But I know What’s Best for You…
Do you ever feel like you’re a mere pawn in someone else’s game; a powerless player that is regularly used, abused and manipulated for the gain and self interest of others? Self interest that’s often thinly disguised as some kind of action, decision or “plan” that’s somehow in your best interest? Isn’t it amazing how some people know what’s best for their life and yours? If only you and I had the ability to think and choose for ourselves; things could be so different. Have you ever felt like your life (or part of your life) has been taken hostage by someone else’s ego, insecurity and/or greed?
Welcome to a very large club.
Manipulators of the Masses
Perhaps you feel like you’re trapped in some kind of on-going poker game where you’re never dealt any decent cards. As a result you feel like you have no real power or leverage… just the occasional bluff. The truth is, knowingly or not, many of us have given away our personal power (or part thereof) and allowed situations, circumstances and other people to dictate, direct and control our reality for far too long. Some of us have let others tell us what we can do and what we can’t do. What we should think. What we should believe. Where we can go. Who we should spend time with. Why we’re here. What our future holds and even what our life purpose should be. And because on some level we all want acceptance, approval, connection, security and love (and a whole bunch more), far too often we compromise… and compromise… until we eventually lose the real “us” and become a simulated version of us; looks like you and me – but isn’t.
Surrendering of Self
Clearly this “surrendering of self” – that is dreams, goals, ideas, values, beliefs (not to be confused with the Christian notion of “dying to self”) – ain’t a great personal strategy for my life or yours. So if it’s all the same to you manipulators and self-centred control freaks, the rest of us will find our own life purpose, discover our own limits, explore our own potential and keep our personal power. Thanks anyway. Not.
“People can only take our personal power if we give it to them.”
Being a humble, generous and occasionally selfless individual is to be admired and respected but being a person who has essentially handed over the reigns of their life is tragic, sad and ultimately terminal. Someone who has given away their personal power is a person who has given away control, hope and happiness.
“It’s nice to be nice but it’s stupid to be a doormat”
Some people confuse feelings with reality. Not “feeling” powerful doesn’t necessarily equate to not “being” powerful. Unless we make it that. For the most part, feelings (read, fear) merely get in the way of our potential, personal power, growth and success. As a rule, our emotions and thoughts are in no way an indicator of our potential or the incredible future we might create and results we might produce if we should choose to use our power rather than give it away; as we have done in the past. Just because you don’t “feel” powerful or consider yourself to be powerful doesn’t mean that you’re not or you can’t be; it simply means you’re denying your potential and buying into a fear mindset. A feeling is only a feeling and a thought is only a thought until you make them a reality; good or bad.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Marianne Williamson
Just to Clarify…I just re-read what I’ve written so far and I want to make a few things clear: (1) we give away our power – people can’t take it without our permission (2) we allow people and things to have an unhealthy level of control and influence in our life (3) getting angry, bitter and/or resentful at others will fix nothing – although it’s totally understandable (4) positive change starts with awareness, understanding and acknowledgement and (5) the situation will change when you change – and you can change any time you like. Now, is that me over-simplifying the complicated or you complicating the simple?
You decide.
The Last Bit…Even as you read this right now, some of you might be rationalising your less-than-desirable existence and situation (1) to make yourselves feel better (thereby ignoring those buttons I just pushed) and (2) to avoid confronting the things you know you should deal with. My advice? STOP IT! Your world will change, when you do.
You have the ability, you have the understanding and you have the reasons – now find the courage.
Next time I will share ten proven practical strategies to help you shift your reality from power-less to power-ful.
Peace.
Share your thoughts on this post by clicking on the link. Yes, even you long-time lurking scaredy cats in the back cyber row.
Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and my FREE Ebook!
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Sometimes I think you follow me around Mr Harper. I am the master of bottling up my feelings and letting the world pass me by.
Hey Craig,
Hmmmm… Great post… Not a gentle nudge but a mighty big slap in the chops for me!!
Thanks, I think I needed it…
( )
Amanda B
Taking back your personal power … yep, divorce worked a treat for me! And no, I’m not being flippant.
There’s a saying we use in the workplace, but it can also apply to wider relationships. “If you can’t change the people, then change the people.” I’m all for (suitable) compromise and negotiation and resolving issues, but no longer will I allow myself to be relegated to a distant second place in relationships.
It’s taken almost 40 years, but now I’m taking full responsibility for who, what and where I am in life. Feels good!
Suz (Sydney)
Taking my power back was drastic but necessary. I quit the executive role in the city and moved to the country. It wasn’t even a scary decision (ok a little scary). I just knew my health and happiness counted on it. Did it work? In a big way! I lost a great income but I’ve gained my health back, I’m happy and can smile and laugh again.
Forget people power, it is ME power!!
Hello Craig and everyone,
Great message today – when I was growing up my parents always told me I could do anything I put my mind to and I know now that they were right.
Sometimes life has a way of taking over and when that happens and I feel things are “out of control” (too many work commitments, too many chores to do, bills piling up, etc.) I remember to take a deep breath and put my needs and the needs of my loved ones first and then things fall back into place.
Have a lovely day.
Hi Craig
Me the big scaredy cat who hates being the centre of attention threw a party for my 50th on the weekend with friends and family and it was fantastic even though I made myself sick with anxiety beforehand.
Now I don’t care what people think of me I’l just be myself
Sue(Perth)
Isn’t this a message every primary schooner should hear and be taught incessantly, until it is part of them.
Let’s start the foundation now!
But how is personal power snatched or taken?
That four letter word used by every negative manipulator going back into the ages..FEAR.
If I don’t fear, I cannot be controlled like a brainwashed zombie.
Fear of physical or emotional abuse or pain… so I submit.
Fear of not being loved…so I become the person you want me to be.
Fear of being an outcast, of being alone…so I blindly accept religious or societal decrees.
Fear is based on deception and dishonesty, and if I am ruled by it, then I have those traits as much as the perpetrator. They use fear to control and dominate, for they fear for not being in control.
If I am honest and open in all things, I have nothing to fear.
And then I live!!
Thank you for the honesty of the great post Craig! Fearless personal power to all…it is just an instant, honest choice away!
“Fear is an emotion, and it’s impossible to counter an emotion with logic.
So you need to mount emotional arguments for why your fear of the new is the thing you truly need to fear!” – Seth Godin
Craig, thank you for what is probably one of the best blogs that I have read recently. (Not that your other’s aren’t as terrific!) I saw myself right throughout that blog as being the person who has surrended my personal power. This afternoon I plan on doing something about it.
REALLY looking forward to the 10 strategies…
Somewhere along the path of life being nice turned into being a doormat and I handed over my personal power and now I want it back.
Reminds of this frog experiment I read about, put a frog in hot water and it will jump out, but put it in cool water and slowly turn up the temperature and it boils to death.
Ginny
Time to stop that Tery…
Good for you Suz – enjoy it ( )
You even “write happy” Nat…
Thanks for dropping by Siren46
Good idea Sue… and HAPPY BIRFDY!
( )
Wow Honeyeater – GREAT comment and insights – LOVED IT. Read it twice.
Thanks ( )
Me too Lisa… now, if only I knew what they were…
Are you frog no.2 Ginny?
Craig,
Yes I was frog no. 2, but I think I am now frog no. 3, frog no. 3 has realised the waters getting rather hot, but there is no mention of frog no. 3 in the experiment. OMG, do I have to make a decision, what about FEAR (been working on that one)
Will frog 3 stay in the pot out of fear of what happens if it gets out (I bloody hope not), or will frog 3 leap to freedom, watch this space.
Ginny
Hello Craig,
This has hit home for me.
I was talking to someone the other day saying that no one listen's to me, then once I get the courage to make a stand, the next thing I know i've upset that person & have come across being rude.
I've been or allowed people to control my life ever since I was a teenager, not sure how or why it's happened.
I don't like to upset anyone & I do like to keep peace however in the meantime I'm unhappy.
I have alot of changing to do & to get rid of that bloody fear thing in me…
Thanks Craig great post,
Charlotte xxoxox
I’m on the edge on my seat Ginny
Aaah Little Charlotte
A wise man once told me
“If you don’t ever want to offend anyone then say nothing, do nothing and be nothing”
I offend people daily.
Or perhaps they search for offence?
xx
Craig,
Perfect timing for A big thank you to you….
Looks like you have written this one for me… again! I dont know how to express my gratitude, for u have given me the strength to do so much in the last year. THANK YOU again… you keep sending me reminders.. I have a long way to go to find myself and my identity but i have come a very long way in the last year. Im changing and so is the world and People around me and might i add that they dont like it…pls keep sending me courage. Its not easy being strong when you have been weak for so long and always surrounded by the same people.
real big hugs… JJ
Hi JJ – you are more than welcome.
I’m priveleged to be a small part of your journey. Now listen to me…
The ONLY person who can control your destiny, shape your future and produce results in your world (good or bad) is YOU. You are the problem and the solution. Everything you need to succeed you already have – even if you don’t know it or believe it.
You’ll be amazed what you can do when you stop talking yourself into failure. Be courageous, be strong and be the change.
Keep me posted.
Craig x
Hi Craig
I was told constantly when I was growing up, “If you’re not nice, people won’t like you”. This is really bad advice as it creates a pleasing mentality that I have spent a great deal of time trying to rid myself of. The fact is, some people won’t like you because you’re short, tall, rich, poor….there are a mountain of reasons why someone won’t like you.
I now tell me children to treat people with respect and kindness but not to compromise themselves and their values. I teach them that some people just won’t like you so you have to rely on the knowledge that you have acted the best way you know how.
Hopefully this advice will be taken on board….ask me in 20 years if it worked.
Hsve a great day!
Janice
Hey there Craig, i am a lurker who loves your AMAZING work and this is making me reeeally uncomfortable!I am coming from a different perspective,in that this is a wake up call to what a bossyboots and control freak i am to my poor hubby!!!Im not like it with anyone else and it is just my own pathetic insecurity.Cant believe this is the one i decide to make my first comment on…thanks for articulating what he would be too scared to say,cos doesnt wanna “upset me”. Karen Melbourne
I have been through a horrendous 2 years. First enduring extreme bullying in the workplace, then running into the arms of a man who positioned himself as someone who could help (read here ‘save’…knight in shining armour syndrome) me resolve this situation. Funnily enough man in question was actually an emotional (and God knows what else had I stuck around long enough) abuser. Fortunately despite the fact I no longer thought I was worthy of any kind of love/like I pulled myself out of the vacuum I’d allowed myself to be sucked into and deleted him from my life. I realised through both of these situations that although what had happened was completely unjustified, unfair and unwarranted I still ALLOWED it to happen. It took me a long time to get to that place. I became petrified of what he “might” do to me, should I leave. I’m not in the process of reconfiguring my life and how I deal with the masses of unethical, tyrannical people who pervade our society. What I hope is that one day these types of valuable life skills are taught in schools. Most parents teach their children about “stuff” but not about the intricacies of human interactions and I suppose just assume through experience they’ll learn certain lessons. Sometimes once you’re able to make complete sense of a situation its too late. Great post, people need to be more empowered and given the skills and new thought-processes to make positive changes to their lives.
Bring true power into your life by understanding these six heart virtues. Look them up and get a clear understanding of what these mean to you personally. When you have a “knowingness” about these virtues, commit them to memory and post the list around your home to keep you focused. 1. Appreciation 2. Humility 3. Valor 4. Compassion 5. Understanding 6. Forgiveness Operating in your feeling world with an expanded understanding of how the heart virtues can be combined or sequenced for specific life experiences is a fundamental shift in behavior that will serve you well.