What I Want My Kids to Know

Hi Guys – CJ here (still need to do that).

I was chatting with the Big Guy recently (Craig, that is, not the other slightly less intimidating one), and he asked me what five things I would teach my children about life if I knew that I was never going to see them again. Clearly, I must be looking unwell. Or perhaps Simon Baker has finally noticed me and is planning to whisk me off to begin a new life in Tahiti. Or maybe I witnessed a crime without realising it and soon I’ll be bustled into a dark car by serious-looking government agents to be given a new identity as a very bad cabaret singer in Minsk. Or maybe it was just a hypothetical question.

Hmmm.

Only five things. Geez Louise, I write more than that on a birthday card. I was tempted to tell them practical things like how to remove white watermarks from a wooden dining table but I could imagine them saying, “That’s it? That’s your advice about life? Thanks a lot, Mum. We could have Googled that.” Kids these days.

So ungrateful.

So, given that I want them to grow into happy, fulfilled adults, I thought I’d leave them with some of the most important (and painful) lessons that life has taught me so far. Perhaps this could be given to them on their sixteenth birthday – it could be advice from beyond the grave (or, perhaps, Tahiti). It’s certainly not a one-size-fits-all recipe for happiness, but it might spare them a few tears.

1. Accept That Life Isn’t Fair
If you expect life to be fair or even a little bit equal, happiness will be forever out of your reach. Accept that there will always be someone smarter, stronger, wealthier, more attractive, taller, healthier, more charming and more talented than you. Make the most of the gifts that you have been given rather than comparing yourself to everyone else. And remember that what you might perceive as someone else’s ‘perfect’ life could, in reality, be miserable. Save your moral indignation for the real injustices in this world. And maybe even do something about them. That would be cool.

2. Respect Your Body
We are each given one body and it has to last us for, literally, a lifetime. Respect it, nurture it, exercise it, stretch it and listen to it. Take joy in discovering what it can do. You are not a garbage bin; give your body healthy, fresh food. Give it clean medicine not drugs made by some dirty dickhead with a pill-press in his garage – I’m guessing he doesn’t have a degree in biochemistry and he probably isn’t too careful about washing his hands either. Just don’t go there. Sex can be average or incredible; it can be for love or just for fun. Here’s the thing: if you wouldn’t share your water bottle with that person, don’t share your body with them. Enough said.

3. Know Yourself 
How will you know what will make you happy if you don’t know you? Avoid being so caught up in doing, achieving, striving, coping, reacting and chasing that you never look within. That’s where the real you is patiently waiting, holding untold joy in the stillness and calmness of your being. Your happiness cannot be found in university degrees, a luxury car, a McMansion, designer clothes or public acclaim. I should know, I tried. Hard. Yes, these things can give you a feeling of accomplishment (momentarily) but understand that they are merely the trappings of life; not life itself. They cannot bring you happiness because you already have it – you just need to allow it to be.

Once you begin to know yourself, you will have the strength to be an individual and resist ‘group think’. Some groups (perhaps a school clique, a church, a political group, a workplace or a club) will tell you that their way is the only way, that they have the ‘truth’, that unquestioning conformity and obedience is more valuable than initiative, individuality, ingenuity or free thought. If you find yourself involved in such a group, run like hell and don’t look back. Know yourself. Make up your own mind.

Find you. Love you. Be you. And don’t wait until you’re forty to do it.

4. Enjoy Your Own Company
Embrace solitude rather than fearing it. Friendships and relationships are nice to have but you are all you need. If you become dependent on other people’s approval, attention, compliments, validation, acceptance and company, you will always be at the mercy of their agendas, whims and desires. Being content to be alone will liberate you from the fear of rejection. If you are scared of being by yourself, it is very easy to lose yourself, to constantly compromise, to forget your dreams and to stifle your opinions. You never ‘rock the boat’ because you’re afraid that the person will leave you. Be brave. Build your own boat. Don’t be a barnacle stuck to the bottom of somebody else’s. 

5. Let Go of Pride 
Recognise pride as the unnecessary burden it is and let it go. Pride can stop you from trying new things for fear that you won’t be able to do them perfectly the first time. It can give you a stubborn and unappealing need to always be right. Pride can prevent you from apologising sincerely. It can also rob you of the ability to admit your mistake, cut your losses and move on to something else. Nobody likes to look foolish but, really, it’s quite impossible to avoid so you might as well get over yourself.

Of course, you should always do the best you can with the resources and wisdom you have available at the time. Take pleasure in a job well done but don’t let your ego become a hungry monster, demanding bigger and better achievements to keep it satisfied. Don’t let pride or the need to look ‘cool’ stop you from having fun: laughing your arse off, playing, dancing, loving, singing, swimming and being silly.  Because these are the things that make life worthwhile.

So…

What key messages would you be compelled to share with your children? What would you like to teach them as they make their way from child to adult? It doesn’t matter if you don’t have children of your own because you can borrow mine. Really. For as long as you like. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here, just opinions. We have all had different life experiences and will therefore have different perspectives. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

CJ xox

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