Hi Groovers. Very busy over the last few days. Just got back from Brisbane a few hours ago (writing this Sunday night) and had a bunch of RYL fun this afternoon with a fantastic group of people at one of the coolest venues I’ve ever spoken at; The Brisbane Power House. A consequence of my busy-ness is that part two of the ‘Beliefs’ post is a day (or two) away. It will definitely be up this week, so keep an eye out (another weird saying) for it. In the mean time, here’s a little thought provoking article to kick off your week. Enjoy your Monday.
Where Do You Live?
Do you live in a town? A house? A body? Or perhaps you live in your identity? Maybe ‘Physical You’ isn’t who you are, but merely where you live at the moment. Perhaps your physical experience is just a brief part of a much bigger journey. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Just thinking out loud. As I do. Maybe where you really live is in your thoughts, your emotions, your beliefs, your values, your experiences, your hopes, your dreams? Or perhaps your fears?
Real You
Are you a body? An emotional being? A mind? A spirit? Or are you the sum of your many amazing parts? What if I want to get to know you? Real you. Not the public version of you. Not the ‘You Show’; the one you turn on and off for the world. No, how can I encounter the you that nobody sees? That’s who I want to connect with. Where will I find that person? What would it take for me to meet that version of you? Invisibility perhaps? Who would I meet if I could inhabit your mind for a day? If I could share your thoughts or if I could feel what you feel? Who would I discover and what would I learn if I could look at the world through your eyes? What if I could walk in your shoes? Share your experiences? What could you teach me if I truly knew you? Understood you? Connected with you?
The ‘You Show’
Some people think they have known you for years, but in truth, they don’t know you at all. They’ve never really met you. Have they? They’ve had many conversations with the ‘You Show’ but they’ve never actually talked with you; the real you that hides behind the actor. You’ve been playing a role for so long that sometimes it’s hard to find your way back to your authentic self. You’ve spent so much time pleasing others (trying anyway) that in the process you’ve made yourself miserable.
You won’t let people meet ‘Real You’ because it seems like a high-risk exercise and you don’t like risk. You like safety, predictability, certainty and acceptance, so you do (act, perform) what you need to, to tick all the boxes and fit in. In the past, fitting in has been important to you. Too important. And the cost of all that fitting in (no matter what), has been losing you. The real danger being that one day you will wake up and you won’t remember what the real you looks, sounds, behaves or feels like. Maybe that day has come already.
Looks Like You but Isn’t
You don’t want to be rejected, judged or hurt. So you continue to play that role; the ‘You’ role. You give others what you think they want, need and expect from you. The thought of complete honesty and transparency scares you. You hate confrontation, so you compromise. The peace-maker. The people-pleaser. The compromiser. Transparency makes you feel vulnerable. On some level you fear people won’t accept, like, understand or love the real you, so you continue to manufacture the public version. Looks just like you, but isn’t.
What You’re Not
And it’s only when we peel back everything that isn’t you – your career, your business, your title, your qualifications, your reputation, your responsibilities, your property, your physical beauty, your body, your achievements – that we actually get to meet you; Real You. That’s who I want to meet.
And that’s who you want to be.
Isn’t it?
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Craig ! This one makes me think of the Peter Sarstedt song (and funnily enough I heard it on the radio today) “where do you go to my lovely, when you’re alone in your bed ? Tell me the thoughts that surround you… I want to look inside your head… “
{{HUGS}} Tina
Hi Craig,
Is this transference? When you’re ready to tell me how you’re really feeling you know where to find me
Glad you had fun in Qld. Wishing you an amazing week…
Love your work!
Lotsa hugs,
Jo
Hi Craig,
Firstly I spoke to a friend who went to your seminar and loved it!!! So looking forward to Nov 2!!!!
Ok wow I do not know how the hell you do it but you always post the right things at the right time.(for me anyway)You would find a vey angry and unhappy place in my head tonight! I have been in tears tonight cos my ex picked a fight when he brought the kids home and for once I fought back. Apparently my son’s aspergers and adhd is the result of bad parenting and doctors wanting to make money (cos 4 paediatricians and 2 psychologists wouldn’t know anything!!). I cracked it and said at least I didn’t walk out on them. (he did 7 years ago) He cracked it and made me cry…then it was on for young and old! Ho hum I am alright now. I am so not that person and I hate fighting. (ok that is the short verion)
So you may want to come back another day to be inside my head lol You did cheer me up though….thanks
Hugs Craig
Michelle xx
I have lost of the number of posts I have read here where you describe me to a T.
It is a bloody hard thing to break free form after 44 years as well. But I have started to try.
I know Craig, It is up to ME to change.
Thanks again.
Good morning Craig.
Hi, I’m Suu and what you see is what you get. I’m glad I don’t need to hide behind anything anymore.
Great post as usual.
avagreatday
Suu
Hi Tina… how old????
LOL.
( )
Hi Jo… it might be!
( )
I hope today (Monday) is a better day for you Michelle… ( )
The “Me” has always been elusive. The harder anyone tried to look, the more it would hide. The “Me” or the “I” did not like the idea of being discovered. The “Me” thrived on fear. The fear that the authentic self would not be a lovable one.
Lately, however, the “Me” realizes something new. That it is okay to express itself a little. It peeks out every now and then, and discovers how fun it can be to be out in the open.
It therefore decides to play it safe. It almost always wants to appear only in the same place. The playground which is now her site.
There are so many mask that we wear today that sometimes even we ourselves don’t even know who we are.
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Great post Craig. The scary part is that after a while you can’t remember who you are any more cos you’ve lived the public persona for so long you think that really is you. Then something in life comes along that pokes the real inner you – and it’s not until then you realise you were being someone else…
Hugs Michelle – that was a really brave post.
Hi Craig – One word springs to mind here… YIKES!
I very nearly lost the real me after years and years of hiding behind the actor. Growing up I was the fat kid with the bad haircut, glasses and lisp. As all teens, you’re desperate to fit in and I stuck out like the proverbial dogs… ahem… you get the idea. But not only did I squash down the real me to better fit in, I got so lost and let myself be steamrolled into a career I didn’t want, relationships I could have done without and the inability to stick up for myself.
However, the real me is starting to peek through now and then. She’s a shy little thing, kinda scared of the daylight and needs a fair bit of coaxing to show her face… but when she does its amazing how much better she feels out of the dark!
Truthfully – I still need to do some work and get rid of the imposter for good. But as the song goes “You’ve come a long way baby!”
I have a question for you Mr. Harper….
What if the real you scares the shit out of people!!!! What if you are here on earth to create change and people don’t want to or are too scared to or for whatever reason!!!
What if… at the end of the day… most people just shit you??? We are all here for a reason. What if sometimes we have to wear the mask so that we can function in today’s society….
I find i’m not wearing the mask so much any more and I keep to myself a lot!!!
People only want to know the real you if you’re not scary!
KK
XXXXXXX
Oh thanks Kat, I am feeling so much better, have had a lot of hugs and love sent my way today from lots of people, thanks!
hugs back Kat!
Thanks again Craig!! Hugs to you!
Michelle xx
Dear Craig,
I'd like to watch your brain at work…..maybe that part that puts words together with such ease! You are amazing!
You must have experienced all this as well? …to understand and write it so well!
As I've said in a few of my reponses to your posts – I've made some big changes. These changes came about after I realised for so long I was somebody else. It sounds a bit freaky – but it's not really. When you are taught from a young age that there is 'right' & 'wrong' or that you really should fit into this box because….'it is the right one', you aim to please and and try to conform even though you don't really understand what you are doing.
However….you are at risk of being a pretty unhappy kid/teenager/young adult/adult. Mainly because YOU KNOW your life has become one big fat lie. So the question you always ask yourself during this build up of layers…."Who am I REALLY and what are my beliefs?" runs around in you – getting yourself further away from the real you.
It's only UNTIL you decide to strip layers and layers upon layers away. Layers of lies, of parroting etc. You are right – yes – you do find the real you.
I was not able to find my true beliefs Craig until I had stripped away those layers. Sitting down in one huge paddock with nothing but your naked self and then slowly bringing to you the real parts of you is a worthwhile experience.
I had to lose plenty of what made up the old life to gain an honest life. It was very scary. In ways more than one. But as I've said before, it has been a liberating process and for the first time in my life I am looking forward to the journey.
A good post Craig. You will have hit a few souls here.
6 more sleeps til Sydney!
Kathryn
Hi Evelyn – now you need to learn to live beyond the safety of your site… ( )
I’d like to meet the real you one day Annie.. ( )
Who you are doesn’t scare people KK – it’s how you communicate and interact – that freaks people out.
Change the way you communicate and you’ll change the way they respond to you…
(x)
You’re too kind Kathryn – I look forward to seeing you in Sydney next Sunday.. ( )
Hi..
Hugs Michelle. (( ))
Craig – You’ll need a hammer and a vice!
*shamelessly stolen from Springsteen*
Have a great day!
xx
Hi Friday…
to do what?
( )
Meet the real me..
*rolls eyes*
Be careful what you wish for craig!!
hell, if I am ever in Victoria again I shall drop by (or if you’re swinging past Byron Bay, let me know. I’ll supply the cheesecake, lol)
I love this article! So true and amazing! It really is difficult to show the real you sometimes, but I am sure it would definitely be worthwhile.
Does anyone remember those “who am I” questions on Channel 9′s Sale of the Century? Not sure what made me think of that, but try answering that for yourself. “Who am I?” Do you think we even know who we are ourselves? If not, how is anyone else ever meant to know who we are?
Compare who you are NOW to who you were 1, 2, 5 yrs ago. I *hate* the belief that recruitment officers often have whereby “past behaviour equals [best prediction of] future behaviour”. Behaviour is dependent on a number of factors, including thoughts and feelings and attitude. How you will respond/react to a certain situation will vary according to the situation, correct?