Comments on: Letting Go of the Need to be Liked

By: emem

emem — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 18:33:33 +0000

Great comments from everyone and love the quotes from some of you!
I have ‘people pleased’ for years! I am so afraid to ‘rock the boat’ with anyone that I always keep my views and opinions to myself and certainly dont disagree with anyone incase I upset them!? I know its silly but I cannot seem to rid myself of this unhealthy need to be liked and to not have confrontation with anyone!
I do not have many proper friendships (partly because Im so nicey nice-I lack personality as I just ‘agree’). Im afraid to let people get close to me as I worry that if they do they wont like me anymore.
I have been happily married for 7 years and my husband loves me and says Im daft but I just dont know why Im like this! I would so love to change!

By: Rae

Rae — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 11:41:55 +0000

i was THE “person pleaser” – “door mat” for so long (25 years) forgot what it was like not to be… no self respect, no values, no me.
5 years on… creating new me… a work in progress.
YAY ME !!!

By: Nick

Nick — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 10:57:04 +0000

Thanks for the article Craig, always good to get another refresher on what is important.

By: Sara

Sara — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 19:21:23 +0000

While I was searching for a picture of a fish jumping out of a bowl, I found your article and I read a few lines. I was really touched by your words. Unfortunately, I could not read all the comments, but your words clearly depicts me as someone who seeks the approval of others.
I should say, two things you mentioned are helpful enough, but unfortunately, not for me. It’s sometimes really frightening to be myself. I fear rejection constantly. I always feel that if I be myself and strive for my own desires, then something bad will happen to me or to my loved ones. Quite superstitious and shallow. I know. but that’s how I feel.
Anyway, I enjoyed your post. I can definitely relate to that.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:27:28 +0000

To anonymous we can’t stop others talking about us behind our backs because we cannot control others only ourselves. We can change our response to others talking about us behind our backs. For example rather than fear the consequences we can see that we are important enough to be talked about by others and therefore we must have influenced them in someway! Bringing humour into also helps to deal with apathy of this kind.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:10:55 +0000

I think the need to please stems back to the family when there is just the three or four or five people in your life and being popular in that group is important because otherwise you feel alone. The fear of being alone dictates to need to being loved or liked or both. Of course once we grow up there are many more opportunities to be liked or loved and being alone is much slimmer than when we are a small child desperate for love…by a family that doesn’t know how to love and the fear of being alone is unbearable.

By: Elke

Elke — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 00:54:10 +0000

Well another great one. I’m really changing quickly here just by reading these great posts. Thank God for people like you. One who really inspires. Cant wait to read the rest of posts. Thankyou

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 20:23:45 +0000

I think this was very helpful, but how do you get people to stop talking about you behind your back???

By: heartbreaker

heartbreaker — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 18:31:09 +0000

so iwas reading this, and wow, i felt like someone took the time to understand me and write this just for me! ive been told lotts of things (ie: u talk too much, ur too crazy, ur too this, ur too that)

and i realized that, no matter what, theres always going to be SOMEONE who dislikes a quality that YOU have. its IMPOSSIBLE to please everybody, and its hard to be 500 different people, as if u change ur identity for the person ur around to get them to like you.

im going to be myself, and if pple like me, yay, if they dont, fu** them.

i mean its one thing if EVERYONE is saying something about you (ie: u are mean or arrogant) but its another when every individual has a different opinion about you and it may be like “ohh… i dont like her because shes too friendly” or “i really dont like her becuase shes disoriented”

u cant change urself, its really hard.

By: Momma'sSpecialKisses

Momma'sSpecialKisses — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 01:32:25 +0000

Somebody very recently, and a somebody who should have been the one to stand by my side but who wanted to point-score and purposefully do harm, has given one-sided information about me to another someone who is a well-known malicious gossip and a schadenfreude. That information has now been passed on to copious amount of people that know and don’t know me by the schadenfreude. It’s the most painful thing that anybody has ever said about me in my life. Dealing with that hurt is bad enough, but then I’ve been struggling also with the issue of what these people will think of me now that they’ve been both schadenfreuded and given wrong information. These feelings are presently at their utmost intensity and this article has done absolute wonders for my soul. Thank you so much.