The ‘Normal’ Myth

In Search of Normal

Do you ever feel abnormal? Maybe not all the time but in certain situations, circumstances or places? Or perhaps in the middle of a particular conversation? Kind of like you don’t really fit in? Not necessarily better or worse than anyone else, just a bit different on some level? And not massively dysfunctional in some deeply tragic kind of way, but just a couple of steps left of normal. But then maybe a couple of steps to the left (of everyone else) is your normal. Maybe that’s exactly where you should be. Perhaps that’s where you’re happiest and most productive.

Who Makes the ‘Normal’ Rules?

Who determines what normal is anyway? Is it the majority? Is it a conscious process or does it just happen incidentally? Is it strategic and logical, or is it simply a byproduct of how most of us do things? Do we need to be normal to be happy, fulfilled, functional and effective? Does normal necessarily equate to ‘right’, or is it merely a reflection of typical group behaviour, accepted standards and consensual thinking? Twenty years ago it was normal to sit in a restaurant and blow cigarette smoke all over your friends. These days it’s not only an unacceptable social faux pas but where I live, it’s illegal! So I guess normal changes over time. Just think acid wash jeans, skinny leather ties and platform shoes. Eventually normal becomes abnormal. Strange even. Once upon a time Elvis was considered to be immoral, provocative and sexually explicit for gyrating his fully clad hips at his audience. I wonder how the Pussycat Dolls of 2008 would have been received in 1958?

A Snapshot of Normal.

If we took an objective, un-emotional look at all the ‘normality’ around us, we might conclude that normal equals massive personal debt, broken and damaged relationships, unfulfilled careers, wasted talent, grumpy people constantly hurrying to nowhere in particular and a propensity to medicate with more and more drugs for an ever-increasing range of medical issues. And I guess if we chubby Aussies and Americans continue on our current health trajectory then pretty soon anyone who’s not fat will be abnormal. There’s a thought. That’s a normal I don’t really want. As I write this sentence, normal is seeming less and less attractive to me.

It all Depends what Building You’re in.

If I’m at a pentecostal church and I’m singing about Jesus with my arms in the air, then I’m normal (in that environment). If I walk into the bowling alley next door and do the same thing, I’m a freak. A weirdo. Conversely, if I walk back into that same church wearing a pair of those weird-ass bowling shoes, I might be put into the abnormal basket. So maybe normal is an environmental thing. Perhaps it’s a perspective thing. An attitude thing. A situational thing. A belief thing. An expectation thing.

“You’re not expected to behave that way in this environment/situation, therefore, you’re abnormal….”

In some ways it’s a dilemma because on the one hand we want to fit in (be seen as normal, part of the group), but at the same time, normal doesn’t necessarily correlate with happiness or success. And of course, we all want both of those. That’s not to say that abnormal necessarily equates to nirvana either. So what to do?

Maybe it’s a Myth?

Maybe normal doesn’t really exist. In a universal sense anyway. Come to think about it, we all create our own normal don’t we? There is no globally accepted standard is there? Much of what is normal where I live (Melbourne, Australia) would be perceived as strange in another country or culture. Much of what is normal in my life would be abnormal in someone else’s world. I’ve been told many times that I’m not normal because I’ve never consumed alcohol and I’ve never been drunk. Apparently my alcohol-avoidance is bordering on un-Australian. Unmanly perhaps. Aussies have an international reputation for being big consumers of alcohol. Wow, what a less-than-desirable accolade. I’ve even had my sexuality questioned because I don’t drink beer. Apparently there’s a correlation between sexual orientation and beer consumption and I have been unaware of it. I must have missed that research paper. Or maybe my dad forgot to teach me. When it comes to not putting alcohol in my body, I’m happy with my abnormality. And my sexuality.

Abnormally Single

Then there’s the being single thing. Being in my forties and unmarried is clearly a testament to my abnormality. People are always interrogating me in an attempt to discover exactly what’s wrong with me. Gotta be something. Under all that self-help crap you’re really a weirdo aren’t you!! In many ways they are right; I am abnormal and interestingly, I’m not offended by their perspective. I understand why they have that attitude/belief. After all, the vast majority of blokes my age are married or have been married. Growing up in Australia (and most places), it’s never “if you get married”, it’s always “when you get married.” Because that’s what the normal people do. Unmarried men in their forties must have something wrong with them; that’s why they’re not married. That’s the rule. Unwritten of course, but it is the rule. Just ask any normal person. Society’s normal is… marriage. And now one of our new ‘normals’ is… divorce. It wasn’t once, but it is now. Expected almost. That’s a sad normal. Normal, like everything else, is dynamic; constantly changing and evolving.

As a student of life and a keen observer of humanity, I find it sad to see so many people trying to be normal at the expense of being themselves. Sometimes the cost of assimilation is happiness. Sometimes the cost is our identity. If you’re like me and happen to feel a little abnormal from time to time (or maybe all of the time), then take heart, your abnormality might just be your greatest asset.

So next time you’re feeling a bit different, celebrate it rather than stress about it. And now that you know normal doesn’t actually exist, you have nothing to worry about anyway. And even if it did exist, you wouldn’t wanna be part of it. Because if you were, you’d just be like the others.

And then how would we find you?

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Ciao x