I used to think about death a lot. It was something I really feared. Not so much my own death and my own funeral, but that of my family. Mum has said to me that, when the time comes that she and Dad leave this planet, she wont be worried about me. She says that I’m a strong person, and will be able to look after myself. She does, however, worry a lot about how my brother will cope without her and Dad. I worry about that too. He’s 31 and still as dependent on my parents as a 12yo boy. Sad. Waste of a life. That’s a long story in itself.

Back to what you were saying though. I recently read ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ by Mitch Albom (thanks to your great review) and shit, what a wake up call that was. A lot of lessons in that. About living. About dying. Craig, without sounding too morbid, I think we should hold a ‘living funeral’ for you while you are still ‘all there’ mentally and can appreciate what we all say about you. I love that idea. Why wait till someone has died before you get the chance to express deeply how much someone means to you? That’s sad.

Instead of having 48 hours notice to prepare a eulogy, why not write someone a letter now expressing in it what you think of them as a person and reflect on their achievements and what they have contributed to the world (big or small, it doesn’t matter).

If my 21st birthday has any indication of how many will be at my funeral, then it’ll be a very small occasion. I want a (much) bigger 30th though. Do you hire out the Harperdome for such occasions, Craig? Imagine that? A party where my guests have to do some work? Physical work. An hour of 1:1 PT. “You’re invited to Jules’ 30th Birthday Bash… No gifts, thanks. BYO workout gear and be prepared to be challenged, physically and mentally.” Then, after everyone has had their hour of ‘pain’, we all head into the lecture room for a dose of your RYL love. It certainly would be a party with a difference, hey. Zero alcohol. 100% physical and mental focus required. It could be the catalyst for some of my friends and family to creating AMAZING in their own life. That’s priceless. How many trainers do you have again? Make sure they’re ALL avail on Dec 6. It’s a Sunday. Can you open your Harperdome doors for me, for this? My cake could be a baked cheesecake I kinda hate baked cheesecake though. That can be for your personal consumption. MY cake will either be a normal cheesecake OR an ice cream cake. Mmmmm. There could be a GBM for everyone to either take home or consume immediately, with their initials on it. High protein, organic GBM of course. How do you boost protein content of cheesecake? We’ll organise that too. [My head is rather busy, hey]

Jules ( )
10/2/2009

Thanks for sharing some of your story and your wisdom. I have several friends and clients who battle clinical depression and you are absolutely right – it is naturally easier for some and much more of a battle for others… but even though you have your challenges, you’re still doing the best you can with what you’ve got and you are to be commended for that.

Clinical depression is not really understood by the masses and for some people ‘a better life’ is not simply the result of an attitude adjustment and a few different choices…

Thanks for stopping by and for being so real Anne.

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Anne,

Can I say that took amazing courage to write that?!
You are so right in everything you said…
Thank you.
My mom was maniac depressive,
I don’t think she ever understood why she felt like she did ALL the time…
Neither did I, really.
I was always confused why she would drive herself crazy,
I would get calls in the middle of night when she reached her darkest points,
She would apologize profusely for everything that happened to me as a child,
and then hint at suicide.

I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t let things go like I did…
They happened to me not her…
But her mind would not let her, her thoughts drove her insane
She could never see past it, and it drove me nuts!
Your words brought some clarity into her for me,
Thanks again.

She was such a fun, beautiful person, as I am sure you are…
but never found the medication to correct her imbalance.
Instead, she chose alcohol and pain killers,
which only magnified her problems.

I have spent my life afraid of becoming my mom…
But reading your comment gives me hope,
It won’t be the end of the world… either way.

Anne, you are a very strong and thoughtful person,
My best to you always!

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Tami

I appreciate your site and your constant encouragement to choose an amazing attitude for our lives every single day. I just want to offer a slightly different perspective for consideration…

Every human being has different talents and giftings, ie musical abilities, sporting, creative writing, exceptional people skills etc etc etc… as many unique talents as their are people on the planet. I think the ability to have an amazing attitude is a gift and if you have it you should dearly appreciate it. I know all of us have the ability to learn new skills but it will never come as easily as it does to those for whom it is a gift.

Spare a thought for those of us who have battled all our lives with a genetic and biological predisposition to clinical depression. Even on medication, it is a daily battle to choose a good attitude and to try to think positively about ourselves and to see any potential in ourselves. It never comes easy. There is never a day where we wake up and experience the sheer joy of being alive because mornings are always the worst.

There are moments of joy but they are fleeting and far between. Every day I have to CHOOSE to push through, choose to dismiss negative thoughts and apply the CBT skills I have learned to replace the negative with positive or at the very least rational and logical thoughts. With medication it IS possible, hard but possible. Without medication it is NOT possible at all. I hate it, but this is my life and sometimes I dare to think that it is still a valuable life even if only to let another human being know that someone else identifies with their constant relentless daily struggle.

For those of you for whom a great attitude comes easily I’m happy, delighted even, for you. Appreciate it, enjoy it… but can I encourage you to be sensitive to others like myself. That might involve encouraging a friend to look into getting medical help, or spending just a little extra time listening or noticing us in the crowd, or maybe just a bit of a gentler approach than the regular kick up the butt. Some of us are trying REALLY hard even though it doesn’t look so much like that to you.

I really DO appreciate your website Craig!

Anne

My problem is, I dwell on it too much. Not so much in the “morbid” sense as the “trying to be everything to everyone” sense.

Too much “pretending” thinking that will make people appreciate me more. Too much “giving” thinking that I can somehow “earn” the place of “better person” that I know I’m not.

My biggest problem is finding balance. I never was all that well co-ordinated….

your dad is a smart guy.

Thanks for dropping by.

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