I always think when people act like that in public “what is happening at home when no one is looking?” and “there goes something else for that kid’s therapist”

It is true though we get to choose not only our reactions but our whole lives. Life isn’t a bunch of chances all lined up in a row, it is a bunch of choices all lined up in a row. The beautiful part about that is your choices got you where you are and if you don’t like them… make different choices!!

Anyway, the other thing is, i wasn’t abusive then or ever.

I think it’s great we can all be engaged in debate and still be friends,too..
hugs

Peace.

Yes, the example Craig gave of this particular event clearly shows how our reactions can make a situation SO much worse. But do you think this woman WANTED that outcome? I’m sure she didn’t. And who’s to say she’s not still beating herself up horrifically over her behaviour, and trying to make it up to her son?

Use the example. Learn from it. Remember that while you don’t have control over what just happened, you DO have control over what happens next.

Beachgoer – totally understand what you were trying to say. We’re all human and God knows we all f**k up at times. No, it’s not our behaviour of choice .. and if we can constantly reduce the situations in which it happens, then we’re making forward progress. And isn’t that the key in life? Be grateful for the lessons that this lady and Craig have shared with us.

In your example, if your children are young enough to be pushed in a double pram then you really can’t expect ‘gratitude’ from them. Your kids were being normal kids of their (young) age on a hot day at the beach – pouring sand over each other and fighting.

I used to cook meals that took a lot of time and energy and then feel upset when the kids didn’t even like the food. You know what I learnt? If I put in a whole heap of effort that is my issue, not theirs. They don’t owe me undying gratitude for the effort I put in. It’s my job as their mother to feed them. I also learnt that they enjoyed the meals I spent five minutes on much more – probably because I was less tired and not as stressed about them eating it. So my suggestion would be, next time, get a popsicle out of the freezer and let them play with the tap outside – less effort for you and you won’t expect gratitude or good behaviour in return.

As a mother of three (now 13, 9 & 7) I would say there is never an excuse for emotionally abusing a child. NONE.

There is room for anger in a parent’s reaction (even ‘controlled’ yelling) but it has to be controlled and still be ‘calm’ if that makes sense. Not frightening and out of control.

My observations are these:

- this child is too young to be wandering round on his own picking up expensive toys (not good supervision by parent);

- clearly it was an accident – I don’t believe in getting angry with children (or anyone else for that matter) for accidents – breakable things should not be in reach of children or else we (as adults) take the risk on our own shoulders…

- I see nothing in this post where the mother apologised to the store and offered to pay for the broken toy (in my book this is tantamount to stealing – she should at least have offered – whether or not the store’s insurance would pay for it is beside the point)

- her meltdown was misdirected – yes, he made a mistake but he is 6 and it was an accident – she is an adult and has the experience to foresee that things like this might happen and to moderate her behaviour appropriately (ie supervision and taking responsiblity and behaving like an adult).

I have ‘lost it’ on occasion but never to the point where my kids have been belittled nor felt frightened and never for an accident.

This morning is a case in point, we were all having a disorganised Monday morning, kids had forgotten things that I had reminded them repeatedly to put in their school bags. I was irritated. It was chaotic. We were running late. When we’d gone back into the house for the third time to get something they’d forgotten (still hadn’t left the driveway thank goodness), I turned to see the first retrieved item (a library bag) lying on the driveway next to the car with said child scrambling round the car trying to find it. Cue: hysterical laughing from me. Which then turned into hysterical laughing from all three kids. Stress broken.

Yes we were late (a little) but it wasn’t the end of the world and the kids went off to school (and I went off to work) smiling, enjoying the shared ‘joke’ and feeling loved.

I’m not saying every interaction is like this but seriously as parents we need to exhibit a higher level of behaviour than others because we have impressionable children depending on us not to emotionally scar them.

That’s my 2 cents worth.

And Kat, well done. That was an amazing thing you have done for your daughter. I was once that 16 year old girl and my mother never raised her voice, was not judgmental and supported me all the way.

thanks
Mandi P