Hi Everyone. Hope you had (are having) a great weekend. If you’re after some inspiration, today is not the day. Sorry. Feel free to come back tomorrow. I’ve just sat down at my computer after walking through the door from doing my Sunday radio show (the Science of Sport – SEN, Melbourne, 11.00am) and I couldn’t wait to share this mildly amusing story with you.
So…
I’m in the car. I’ve been driving home for about fifteen minutes and I find myself sitting at a busy intersection lost in thought. As I often am. It’s now Sunday lunch time, there are plenty of people about and I’m not going anywhere in a hurry. The lights are red and I’m thinking about nothing-in-particular (food, maybe) when I notice a very over-weight lady power-walking along the foothpath (sidewalk for my U.S. readers) in my general direction. She’s wearing grey trackpants and a grey T-shirt which are both clearly soaked with sweat, has a red face which I assume is from working hard in the heat, and even though I don’t know her, I’m really proud of her. I want to encourage her; as is my default setting. I love seeing people doing the tough stuff; the effective stuff.
The change-your-life stuff.
Without her knowing, I find myself smiling at her. I want to say something to give her a boost because she’s working so hard and it’s obviously not easy for her. She’s wearing a cap for sun protection and I notice that she has two small drinking bottles attached to a belt around her waist so clearly, she’s up for a big session. By now, I wanna give her a hug for encouragement and tell her she’s awesome. I decide to give the hug a miss.
As it turns out, a good decision.
As she gets closer to my car, the Motivator, the Corporate Speaker and the High-Performance Coach considers what he might pull from his motivational bag of tricks. After all, I’m a professional. This is what I do; encourage people towards greatness.
I roll down my window….
Me: “Great work.” (trying to get her attention).
Her: Nothing. Donuts. She either doesn’t hear me or chooses to ignore me.
Me: “Great work.” (a little louder).
Her: Reluctantly looks at me with a blank, exhausted, unimpressed, who-the-F-are-you look on her face.
Me: I’m now committed to what I’ve started and I’m feeling a little weird. I figure I have to say something else quickly or I’ll look like an even bigger weirdo. With absolutely no confidence I blurt out “You’re doing great.” Inspirational, I know.
Her: Nothing. Possibly, annoyed.
Me: By now, a little anxious. “Keep it up, you’re doing brilliantly.”
Her: “F*ck off.”
Me: Roll up window and put motivational bag of tricks in back seat.
And that my friends, is why I get the big bucks. 
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{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }
A funny story, nice of you to be yourself and be encouraging etc, but unfortunately ( for her) she chose not to accept those powerful words. ( unless of course she was a little weirded out by some strange guy giving her some verbal high 5′s). Your intention was commendable!
am guessing she isn’t used to encouragement…. I hope one day she can turn around and say ‘thanks’ with a smile!
Never stop encouraging Craig! 
Unfortunately she might have assumed that you were either a pervert or being sarcastic. Conditioning.
Interpersonal neurobiology, however, suggests that your interaction with her will contribute – albeit, maybe subconsciously initially – to a positive emotional-cognitive-behavioural change in her… and you.
P.S. Related to an earlier blog of yours, the image of you smiling at strangers in an airport lounge springs to mind. It’s a shame that we tend to assume that friendly, out-going behaviour by strangers (particularly men) is either creepy or predatory.
Agree it is about minding one’s own business there are times that are appropriate for that. It is her issue but sometimes we react to a past incident and assume someone is putting us down,
I often feel the same as you Craig, when I see people out there ‘doing’ rather than just ‘thinking’ or ‘wishing’, I want to run up and give them a high five. Particularly for those people who may feel uncomfortable to be out there exercising and having the world see them. It’s a pity that she didn’t respond positively to your comments, I guess it’s a sign of our current society (she might be used to getting some not so nice comments). So if I’m out walking and a random guy tells me I’m doing great, I’ll try to smile and say thanks
Craig, I was her a few years ago, but I think I would have said, thanks very much and smiled at you. I however did have this dialogue in my head happening often, thinking of comebacks if someone looking at me actually said something about my weight. I am pretty sure the ‘f’ word didn’t come into it, but it certainly would have been a put down of some sort.
I am just wondering if she has had rude comments before and just didn’t believe you were sincere. I do applaud you for your attempt though.
Keep encouraging Craig, big hugs
Being fat isn’t fun. I agree with the comments so far and reckon she was self-conscious and unable to accept it as a compliment.
I would have said very similar or at least gone home and had a cheesecake LOLOLOLOLOLOL
When I was that woman not that many years ago I am afraid I would have responded pretty much as she did. I would have been pissed off with myself , in the heat, doing something that I really did not want to be doing and at the same time hoping I was invisible. In fact the thought that anyone would notice me doing this stuff was much worse than doing the exercise. I wanted results not compliments. In fact quite often now in the gym I see some one who reminds me of myself back then and I want to say hello and offer some encouragement but I remember only too well how good it felt to think I was invisible.
Some of us are just grumpy ungrateful toads, especially on a hot day in a sweaty tracksuit 
I also remember a long time ago a certain well known trainer offering me words of encouragement for which I ungraciously wanted to stab him, whilst smiling sweetly of course
The Grey Lady’s perspective makes sense to me. After she’d finished exercising, she was probably mortified at what came out of her mouth. When I used to go to the gym regularly, and had lost a lot of weight, but still had a lot to go, one day I’d jogged 6 miles on the treadmill and a gym instructor came alongside to speak to me as I was jogging –
Instructor: You’re doing great!
Me: Thanks! I’m sorry about the sweat though. I’ll wipe it up.
Instructor: Don’t worry about that. It’s part of the job.
Me: (not letting the topic go) I bet it’s not your favourite part though…
Don’t ask me where I thought that conversation was going. (I’m not a great conversationalist at the best of times). I wasn’t thinking, just trying to get my breath and keep going.
I hope her experience hasn’t put her off trying (or put you off motivating).
We’ve all been there but on one level it’s nice to know it happens to the ‘pros’, too!
Well, I hope this lady is showered with compliments in the months to come. So many that she becomes accustomed to them and accepts them in the spirit they are given. That said, thanks Craig, you got my Sunday off to a great start with a laugh! (ps: the day you ‘met Lance Armstrong’, is my all time favourite piece:)
Craig – I know you meant well, but I too have been that person – pounding the pavement in my overweight body for everyone to see. It’s what has to be done, but it can also be very uncomfortable from a mental perspective. For every well meaning person like you, there are probably at least half a dozen jerks out there who are not so well meaning in their commentary (and then there are the looks from people who don’t say anything). It’s often hard to tell the difference between the nice and not nice. So I think it’s not unusual to put up a protective shield against everyone – not ideal, but it’s better than not getting out there because people will give you funny looks and make abusive comments. It’s awesome that she was out there and it’s sad that that was her reaction to some well-intended encouragement, but I can probably understand how she felt. Maybe next time just send her good vibes silently (or get out of your car and approach her in a more discrete way).
LMAO!
Thanks mate. I think you are the only professional motivator that would share that story!
Yep..definitley agree with this comment..thanks for the visual & early mon morn chuckle
Hi Craig, I can’t agree with your other posters. It was condescending what you did. How arrogant of you to think she needed your encouragement and that you had a right to comment on what she was doing. Did you also yell at thin people? I bet not.
What I find interesting Des is that you consider my attempt to encourage and support another human being to be so distasteful and inappropriate but, at the same time, you’re very happy to publicly label me condescending and arrogant. Well Des, at least my intentions were honourable, kind and positive. Yours?
Ok I didn’t word what I wanted to say properly, while you may have had the best intentions with what you wanted to say to her, I know where that lady is coming from. As a woman and a fat one at that, everyone thinks they have a right to comment on your body. Even when it’s meant to be positive it comes across as holier than thou. “Hey good for you fat chick for sweating out” when you don’t even know anything about her, like how often she trains, what her motivation for training was. And she didn’t actually invite you into her world.
The world occurs to us all differently….. I think Craig’s world occurs as lots of little opportunities to encourage, motivate and make a difference to people. He sees an opportunity and jumps at it. Other people’s world’s occur as critical, nasty, hard. I can imagine that these two worlds would sometimes collide when they come together.
Craig’s intention was lovely…..and on a different day (when the lady in the grey trackpants) wasn’t experiencing ‘hard’ or ‘critical’ maybe she would’ve responded completely differently…..
Maybe it would be a good exercise to explore how the world / motivational speakers / people calling out encouraging statements to people, occur to you….
P.S. My response is sent with good intentions and is an offering to explore why certain things like this might upset you.
Craig, you’re such an extrovert! I know when I go out for a run, I try to avoid public places. I don’t want people watching me exercise, I get so self conscious! When I run, I think I look like Sally Pearson, but if I catch sight of myself in a shop window, I realise that’s far from how I look! I’m 82kg at 5’7″, so I have a bit more to go (I’ve lost 14kg) but I think sometimes I’m still in that bigger body, and also think that’s what others see. Your power walking lady might have been doing great, but as someone who feels like she’s exposing herself to scrutiny every time she runs, sometimes I just want to be invisible. I know I’m doing a great job by getting out there and being active, but it can be a fine line between wanting to go, and feeling like everybody is going to be staring at you. Love that you are encouraging Craig, but a discrete thumbs up with a little nod might have been better than possibly drawing everyone’s attention to her efforts. A bit like blokes who give the little chin lift to each other, that communicates “Mate, that’s good” without saying a word. love your blog, keep it up (insert thumbs up, little nod here).
LOL Craig
… you’re too good!
In a totally different circumstance, you may have gotten a different response: ‘thanks’ or a ‘woohoo!’ … Being that you weren’t out there running in the hot weather as well and sitting in an air-conditioned car may have triggered her unwelcoming reaction
By the way I too love encouraging and yesterday in Run4Fun event got a hug and a few thanks for encouraging random people in the run … BIG HUG from me to you
Have a Great Week!!!
Great story Craig. It’s easy for the hot bod’s and already fit people to pound the pavement. It’s those who are new, struggling and really working hard that deserve praise. It’s just a shame it didn’t go as planned.
Great radio show yesterday
Don’t take it personally Craig! It’s hard being a motivator AND being a recipient of said motivation at times!
Bearing the brunt of brutal words when I was at my peak weight (nearly 200kgs) – I’ve had the ‘pleasure’ of having kids scream out obscenities out of bus windows; people stop and deliberately wind their car windows down to tell me how revolting I looked or make pig noises, wolf whistle (the non-nice version!); and have literally lost count of the amount of times people have stopped to point, laugh and make fun of me to their mate when I’ve been huffing and puffing past.
End of the day, I’m now half my size, but the damage is done. It’s still incredibly hard for me to take the compliments or encouragement – I still find myself “shielding” and have that anxiety in my chest when I just want to get out and bloody walk without the world taking a stab at me!
But in saying that, there have been times when someone has stopped me on my regular walking path, or at the gym, to ask if I’m “that same girl they used to see….” – and it helps re-build my faith in humanity little compliment by little compliment!
Keep it coming! In the middle of her session like that, she may very well have had the world of self-talk going through her head (like I generally do) and couldn’t filter in what you said. It’ll register later… For all you know, you may very well have pushed her through to fight the next day.
omg amy you need a medal! Wow u used 2 be 200kg how inspiring! I wonder how did u do it? My heaviest was almost 190kg..am at around 170kg now would love to hear your story as i find it so inspiring..
Sorry Craig but …. lol
Ya win some ya lose some, you connect you dont connect, ….
Oh, well…lets look at the things from another perspective to make you feel better.
You are a nicer person than she is, clearly.
You’re better looking and probably have more money than she does.
You are not evil towards complete strangers that try to talk to you.
Don’t you actually feel sorry for her now and not yourself.
I think if you see her again you should give her that hug
I hope this helps,
Mariana
Thanks for that. You’ve brightened my cloudy Canadian day by making me laugh.
Keep up the good work.
You are lovely, thanks for sharing your story. Don’t stop trying eventually us fat girls will look up and thank you for your motivation. xx
ROFL!!!! I actually laughed out loud, hysterical!!! Hey you had good intentions and I feel for the woman she’s probably more used to copping crap rather than encouragement from passers by so u can’t blame her for mistaking true encouragement for maybe sarcasm or something. What a funny story though!!!! We love u Craig dob’t worry
sometimes overweight people are not supported or even ridiculed, and can become hypersensitive. She must not have felt you were being sincere, although no doubt you were. Funny story nevertheless.
Hilarious! thanks so much for sharing that story Craig. I can relate to both of you actually which is what makes it so funny. Good on you for trying to boost her on. Maybe she thought about it when she got home and could appreciate you were being nice. Have a beautiful day!
Sorry Des but I disagree completely. My husband has MS and struggles to walk….and that is on a good day ! He goes to the gym to keep some strength in his legs and to strengthen his upper body so that he will be able to manage his wheelchair when that day comes. He is very self conscious about his lack of mobility, abs and ability and tries to blend into the machinery around those hulks of men pumping iron. He tries to go late at night when few can witness his attempts on the leg press etc. One muscular and testosterone filled man came up to my husband one day and told him what an inspiration he was and that he often watched him and felt that he was just awesome getting in the door…..you have no idea how that made my husband feel. He struggles into that gym now with his head high. So never underestimate what a word of encouragement can do to someone. I feel sorry for that poor woman….her self talk and self image had more to do with her response than anything else.
I can relate to this on so many levels but can’t stop laughing.
Maybe the “who the f… are you look” was the cue to hit the pause button?
No comments are necessary. This one made me laugh. Loved the ending. Nuff said.
One of your best notes ever Craig.
Highlights how we are so often our own worst enemy.
She assumed you were mocking her and reacting accordingly. So instead of taking strength from your encouragement she simply reinforced her own negative perception of her self worth. Great example of how we influence so much of what happens to us by choosing to react positively or negatively.
As it was, had you been mocking her, a smiling thumbs up from her might have left you feeling embarrassed but the response she gave would have left you feeling smug and satisfied.
Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing with us.
Cheers
Andrew
I agree with the people who have said they can see both sides of this situation.
I think we are often encouraged by the media to be suspicious of strangers, so your well-meant gesture may have been misinterpreted.
Please don’t let her reaction deter you, though, Craig: most of us need all the encouragement we can get!
Oh dear Craig, she would’ve thought you were taking the piss. It’s why I don’t exercise in public, I don’t want to be noticed and judged. If people are going to be sarcastic jerks when you’re just walking down the street then I can’t imagine how much worse they’ll be if they see me attempt to exercise. Ergh.
Also while I think Des above sent it far too bluntly, I get the logic behind the comment. As a woman all we get are blokes interrupting our worlds. There’s no nice way to say ‘I don’t want to talk to you, please leave me alone” because invariably the bloke will get upset and then we get abused (yes not every guy will be like that but the vast majority who try and talk to you will). Perhaps this woman has just had enough and her default is now to shut a guy down immediately.
Don’t take it personally Craig, your intentions were good but probably best to just send out some positive vibes instead of positive verbalisations
Great story Craig….shows even the best motivators can crash and burn once in a while…but Im sure you have heard alot worst from well paying clients on your gym floor
Im forever giving out encouragement when running the trails as I know how tough it can be and how some simple words can lift people out of a hole….Its a real shame we live in a world where words of a positive nature can be viewed in a completely different way by people…why are we always so quick to think the bad of people….
Lol, you’re a legend Craig! Yes I probably would have thought you were a weirdo if I were her but you’re still ace for trying! There’s too many weirdos that do that sort of thing but for more selfish intentions which I guess why she thought you were one of them. But don’t stop being you and at least you can laugh at yourself
Hahaha funny, I get a good visual of you doing this. Yes I see both sides, however when someone is nice to you I fail to see how we cannot respond. I smile at everyone as I forge around my walks at a rapid blistering pace sometimes. Fat, skinny, medium, I smile in recognition of us all being human and having a go. I would say keep it up and as some of the others say. “you win some you lose some”.
As a somewhat overweight 60 year old starting the C25K programme I had a few positive remarks from people (male & female) and I loved to hear them. They definitely helped me to keep going.
Tthis lady probably saw your comment as being sarcastic so she reacted as she did. Such a shame. Good on you for trying Craig.
Hahaha….oops…awkward!
Harps the Motivator, High Performance Coach, Corporate Speaker obviously needs to learn ‘When Not To Speak’
You can come motivate me any time though. I think I prefer the thought of a ‘huggy – your doing brilliant” PT over a ‘commando army style – yell in your” face type.
xxx
oh nikki I am the same when it comes to those army commando types! I remember watching the biggest loser and ‘the commando’ would be on yelling like a lunitic and measuring out lettuce whilst wearing his sunglasses and I would be laughing my head off lol, he even timed them cleaning their bedrooms.. so ridiculous and entertaining..yipee it has been announced there will be another season next year..but I do love shannon and michelle
as a fat chick who is currently around 170kg any encouragement is greatly appreciated..there used to be this dude who lived on top of the hill (on my walking route of choice around my house) who would always encourage me greatly which was so nice as usually when I would walk young men in utes would scream out abuse at me whilst driving their utes, I even had these guys follow me and tell me in an abusive way how horrible I looked etc.. Thank God For earphones and mp3 players lol.. I bet that lady felt uncomfortable and didnt know how to take your encouragement as it is rare comming from men she most likely has been a fattie her whole life and speaking from expierience men are the most lethal when it comes to fattie abuse.
Hang in there you posts made me smile.
I bet she thought you were mocking her. being fat you hear all kinds of stupid things. The last thing you need is some fit looking stranger commenting. You know your heart was in the right place though. I am so used to being mocked and ridiculed for my weight and looks, that I may have done the same thing.
I was sitting in my car with the window down and 2 guys walked by and as they passed one guy said to the other, “What an ugly woman”. I was so upset. Another time i was in the parking lot of a big wholesale store and a guy’s flatbed cart holding all types of paper goods got away and blew all over. I stopped to help and he said thanks. A very pretty, thin, snooty looking girl in a skirt and high boots not only walked by, but OVER the things we were gathering. He gave her “the look” and said, “Why couldn’t SHE be the one to help me? Instead I get YOU.” I said, “Girls like that NEVER help anyone but themselves” and walked away.
All that to say that your walker has probably had similar experiences and reacted to what she perceived as sarcasm.