Hi Team. Sorry I’ve been a little scarce lately. I’m in the final stages of completing my new book, so I’ve been a little distracted (from you). Sorry, you’re still special. 
Having the concentration skills of a four year-old is not always ideal for completing tasks but at least four year-olds are creative and have fun! Today, I thought I would open the door on a conversation and let you guys run with it. It’s an interesting topic and one which impacts on all of us. I will give away three signed copies of my book Fattitude (sent anywhere in the world) for the comments that spin my wheels.
The Magic Fridge
Yesterday, I had an interesting and amusing conversation with one of my good friends. Hmm… do we have bad friends? Anyway, she informed me that her almost-new $16,000 fridge had just broken down for the third time since she bought it. Poor pet. Poor love. Poor darl. Sucker.
How much did you say? Yep, sixteen large.
Good grief… is it f*ckin’ magic?
Does it do shoulder rubs? Tax returns? Card tricks? Groom the dog? Can it guide the space shuttle back to earth? I’m thinkin’ somebody got scammed. Sorry Princess.
Shopping Lessons
So, I offered to take my rich-but-not-very-clever 
friend shopping to teach her how to buy a fridge that doesn’t cost more than a Hyundai. She declined my generous offer, believing that something around a thousand bucks (my suggested budget) would be total rubbish. When I informed her that my icy-cold, fifteen year-old ($600) Westinghouse had never broken down, she was somewhat shocked. Who knew that the less is more philosophy could apply to a fridge? Clearly, bells, whistles and expensive price tags don’t always equate to value, reliability or quality. Or, cold food.
Just saying.
What followed was an interesting exchange about how, why and when we spend – and on what we spend. After a while, it became apparent that the only thing I (knowingly) waste money on is vehicles and the only thing she knowingly wastes money on is… everything.
Good and Bad Spending
We’ve chatted before on this site about what drives us to buy particular products and pay for certain services but where’s the line that separates healthy spending (whatever that looks like) from the “Oh my God, I simply have to have those shoes” (type) spending? It’s true that observing people’s spending habits can provide us with a fascinating insight into the human condition – needs, wants, habits, fears, values, issues, priorities and more.
Now, in fairness to my friend, for some people buying a $16,000 fridge is like us normal people buying a two-hundred dollar microwave oven: it’s all relative to income and financial situation.
But still… sixteen grand!!
So, some questions for your discussion, dissection and debate:
1. How do we differentiate between what we want to spend and what we need to spend?
2. Do we need to? (differentiate)
3. What’s unhealthy (destructive, problematic) spending?
4. How do we know when we have a problem?
5. Have you ever lied about your spending habits?
6. Are you, or were you, a spend-aholic?
7. How did you (or, do you plan to) overcome it?
8. Has your spending (or someone else’s) ever derailed or damaged a relationship?
Feel free to answer all, none or some. Or, simply share your thoughts, ideas and experiences on the topic. And yes, I’ll be around more next week. Group hug ( ).
* Don’t forget my new kid’s book (The Angry Ant) is out now! Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and get my FREE Ebook!
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
whooo this is the one addiction i didnt get but boy i relate! I was sitting at the gym the other day when the subject of ‘how’ im the only instructor with real boobs came up …yep anyway obviously everyone was sharing (opinions) when one of the ladies i know started 2 update me on how one of hers had collapsed…now lets remember she paid 10k ..5 yrs ago (my car was cheaper) and 2 now fix this particular model is going 2 cost $17 k …now im feeling her pain…wow i thought ! She is an unreal lady and she then went on 2 explain how her and her husband would pay 4 this – im notmarried and was thinking divorce but nope this was pretty matter of fact 4 these guys..
Ain’t know nuffin’ about it but my next unhealthy purchase will be a 3D TV!
Once I’m bored with my unhealthy Android.
(hey, what’s this new message : “you are posting comments too quickly, slow down” OMG!!! The Slow Lane is bees, trees and rainbows, man! Here is ‘serious’ business!)
How do we differentiate between what we want to spend and what we need to spend?
What if this choice is taken away?
But you live in a big house, have land, go on lots of fun holidays, kids go to private schools, have flash cars and bikes all the bells and whistles……and a razzle dazzle twin fridge that can almost laugh……
Has your spending (or someone else’s) ever derailed or damaged a relationship? Or is it control of spending – some of us have it taken way…
But I got the strength to one day be in a position to spend, so I got a job and kept it.
Saved all coins for sufficient housekeeping
Did not have to account for every penny spent
Was still denied access to cheque book/account/finances but did not worry any more
Continued to force me out of the house and make me homeless and destitute but I grew stronger
Was unable to demand my pay check as I got my own bank account
Spent my money allocated to bills/groceries always looking at the bottom shelf for specials
I am able to easily separate healthy spending from the “Oh my God, I simply have to have those shoes” (type) spending.
Come live in my ‘shoes’ which I have finally stepped out of, you would be fascinated and learn.
And would make your needs, wants, habits, fears, values, issues, priorities relatively clear.
And realise the razzle dazzle fridge is not that special after all…
Shopping is thearpy and don’t tell me men don’t do it as I have seen them in Westfield with more designer bags than women.
I love how everything has to do with awareness – awareness of what we eat (and don’t eat), do (and don’t do) and now spend (and not spend). When I look around at my possessions (they fill a small moving truck), I am embarrassed at how many were purchased to fill some hole I thought I could plug with a material item or with an idea (witness my stacks of books). My husband and I are starting a sell/give away program to lighten the load. Why did I never understand that getting rid of stuff leads to clarity, not collecting it. Maybe I collected to create a sense of security or to avoid taking risks by saying, well, I have the paints, weights, videos, piano, so I could theoretically start anytime, but I just don’t have time now. So the stuff sits there and I don’t even enjoy it because why? I’m afraid. So now I’m getting rid of what I will never try, what I have outgrown and what I bought for whatever kooky reason that I no longer need. The things I keep I will use and my life will become a lot clearer, I hope.
I didn’t even know there were any refrigerators that cost that much!!! Geez. Is it gold-plated and diamond studded???!!?
Anyway, here’s the formula for money I follow . . . figure out how much you make per month, then figure out your basic monthly living expenses, you know, power, rent/mortage payment, water, groceries, gas/bus/train-fare to work, etc. The basics of what it takes to get you and/or your family if you have one, from the 1st day of the month to the last. Then you figure out what you have left. You stick some in an savings account every month (you know, in case your car breaks down, etc.) What you have left out of that can be for more pleasurable purchases. However, you still have to keep in mind the tax man, insurance costs, car maintenance, retirement, etc. A monthly budget is absolutely MANDATORY. Being young, stupid and poor was bad enough, I have no desire to be old, stupid and poor. If you have no money after the basics, it’s time for a change . . . get career counseling, financial planning advice, marriage counseling, psychological help, whatever it takes.
I figured this out after much trial and error and horrible spending habits in college. I ruined my credit, ran up alot of debt, almost had stomach ulcers from the stress, and my parents went ballistic. It was awful, AWFUL. Now, 2 decades later, I have great credit and much less stress. I am by no means even remotely close to being wealthy. Less is more is my philosophy. Spending beyond my means made me miserable, not happy.
Btw, I highly recommend Dave Ramsey, who is a financial advisor type in the U.S., who has a radio show and a website. He has a great plan for getting out of debt and staying out.
hey ya Craig…
glad to have to back…been missing you! yeah ive been checking my mail upto 3 times a day to see if i have anything you from wonderful Craig!
its funny how life works at times really it is. Your latest post could not come at a better time! How we spend our money? wow, I had just had a conversation with a friend about that before I opened my mail.
..) and he informed me she never pitched to 2 of the trainings she was meant to be at!! – i was rather speechless…or should i say ‘broken hearted’ because i had so much hope for her, so much belief in her, and i couldnt wait to see her transformation! so i then got hold of her and then i got the whole story again…blah blah blah…i have to pay my car, i have the dentist, i have a wedding to go to (you have to give the bride and groom money here as a gift), and it went on and on!!! (and on)!! the thing is….everything else she is spend the money on, is it worth it? to me no!! but would it be worth it to spend that money on personal training and make the change and stay at home for the month/s that the training is happening? i guess to her its better to drive to pizza hut (or where ever else..junk food is) and spend some pointless money there? thats a waste right?
so lets hope this gets your wheels spinning!
money – ok we all have our days we go a little to crazy, and mostly on things that are not needed (but we still spend the money). however in this situation the money should be spent. My friend (shame, bless her, she really is a sweety)…is rather, mmm, lets say on the large side of life. So a few weeks ago she called me to ask me if i could help her, by finding a good personal trainer for her. I gladly did so and I found pretty much the best trainer in Cyprus (a little Greek island) and put them in contact and ace, she was going to go for it. I was beyond happy as she was taking a step, taking control and making a change. Alright so a price came with it though, and she was quite unsure after she heard the price, as to her it was a bit to much, so i gently spoke to her and encouraged her, telling her is a good thing to go for, that she would be making a change and that it would be an investment to her life – oh sorry, did i mention she wanted to do the personal training thing because of her nieces christening? yeah sorry i forgot to say that! – so i also bought that to her attention and she said ”yes yes you right” so I was all happy again, as I thought that she would go for it! (she really does need it) and well tonight, I spoke to the personal trainer asking him how she is doing ect ect (and well also to see how he is
its her body for goodness sake…should she want to take that step? — so I guess the goal to be smashingly beautiful for the nieces christening was but a thought!
i hope I haven’t lost you here…!
so were does it all take place? its takes place with each and every one of us, at the end of the day we have to make the choice on how to spend the moola! and hopefully its a good choice!
im just broken to see that she never took the step, as i can see she can, but untill she see’s she can, i guess im wasting my time!
(certainly hope that got your wheels going)
“My name is Catherine and I’m a spend-aholic…”.
I go through money like water and have a wardrobe of clothes I don’t wear with the labels still on. Thank goodness there’s no family otherwise I’d feel even more guilty. What I’m doing is stupid. But it’s also like a nightmare where I can’t keep control. I want to stop but past experience says I’ll do it again.
I think that the key is to walk around with theitem whilst you are still in the store and think about whether you will use it, how often, can you afford it. I have a rule that if I don’t have the money for it NOW then I do not need it NOW. Hence, I never use a credit card.
1. How do we differentiate between what we want to spend and what we need to spend?
Needs and wants are something that a lot of people CAN’T see the difference between. Things that will affect our jobs, our income, our study, and the health of our family (in my opinion) needs.
Everything else is secondary as long as we’re eating.
2. Do we need to? (differentiate)
We sure do. I want an $16,000 TT bike, but my $300 second hand roadie will do for now.
3. What’s unhealthy (destructive, problematic) spending?
When you are making that minimum payment on your credit card.
When you wonder how you are going to make the next mortgage/rent payment.
4. How do we know when we have a problem?
Instinctively, I think we all know this. We just ignore it. It’s similar to being overweight and cutting the size 24 tags off your jeans. HTFU and face the problem.
5. Have you ever lied about your spending habits?
Sure have. My partner thinks I have too many pairs of shoes. For a chick, I have none. I only realised I was a bloody girl at 24, I’ve got a lot of catching up to do!
6. Are you, or were you, a spend-aholic?
Nope. I’ve always been able to make those necessary payments.
8. Has your spending (or someone else’s) ever derailed or damaged a relationship?
Sure has. I own my own house. I built it myself, blood sweat tears and plenty of my hard earned money, and my partner moved in.
Instead of saving his deposit for another house, or putting it towards mine… he went on a trip. Well, you can imagine how much he has left to contribute to our lifestyle.
Have you ever bought a watch. Not just any watch….but the one you have always admired, the biggest, the shiniest, the one that not only tells you the time, but the date, the weather, the tides etc etc. The moment you took possession was the best moment in yor life, wow, finally, you have never been happier…………………..(fast forward 4 weeks or so) and all of a sudden the watch just becomes a watch. What happened to that feeling of happiness, why doesn’t my life feel fulfilled anymore. Oh well maybe I’ll go out and buy a new fridge, a $16,000 fridge or that new diamond necklace or that dress…..oh yes that will make me happy again. Hmmmmmm
My thoughts, happiness comes from within, from inner peace not from the store.
Craig I Love your posts..
Each time they arrive into my inbox I get excited (wow that sounds kind of weird doesn’t it?)
Now in regards to your spending email it got me thinking. I now work as a personal trainer running my small business out of a local gym in NZ. Before this when i earned a stable wage I really did not give much thought to my spending . Money went in I spent it and more came in two weeks later. Oh how things have changed now I count my pennies and I am planning for the future. Where is this all going? Well what I have noticed after talking to a lot of people in my job is that how people can justify so easily and quickly when they spend stupid amounts of money on such stupid things…. I recently had a client tell me that they could not afford to pay their tax bill and money was tight then in the same breath told me that they were thinking of buying a new car and gave me a list of reasons why it was a good idea. Who were they trying to convince me or themselves? Personally I think we have become too fascinated in what others have got and not focused enough on what we can afford…
Anyway just my thoughts on your post…wow it became a deep thought very quickly…Too deep for a Friday.
Keep up the great work
Yours in health
Shaun
Craig, For 16,000 it should keep food cold ,cook it,and clean the dishes.Then it would be worth it.About spending I have always bought name brand on food,Clothes and I like going out to nice resturants.But,I only do this in moderation.I think if you have a lot of money than it is OK.I would like to be in that situation.OH,I would love a free copy of your book.Have a great day and keep on writing! Jim
Hi Craig & fellow readers!
I found this article quite thought provoking – actually it’s a topic I have thought about a lot.
I was in a 16-year relationship with someone who has what I call an “addictive personality”. He was always addicted to something – cigarettes, marijuana, hobbies, computer games, gambling, spending… the minute he got over one habit (or addiction) another one cropped up. He couldn’t control his spending – financially or time-wise. In the end it contributed to the demise of our relationship.
I also have a spending issue but I have learned to see it as a useful thing because it tells me when I have a deeper issue to deal with. I have suffered from depression on and off for 15 years (since I was preganant with my son) and a classic indicator of when I am entering a manic episode is a tendency to want to spend money – I want to buy lots of new things to make my surroundings more beautiful or comfortable or things to make me feel good – cosmetics, clothes, shoes, new hairdo etc – and I have to have it NOW. Alternatively I might start spending money on other people – the last time it happened I bought expensive brand name clothes for my 14 year old son, new beds and linen for my 18 and 20 year old step sons, Nike shoes for all 3 boys and a new PC for my partner – all in one day, without batting an eyelid.
Could I afford it? Not really – but that’s what credit is for, right? Wrong. As soon as I come out of that manic phase I crashed and started getting guilty and more depressed because I now couldn’t afford to do the more important big-ticket things like fixing the roof on the house, building that deck we’ve been talking about for months, or taking a family holiday.
Was it necessary to spend all that money? Of course not. Yes, my partner did need a new PC, but not the top of the range one I bought. Did the boys need new clothes and shoes? Yes, but not brand name expensive ones. Did the older boys need new beds and linen? Yes, but we could have found cheaper options than what I bought.
So I have now learnt to recognise that urge to spend and find other ways to deal with it… see the doc about adjusting the dose of my medication, hand over the credit card to my partner and stay away from the shops (including online stores!). Then give the house a good spring-clean (always makes me feel better) or do something fun with the family that doesn’t cost much money – go go-karting, take a day-trip to the beach, have a bbq by the lake and throw the frisbee around, take the camera out and practice my photography skills. Things like that can keep me occupied until the spending urge subsides.
When I’m on an even keel my motto is “if in doubt, do without”. It works well for me and has saved me from some potentially poor choices. It’s a motto I also passed on to a close friend of mine and it has served him well too – he was a spending tragic but is now well on his way to buying his own home and has taken a number of overseas trips that he never would have been able to afford before.
16 Gorillas! Farrrrr out.
a year ago.
I am a uni student that (has) lives off 126 bux a week for 3 years. When I moved into my new rental house there was a big argument when we bought a (second-hand) 403L fridge instead of 520L fridge because it cost to much! Despite all this – they have been the best 3 years of my life! I ride to uni, keeps me feeling good and saves money. I have taken a year off alcohol (ok 2 slip ups during the year), and I haven’t bought new clothes since i bought a pair of Italian shoes (on chapel st
I appreciate everything i have because I know that money is really hard to get. I don’t judge how other people spend money but there are better ways than wasting money on excessive alcohol, clothes and seriously over-priced fridges
Gosh I must be a scrooge of the highest order! Or maybe its an age thing and the fact that my Dad was brought up in the depression. Spending money doesn’t excite me, nor does shopping. I can go two years without going into Perth (city) for shopping. I think the consumer trap is one you can easily get dragged into. Gotta have the latest model – even though the old one isn’t broke. Doesn’t do a lot for the planet. Just another source of stress as I see it. You know its a shame you can’t even give castoff away these days. When I was at uni I was glad for anything 2nd, 3rd or even 4th hand. It was almost a badge of pride.
But I can cook well, and grow stuff – like food. Sew, knit – all that sort of thing. And those are the things that really give you a sense of satisfaction and pride. Not buying the latest gizmo made by some poor Chinese peasant that earns $1 a day.
Craig your post is spot on and it’s something my hubby and I have talked about over the past few years.
Five years ago when we moved into our new (old) home with a new (pretty large) mortgage we went looking for a BBQ. We found a fabulous 4-burner-plus-wok model at Kmart for $600 reduced to $450. ‘Wrap it up we’ll take it,” we said immediately. (Immediately in this case meant after three weeks of shop-arounds and comparisons). At the same time we purchased our first (and only) big screen plasma for $2.3K (they were new then – same model is now $999).
At friends’ place the weekend after these purchases it came out that their BBQ (4-burner-plus-wok) cost $2K, and their (9cm-bigger-than-ours) plasma cost $9K. What the? These same friends recently paid $36K for a new kitchen when there was absolutely nothing wrong with their existing kitchen! (In fact I thought about asking for their old one because it’s better than our current one).
Anyway, the moral to this story is NOT the fact that hubby and I have paid off our home in 4.5 years (though we’re pretty proud of that). Nor is the point that our beautiful, loving, caring, intelligent-with-everything-except-money friends owe only $100K less on their mortgage then what they borrowed 10 years ago. The point is it’s about the choices we make.
Choices are sometimes determined by upbringing and are sometimes income-dependent (although these days that isn’t even a show-stopper because we just go and get more credit). Choices are also often made based on expectations (I’m 45 I should have an investment property by now), or on self-identity (or lack thereof). I’ve played out pretty much all of these in my youth and in my early working life. I learnt the hard way that designer labels and a designer job do not maketh the woman. That busting a gut trying to ‘have it all’ meant not really having much of a Self.
Now that we are mortgage free, hubby and I recently discussed house renovations. Options were demolish and rebuild a McMansion (pretty much the rule of thumb in our neighbourhood), build a second storey, concrete the garden (okay, that was never going to fly), subdivide the block and build two units, turn the laundry into a second bathroom, etc etc.
We got an architect in, got brother-in-law to draw up some rebuild plans, and started getting phone numbers and contact details for builders. Then we had a revelation. WHAT IF WE DID NOTHING? What if we just sat back and enjoyed everything exactly as it was (is) at the moment?
Six months have passed and we’re enjoying the fruits of our non-labour. The garden has grown, the mortgage hasn’t, and the BBQ and plasma are still doing what BBQs and plasmas do — regardless of their price tag.
It’s often said ‘money won’t bring happiness but it affords greater choices’. Not spending it, and not busting a gut to make more money to fund the never-ending need for more and better clothes/shoes/cars/properties/rennovations (which only bring temporary happiness anyway) is also a conscious choice. And it’s one that can offer some pretty amazing (non-physical) rewards.
It’s very weird what we consider excessive and what we don’t. When I buy a toothbrush I always get cranky – I mean $5 – $6 for a bloody toothbrush! That is ridiculous.
Then I’ll see that bombay sapphire gin in on special and only $50 a bottle. That’s a great price, so I might even stock up and buy two bottles.
Clearly I’m more willing to spend when it comes to something that gives me pleasure than when it’s something mundane. This is where a lot of people get into trouble (I think so anyway).
The non-essentials get us into trouble. It’s shoes when we already have ten pair, a new phone when our current mobile is just fine and dinner out when we could better spend the money on a dentist visit or getting the heater serviced.
When we spend money on these non-essential items we have an image of how the purchase will reflect on us – an image of how other people will see us, who we will “be” when we have the new dress or phone or kitchen gadget. But a new dress will not make you more beautiful or sophisticated, a new phone will not make you cool and a new kitchen gadget will not give you cooking skills.
The more comfortable I get with who I am, the less I spend. I don’t need to demonstrate my fashion sense by spening up big on brand-name items – I can do this through choosing fewer items that really suit me and wearing them forever. I don’t need a Kindle reader because they have these great things called libraries where they have little hand-held reading devices called books.
When you care less about buying your way to being the person you think you should be (or think that others want you to be), you sleep a lot better at night.
Q4. How do we know when we have a problem?
A. Simple, My husband tells me…….. every week
Do I need it or do I want it? You have to ask yourself the question and answer it honestly. The first time you walk away from a “want” is the first step to setting yourself free — and it is empowering!
Hi Craig,
One of the best ways i have found to put a stop to this crazy over-spending behaviour and the need to have everything and have it NOW is to spend some time with people far less fortunate than yourself. I recently spent time in central africa with the locals who have absolutely nothing in the true sense of the word…..(material-wise that is) but they are the RICHEST people i have ever met. Absolutely beautiful people with wonderful caring souls. They didnt beg, feel resentful or try to steal anything off me. Quite simply….they didnt want anything as they already have everything they could ever need. Not a single one of them was stressed. They live in a beautiful country with amazing animals and they have found ways to integrate into their environment without destroying their world with greed, jealousy or hatred. I felt blessed to be in their presence and i learnt so much from them.
The old saying…..walk a mile in anothers shoes……then sit back and evaluate your life and you may find you already have far more then you need. If you have good values, treat others with respect, love your family/friends or those who are dear to you and live your life with integrity…………….what more can you possibly want?
I spend way too much money on clothes, jewelry, shoes, handbags and make-up…..all because I was the fat ugly kid with freckles and glasses in primary school.
Hi Craig
This is a topic that really hits a nerve with me. As an individual that is terrified about what is happening to the environment I have had no choice but to become a responsible consumer. In a time where our beautiful planet faces real crisis we all have a responsibility to buy less, use less and minimise our impact on the globe. Manufacturers create products that are not meant to last so we have to keep purchasing, so the end result is more and more landfill and more and more toxic waste going into the earth that will not degrade for thousands of years. Surely the threatened existance of our precious animals, plants, ocean and atmosphere must take preference over our shallow wants and needs for material possessions. We need to take the planet’s worsening environmental status seriously and take action to make adequate change to prevent a looming ecological crisis. A simpler less polluting lifestyle will result in a more manageable, sustainable environment.
Steph
As a society are we more scathing of the rich or the obese? How readily do we judge those who we think have more than they should – be that money or food. Making someone feel bad because they have the resources to spend a lot of money on something which, as it turns out, does not work as well as it should is a lesson to be learned. Some people spend too much and others eat too much. Thats life.
I have a spending subconcious named aaron. He never owes a cent on credit, saves hard, enjoys life and prefers the simple things. I on the other hand have a spending approach of I believe I need it, I want it and therefore I will get it. I actually use my credit card, don’t see the point of having one if I don’t use it but I’ve learnt to pass it through the aaron test, do I really need it, do I have a substitute, if I didn’t have it would it really matter and saving the best for last do I already have it and have forgotten I do. Like the sportswatch I bought for $120 a year ago
)
This tactic works a treat every time
I sometimes like to think about a potential purchase as “hours of work”. I currently earn about $35 an hour, so for example if I am considering spending $200 on something that might be considered unnecessary, I ask myself whether I would be happy to work 6 hours to buy it. If I think it is worth 6 hours of my time I go for it.
That’s just my way of putting it in perspective for myself.
Hey Craig !
I have a hubby who drives his $109,000 car for two or three days after it screams at him to “refuel”… because fuel will be cheaper “tomorrow”.
He judges clothes on their price, rather than their quality or comfort (if it costs more it MUST be better).
He’ll buy the identical item at twice the price in a “better” shop rather than be seen in the Reject Shop.
He’ll blow 50 or 100 bucks on the pokies in a matter of ten minutes (just gotta keep that finger on the button and push as fast as possible) yet goes off pop at me if I “waste” a couple of bucks on healthy food.
And then when we were in NYC in May, buying entry tickets to the Empire State Building, he told the attendant we were both over 65 (he’s 63 and I’m 61) to get the $2 seniors’ discount !!!
Sometimes I just don’t understand him at all !
((HUG))
Tina
Oh yeah… almost forgot… then there’s the matching “his and hers” Rado ($2.5 K apiece) watches that he insisted we had to have as his retirement gift to ourselves a couple of years ago. He never wears his because he can’t read the time on it. He had to have another ($1100 Seiko) watch (that makes about 8 in his collection) of which he promptly scratched the glass and lost a tiny screw from the front plate. It’s been at the repairers for two months already “waiting for the parts to come in” and will cost over $100 to fix !!!
I guess it comes down to what we are willing to pay for what we want. I hate shopping and really resent paying more for things that are equally good at cheaper prices. I refuse to eat at high end restaurants as I cant warrant spending a weeks worth of groceries on one meal. Hate fancy food anyway! Having a very limited income is very good for putting the brakes on. Things I refuse to give up are my gym membership, good coffee and high quaity loo paper. As for the rest, not at all bothered. We rent, I buy clothes at vinnies, borrow books and mags from the library, have no interest in the latest technology, whether it’s a TV or a phone. It is quite liberating not to want new things. I would much rather “do” than “have”.
Hi Craig and everyone else,
(Please first accept my apologies to you all if anyones reading this and especially for those few of you who finish reading this comment. Sorry for my poor English and thanks for your time.)
Like many others I thoroughly enjoy reading your blogs and always look forward to new posts. Hungry for more. Your website forms part of my homepage
There were many times I almost posted comments. In fact many times I did. Only ended up deleting them. I just couldn’t convince myself to click the “Submit” button for this and that reasons. The the most recent one being 28 days challenge
I spent an hour writing it yet I was not brave enough to share or perhaps I’m too scared to fail again…
What made me fianlly post today?? (I promise myself I will not over think will hit the submit buttom as soon as I finish writing this I hope!) Reason: I feel there is an urgency to stop my seriously sick and ill spending!! Just got my credit card bill and this is the very first time I don’t have the fund to pay it, Only 0.69 in my account no kidding. (althought my mortgage a/c is still good and I do have another savings a/c but that is for emergency i will not touch) I need to wait a fortnight for my wage to sort out the bills. This never ever happened in my 8 years working life. I used to be the kind of person who pays every single bills straight away on the day I receive them and in full! My bank account was always healthy. I was well in control. But my world turned upside down (for good and for bad) 10 months ago…
1. How do we differentiate between what we want to spend and what we need to spend?
Need (head thinking) = what we can’t live without on a daily basis, i.e. food, transport
Want (heart pounding needs) = without these things we can still survive but to have them would be exciting, joyful & satisfying
2. Do we need to? (differentiate)
My head says YES most definately! We will only be able to be in control of our spending and our life by differentiating the two. A lot of the time it is crucial to make a priority list.
My heart: no we don’t need to. Spending is spontaneous and emotion driven. You spend money when you want to. If you want something badly even though deep down within you know you shouldn’t you know you can’t afford but you WANT it and that is all it matters! The moment of feeling on top of the world will most likely not come from rationally differentiating the two.
3. What’s unhealthy (destructive, problematic) spending?
ME! the current ME the self destructive ME! It’s like there are 2 little person of completely opposite nature reside in my body. One is Miss EXTREME Stingy controls the spending on myself and No. 2 is Miss Kind controls my spending on a particular person. For the past 12 months, I have not bought myself a piece of new cloth, new shoes, perfume, make up or even a nice day cream etc… I have not been to a salon or beauty bar for once. (For a girl, to resist all these temptations, believe me it is simply cruety) In fact I have not bought myself not even one cup of coffee (I used to have 2 a day), have been packing lunch to work(I used to enjoy trying out different restaraounts during lunch hours), I even stopped eating icecream and chocolates, some times I crave for them so badly I really want to just grab them and pay (we are only talking about $2 $3) but I was able to stop myself almost every single time! Why? No I am only 51kg no weight issue… Because if I don’t spend these on myself then I can buy something for W (let’s just call him this for now). A few months ago I even stopped catching buses to work to save $6 a day instead I run/jog to work (about 8km). My validation was – I was preparing for my first marathon. Which was true but deep down witin I know the money was why I first started running to work. Running with a full gym pack is not the most comfortable. But all I couldn’t think every day was how to reduce my spending on myself? Because I can’t cut mortgage repayments, can’t cut spending on my parents and friends but I can cut on myself. Yes I am able to resist all temptations in order to save money. (Just a note, I have a decent full time job. I should not be short of money definately not to that extreme).
Completely opposite to Miss Super Stingy, there’s another side of me very generous when it comes to spending money on W. I spent more than $600 buying xmas presents (things that ticks off his wish list, a pair of Asics Kayano 16, his fav NRL team jersey, spirits, trainers shirt…). In the same month I spent more than $300 buying his PT services (I pretended the PT vouchers were purchased by my friends) as he just started his business and there were not many clients. I wanted to give him a confidence boost although to get him started. Then I spent well over $3000 buying PT for myself. I wouldn’t say I’m the fittest girl in the world. But all my friends and colleagues in fact the whole corporate park thinks I am. I workout 3 times a day 5 – 6 days a week… I am genuinly enjoy working out and very passionate about fitness. What I am trying to say here is the fact that I do not really need PT I am a self motivator and the gym I go to have excellent trainers. All those money should have gone to pay off my mortgage. I love all my gym classes in and boot camps I struggled to have time for PT. I had to let go some of my favourite classes just to make room for PT. And what we do in PT are similar to bootcamp, boxing & body sculpt classes. I would also buy dinner for W just so he would eat after 9pm after he finishes wor. That is another $15-$40 on top of PT money. Thoughout the past 10 months, I have been buying all kinds of NRL merchadises for him because he’s a massive fan. With the last one being $550 for 2 x NRL GF tickets bought off Ebay. There are many more examples but I think you get the picture. I am TOTALLY ILL/MAD! Personality split? What makes it more painful is the fact that I am totally aware of my issue. I do not understand the word “moderation”. Every time I would come up with the same excuses, he would love this, this would be the last time I’m buying things for him. But as soon as I see the next lovely thing, I couldn’t wait to hand over the money and get all excited imagining how happy he would be when he sees them. What I am going to confess next would confirm my ILLNESS even more. Everything (except my PT sessions) I gave to W, I would tell him either they are free, or in case of xmas presents I told him they were from all the gym participants. I just didn’t want him to feel unease. Guys are simple they believe whatever you tell them
while girls can be so complicated for stupid reasons. You may think I’m madly in love with him? I do not think so. Then why?? I asked myself almost every day why I do what I do? Still searching for an answer… I’m already off the track of the subject too much 
4. How do we know when we have a problem?
I agree with what a few others said. I believe you actually know when you have a problem. You just refuse to believe or admit there is a problem. Or you rather blind fold yourself and fool yourself into believing this is only temporary everything will be fine a few days later. You know there is a problem when you call your billers to arrange extention for payments. You know there is a problem you kept on borrowing money from your parents (I never used to, but this last 2 months I have broke the record twice). You know you have a problem when your friends’ birthdays, special occassions make you frown. You know there’s a problem when you stopped going out just so you don’t spend money on dinner movies etc when you had a job well done and really deserve a celebration but you would rather shy away because you are concerned with money…
5. Have you ever lied about your spending habits?
YES. Hardly ever before but very frequent in the past 10 months. My family and friends had no idea I was on a hair string budget because I do PT. They thought it is the mortgage. Lying to your family those whom are closest to your heart is the worst part of the whole destructive spending. It brings me to tears many times and I don’t normally cry. This is also the signal – when you start to lie you konw you have a problem a serious one!
6. Are you, or were you, a spend-aholic?
Half of me yes a spend-aholic, obsessive behaviour! I would have no hesitation to buy anything W likes no matter how expensive that item is. If I found out there’s something he’s interested, I would want to get them for him if it is below my credit limit.
The other half of me – the most stingy person you will ever found!! It only took me 20 seoncs to buy the Kayano 16 for him but took me a whole 3 months to buy myself a pair of discounted Asics. And only bought it because my old runner cuts into my toes cause bleeding and would be too painful to run a marathon in. I would also stop at chocolates section picking my fav up only to put them back after 5 mins unsuccessful self persuation. But that is just to myself. I’m still quite normal when it comes to spend mony on family. friends and for good courses or charities. So my desperation is, I do know how to control, I have decipline when it comes to spend money on myself.
7. How did you (or, do you plan to) overcome it?
Sumitting this comment is hopefully my first step to ‘recovery’. This dark secret nobody knows. It is very unlike me to confess all these in public but somehow it feels good, a relief to be able to unload the pain, the frustraion, the struggle. Second step, I plan to stop PT fortfeit the purchased sessions and break myself away from that enviroment. Step 3, lock away my credit card. I am not a cash person, so by keeping my CC off sight, there should be little danger of over spending as the max cash I carry is no more than $20… I can’t promise I will be able to do all these but that’s the plan.
8. Has your spending (or someone else’s) ever derailed or damaged a relationship?
Never before. but now? Hard to answer, but I think it twisted the client trainer relationship.
Once again apologies for such a long post. My issue is a lot more than problematic spending! And I’m not going to proof read or correct my spelling mistakes because by then I probably will shy away from submiting yet again… so sorry if you have sore eyes!!
Hey Guys – awesome stuff. Thanks for getting involved and for sharing your thoughts, ideas and stories.
To the anonymous commentor (above this one) you are very welcome here – no judgement and no criticism, just friendship and acceptance. Congratulations on being so brave, aware and honest. You’ve taken the first step so keep walking and don’t be a stranger.
Enjoy your weekend Team…
Hi
Craig you are slowly turning me from a lurker to a contributor…
But only slowly.
I like Lexie’s idea of Hours of work, must try that one day.
(I’ve just read my post & I’m sounding a little obessed here)
If I was to track my spending I know that most of it would be spent on food. BUT high quality healthy food, I’m a triathlete so I don’t eat crap as that would defeat the hard training I’m doing. I’ve just discovered local Farmer Markets & I know that I go crazy with my spending there. Grass fed meat, organic veg/eggs/honey/nuts/seeds and oils
But is this unhealthy spending???
When it comes to good quality healthy food, YES I’m a spend-aholic
Do I lie about my spending habits – does hiding food in the back of the fridge so my husband can’t find it count.
Do I plan on overcoming it?
I don’t know, as a human I NEED food. I have always been a lover of food, so only eating quality food that is going to help me & fuel me to be the best triathlete & human I can be … seems normal.
But alot of my non triathlon friends don’t think I’m normal – so someone somewhere has a warped sense of normal.
Since the 28 day challenge the other month I changed the way I eat, so as I continue to learn about that, I learn about different places to get high quality food.
I don’t know, …. I don’t plan on overcoming my obession with high quality healthy food. The question is can I keep it without spending heaps of money. The answer is I don’t know.
When I say heaps of money I’m talking about $100 – $150 at the Farmer’s market. But that usually includes breakfast while I’m there.
Then there is all the food purchases throughout the week.
Before you start thinking that all this obessing about food is making me a heavy weight triathlete, I weigh 53kgs.
My other spending I’m OK with
All my clothes & shoes are discounted, gifts (yes I actually tell people to buy me clothes for presents), freebies (giveaways, race T shirts), factory outlet, st vinnies. I have a high end corporate job, but Facotry outlet Big name brand & Retail Big name brand are actually the same thing except cheaper. I’ve actually been known to cruise the retail stores to see if they have nice stuff & then race to the factory outlets to buy it once the season is finished. Nobody can tell the difference unless you tell them that the dress & shoes combined that you are wearing to work costs less than $50.
We paid off the mortgage earlier this year, so that’s taken care of.
I train in Mother Nature instead of a Gym, so don’t have membership fees. Well I’m sure that Mother Nature extracts a fee out of me, but it’s not monetary.
I save up for my big Triathlon buys & am only starting to travel for races (within the same state), usually I just do local ones to save on costs.
I haven’t brought a book in ages as I get people to buy them as gifts for me, some goes for CD’s. I’m a Triathlete so I don’t have much of a social life to start with when I’m training for a big event so party & night out spends usually don’t happen. Then when it does people generally buy me drinks, so I only need to worry about food.
Now all this food talk is making me hungry.
Bye
Tash
My first and last spend for quite a while was the MBE…
Still paying it off, but to me worth a million bucks
first of all no group hug for me i prefer one on one. secondly when it comes to spending ,its simple, its all about emotional intelligence (okay maybe not that simple). you see, spend-aholics are the people who spend for short-term pleasure- while wise spenders (if thats grammatically correct) are the people who spend for long-term pleasure or in a way that guarantees them future financial freedom. its not about how much money you make its about how much you keep to work for you to generate more money. but we must also admit its healthy to be a spend-ahiloc at least twice every year after all life is about pleasure for the most part. send that book am waiting……..
Ahhh! What we ‘need’ and what we ‘want’. When it comes down to it – we need very little. But – the temptations out there!!!
When our kids were young, we scrimped and saved – we must have been one of the last families in Australia to have a video player and a microwave. Living in Sydney with interest rates at almost 18% – we had to watch every cent. We lived on lentil dishes, ‘made do’ with cheap furniture – or improvised with boxes – and did any home improvement we needed ourselves. Holidays were camping trips and we got by with one car.
We managed, we were happy – but I would not want to go back to those times. Now we are very comfortable, our kids are independent and we have more spending money – but do we spend it? – well, I do!!! My husband is still very cautious.
But have I bought things I didnt really need ?- yes – I’ve wasted money on ebay ‘stuff’ and other products off the internet. It is so easy to shop on line – I can see it could become a problem and at times I have been concerned that I am ‘addicted’ to it. When I feel I am out of control I don’t even turn the computer on!!!
But I have also spent money on some wonderful things and I have no regrets. This year I have had a great overseas holiday, and I’ve bought an ipod!!! I also bought a new bed (after 25 years!) and some new furniture.
I think when it comes down to it – you have to ask yourself “how much pleasure is this item giving me?”. That’s how I look at it.
Of course, financially we are so much better off than we once were. If I was still scrimping and saving I would have none of these items. If I can’t pay off my credit card at the end of the month, then I can’t afford it. That is always my rule.
Honestly, in a world where there are people starving, dying, people that are so wealthy they can afford to buy a fridge for that much , should really have a think about above, and maybe donate half of the $16,000 and spend a mere $8,000.
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