It’s the late seventies. I’m thirteen years old. I’m a tank. Gorgeous, but a tank.
I weigh the best part of 90 kilos (200lbs) and it’s school swimming sports day. Yippee. I’d rather hit myself in the head with a hammer, but here I am. I don’t want to swim but I have no option; it’s compulsory. Private school rules. Everyone is put into a swimming section. Everyone races. I am in the remedial section; the home of the geek, the uncoordinated and the fat.
I am unfit. In fact, unfit would be a dramatic improvement. I aspire to ‘unfit’. I am embarrassing. I am embarrassed. I long for the super-power of invisibility. I am addicted to cartoons (and chocolate cake) and I fantasize regularly about having my own special power. Flying and xray vision always rate highly, but right now, invisibility seems kind of attractive. I outweigh most of my teachers. My gut cascades over my bathers like an ice-cream spilling over the side of a cone. I am pioneering the muffin top, only on a slightly larger scale. I am wearing a T-shirt to hide my ample-ness (a word). A teacher approaches me.
“Harper, take off the shirt.”
I feel sick and anxious.
“But Sir, I burn easily and I have sensitive skin.”
“You can’t swim in that, get it off.”
“But I’m not allowed to, the Doctor said.”
“Do you have a note?”
Dejection. Silence.
“No Sir.”
“Get it off, you’re swimming in one minute.”
I turn my back on the multitudes and I remove my shirt. I suck in my stomach. That will help. Twenty seconds later I can’t hold my breath any longer and my gut cascades once again. I walk towards the starting area and wrap my arms around my waist in a futile attempt to hide what everyone can plainly see. I live up to my nickname; Jumbo.
The starter calls the misfits up. The geeks, the uncoordinated and the fat kids mount the starting blocks. Apart from me, there’s one other fat kid. Although, he’s not really in my league, more chubby than fat. Fraud.
A funny thing happens.
As I’m perched there on my starting block, for a second I forget about my magnitude. Momentarily, I forget about how I look or what people might be thinking. Strangely, I analyse my opposition. For the first time in my life, I actually think I am an outside chance of ‘winning’ some kind of sporting competition. A completely unprecedented thought or experience for me. Of course I’m no chance, but I indulge myself nonetheless.
Somewhere deep within my totally un-athletic subconscious, I hear these words, “what if?” I allow myself to dream for a second and, in the context of the moment and the situation, I experience a strange emotion; excitement. The fear, anxiety and embarrassment have been replaced with something much more powerful; hope. A bunch of misfits, swimming in a race that nobody cares about, and there I am, primed. Excited and hopeful. Nice emotions. New emotions for me.
The kid who gets picked last for every sporting team can smell greatness. Great for me anyway; it’s all relative when you’re fat and thirteen. Looking back, I’ve often wondered about the psychology behind letting kids pick their own teams. Standing there on your own as the team ‘captains’ argue because neither of them want you on their team, is not an experience I’d wish on anyone. Some teachers weren’t that smart in the seventies.
The starter’s gun goes and I have the reaction time of a cat. An old arthritic cat perhaps. Incredibly, I am the first to enter the water. I amaze myself. I don’t even know what ‘the zone’ is, but I’m in it. For a moment, I’m an Olympian. The splash from my dive into the water concusses half of the field. I don’t care. I create a tidal wave and cause the other half to surf into each other’s lanes. Okay, I made that bit up but it woulda been funny. My fat little arms pump like pistons and at the halfway mark, I lift my head and take my first breath.
To my astonishment, and everyone else’s, I am winning. I am winning the meaningless race. But for me and the other rejects, this is our moment. To us it’s meaningful. Very. I am not the only one trying. I look across the pool, and if endeavour and attitude mean anything, we are all world champions. What my ‘competition’ and the onlookers haven’t factored in is my secret weapon; ultimate buoyancy. I am like a cork with legs.
While the skinny kids struggle to stay afloat, my body-fat allows me lie on top of the water like a yacht on the ocean. I am a human floatation device. For once in my life, my body is giving me an advantage. As the little, weedy kids struggle to not only reach the end of the pool, but more importantly stop themselves from sinking to the bottom and drowning, all Jumbo has to do is propel his highly buoyant self down the lane.
Another strange thing happens.
I hear cheering. And in the middle of it, my name. Another new thing. This is indeed, history in the making. I slide into the wall and I touch… first. I watch my competitors struggle to the finish and I am as happy as I can remember. A lady with a nice face reaches down pats me on the arm and says “well done young man.” I feel incredible.
As I get out of the pool a man with a clip board approaches me and asks me something I’ve never been asked, “Are you the winner?” It is indeed a day of firsts. I love being asked that question. “Yes”, I say proudly. “Well done”, he replies. He takes my details, tells me my time and sends me to collect my first-place ribbon. All of a sudden, I’m not a fat kid any more, I’m a winner and I’m on my way to get my winner’s ribbon!!
I love this feeling. This moment. I feel different. People pat me on the back. A teacher puts his arm around me and congratulates me. I love the attention, I love the praise and I love the encouragement. For a moment I feel normal. I have never felt normal in a setting like this. This feeling is better than chocolate cake, and that’s saying something. The social outcast feels acceptance. It’s healing. It’s addictive. It feels so good.
Not too long after that day, I began to train properly. I changed my diet, I started to run and I lost thirty kilos (66lbs) over the course of about five months. And I learned many, many lessons along the way. About other people, about me, about potential, about self-belief and about the importance of love, encouragement and support. I learned that often, the people who get the least attention and encouragement are the ones who need it the most. I have always been mindful of that and have tried to live accordingly.
Over the last twenty five years, I’ve done lots of cool stuff. Spoken all over the world, worked on television and radio, met some amazing people, created a great company, written for newspapers and magazines but none of those things have given me the feeling and sense of achievement I experienced on that day thirty years ago. While I forget quite a lot of what I’ve done over the last two decades, I can remember that day and everything about it with absolute clarity. Every detail. Every feeling. Every emotion. It was a defining moment for me.
As an adult, I’ve learned that on some level, we’re all fat, insecure kids craving attention, love, encouragement and support. I’ve also learned that to give those things, blesses me the giver as much as it does the receiver; it’s healing for both. Everyday you and I have the opportunity to notice the un-noticed, love the un-loved, hug the un-hugged and to encourage and support those who are emotionally starving in a sea of humanity. We have the opportunity to make an incredible difference with a few simple words and a few minutes of our time.
Let’s do that.
* Don’t forget my new kid’s book (The Angry Ant) is out now! Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and get my FREE Ebook!
{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }
Craig
Wow, a great anecdote with a powerful message. Thanks.
You’re welcome Meg. Enjoy your day.
Beautiful story, Craig. =)
Another copy and paste! its great to hear from someone else who thinks like that! that is a great story! welldone mate!
Toby
Craig
This posts going on my wall. Why? Cause reading it made me happy! If you were standing in front of me now i think i might give ‘you’ the hug. Of course i may die from lack of oxygen cause i would be holding my breath the whole time praying to god to ‘please make it stop soon’.
As a chubby, ok fat kid despite the many many moments of humilation i also had moments of greatness too where just for those few magical seconds i forgot that i was a fat, uncoordinated loser klutz. Never won a ribbon though but once in primary school i did get a gold paper certificate for shot putt which, for awhile i placed under my pillow when i slept (sappy i know). Oh yeah, one moment i will never forget is my last high school PE lesson ever (back in the 80′s PE wasn’t compulsory in yr 12 which i think is a big mistake cause it was the only exercise we ever got). Anyway, for our last lesson we had to run around our entire school which normally took my lazy friends and i around 15mins to complete, not sure what happened to me, maybe i was so happy i would never have to do PE again that i just wanted to get the run over with but something in me just said “bugger it i’m going for it”. I ran as hard as i could and didn’t stop the whole way round. I left my friends in the dust. I made it in 7:29mins. I cut half my time. Yes i still remember this after 18yrs. My PE teacher was shocked, i was shocked. I could taste blood in my mouth, i thought i was going to drop dead. Didn’t get any prize for it though but it did make me think that maybe i was more capable than i thought i was. Too be honest i have had many similar moments over the years which made me question the negative thoughts in my head but i chose to ignore them. Until recently.
Ange
“Everyday you and I have the opportunity to notice the un-noticed, love the un-loved, hug the un-hugged and to encourage and support those who are emotionally starving in a sea of humanity.
You have me blubbering. (pardon pun)
Thanks Kelvin.
Cheers.
It’s amazing what we remember, isn’t it Ange? I hope I get that Ange hug one day. Why is it such a scary thought?
Well, here’s a hug from me to you Miss Beck ( ).
Thanks for sharing that moment in your life with us Craig. I think it is a beautiful story.
Have a great day
Sarah
ps update on acting career #1 – I got into a NIDA course! I’m moving to Sydney!
It’s not that i’m scared of hugging. It’s just, you know how these things are. You hug one person, you have to start hugging everyone and before you know it you’ve turned into a hug slut.
Ange
Hi Sarah.
You are SO gonna be famous.
Congrats you little star.
You’ll remember me right?
( )
Ange.
I’m a hug slut.
It’s kinda nice.
Hi Craig,
You amaze me with your words!
A special gift indeed!
Another example why l have you as my “home page”. I always know at the end (or middle or beginning) of my day l have your words to learn, laugh and live by!
Thank you, you always bring a smile to my face!
PS: Totally agree with you on the movie “Into The Wild”. My favourite too!
Think l might go “Into the wild” myself over Xmas/New Year!
Big hug ( )
Hello Anon. You sound familiar! Why the anonymity?
( )
thanks Craig
And of course I’ll remember you.. I’ll have your website as my home page no matter where I am in the world. Also, how about a shout out from the golden globes!?
ps. it’s not about being famous for me I’m afraid.. I just want to make art, tell stories and move people.. maybe even just give someone a different perspective on a particular issue.
peace and hugs
Hi Craig,
wow.. this truly is a beautiful and inspiring story!!
I must admit, I have a problem keeping focus when posts tend to get longer. This one however doesn’t only have a beautiful message, but it really is well written too!
And you’re so right, the difference we can make with those small acts of kindness is incredible. In the lives of both the ‘receiver’, but with that, also in our own lives. Certainly when it comes to kids…
One of the quotes I will always remember, (and live by) is one of Oprah Winfrey. She once said:
‘every kid needs at least one person in their life whose eyes light up when they enter the room’
I strive to at least be that person for my own kids, preferably in the lives of more. There are so incredibly many children who need that, and where, like in your story, someone (or an experience like that) can make all the difference in the world..
thank you for sharing this!
Ellen
Hi Sarah. A shout out from the Golden Globes would be nice… Funny girl.
Hugs.
Hi Craig,
I can totally relate to your story not because I was a fat kid, but rather because I was never told that I was any good. Consequently, for most of my life I didn’t expect success, was even embarassed about it….until now! I am a newcomer to your blogs but am now hooked on them. I am also half way through reading your book, “Your Perfect Body” which has been a great read.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Hi Ellen.
You’re welcome and thanks for stopping by.
Peace.
Hi Anon.
Glad you like the blog and the book.
Cheers.
btw Craig, what is the “I could taste blood in my mouth” thing that Ange mentioned? Is it actually blood, if so where from? I used to experience that too.
(I know its off topic)
Wow….
This one brought a tear to my eye!!!!
Very moving CH….. I guess every person has their share of ‘defining’ moments in their lives…. How fortunate we are that this was yours and you used a few small words of encouragement to work on yourself and become who you are today…. Just goes to show how such a small action can make such a big impact!!!!! Your amazing ability to inspire and motivate truly come from a lifetime of experience and self improvement…
I guess working on ourselves is a never-ending process…. I too grew up with no encouragement and constant belittling, and no matter how fast i was, or smart or what size I was, someone was always there to bring any amount of success I had back down to ground zero…. (and I had some pretty good successes!!!) Unfortunately I went the opposite way to you, gave up, and stopped trying!!! I then attracted all sorts of ‘stuff’ into my life I thought I deserved!!! (which wasn’t very good!!) It took 15 years to create that mind-set…. and 15 years more to snap out of it…. No child deserves to be mocked or belittled or embarrassed or humiliated…. But I guess in the end it all shapes who we become… right????
All children have the right to feel loved and safe and protected and wanted and encouraged and successful……. We can all help shape the adults of the future…. it doesn’t take much… a few kind words of encouragement… Wow… so easy… we can all do that!!!!
Thankyou for being who you are, and being a huge inspiration for us all….
Loads of hugs to you
KK
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
P.s. Ange…. you seriously crack me up…. Love your work….. Hug slut… I so wanna be one of those!!!! hahahahahaha
Greetings Craig-
A beautiful ending. Keep up your good works and let us together make this world a better place for us and future generations.
Cheers
I love this post! I have been one of the unwanted & unloved before… as I am sure many have. This post just lets me know I’m not alone.
Awesome post, Craig. I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. I can so relate. I was a fat kid too. Weighed 100 lbs. going into the first grade. The only time I ever got picked first for anything was on Field Day for the class tug-of-war team – I was always anchor…the rest of the time, I was tubbo, fatty, baby water buffalo, yada yada…I lost the weight (never quite all of it) several times over the course of my life, only to gain it back. Now, at age 50, having just had a stent put in one of my coronary arteries, and diagnosed at my last physical with type II diabetes, I’ve decided enough is enough. I’m reclaiming my body. Wish I’d awakened at the young age you did, but, things are as they are, and I can only start where I am now, so I’m also done with beating myself up for not doing it sooner! Why waste any more energy that could be used instead for reclaiming my health? I know the changes that I make have to be forever now. Reading your blogs is inspiring me and helping me keep my motivation and my dedication in place. Thank you so much for that!
Hi Craig,
Touching and powerful.
Your writing just gets better and better…
I really want to hug 13 year old you.
Wet or dry.
Too bad I can’t just go around hugging random children,
Just in case no one else is…
But then, there are laws.
Funny, the things we remember so vividly,
when so many others are vague, dreamlike shadows.
Like you called it,
Defining moments…
Guess our lives are finely woven tapestries of
defining moments…
days, lessons, relationships, failures, and successes
All moments, really.
()
Tami
WOW!
This took my breath away..
Thanks,
Jaylee
Hello Mrofftopic.
Yep, it’s reasonably common. Usually nothing to worry about… but I’m not a GP so get it checked if you’re worried.
Cheers.
Hi Ramesh.
Yep, we’ll do our best.
Enjoy your day.
Hi Emismom 77.
You’re definitely not alone.
Here’s seven big Craig hugs for you. One for every day of the next week.
( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) ( )
Let me know when you need a top up.
x
Go Jackie!
Good decision. Keep me updated on your progress. I’ll be in your state at the end of Feb… love that place – beautiful.
Peace.
Hi Tam.
Well, 13 year old me would have enjoyed a hug from you!
Enjoy your day.
Hugs.
Craig
Off the topic here. I just read the paper and apparently from next year there will be weigh ins for 4yr olds. Do you think that’s a good idea? My niece is that age and she is a normal weight but already at 4yrs old she is already critical of her body and looks in the mirror and says ‘my bum is big’ even though it isn’t. Do you think that weigh in’s will just make it worse? I remember a mean assed bitch of a nurse come to my primary school and weighing me in front of my classmates and saying i was ‘too fat and disgusting’ it was humiliating. I don’t want my niece to grow up hating her body like i did.
Interested to know your opinion on it. Hope you don’t mind me asking.
thanks Ange
Craig- Im chucking a big teary here. This ones got me a bit emotional.
Im scared that if I ever meet you, I may hug you and never let go!
elroy
Hi Ange.
Can’t really givew a yes / no answer. Depends how, when and why it’s done and by whom.
Obviously what you experienced should never happen. Some people are morons.
( )
That’s my goal Elroy.. to make you bawl.
( )
PS I am an exceptional hugger. And humble.
Great Post,
I have heard a bit of this story from Fattitude but this has a new twist and very inspiring, love your work.
I put myself back into training a couple of nights ago, sorry father for I have sinned over the last 6 months been a bit hit and miss. Nobody likes a fat rockstar so im back on the tools and trying to get my head in shape a la Fattitude. There was however Meatloaf representing the larger set. I was never fan however many numbnuts did celebrate his musically bloated work but I digress. Keep us the posts.
Cheers,
Mark
a cork on legs!! HA HA good one Craig,
thanks for the pick me up!
Matt Collins
nice
Gidday fellow bloggers, I just want to let you all know that I am one of Craigs old friends that was guilty of calling him Jumbo. At the time it was just a kids nickname. How wrong I was!!! From the first time I met Craig, Grade 4 St Kierans, (best 3 years of my life, LOL) he was a “big” kid. I was there and saw him lose all the weight and and am fortunate enough to still have him call me his mate today. I have discussed this Jumbo era with him and am glad he shared this story with you all. To me it shows that Craig has “walked the walk”. His dedication to achieving a healthy lifestyle, seeing the benefits and wanting to help others achieve the same feelings of achievement he had, shows his true beliefs in what he is doing. Trust me he is an amazing person!!!
BIG man Hug to you, not so Jumbo. Vin.
Make sure you post this.
Marky Mark.
Nice blogospheric debut.
Don’t be a stranger and keep pounding the pavement.
Manhug.
You’re welcome Matt.
Hello Vincent.
Don’t be modest. Not just a Mate; my BEST mate.
Stop telling all my secrets and stop making me cry, you big dickhead.
Love you.
Manhug.
G’day Craig-
What a great post for this time of year! Well done, indeed. Can’t add much to what’s already been said except, unfortunately, I was on the “giving” end on many occasions. When I look back and realize how cruel my mates and I were to some of these kids, it truly makes me sad. If only we knew then what we know now, right?
Just wanted you to know that I haven’t dropped off the face of the bloggosphere! Just not been able to read your posts in “real time” enough to make a timely comment.
P.S. Are you going to be in Colorado for business or pleasure? If you’re going to be speaking or presenting, can you make the details available? Cheers.
The Douginator returns.
“Is that Doug I see in the distance? Slaughter the fattened cow and bring me that robe and ring.”
Nice to hear from you.
I am speaking at a conference for health club owners and fitness industry leaders.. but I may be doing a few other talks at some gyms while I’m there. I’ll keep you posted.
If I could organise it, I would gladly do a public workshop for any of my US/Canadian readers, but beyond this website I don’t really have a profile in the States, so it’s kinda hard to put together, especially from over here.
Most of what I do when come to the States is corporate gigs.
One day…
Cheers Big Man.
Well, I have just come here from Dipping into the Blogpond. Wow! What a powerful story! Isn’t it interesting how it can often be the hard things about our pasts that make us into the people we are today. We need more people like you in the world.
http://www.lighteningonline.com
Hey bud……….
P.s…… It’s good to see you embracing your gorgeousness (yep… a word… look it up!!!!)
hehehehe
Be good.
KK
XXX
Hi,
great story. Just reminded me to hug my kids tonight (17 and 19 years old).
Cool, Craig, I didn’t know your story, just knew that you carried a lot of weight when you were younger. Great story – my hubby says he was similar in his teens and got interested in sport in his 20s. He’s half the man he was (sizewise) today.
Thanks for the story Craig, from one of the skinny guys who sinks to the bottom.
I loved the story, it reminded me of my school days, kids can be cruel!!! More power to you, I am going to show this blog to my boys as our family continues our fitness togetherness
Oh, I know this story is old but I’ve only just read it… My kids are not sporty at all but swimming is the one thing they do OK at. Their school grades the swimmers before the carnival and my kids are always in a race halfway through the ‘field’. They always seem to win their race! I don’t know if the sports master/s organise this because they like my kids or whether it just happens. But for my seriously unsporty kids to win a race at the swimming carnival is just fantastic. They feel SO damn good about themselves…
Great story… thanks.
Hi Craig, you know me… Lisa P (ex chambo now living interstate). Just want to say I have “discovered” your blog and it is fantastic. When I read the words, I can actually hear your voice as if you are talking to me. Your statement about giving those who need it the most encouragement rings true. You were always on my side – the side of the “underdog” and you taught me so many lessons I still think about so many years later.