m proud of you for being courageous and doing what you need to – not what’s easy. Good girl xx
Good to hear Jules.
Now… lemme see it!
x
Hi Craig,
A year ago reading a post such as this would have made me feel a little uncomfortable, confronted and embarrassed. Now, it’s a welcome reminder of how far I’ve come; of what I’ve achieved both physically and mentally.
I’ve always worked hard but I now acknowledge that ‘hard’ is very different to ‘brave’ – having the courage to put myself in situations where I may very well look a little silly, a bit lacking in experience and knowledge.
Last week, I finally climbed a huge mountain that has been over-shadowing me for years. Once I reached the top, I looked down and thought ‘That was it?’, ‘That is what has been making me nervous all this time?’ ‘That was the thing that I didn’t think I could do?’. Pffft. That was more of a hillock than a mountain.
Some days I feel scared. Some days I feel like I am still made of glass. But mostly I find that the more I push myself out of my safe comfort zone, the more I learn and the stronger I become.
Because, as some guy once said, ‘the learning is in the doing’, isn’t it?
Thanks for the reminder, Oh Wise One.
Christina xxx
This is one of the things I love about coming here…even the “already motivated” get the reinforcement we need to stay committed.
One of my mantras is;
“Energy burned is energy earned”
It reminds me that if I feel like I’m just too wrecked to work out, I’ll actually have lots more energy when I’m done.
Never fails!!
Thanks Craig and my best to you all,
Spot on Craig, excellent post. I’ve discovered many people begin programs/diets/changes of lifestyle in the hope IT will work, rather than understanding THEY need to MAKE it work. Whatever it takes. In other words, they haven’t really made the commitment, they are living in hope, and will succumb to the first thing that comes along to throw them off. I know myself when I am truly committed or if I’m just partly committed. Levels of committment will vary at certain times but I think understanding your current level of committment is important otherwise all this ‘trying’ and not succeeding will do your head in.
I’m over my phone issues and my flu now (finally) so will call you for that chat in the next couple of days – or feel free to buzz me when it’s convenient for you!
Sue
Good call, Craig… agree with it all. And although it’s taken me a gabillion years to work it out, I’ve finally got the mantra that’s starting to do the job for me. I didn’t make it up, and not sure where it came from, so although I’ve modified it to suit me, I’m not taking any credit for it.
but… here ’tis.
Being overweight, unfit and unhappy is hard. Becoming the person I want to be is hard. CHOOSE YOUR HARD.
Great post! Lisa the long-time lurker
Hiya Craig,
I enjoyed this post ! One thing it bought to mind was another post that was a big kick start for me awhile back – it was A Shove With Love, where you invited readers to commit to changing one habit (of thought, behaviour, food issue…etc) for one month. Each week we ‘reported in’ and let everyone know how we were going.
Although I had already begun ‘the change process’ I found that particular post very helpful as a ‘newbie reader’. It was also a reminder to me that ‘small changes’ can add up to big things. So often people seem to think the ‘all or nothing’ approach is the only way to go. Maybe that is what they are rebelling against ???
Re the ‘hand holding approach’ to helping others transform – can that not be effective?? Personally, I like a bit of both at times – the softly, softly and ….the butt kicking ‘just shut up and get on with it’ stuff. Maybe that’s just me – I guess I am learning tho’ that the latter is…er….a tad more invigorating !
Re Committment in general – this I think is something that requires frequent ‘renewal’ – a bit like renewing marriage vow’s or something I suppose – a reminder of what it was we agreed to (within ourselves) and how we really want to live our lives.
Which brings me to the ‘wanting’ bit – I think we also need to ask ourselves ‘why’ we want something and ‘how much’ do we want it. Find the answers. Write them down and review them often when the ‘motivation’ thing is at a low level.
That’s all from me -.have a sensational day everyone !
hugs,
Mon x
Hi Craig,
I have to say reading this article it really sounded like you were talking about me, someone who really wants change but doesn’t do the hard work and procrastinates, lacks discipline and self-control and is living in a constant groundhog day. I have been the queen of procrastination!
Lately I have been thinking of what my goals are in life and what change I need, and it was kind of a light bulb moment reading your article. I need to change the way I think , instead of thinking “why does nothing good happen for me?”, I need to tell myself that it isn’t so bad and it could be worse, enjoy everyday and be positive.
Also I have been procrastinating with my weight loss. Well honestly it has been going up not down. I have not been doing the hard work, I have been expecting it to come off easily – which will not happen. I will start doing the hard work to get my weight back down, and I know it will be hard, but I need to to improve my health, especially so the pain stops in my knees and feet when I get up and walk. I know I can do it as I previously lost 40kg, but over the last 4 years I have gained it back as I had some personal problems and slight depression and reached for food for comfort.
But I have the committment for change now, and Craig I thank you so much for helping me see what I need to do.
Thanks,
Kirsty
I’m committed. Last summer I declared on this site that I would train to row 100 km on an indoor rowing machine – to raise money to build a school in Mozambique. This was in response to one of your articles just like this one actually. So thank you for pushing me over the edge, Craig
And I am doing it! I have a website set up and am collecting pledges already – it’s http://www.igo100.ca if you want to cheer me on.
It’s not easy, following through. It’s actually terrifying and tiring. I’m making some big decisions and doing things I normally would shy away from, like cold-calling for sponsorship. But if I didn’t do anything, I would never do anything…
I’ll see you at Rydges Anon 1. You’ll be fine.
You’re welcome Christina
Hugs Lisa ( )
GREAT post Craig…….and all the ‘commenters’ comments. Your mantra of ‘do different to achieve different’ has become my motto now and I love you for these ‘get off ya butt’ posts.
Thank you! My light bulb moment came in the form of my garden. My husband cleared it all to moonscape like terrain before becoming too ill to ever continue, so i lived in that ghastly terrain while i sorted the issues we had. All the while looking every day at the moonscape with despair. I had never gardened, knew nothing about it AND I HATED gardening after all.
Well eventually, slowly, day by day, I started working a VERY little bit on the moonscape and now ‘miraculously’ half of it is a lovely garden. Now the compliments flow and more importantly I look out at my beautiful plants knowing it is MY work. AND the bonus is that I am fitter, leaner, stronger (not too sure about the sexier).
MY commitment for this month is to exercise EVERY day (even the hot ones) Currently I manage 3-4 days and have lost 16 kgs in the last year but only half way to where i want to be. MUCH of this is because of your website which I ‘discovered’ at a very low point in my life (husband’s health issues) so yes I am a serial lurker, not quite scared of you hehehehe BUT I love your ideas and thoughts which challenge and motivate so many of us.
My favourate comment for today is from Lisa the Lurker who said ‘Being overweight, unfit and unhappy is hard. Becoming the person I want to be is hard. CHOOSE YOUR HARD.’ says it all.
THANK YOU CRAIG ()
Carolp the lurker!
“CHOOSE YOUR HARD.”
I like it!
Nice debut Lisa the Lurker. Welcome
Cheers Mon. Good insight as always.
You’re welcome Kirsty. Keep me posted.
Keep up the great work Cdn Friend
Thanks Craig look forward to it
Kristy – in all honesty, maybe this might offend, but as important it is to do the ‘work’ around eating issues, if you slip with food for comfort, hell I did, you just ride it out and go ok well today I won’t eat all that chocolate or whatever
Our health is important, we want the body, yes commit but to me part of committment bodywise is, ok I had the pizza I know I will l do it again one day, BUT, well this week I won’t. It is about not beating self up. You can make excuses but to me committing is, ok I did this was feeling blue food made me feel better but I want to be healthy so this time around, this day, hour, I am not going to eat the things that put me back. Just my view how I get through the comfort food issue.
Thanks for dropping by Sue – talk soon
You’re welcome Carol P!
Thanks for de-lurking (is that a word?)
Craig
I’m not quite a long term lurker but have been tuning into your morning emails for the past couple of months, and was prompted by your invitation today to come out of cyber space! First off I have to say that I simply cannot tell you how much I have grown to love waking up every day to your messages of challenge and inspiration. At 5:30am when the alarm goes off to get me up for my morning run, I can’t wait to read what pearlers you have in store for the day. And I continue to be SO impressed with your ability to write with such power and passion – the result is often just poetry (Not really trying to suck up, just have a great appreciation for those with such a commanding use of the English language!).
Today’s message around commitment is so spot on. I see people all around me doing lots of talking about making change, and asking me how I achieve what I do (am a pretty fit and motivated person), but when I tell them I sometimes need to get up at 4:30am to fit my long run in on a Sunday, or need to pass on the 3 glasses of wine on Friday night so I can get up for training on Saturday without a hangover, they quickly lose interest. In my experience, the best things in life take hard work, commitment, passion and often great courage. But how rewarding are they when they are within your grasp! Late last year I was travelling in New York and happened to see the New York Marathon. I was so inspired by the courage on the faces of all the runners that I made a commitment right there that I would be back next year to run it myself. So after 8 months of solid training, many early morning long runs, and many alcohol free evenings, I set out for NY a couple of weeks ago to complete the dream. And what an incredible experience it was – exceeded all of my expectations, and achieved a fantastic time too (2 hrs 56 mins, 38th fastest female, and 2nd Aussie across the line!). So it is an understatement to say I was ecstatic! But the result is really not the point – the real joy came from working towards a goal, and feeling proud of the hard yards I had put in along the way to see it through. And now my coach is saying I should think about London in 2012!! And why not I guess. Life is so much more fun when you set your sights on the impossible and actually get there!
So, keep up the inspired writing – I guarantee I will be tuning in!
Cheers
Thanks Michael,
Your comment didn’t offend. I get what you are saying. If I do happen to slip and eat comfort food I shouldn’t beat myself up over it but have to tell myself it has happened and get back on track.
Kirsty
Wowzer Newbie Sarah!
Firstly, thanks for de-camping from the Lurking Community (it’s boring over there) and secondly, a big fat (fit) congrats on your NY Marathon effort. That’s an awesome time. Do you have a big background in running?
Keep up the great work and thanks for the kind words
My reaction to this post is sweet & sour.
The sweet is that I fully agree that it’s a tremondous waste of time if one doesn’t commit to making change if one is serious about personal development. I’ve made various changes over the past several years, admittedly with varying degrees of success. It’s taken time and some hard work to work out what makes me accountable to myself.
The sour is that it seems to be a common theme of Craig’s (which I’ve read in many posts) that those seeking his assistance/guidance/mentorship are excuse making and/or rationalising not making “change” whenever the time constraints and challenges of having a family are mentioned.
Just over a decade ago I had the best fitness levels of my life. I was single at the time, house sharing with one other person who worked in the evenings. My only commitments were work and combining a very brisk five kilometer walk, in a very hilly suburb, with an eating and drinking pattern that had totally eliminated junk food and drink (after just over 2 decades of hitting the crap real hard). Five solid months of walking and post stretching exercises me lose just under 20 kilos, eliminate my back pain and vastly improve my lung capacity. I had plenty of time after work.
I’ve been a parent for just over 7 years, with two boys and an infant, and the mental and physical challenges can make it hard to carve out the time each day for a solid exercise session and/or solid thinking and planning time. I think that in the personal development field those without children don’t have a full understanding of the challenges that those with children face every day. Sure I can make the commitment to a daily walk, but try that when one has spent most of the night nursing a sick child, had four hours of choppy sleep and a full day or work. Or when one has a newborn that isn’t settled during the night and several months of poor quality sleep are had. There needs to be some allowances made for those with children – it’s not all excuse making, particularly for those parents who have children with serious medical conditions. I’ll hop off my soap box now.
Cheers
(P.S. – Thanks for firing me up Craig)
Hi Ben J
Happy to fire you up and I agree with what you’re saying. Of course there are very legitimate reasons as to why we can’t do certain things at certain stages of our journey… but in this post I’m really talking about people who have a habit of finding an excuse rather than finding a way – For decades! And I don’t think that’s you.
Hi Craig,
As always a very thought provoking post. I would have to be one of the biggest commitment phobes around and I have no idea how to change. Before christmas last year I began my weight loss journey (for the 100th time) and lost ten kilos in 8 weeks. I had been trying to fall pregnant for the longest time and had given up, lost 10 kilos and wham fell pregnant. This time I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabeties, being obese to start with no one was surprrised but I was, this was my third baby and I had never developed this before. My point being I was so determined not to have to take insulin I was super strict with my diet, carb free basically to get through the last 12 or so weeks. The Drs were amazed as I did it and lost around 6 kilos in the process. I came out at the same weight as I started in the end. My question being I made the behavior not negotiable as you say and it was easy as I had someone else that I had to make sure was ok inside me. Now she is fit and healthy 11 week old and I cant get back to the healthy eating I was doing when pregant. How do I make myself stay committed,I know it needs to be not negotiable again but I can’t seem to do it for myself, I feel like a failure !
Hi Everyone,
I’m not entirely committed to having commitment issues (confusing?) but I have certainly danced with commitment issues most of my life. When I am on some new diet, health kick, life goal… whatever – for some time I am uber committed. I do exactly what I need to do and I focus on what I want to be/do/have to get there, bit by bit. Ultimately though, somewhere along the line I lose focus. I don’t know that I agree entirely that I have commitment issues, more like motivation issues? I honestly can’t say why I go off the path, I just don’t know. I want to stop doing that though. Heck, I am comitted to stop doing that! I suppose my issue is, I don’t know how. I have an obvious pattern of getting on and off this roun-a-bout all my life so how do I change that when each and every time I say I’m gunna… I don’t?
Is it really as simple as just saying “ok, stuffed up, forget it and move passed it”? Because I think this is perhaps where I give up. If I stuff up I mentally bash myself and in effect erase any remaining motivation I had left and as a result cease all the good work I was doing. Quite insane really when you think about.
So thtnks Craig… I have taken a good, long, hard look at myself and established that I just might be clinically insane!
Hi,
Long time lurker, first time commenter.
I would like to think that I’m not a commitment phobe , but this has only been a recent development. In the last 7 months I have joined a gym and dragged myself there an average of 5 days a week. While everyday is a struggle with money, the gym membership fee is not negotiable. I don’t always enjoy going to the gym. On the days when my back or knee hurt I would rather say home, eat chocolate ice cream and sit on the lounge thinking about how great my life will one day be. But that doesn’t happen, rain, hail or shine, sore back or knee I’m at the gym and while I’m there I don’t think about how my life will be, I think about how much more effort can I give before I throw up.
Life is very much about choices. Choose to commit or choose a fantasy world where everything you’ve ever wanted is given to you on a silver platter. I made my choice and after 7 months, 20 kgs lost and 10% body fat reduction, I think I made the right one.
My favourite quote comes from Nelson Mandela. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous ? Actually, who are you not to be?”
Hi Simone.
You’re not a failure – you’re human.
You need an accountability system. Something to keep you ‘doing’ even when you don’t ‘feel’ like it. When you were pregnant what kept you accountable was the health of your child. A no-brainer. A coach, mentor, diary, trainer, friend or training partner can all be valuable resources in the change process. Keep in mind that if you don’t look after you, you’ll find harder to look after those you love… so do it for you and them.
P.S. Lisa the Lurker… love that quote! I’ve stuck it on my wall at work!
I’m pretty sure you’re not insane Nic
Hi Cathy the ex-Lurker.
Welcome and congrats on your weight-loss. Good for you.
I love the way to write Craig!!!
Everytime I read one of your articles i look around to see if you hiding in my room. Your topics relate to what I am going (and possible half the western world)
Anyhoo, a small comment re your post – its not comfortable NOT doing what we all know we should be doing. The real discomfort feeling is coming directly from NOT doing it. If we follow through and do what we all know we should be doing we would be in the flow of life and be infinitly happier simply doing/creating/living our lives the way we want to. Even if it doesn’t work out exactly the way we intended the doing and trying feels much better than the endless speculation and procrastination.
Procrastination is what gives us discomfort. The action towards our wants take that dreadful feeling away and fills us with optimism and hope.
Would anyone like to set up a Mastermind group? A support network where we can motivate encourage and help each other reach our short term – 12 months – life goals. I am in Melbourne.
Another great post Mr H
I made a commitment to myself July last year to be healthier happier & sexier and I have and will continue to achieve these things (thanks to you and your little web site).
I can honestly say that the change in me has been one of enlightenment, I’m surprised that I could do what I have done and making exercise a non negotiable together with healthier eating has done wonders for my self esteem.
You are so right when you say “when you are ready to learn the teacher appears”.
I often get asked how I lost weight and when I say what I do and what I am doing to maintain that I very often get the negative replies or the rolling of the eyes and I feel like saying “you just dont get it” you have to do the hard yards to get the results and I’m happy and healthy what more could I ask for.
Achieving your goals is one thing that I never thought I was capable of doing, but it just goes to show that I can be proven wrong
To everyone who thinks that they aren’t achieving in there worlds, dont be little the things that you do eg: raising babies. children young adults, this is an achievement, please never underestimate what it takes for you to give so much of yourselves to create and nurcher the adults of the future
Hugs to everyone ((()))
Hey Simone,
I agree with Craig … you need to do it for you and your family. I used to struggle with feelings of guilt when I took time to do the things I wanted to do. I thought my family was much more important than me … now I realise my family needs me. And they need me to be happy, fulfilled, healthy, loving and sometimes a little bit selfish.
We have a saying in our family: “If mumma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” My husband 100% agrees!!
You are worth the effort and your family will benefit if you put some time into you.
Em
( ) x
Hi Craig,
I know you’re one of the best (if not the best) fitness and motivational gurus in the country. Not trying to be negative here but in a corporate training session i would have thought people would have to trust each other before they open up on personal issues and talking about their inner-most thoughts. I think maybe you were being a little harsh on them early before they trust each other (Again though- you’re the expert).
I think almost every one of us want to improve ourselves (and we sort of know where we want to go) but we lack the confidence to say it to our colleagues unless we trust them totally. If we open ourselves up we then we are incredibly vulnerable.
Thinking out loud: Maybe the whole point of this post is that we should be the one to step out and others will step out of their comfort zone.
sue from melbourne, i agree about the rolling of the eyes. Its like people don’t think we’ve been there before. I get people telling me I look great and they think looking great came easy. I watch what I eat and work out 3 times a week (i have a 2 year old and a 3 year old), and if i have had a bad night with the kids it makes me more determined in the gym and I push myself harder the next day.
I know someone who, everytime I see her she says “i need to lose 10 kilos” and i always say are you exercising or watching what you eat, the reply is always no and no. To be honest, I am over listening to her whingeing all the time. I didn’t take a magic pill after having 2 kids, it was sheer hard work and determination. I went through the stage of putting on a kg or 2 from turning fat into muscle. I am now seeing the results and the definition in my body, and yes I think I look sexier. I ‘m not giving this body up for anybody. I am so much happier and healthier now than ever before. I will never go over 60 kilos again! stop whingeing people and get off your butt and start moving!! tiny steps is the key. I also quit smoking, cold turkey when I decided i wanted kids. (10 year habits are hard to kick) you can do anything when you set your mind to it.
great post craig
I suppose I’m not a lurker anymore… though I am a repeat late-poster. (I keep your articles unread in my feed reader for days at a time, so that I can give them the timing they deserve (okay, really, I procrastinate reading them until I find something more important to procrastinate over.) )
I know you’ve said this dozens of times before… commit to changing. You’ve said it in many different ways.
I’ve committed to committing several times, then let that commitment slide away, never actually committing to changing my life.
Clearly, I’ve got commitment issues.
What’s holding me back? Meh, blame my parents divorcing, or my teachers not knowing how to deal with a kid who reads the science text book in the first month of class out of boredom, so they place me in special-ed instead of challenging me, or blame …….. the stars? Blame anyone but the common thread and logical cause in all of my commitment issues (me).
I’m having a chicken-or-egg moment. I’m writing software to keep track of my daily tasks to hold me accountable. In order to finish it, though, I need to keep myself accountable on a daily basis, and plan my tasks out before hand. That’s a task that sure would be much easier, if only I could write software to track my daily tasks and hold me accountable…
The problem is… I know how to organize my life. I know a no-tech solution, too… paper and pens are amazing inventions, if only I could commit to using them.
I also know how to commit. It’s just taking that first step that’s too daunting to really consider. Then, there’s the step after, and another after that.
So, I’m heading off to commit to changing. My first step is to write down the changes I want to make, my second step is to write how to make those changes, and each step after that will be dedicated to realizing those changes.
Here’s a short list of the changes I want: Be a business owner, creating software. The flagship product will be a day planner, and I’ll have to plan more than the software itself (sales and marketing and the like are foreign territory to most computer nerds… eventually, I’ll need employees too). I want my wife to be able to depend on me cleaning the house. Those are the main two, but I’m doing a brainstorming session as soon as I’m done with this comment.
Also… If you ever find yourself in Phoenix, Arizona on a trip across the pond, I’d love to buy you a cheesecake and apologize in person for all of the long, rambling comments I’ve left here.