Hello Groovers.
Jeeezei’vemisja.
Well, it’s Monday here in the thriving metropolis of Melbourne, I’m back from the States, survived my thirty-hour return journey (a bus trip and three flights), still a little jet-lagged, lost three kilos (7lbs) in five days at the snow, learned a lot from the collective genii and here today in the afore-mentioned metropolis we have a forecast of 37 deg. Celsius (over 100F) – a big departure from the sub-zero temps of Keystone, Colorado. So right now, my body doesn’t really know what the heck is going on. My brain is still a little fuzzy too, so if I write something stupid today, that’s my excuse!
Over the last week I have received a bunch of emails and comments asking me about my trip and what I’ve learned and enjoyed hanging out with some of the best educators, speakers, writers and pioneers in the world of fitness and health. And I mean literally the world; these people flew in to Colorado from all over the globe to be part of this amazing conference created and facilitated by PTontheNet (the world’s largest online education resource for fitness professionals). I had the privilege of opening the conference and then being treated to two days of information, inspiration and up-to-the-minute education.
Firstly, I’ll share some quick insights and then I’ll share a story about one amazing individual.
A snapshot of what I learned or re-learned.
1. The more we learn about the human body, the more we realise how much we still have to learn.
2. Bodies are very capable and adaptable – if only our minds were as compliant! When it comes to changing our body, invariably we let our mind get in the way. Master our mind and we’ll master our body.
3. We have more than enough knowledge right now to create amazing results, not only with our body, but in all areas of our lives. Yet incredibly, we don’t use what we have. Our generation is the most educated in history but in many ways we’ve never been in worse shape (physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially) because we don’t consistently apply what we know.
4. Generally speaking, the more knowledgeable people are, the less arrogant they are. They don’t feel the need to prove themselves because they know what they know, and they are comfortable with that. Hanging out with these rock stars of the fitness world, I was pleasantly surprised to discover how humble, open and honest the vast majority were; seemingly no need to impress or gain approval. I was also blown away by their constant desire to keep learning. After my presentation I had several of the speakers thank me and ask me questions specific to what I had discussed because they wanted to learn! That’s humility. I learned that to be the most effective teachers and coaches we can be, we need to have ‘the mind of a teacher and the heart of a student’. And if you look at the great leaders, pioneers, educators and innovators over the centuries (in all fields), that’s exactly what they had.
5. I also learned that I don’t know much about the human body. I still have so much to learn and I am excited by that. I have been studying the body for twenty six years and I don’t know the vast majority of what there is to learn. I re-learned that I will be a student for life – by choice. I also re-learned that great leaders and teachers become great because of their attitude, their commitment to learning, their self-imposed standards, their drive to do good and their desire to teach – not because of their innate talent or potential. Talent doesn’t produce results, attitude and work does.
Robert Cappuccio
Lots of people wanted to know which speaker I enjoyed the most, and while I learned from every presenter, the person who had the biggest impact on me is a man named Robert (Bobby) Cappuccio. In my life I have never heard a better speaker. And I have listened to plenty, from Tony Robbins (the highest paid personal development speaker in the world), down. The interesting thing about most personal development speakers is that they invariably seem to have their own story of coming from a ‘challenging’ background. Challenging of course being a term which is open to interpretation and embellishment. Don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story, some people would say.
To say that Bobby Cappuccio came from a background of adversity is like saying that Bill Gates has a few dollars in the bank. He is a truly inspirational human being who possesses unique insights into, and understanding of human behaviour, partly because he’s wired that way, partly because of the vast amount of study he has done, partly because of his commitment to excellence and largely because of his life experiences. I can’t do justice to his story, or to the man he has become in a few words, but I’ll do my best to give you a brief snapshot of who Bobby Cappuccio is.
As a child Bobby was subjected to years and years of torture and physical and emotional abuse.
He was born with a facial deformity and was constantly told by his step father how hideous he was. His step father often held a mirror to his face as he did this.
His step father abused him via physical beatings, regularly holding his head under water until he was almost dead, burning him with cigarettes and threatening to kill him on a regular basis.
He was sexually abused.
He developed facial ticks, Tourette’s Syndrome and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
He lived a childhood in constant fear for his life.
He was socially ostracised, marginalised and victimised for the way he looked and behaved.
In his late teens he underwent two surgeries to ‘correct’ his facial deformities.
Be the change
There is so much of Bobby’s incredible story that I can’t do justice to here in this brief post, but let me say that despite enormous adversity as a child, he has become an incredible speaker, teacher, philosopher and human being. Where many would sink, he has chosen to not just swim, but to fly. From the moment he stepped on to that stage in Colorado he had the entire auditorium engaged, totally connected and in the palm of his hand. He spoke words of insight, wisdom and revelation with such passion and such commitment that the majority of the crowd were totally speechless and captivated. He was the only presenter over the course of the entire conference to receive a standing ovation – and this was without knowing any of his life story. The audience were unaware of his background (he didn’t share any of it), so the standing ovation was not some sympathy vote, it was a fitting response to an incredible presentation by an amazing teacher. As I sat there listening to Bobby’s message with tears in my eyes, I was not embarrassed or ashamed, I was proud and I was amazed to watch my new friend make a difference in so many lives. A man who could quite reasonably be in therapy his whole life but instead has chosen to ‘be the change’ that Mahatma Gandhi spoke of.
Finding a way
I had the good fortune to spend time with Bobby away from the spotlight and I came away with a renewed passion for, and insight into human potential. It’s so incredible what we can do when we find a way, rather than find an excuse. There were so many reasons for Bobby to be anything but amazing and nobody would have blamed him. But he chose to live an amazing existence and to be the most he could, with what he has. And he has done it incredibly well.
I hope you do too.
An admission
To be honest, I am growing less and less tolerant of negative people who constantly whine, bitch, moan and complain about their tough lives. People who live in some of the wealthiest countries on earth, who have never known the hardship that more than half of the world’s population are subjected to every day of their life. People who constantly rationalise, justify and blame but never actually do anything constructive to change their reality. People who major in minors. I regularly get slammed for my hard-core approach to personal development but in truth, I don’t care if people share my philosophy or not.
Not a popularity contest
I’m not interested in popularity, I’m interested in results, respect and life-long change. I don’t care about what people want to hear, I care about what works. We have become a fat and lazy society in every way, not just physically. We don’t like the truth, we don’t like being challenged and we don’t like being uncomfortable. What too many people don’t realise is that it’s the challenges and the discomfort that cause us to grow if, and when, we step up to the plate. As I’ve said before, pain is our greatest teacher if we choose to learn.
I’m not disputing the fact that we all face real adversity, real pain, real tragedy and real hardship even in our privileged lives (if you’re not starving, you’re privileged), what I am saying is that we can choose to be exceptional despite our situation, despite our circumstance and despite whatever challenges life throws at us.
I know this approach doesn’t sit well with all of the personal development folk (whoever they are) but I would rather write for an audience of ten that is serious about change, than an audience of ten thousand which comes here every day to be entertained.
So, are you in the ten, or the ten thousand?
That’s a choice too.
See ya.
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{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Welcome home….
The teacher becomes the student becomes the teacher…. or is that student teacher????? for life???? how cool for us…. we can all benefit from your time overseas…
Thanks heaps……..
KK
P.s. Shiatsu is really good for jet lag….
XXX
Thanks Craig. We have no idea about adversity. It must be wonderful to meet people like Robert who is so inspirational for all of us.
Welcome home Craig. We missed you. As a self improvement junkie the reason I keep coming back here is because you are not interested in popularity. Every one of your articles is confronting and practical. I am one of the ten.
Craig,
thanks for sharing Bobby’s story. Amazing!
It puts life in perspective.
I agree completely with this…
“To be honest, I am growing less and less tolerant of negative people who constantly whine, bitch, moan and complain about their tough lives. People who live in some of the wealthiest countries on earth, who have never known the hardship that more than half of the world’s population are subjected to every day of their life. People who constantly rationalise, justify and blame but never actually do anything constructive to change their reality. People who major in minors. I regularly get slammed for my hard-core approach to personal development but in truth, I don’t care if people share my philosophy or not.”
It sounds mean but it is true…
Your life will never change if you are blaming and whining. Be the change. Make the change. Don’t tell yourself why you can’t. Tell yourself why you can.
Craig, welcome home. I loved that you shared Bobby’s story with us. Thank you. Adversity is our greatest teacher. Some of us just survive. Others, like Bobby, go way beyond thriving and become heroes with the lessons that they learn and share with the rest of us.
Why would “Personal Development” people not like your approach? Your honesty and passion are exactly why I read your articles. It is those two qualities about you that are that strongest because you care so much. That is just my opinion of your writing. Others might not agree.
Patricia, Hot Springs, Arkansas, USA
“I know this approach doesn’t sit well with all of the personal development folk (whoever they are) but I would rather write for an audience of ten that is serious about change, than an audience of ten thousand which comes here every day to be entertained.”
Thank you for trying to tell the truth.
Z.
Hi Craig, I enjoy your “tough” but wholesomely honest approach to teach and talk about personal development, and I thank you for it. To me, that’s the only way to go too. It’s better to teach one person who can really change than attract a thousand people who just want to listen to you but take no action to change.
You are awesome, Craig.
Hello KK.
It’s nice to be back.
( )
You’re welcome megat. Yeah, it was great to hang out with Robert and learn from him.
Enjoy your week.
Hi Jodie.
I’m glad you’re in!
Cheers.
Hi Steve,
you’re welcome and thanks for stopping by.
Hi Patricia.
‘Some’ personal development types are more interested in making people feel good ‘right now’ whereas I’m more about getting uncomfortable right now in order to create a better future.
Thanks for your support.
( )
You’re Welcome Z.
Hi Kin.
Thankyou for your kind words.
Enjoy your day.
So Craig you just see your bloggers/readers as people that just want to be entertained? Man, that hurts. Probably the truth but still…
Ange
I missed you too Craig. Even with your messages from ‘over there’ I knew you were away and it just was not the same (probably because I am a local to Harpers
). I’ve just re-read ‘Your Erroneous Zones’ by Wayne Dyer (another powerful speaker… with comparatively little to complain about) so i’m not surprised by your message (cosmic consciousness)and I applaud it. We are a nation of spoiled, fat, lazy, narcicistic…well I am anyway…We live of the fat of the land and spend most of our time either over indulging or trying to reverse the effects of same. Disgusting really. We need people like you to help us to stop focusing on the vessel and more on the spiritual being that resides within. Keep holding up that mirror to us Craig…we need it
SLH
Hi Ange.
No, I don’t see my readers as people who want to be entertained only. If I did, I wouldn’t spend the countless hours doing what I do here. A little entertainment and fun is great and I’m happy to provide that too, but there comes a time when we need to actually get off our asses and start using this stuff. Being entertained makes us feel good for a minute but it doesn’t change our life for the better over the long-term.
Anyway, YouTube is much more entertaining than me.
Hi SLH.
I’ll do my best!
Thanks for dropping by.
( )
Craig, thanks for explaining the “personal development” comment and I agree with you. For me, just deciding to be happy like some blogs do is just another form of denial. It doesn’t work for me. I have to work at releasing the old patterns of behavior and the old feelings before I can move forward with any degree of happiness.
Patricia, Hot Springs, Arkansas
Tsssssssss…. you’re on fire.
Love it!
Pick me for the audience of 10.
Pet
xoxo
That’s the beauty of it Pet; you pick yourself.
Too easy.
( )
Bullseye.
I have to admit that I read some of your posts with more attention to detail than others Craig. Mostly it depends on my mood at the time.
This one I found myself hanging on every. single. word. And it wasn’t until the very end that I realised why.
Right now I’m faced with what feels like a kinda tough decision. Put up with what feels like a “half-life” that I have now or go through a 3-month process which may well be rather horrible (and HARD) with the hope that I *might* have a better quality of life at the end of it.
There are things I CAN do to make the process a little easier (like exercise) BUT I have my doubts as to how strong my will is to stick with that when my brain is going haywire (I have learnt that what I achieve when exercising has more to do with my mental state at the time than my physical fitness).
I am a SURVIVOR of childhood abuse. Not to the extent that you describe here but a survivor nonetheless.
I feel inspired to want MORE for my life than what I have now. I feel inspired to trust myself more and have the courage that I can DO this.
I just wanted you to know that your words touched my life in a special way today Craig. Thank you.
Hi Lightening.
You are very welcome.
And by the way, you deserve more.
Take what’s yours.
Hug ( )
Thanks craig as the weeks roll on I am sure your blog will reveal more stories for all of us. Welcome back and ease back into it. Things will start to make sense around Friday.
Thanks Danny
I’m placing myself in as one of the Magnificent Ten (couldn’t resist but kinda showing my age)
I’ve been describes as a person who is “as subtle as a sledgehammer between the eyes.” I reckon your articles and your approach to personal development are pretty much along the same lines. This is a great thing! Some people need a good wallop upside the head to get the info through sometimes (others like myself enjoy a daily wallop – keeps us humble!!)
Good to have you back. We missdya too.
If you don’t care about me; why should I care about what you have to say?
This is the heart of a student.
I think you need to get over the jet lag.
Thanks Danny.
I’ll do my best.
Cheers.
Thanks Freaky Annie… Cheers.
Okay Evan.
Hey Lightning
Not that your gonna take what i say seriously because who the hell am i but sometimes i think you gotta just forget your ‘willpower’ or how strong you think you aren’t.
I too constantly fight with those damn negative voices in my head that tell me i’m not strong enough to achieve my fitness goals. Especially during a workout session. For some of us that negative voice is so strong that we just have to stop trying to convince ourselves that we are capable and just start the ‘doing’ just going through the motions is enough for now. I used to panic before each PT session worrying how i was going to get through the pain thinking i wasn’t fit enough to work so hard cause i knew i was gonna be pushed and i didn’t think i could handle the pain. During the training i was so focused on how am i gonna make it through the pain and that negative voice telling me ‘no you can’t’ that i actually became weaker and made things more difficult for myself. So i decided i’m just gonna give it all up to my trainer. He always says i can do it i’m capable but i never believe it. I refused to believe him. Why? I’m afraid of being broken, afraid of someone getting to me, of someone getting the ‘good’ out of me cause that would mean admitting that yes i have good in me. It would mean letting go of the past hurt that i’m so comfortable with. i would fight him all the time, i refused to let him or others break me that whole ‘you think u can break me but u can’t i won’t let you etc etc’ attitude. I think that’s my entire problem. Not allowing myself to be helped. Obviously this attitude hasn’t been working for me for the last 20+yrs so it was time to try something else. So i decided i was just gonna give it all up and ignore those negative voices in my head if i can’t change them. Whatever my trainer says i’m gonna take his word for it. If i don’t believe in myself then ok i’m gonna believe in what he says. I’ll give myself, my pain, my everything up to him during the session. If he says ‘your getting stronger’ then i’m gonna believe i’m getting stronger instead of fighting it and choosing to be negative, if he says ‘you willdo 100 squats without stopping’ then god dammit i’m gonna do the 100 squats without arguing or questioning my ability by saying ‘i can’t’. For now (until i start to believe more in myself) this is working for me. If i don’t believe in myself then i choose to believe in the positive things someone says about me (even if they paid to who cares if it works). It’s the only way to stop that friggin fighting in my head i’m just so sick of it. It’s draining and get you nowhere. I remember reading something once (can’t remember where)they said that if you feel you can’t handle the pain then just give it up to someone or something else. Let someone else carry it for you so you can get on with it. Shit if only i can remember where i read it.
Again i’ve blabbered on like an idiot and written something that has nothing to do with the post or someone else’s comment. sorry can’t seem to help myself.
Ange
Hey Craig, welcome back!
Glad you just lost some kilos, not limbs, on the ski slopes of Colorado.
I think you’ll always have an audience of more than 10, cos lots of people do ultimately appreciate your no nonsense… er, blunt? … approach. It’s because we know that under the tough words there’s a heart that really does care about helping people live their best lives. So even if some days our first response is “ouch”, our second response is “what if he’s right, what if I’m really like that, what if that’s me?”
And we’ve also seen your compassionate and gentler side when (especially in the comments) you vary the size of the spoon with which you dish out your “medicine” to individual people.
Despite the wishy-washy picture book and movie images of Jesus, in reality he didn’t worry too much about trying to be popular either. He told people what they needed to hear. He called the religious leaders of his day things like: “hypocrites”, “a brood of snakes”, “sons of Hell”, “full of greed and wickedness”. If I’d been his publicity advisor I would probably have told him to tone it down a smidge, for the sake of popularity. Good thing I wasn’t there!
Bobby Cappuccio sounds like a wonderful person to spend some one-on-one time with. Lucky you! I thought I had a tough childhood, but it’s all relative eh?
Anne
Craig
I think i’m about to join the ten thousand group.
Yes it’s me again can’t help it. I decided on the train ride home that i kinda disagree with you craig. Not that you care just like i don’t care whether or not you like this comment. A reminder people, Craig isn’t god. His truth isn’t the only truth.
For the most part yeah i agree with your post but u kinda starting to come off arrogant and holier than thou. Or am i reading it incorrectly? Maybe Evan is right you need to get over the jet lag.
Don’t you think that you can become a little ‘too positive’ where you get caught up in your own hype and your beliefs and your intolerance start to become a little warped where you actually stop learning? You become arrogant about your beliefs? You make it sound as if in your world it’s like ‘don’t even bother talking to me if you dare be a little negative.”
Even jesus (if he existed)would have struggled with pessimism and being negative. Isn’t that the whole point? If jesus had lived longer and continued on the public speaking circuit there is a good chance he would have become a sham like tony robbins and all the others. You start off with something that you think is good and you end up an intolerant dick.
Not trying to drag everyone down but i realised i’ve been agreeing with you too much craig and i feel like i need to challenge what you say.
You know, there are people out there who do live in privilged countries but aren’t privilged and even lack enough food, shelter and clean clothing for whatever reason. And there are people who come from countries with wars and famine and come here and moan and bitch about what a crappy place we live in. Nothing is good enough for them. I’ve met some of these people, i know these people.
Don’t worry i won’t be commenting anymore.
p.s. I just ate an original glazed krispy kreme donut and guess what? i’m not even gonna bother working out for 2hrs to burn the evil thing off cause i don’t even feel guilty about it. It was worth it.
Ange
Gidday mate. Welcome home. Give me a call when you lose your jetlag and get back to Australia time. I will make an effort to catch up for lunch, tea or breaky soon. Cheers mate. Vin.
G’day Vinnie Boy. I’ll call you soon.
( )
Hi Ange.
It’s amazing how one article can produce such drastically different responses and interpretations… then again, maybe it’s not about the article but about the people reading it?
Naaah.
Couldn’t be that.
It must be me.
Craig, I just discovered you via a friend. This post is awesome. I am one of the ‘Ten’. Finding a way is what growth and life is about. Yep, it is hard, but the right thing to do is seldom easy. Finding and excuse is the easy way out.
Thanks for sharing!
David
Hi David,
Nice to ‘meet’ you.
Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Ange,
I don’t know if you’re still reading these comments but wanted you to know I did read what you had to say to me and appreciate you taking the time to do so. I agree with the “hard to accept help” issues. I’m working on it.
Interesting your thoughts on listening to your Personal Trainer. I’m about to start with one in a couple of weeks time. My FIRST time ever of working with a personal trainer. I’m a little bit scared but mostly excited. I’m a people pleaser though so my thought is most likely to be to do what she suggests simply because I want to please her (whether I think I can or not). Interesting how different people react differently.
Craig – I blogged about my reaction to your post yesterday and got some amazing support from my blog readers.
Hi Craig,
Awesome stuff about Robert & your trip . . . . .
I want to be one of the ten & make that change . . . I have made that change . . . over the last 20 yrs I have worked very hard at being how I want to be, how I want to live – at times it has been extremely hard, now at 61yo – I see life is too short – I want to be me & the best I can be – I don’t want to live with stress, illness or obesity anymore as I have in the past – (I am in the process of healthy food choices & walking & have lost 15 kgs since Sept.) – sure things will still happen in my life – but as my husband keeps saying – “that’s life” – so now I get to see that along with those things happening & working thru them as they are thrown at us – I can & am now having an amazing life . . . . . the 12 mths before last Sept., we both had a hell of a year with two parents dying, (my MIL was pushed over in her accommodation where she lived & spent 4 wks in hosp. & died as a result of it), hubby & I being executors of both wills, my daughters marriage broke up with her husband going off with another woman & leaving two small sons (2 & 4yo) to figure out ‘where has daddy gone’, my husband given news he had prostate cancer (it was caught early thru a blood test – he was operated on in July & is now cleared), my hubby retired & I crashed my car . . . . that was just some of last year . . . . since Sept. ‘07 & hubby retiring & having operation – our life is now looking great & rosey . . . . being retired, we now are busier than ever, but it feels great, feels amazing, feels comfortable . . . . . luv your ‘hard-core’ approach Craig . . keep it up . . . . Margaret xx