Sorry, I Accidentally Had Sex

No Accident

I’m sick of certain people not taking responsibility for their actions.

And I’m amused by individuals who get busted doing something they shouldn’t (having an affair, using performance enhancing drugs, stealing, lying about an important issue, being violent, ripping someone off) who then – when they get backed into a corner – come out and say something lame and insincere like… “er, I made a terrible mistake”… as if that somehow justifies, explains and rectifies what they’ve done. My response to these folk is… no, you didn’t make a mistake; you made a conscious and calculated choice to do what you did. On some level you knew it was wrong which is why you went to great lengths to be deceptive, strategic and evasive over an extended period of time.

We call that a plan, not a mistake.

The Five Year Mistake

It’s amazing how some people can “make a mistake” for five years and then when they get caught, all of a sudden they discover a new-found sense of what’s right and wrong. Funny that. They conveniently become aware of their mistake. Their moral compass is magically restored – complete with tears, apologies and empty promises of impending moral, spiritual and behavioural transformation.

I like to call that… acting.

Let’s be clear about this issue… people who cheat, lie, steal, manipulate and abuse for months and years on end, don’t do it accidentally. It’s no mistake. It’s calculated behaviour. Yes it’s crap behaviour but it’s also calculated and intentional. The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning. “Oops, I think I accidentally made a phone call, accidentally met her (him) at a hotel and then accidentally had sex.” 

“For three years every Wednesday.”

Who Me?

Chronic bullshitters are anything but innocent and naive; they are selfish and cunning manipulators who know exactly what they are doing. If they have an ability to think, reason and make decisions then their behaviour is no mistake or accident. Often, the only time we see any semblance of remorse, shame or humility is when they have been caught in their lies and now they’ve switched into self-preservation and damage-control mode.

Choosing to have sex with someone behind your partner’s back is not a mistake (as such), it’s a decision. A conscious choice. As is cheating in sport by using a banned substance. As is driving 50 kph (30 mph) over the speed limit. As is stealing from the company you work for. A mistake is accidentally putting the wrong kind of petrol (gas) in your car. Or calling Jim, Steve. Or turning left when you should have turned right. Or buying the full-fat when you thought you had grabbed the skim. Or reversing over your kid’s bike in the drive.

Creating a web of deceit which is based on extensive (and well-planned) lies, manipulation and self-interest isn’t something a person does accidentally on one occasion. No, it’s something they do consciously, methodically and strategically for as long as they can get away with it. 

Crocodile Tears

Did I take an angry pill today? No, I took a let’s-stop-pretending-and-call-this behaviour-what-it-is… pill. If we do the wrong thing (by choice) then we should man-up (or woman-up as the case may be) and say I did (insert behaviour) consciously and intentionally; not accidentally. I planned it. I chose it. I did it.

I’m all for forgiveness, rehabilitation and genuine transformation but I’m also for honesty, accountability, taking full responsibility for ones’ behaviours and genuine remorse. The “I’m so sorry Jesus” show doesn’t work for me any more.

And neither do the crocodile tears.

* I know you have an opinion on this, so let’s hear it. And yes, that means you scaredy-cat Lurkers too. We don’t bite.