Our Internal Reality
We all want to change our internal reality on some level. The way we think, interpret, react, cope, expect, process, interact and communicate. The way we create our own experiences: good and bad. The way we manage our fears. Or, perhaps, don’t manage them. The way we avoid the big decisions. The way we wait. And wait. And wait. That is, procrastinate.
The way we see ourselves. Talk to ourselves. The way we feel. Our emotions. The way we deal with stressful situations. Or, perhaps, the way we create stress in our world. The way we see the world and us in it. The labels we give things. The meaning we give certain experiences. The way we give away our power. And take it back. The way we look for approval. And acceptance.
The way we beat ourselves up. And make ourselves unhappy. The way we pretend. And act. And deny. The way we continue on with the same unproductive and destructive patterns, habits and behaviours. The way we have the same pointless conversations about the same issues with the same people. And produce the same less-than-desirable results. Forever. The way we do the same things over and over and then curiously wonder why nothing changes. The way we start things we never finish.
Yes, we all want to change on some level. We all want to become a better version of us. To learn, grow, evolve and adapt. That’s why we explore personal development stuff.
So, what is the single quickest way to create internal shift? To change the way we think, feel, interpret, react, cope, expect, process, interact and communicate? Three simple words:
Experience new things.
Do Different to Be Different
When we do things we’ve never done before, there’s an instant and automatic internal shift. Expectations, emotions, attitudes and beliefs (about what’s possible for us) change. The internal shift is simply a byproduct of a new experience. Of doing something we’ve never done before.
Change comes from doing. For the most part, we don’t ‘think’ ourselves different; we ‘do’ ourselves different. So to speak. We need to ‘action’ our way to internal transformation. Which is why the theory of personal development is worthless until it becomes a practical reality. Until the concepts and ideas are turned into behaviours. Some people are theoretical geniuses but practical idiots. They talk a lot but do very little.
Change comes from doing. Which is why an article like this can be transformational or worthless – it all depends on you.
The Runner
For the forty-five year-old woman who runs a half-marathon for the first time in her life, the transformation will be more emotional and psychological (internal), than it will be physical (external). She finishes her event and without focusing on anything other than the physical process, she has gained more confidence, her standards and expectations have changed, she’s less fearful and she’s more excited about her future possibilities. Her new experience has created internal shift.
The Ex-Scaredy Cat
Then there’s the insecure, fearful guy who runs into a burning house and saves a child. In an instant, his default setting is changed forever. He does something that he never thought was possible (for him) and with one brave, selfless action, many of his self-limiting beliefs are smashed. He is empowered. The world is the same but he is different. Therefore, his world is different.
The Graduate
There’s the self-proclaimed dummy who enrolls in university, does the work, develops the study-skills, learns the academic language, passes the exams and gains the degree. She is forever changed. The ability was always there but the confidence wasn’t. Her self-limiting thinking and self-sabotaging behaviours become a thing of the past – as a byproduct of doing something she had never done.
The Traveller
There’s the woe-is-me guy who visits a third world country. He instantly realises that his horrible life in Australia is actually fantastic. And that his lifestyle is actually one of privilege, not disadvantage. He identifies that his self-pitying, negative attitude has always been his problem. Without even looking for it, his experience in another part of the world teaches him to acknowledge, value and appreciate what he has (which is plenty). Nothing changes but everything changes.
The Business Woman
There’s the girl who sets up her own business. She doesn’t think about it, plan for it or talk about it (any more). No, she actually does it. In the first twelve months of owning her own business, she learns and grows more than she has in the last twelve years. The experience changes her.
And Me…
While I am constantly reading and studying, the place I’ve always learned the most, had my biggest breakthroughs and experienced my biggest (internal) shifts was when I stepped out of my over-thinking mind and experienced new things.
If you’re like me (an experiential learner), then perhaps it’s time for you to experience something new? To do something you’ve never done. And no, it doesn’t need to be a major event so don’t talk yourself out of it before you even start. It might be something relatively minor like trying yoga, talking to a stranger, going for a jog, learning an instrument, doing some volunteer work, asking someone out for coffee or even leaving a comment on this site.
Or, maybe you should think about it for a while longer? 
Share an experience with us that created a significant internal shift for you.
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My only issue with this great concept of learning and changing through experience is… one experience does not make change.. does not make it permanent, does not make it a learning experience worth crediting success to.
Being an anxiety sufferer i know doing things outside my comfort zone can lead to changes in my perception of things, of how i feel and how i react.. but (as any one who knows CBT knows) it takes much repetition, alot of hard work and even more action (and a lot less inaction).
You’re words are inspiring, and true. We all have the potential to step outside our habits and fears and be the person we want to be/need to be/desire to be. HOWEVER it takes a helluva lot of hard work to do that… and experiences like you’ve described above are all (in effect) cumulative experiences. There ain’t no damned magic other than the magic of hard work, because those sparkles and flashing lights are really from the sweat on his/her brow!
Hope that makes sense,
Tama
(short time reader, life long lurker)
When I try to think of experiences that created significant internal shift for me, the only things that come to mind are negative examples so I’m not going to bore you with them. What’s more interesting is how many of the shifts were self-induced and how many due to outside circumstances – I can’t decide whether it’s more comforting (terrifying?) to think we have some sort of control over the “trouserlegs of time”, or to think that we don’t. It’s making my head spin!
I am that 45 year old half marathoner. Except that I was 48! But it did completely, irrevocably change my world and my reality. It wasn’t just that I completed the race (albeit slowly!), but that I saw myself as a runner, and as someone who has the commitment and discipline to follow a training program from beginning to end, instead of being the person who never managed to finish anything. So Tama’s right, it wasn’t just a one time event, but a process of change that got me to the finish line. And in the process, I began to see that just about anything was possible if I set my mind to it.
Of course there are still MORE things that I need to change and that I need to set my mind to. But I feel (far) more hopeful about my ability to do that than I used to!
Man o man o man o man!!!! You really have the S*#^# happening with this post. ( or in printable language that was a good post)
A cautionary piece of advice for all the cool cat dudes who are actually going to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
If your world doesn’t change please don’t worry. (Rome wasn’t built in a day.) Be totally cool about it and realise that you have just made the first step. YOU ARE HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
Don’t give up whatever you have to do. Even the tiniest tiniest postitive change is a victory!!
Hi Craig…
This post was absolute GOLD !
And if you don’t mind, I will be reading it to our clients in our Goal Power – Girls with Goals, Body for Life Group Coaching Program.
Once you have one (or more) internal shift and you begin to remove the limitations, you begin to look for more and more new experiences. My first major one was finally, after months of building up from walking to finally running the whole way up the hill from Palmwoods to Montville. I was only a quarter of the way through my 30kg weight loss journey and when I reached the top, I cried because I realised that if I could do that, I could do just about anything. My whole reality of what I was capable of began to shift that day.
Since then, I’ve had numerous internal shifts as a result of new experiences, emotionally and physically. I started competing in triathlon – never thought I’d EVER do it. I am doing my first ever olympic distance triathlon at Noosa in October!! Can you believe it!! ME – A triathlete !!!
I would never have been able to call myself that if I hadn’t have had a shift in my internal reality through the new experiences I’ve had. And to be quite honest, some of them were down right bloody scarey… Some of them challenged my courage further than it had ever been challenged before.
And I will continue to look for new things to do, try, taste, feel – experience.
Thanks for the post Craig… I’d have to say its so far one of my favourites
xx Nicole
Thanks Craig, I am the woman about to start her own business and you just gave me the kick up the bum I needed to stop TALKING and start DOING! I think my friends and family are over the conversation now and would love to congratulate me on some outcomes instead.
The best thing is, I am totally capable of internal shifts. I’ve had plenty already and try to reflect on them. A few of the best include:
Doing a Masters degree to become an expert in a field
Going backpacking all over the world by myself for 6 months
Going to the US to represent Australia at a big conference
Living in a third world country for 6 months
Learning to run
Every interview I’ve ever had
It’s time to get my business happening. I’m keen to find out what sort of internal shifts from ‘”I can’t” to “hell yes I can!” that I will experience.
I’m saying yes to being true to myself and traveling down ‘my intended path’ rather than skirting around it.
Have a fabulous day everyone!!!
All true – I love it! My internal shifts have definetely come this year from doing something different. It may be simple, but I’m blogging and have delved into a study of the self publishing industry. After years of saying ” I might write a book” I thought it was about time I did it. Consequently, I will have my first ebook published in a few months.
It has definetely raised my confidence about my own abilities and also my potential to learn new skills. It’s fun and exciting too – another plus!
Thanks for today’s post Craig – better get on and keep learning…
cheers everyone,
Mon
Hi there
Afew years ago I was frustrated at life, I started seeing a life coach. One major internal shift that happened for me during this time was a drawing with afew words written on it that said ” The opposite of fear and control is TRUST”. “TRUST the process of life. Everything happens in the right time and right place all for a purpose. Once I recognised that fear was controlling me that is when I decided to stop and say to myself its ok everthing is ok just Trust that no matter what happens, you can deal with it.
This for me bought the greatest feeling of peace – just let go! Try it!
Ange
x
Hi Craig,
I read all your posts- and they often resonate with me- and this one was no exception. This is however, the first time I have commented..
I am 3 weeks into a program which at the end of I intend having made some permanent changes to my body (the changes I have been talking about forever, and have had many half assed attempts at!).
My example is really simple.. nothing totally life changing, but a good example I think, of a shift in perception..
My trainer wrote into my program that I need to do 60min power walking sessions 4 x p/week- my initial reaction was ‘no way!’ that is ridiculous, boring, pointless etc etc. And, it would also mean leaving the house in the dark to get this done before work (something I have not ever done).
I am now 3 weeks into the program and haven’t missed a session.
I no longer have the self limiting belief about how and when I exercise, keeping me in my comfort zone, or rules about whether I do it in tune with the sun or not, or whether I can leave the house before my husband or not (i know that one is just ridiculous!)! i am doing what it takes. Thats it.
So simple. All I had to do was ‘do it’ and an internal shift occurred.
I might also add that a loss of 9.5cm in 3 weeks has helped too!!
Love reading your posts- you have inspired me in many ways…thank you
Hi Craig, guys… it’s been a while.
I had an internal shift from my last pregnancy. I get a condition during pregnancy called hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) I have a daughter that is about to be 5yo and I had it with her, then when we fell again 2 and a half years ago I had it again but much worse. We lost the baby at 12weeks but for the 8 weeks leading up to it I was retched, there is no other way to put it really. I found this site that explains it all http://www.hyperemesis.org/ and what that preg. really made me realise was that my body really does crave activity. Being bed bound makes you realise a lot of the stuff you choose to let yourself miss out on when perfectly well.
I also learnt (though only figured it out in the last few weeks) that I didn’t know my own strength, having always considered strength to be a msucle related thing I never put myself in that class but my body and my mind went through hell, real living hell, and came out the other side having learnt positive things. I changed my life, I found more balance and I got rid of friends who weren’t really friends at all. I started to find more positive people to have around me and I gained massive amounts of perspective I’d never had before.
My husband and I have decided to have another baby and potentially go through all that hell again. lol We both feel more ready than ever before and we are armed with so much more knowledge because of that site that I think I can actually have a chance of getting through it all pretty well.
Celia
What tooting of my own horn hey?? lol Well that in itself is a massive shift for me. I am not trying to do the right thing seeking approval. I just am stating it the way it is.
Hi Craig,
Everything mentioned int he article pretty much sums me up. I hada the pleasure of experiencing your sessions for a day, which was put on by my employer in the Clare Valley (awesome experience). So far I have a non negotiable of no alcohol on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
I recently start mixed martial arts which incorporates both Karate standing techniques and ju jitsu (grappling). I love the Karate but became a somewhat fearful during the ju jitsu, just the fact of someone holding me down and lack of personal space. Since that night I have stopped going but took up some private lessons, I know I should return to the night classes to face my fear and finally finish something I started.
Your thoughts?
Hi Craig,
Fantastic blog.
I started a beginners painting class in February because I had enjoyed doing a painting a few years ago at a health retreat. I expected to be terrible at it, but wanted to just enjoy the process.
Turns out I am not that bad at it. And it has led to me doing other ‘artistic’ classes. Last month someone commented on my blog that they ‘love how artistic I am’. It made me realise that after many years of thinking of myself as totally without an artistic cell in my body I am actually quite good at it and I really enjoy it!
It is important to allow yourself to have new experiences, you never know what changes in perception and behaviour may occur as a result!
Craig..I love your blog! I’ve been receiving your posts daily for a few years now but have never posted a comment. They always resonate with me but today’s post hit home! I too need to make a paradigm shift in some areas of my life and thx for the kick up the ass!
I too are a personal trainer and I ‘get you’. Your daily ‘words of wisdom’ are awesome. You were the inspiration behind my business name http://www.foreverchange.com.au I just wanted to say thanks and keep up your great work!
I have to say my first moment was when i booked a trip overseas, alone!
I ended up in London with a job and $200 in my pocket… my luggage had been lost and i was trying to figure out what a London Cab looked like. Then I became started traveling everywhere all the time, because if i can show up in a city where I knew no-one, didn’t own a phone or have any luggage and still get on my feet, I can do anything…
So I decided to lose 50kgs! Then become a personal trainer, then do base camp everest…
Now I own my own personal training business and am going to run the Everest Marathon in the next 10 years sometime!
Lets live
Well i did something new … i decided i didnt want to do this journey by myself.. and that just maybe loving someone else would be awesome.. so Im on that trip for now.. and loving it.
Hey Craig !
Funny you should mention talking to a stranger… something I have always had problems with and in fact, used to cringe when my Mum did it (a lot!). Well, I was in the card shop a couple of days ago trying to choose between the myriad birthday cards I’d selected from the racks. I was barely aware of a couple close by wrestling with the same task. He handed her one, she opened it and said “Yeah, lovely… except it’s a girl”. He replied “Oh… I didn’t even notice that… I just loved the beautiful words”. Such a shock it was, hearing those words from the mouth of a male (mine says “just grab one, anything will do”) that I suddenly heard myself addressing him… “A male who reads the words is a rare creature indeed !” They laughed… I laughed… and we all went on about our business with a smile ! And I learned something valuable… strangers don’t bite. Well, not always……. !!
{{HUG}}
Tina
Hello Craig,
Great post…This one hits home for me…
Very bizaare but I experienced a huge fear battle over the wknd.
This is something about me that I have never told anyone that I have trouble with.
I don’t have alot of confidence in the way I look, I have been like this for many years, the thing is I’m not overweight, I train hard, eat well, & my weight is good for my age etc, which some people would die for however how come I don’t see that…?
I decided to put myself in the deep end on the wknd and wanted to wear something that I normally wouldn’t wear.
Well I was already to go out, then bang I looked in the mirror & this huge fear thing came over me, I felt sick, disappointed in myself & couldn’t go.
It’s weird but that night I had a dream that all my teeth had fallen out, it was such a horrifying, shocking dream, I woke up very stressed.
I googled to see what this dream could mean, & guess what, it apparently means that I have anxieties about my appearance & how others perceive me, now I’m not going to take that as gospel, but I do feel there is some truth in it…
I do need to really take myself out of that comfort zone, & I will but I need to give myself time, I think…? Just want that nasty fear in me to go away….
Hugs
Charlotte xx
Hi Charlotte,
My two sisters, one of my daughters, one of my nieces and I all used to have the dream about the teeth falling out, over and over. Funny thing was that until one mentioned it, none of us had any idea that the others were all having it too. Anyway, a clairvoyant lady told us it meant that someone close to us who had passed away wasn’t happy about the way their possessions had been distributed. We didn’t have much idea what that could relate to until my cousin told us that she had a Bible in her possession that had belonged to Mum and she’d never known who to give it to. She brought it out, and as she went to put it on the table, it fell open at a page where the first thing we all saw was the name Alice.
My brother and sister-in-law were due to arrive in Oz from NZ shortly thereafter, so the Bible was duly given to my sil, Alice… and none of us had the lost teeth dream again ! What I find really strange is that I don’t seem to be able to find any reference to the name Alice in the Bible… yet we all saw it that day !
Anyway, all of that has nothing to do with your fear. Try standing in front of the mirror every morning and saying out loud ” Charlotte, you look wonderful this morning”. Say it with a smile on your face, and make it sound as if you’re saying it to someone who you really do believe looks wonderful. Don’t follow it up with a negative, and repeat it several times, or back it up with another positive like “You have such gorgeous (insert colour) eyes”. Do it whether you think it makes sense or not.
{{Hugs}}
Tina
Kate I was going to ask you to marry me
Tina I must concur with you. Saying to yourself you are ok in the face of voices, yours and mine mostly, that constantly put fear and loathing into the mind is somewhat of a task that is big. But it works.
I think their is a quick way to shift something, but sometimes it comes within seconds, some within years.
Ange, love you heaps, I am not a big fan of life coaches but to replace fear with trust in the face of things – that’s something I’m going to consider. That’s made my day and I feel a bit better now. Thank you for writing that, I was at a low point last week, my work and study hours have gone up but so had my anxiety, so trusting is something to work towards.
hello craig just signing up 4 a personal training course with pt academy on your referal .i am 50 in jan don’t know where $s c omming from will perservere & will win love your site cheers mate gordy
Craig,
There is much wisdom in what you wrote about.
It seems as if we all hate being outside of our “confort zones”.
True growth seems only possible when we stretch somewhat. It won’t kill us- although death seems likely to loom on the horizon. Whoever it was that said” Man must over-compensate “was soooo
right, as life always seems to scale us back a little.Shoot for the stars…Live life fully, xx
Best,
rene’ john waguespack
New Orleans
Hiking and camping is a powerful “self-changer” for me. There’s something about being in the great outdoors and having all you need in your backpack that is very empowering. Time slows down and your senses become hyper aware. Also, spending the night outside and watching the stars move in the heavens is wonderful. It’s a different mental state and I find my thought processes become much clearer. All the mental clutter, stress and garbage from the normal stresses of everyday life just get washed away. Our next hiking trip is about a month away and I can’t wait
We have to be the change we want to see in the world, I read from some Indian dude. If you want to be do something, you must first be something. You must first be the person you want to become , if you want change. Nothing complex about the statement above.
If you want to do something, you must be something. So if you want to become a better musician. You must first be this internally through various sources of activities( affirmations, visualizations or written affirmations) which changes your perspective and then start working towards your desires.
Because your internal world is a mirror image of your outer world. You must be who you want to be internally before your outer circumstances will begin to change.
Who you are internally is a direct reflection of the life you live on the outside. Take a look at any persons life. If your see someone living a extraordinarily life, they got some extraordinary thoughts.
Hi Rob – perhaps it’s an idea to explore (and overcome) that fear during your private sessions?
Thanks for all your feedback guys. Fantastic as usual.
Big shout-out to our newbies: Tama, Kristy, Ireene, Gordy, Chrystle, Rene’ and Jonathon – thanks for your input and nice to ‘meet’ you all.
Michael – Was sick of waiting…for you! but hay if it doesnt work out…. far out …didnt know it could feel so good………….and be so great for my goals
Hello Craig,
Thanks for your article. You asked about times that have created internal shift for us, so here’s a few of my lessons:
I have had a few moments that in some small shift, changed my life and perception
1) When I worked in a pharmacy during uni, and always felt that everyone around me was so much more attractive. On one of my final days there, the manager who I greatly respected told me “but you are really beautiful”. While we all have bad days, what I learnt was that my attitude and personality is what are real beauty is about. I reinforced this living up north when I realised that REAL men don’t want a stick thin model girlfriend and really want a true mate to enjoy life with. So we should get over our body hang-ups and just live healthfully.
2) When I was up north WA working with cowboys. My first day out on the cattle station I was up in a small helicopter mustering AND fired a gun. Turns out I’m a crack target shooter! I learnt that just because I haven’t done something before, is no indication of whether I will be good at it or not, so I might as well try.
3) When I got accepted into the Australian Aid program to work in Nepal – that dreams can come true if we are prepared to put our hand up and face possible rejection. And then do the hard work to see the project through!
There’s nothing special about me except that I don’t have a lot of fear, and frequently try new things. It makes a huge difference to how I deal with others.
Cheers
Shireen
i believe i hav e had this happen .. the new things happen sporadically.. so the feelings of joy and change seem short lived… i feel i’m standing on the edge of change though cannot quite get over that edge….
maybe change everyday will help.. sml things maybe …
thanks
Kell
Hey Kate – I know this post is old but just read it LOL brightend up my night
cheers.
Just wanted to back up for a moment on this post. For prosperity so to speak. Internal shifts can be like earthquakes that come in and change. I have been through a major one in the past few days.
when i graduated college i felt more confident. i now have a job i love and im focusing on staying positive because good things come out of being positive. i love your articles and im glad i joined the site. thank you