Where Happiness Lives

Before I even write this post, I’m thinkin’ that some of you might not see eye to eye with me on this topic, so for that reason alone I’m gonna say up front that this article (as with all of my writing) is merely my take on a pretty interesting area of the human experience; a humble opinion by the ex-fat kid. Feel free to agree, disagree, sit on the fence or add to the discussion.

In the course of my work I talk to a wide range of people over a typical year – different personalities, different ages, socioeconomic groups, professions, religions, ethnic backgrounds, beliefs-values-standards-attitudes-opinions… different!

However, for today’s discussion and for the purpose of exploring this hypothesis of mine, I want to classify people into two categories:

1. Generous people

2. Selfish people

Hypothesis: Generous people are more likely to be happier than their selfish counterparts.

I also want to compare the potential advantages and benefits of each – being selfish versus being generous – and see which is more likely to lead to happiness (apparently what we all want).

Which group are you in?

Now admittedly some of us can switch groups from time to time, but I think when we really consider it, we can (secretly perhaps) classify most of the people we know into one group or the other. Not that we would, because obviously you and I aren’t like that… but hypothetically, we could do it. If we were like that. But we’re not. Mostly.

Of course it can get a little tricky when we start to discuss different kinds of generosity and selfishness (an individual may be financially generous but emotionally selfish for example) but I think we have an overall sense of whether or not a person is (generally speaking) generous or selfish.

Miserable Specimens

Think about that selfish person you know and ask yourself… are they happy? More than likely the answer will be no. I have never met a totally selfish person who is completely happy. By and large, they are miserable specimens. Yes we all have moments of selfishness but that’s not what I’m talking about here; I’m talking about those people who are completely self-absorbed and totally unaware of other people’s feelings or needs. The people who always put their needs above everybody else’s. You know who. Typically their drive to please themselves only results in misery. The irony of it all being that, if they would only invest some time, energy and care into others (put their own desires on hold for a bit) they’d probably find what they’ve been missing all along.

E.T. meets C.H.

If you were an alien visiting our planet (as we all know aliens do) and you were here to gain insight into, and understanding of, the human happiness factor, you might watch some television to learn a little about the species, you may attend a ‘happiness workshop’ or two (although your big green antenae might be a give-away), you could read some magazines, buy a few self-help books, listen to some ‘success’ CDs, you might even google the term happiness (we all know how computer savvy aliens are) and overall you would do your best to observe humanity first hand without getting busted for being the extra-terrestrial that you are.

Who said self-help and science-fiction can’t go hand in hand?

As an interested student of happiness, here’s what you (you the extra-terrestrial) might learn from your preliminary ‘research’ into the subject:

1. Success = happiness.

2. Success is determined by what we own, how much we earn, where we live, how we look and how we are perceived by others. Apparently success is largely about how others see us.

You might also learn that to succeed (thereby creating happiness) you must:

3. Win at all costs – go hard or go home.

4. Look after number one because nobody else will – it’s a jungle out there.

Which is all code for… be selfish. Although this is usually not taught directly, it’s really the underlying premise for much of what we’re taught about ‘success.’

But is happiness in the getting or the giving?

But when we step away from the ‘sales pitch’ of happiness and into the reality of life, what do we actually find? Who are the happiest people? Is there a pattern? What can we learn from different cultures, religions and groups of people?

What I’ve learned:

1. Happiness and financial success are not necessarily linked (neither are they mutually exclusive).

2. Often the most generous people are the happiest (note that being generous should not be confused with being someone’s door mat).

3. True happiness (an ongoing state of inner peace, calm and contentment) should not be confused with some temporary ‘fix’ or short-term high.

4. Being ambitious, driven and focused doesn’t mean an individual is selfish. Many high-achievers are very generous people.

5. Being selfish usually leads to social and emotional disconnection… which leads to misery.

So when we step back from what the media tells us, the marketing, the hype, the razzle-dazzle, the success workshops, the get-rich-quick-schemes and the smoke machines, perhaps we’ll discover that true happiness actually lies in the giving and not the getting.

Or maybe a little of each.

Tell me what you think by clicking on the comment thingy.

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