I love how writing about a topic can clarify my thoughts, especially after reading others’ ideas. I want to reply especially to Adam’s post, but everyone has interesting things to say (really, I’m not lying).

Adam said:
2. When is it okay to lie? (an example?)

“Do these jeans make me look fat?”
Truth: “No, your fat makes you look fat.”
Yeah… that question is just bad. If you need people to validate your appearances, then the jeans aren’t going to make you happy.

I say: I think this is a good way for those of us who lie a lot to avoid the discomfort involved with telling people something they may not want to hear (yep, I think people tell white lies more to relieve their own discomfort than to protect others, well, at least that’s why I usually do it).

Reframing the question to which your answer is a lie might be a good solution (if you, like me, think you need to stop telling “white” lies). Before I come out with some nearly automatic, sugar-coated response in the future, I’m going to try to ask myself, “Why is this person asking me this? Can I address this question in some other way? Do I have to address this question at all?”

Thanks for the new perspective!

Another take on “lying”: the truth/lie dichotomy assumes that there is a truth. In my experience, I’ve found that even when people are on the same page in their thoughts and awareness, they’re rarely on the same sentence and even more rarely on the same word, by which I mean that no matter if you’re lying or telling the truth about something. the recipient of your lie or truth may interpret it differently than you intended anyway, making the whole thing even more complex.

Another thought – lying and telling the truth is culturally based. When I’m in Germany, far fewer people spare their actual thoughts in social (potentially embarrassing) situations (“yes, those jeans look terrible on you”, “that pimple is really big”, “you’re setting a bad example for your children”, but conversely, “no, you don’t look fat – why do you always say that?”). I’ve found that if the remark is remotely fact-based (fat rolls are pouring of the jeans, the pimple is about to burst, you’re crossing the street in front of a car, you ask ten times a day if you look fat), then German people will simply remark on those facts, no matter if they might be embarrassing. Americans (I grew up in the States) will call attention away from uncomfortable facts (I do this too – my sister does not like to clean, it is a fact, but I act as if I do not notice the piles of dishes even though it makes me uncomfortable). It took me awhile to get used to the more frank German communication style and sometimes it hurts a bit, but in the end, as long as it is fact-based, these remarks are actually helpful in making me more aware of “reality” and moving me forward than comments that distract my attention and make me feel good.

Thanks for the opportunity to consider these ideas.

I am no Craig however i did read your post and ask the question what is your priority

1) to loose weight or
2) compete/take part in the tri?

And thirdly have you accessed your current fitness levels?

Personally I would think the weight would take care of itself if you were fit enough to do what you set out as the course.. But rather than set yourself up for disappointment I do ask the following the questions

1) do you know what your baseline line is and can you maintain this?
2) now ask yourself can you maintain this going up hill?
3) you will also need to find out how to eat and train on the run

I dont really know your past so it is difficult to guage this one.. but I do know we do not become olympians overnight, it is good to have goals that drive us… but really at the end of the day it all comes down to maintenance? Can you or are you prepared to maintain this?

I would suggest prioritising your goals, finding out the details ie I do know to do a tri you not only need great fitness as a base line but the trick is to put it all together ie. your training would be 30 km bike ride, swim, next day run & swim back to back etc…This is massive to do one after the other even with great fitness will take a hell of a lot of planning, fitness, determination and obsolute focus..

Personally I start small and get bigger.

Yep the sad reality is we all lie at some point or another. Unfortunately from the beginning of time we have bought into the lie which life, experience, culture etc etc has taught us and that is we are of little value.
I believe that the root of lying is FEAR – if not why do we do it. Fear of failure, rejection etc etc.
To quote Maryanne Williamson “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Perhaps if and when we truly come to a place of accepting and believing this TRUTH maybe then we will stop lying firstly to ourselves and then to others.

Have an awesome week
Cheryl ( )

But I really detest the big lie (the denying of cheating on the partner eg). Like another poster said – its about the ethics of the lie and where it fits in the moral code you have. While I think its fine to lie about my name being “ghatti” to have some anonimity on the web, I don’t think its fine to say that I’m single if I’m married (eg)