Before we Start
Today’s installment will be briefer than I had planned as I have just been informed that I am hosting a four-hour radio show tonight (writing this Tuesday afternoon). Continuing on from Monday’s post, today we will explore the impact that Personal Reality has (can have) on relationships and over the coming days we will explore (1) Personal Reality and Happiness (2) Personal Reality and Success and then we will finish off with one of my faves… (3) Personal Reality and Healing. Giddy-up. In short, we will begin to explore the impact that our internal environment has on each of those areas of the human experience.
Personal Reality and Relationships
So, the other day we discovered that reality as you and I know it is self-created; that there is no universal reality. In fact, there are many realities; 7,107,894 to be exact. I totally made that up. And while you and I inhabit our own personal bubble – I call mine the Craigosphere (thanks for dropping by, take off your coat) – it’s often necessary for you and I to knock on the door of someone else’s reality and take a peek inside their world in order to be able to co-exist with them in a meaningful, positive, practical and productive manner. Perhaps take a glimpse through their side window. Possibly when they’re not looking. Or if you’re really brave (and smart), walk right in to their reality (leave yours at the front door), take your shoes off, sit on their couch and stay a while. You might learn something. You might learn a lot. Remember… they don’t live in your head. Nobody else does. Thankfully. After all, how can you and I create meaningful, productive and healthy relationships (both professional and personal) and how can we even begin to genuinely understand who we’re talking, working, studying and living with, if we’ve never set foot in their reality? The brief answer is, we can’t. If we don’t at least try to understand their reality, then we can’t possibly begin to understand the person. Which means we’re far more likely to create disconnection than we are connection. Not desirable. But very common.
You Don’t Need to Stay
The good news is that while it’s important that we visit other people’s realities from time to time, there’s no need for us to “move in”. Phew. We don’t need to be them, just understand them. Neither do we need to embrace their thoughts, ideas, beliefs or philosophies (or even agree with them for that matter), but if it’s connection, understanding and meaning we’re looking for, then sometimes we need to see life through the eyes of others. Even if we don’t agree with it. What are their beliefs? Experiences? Fears? Hopes? Dreams? Standards? Expectations? And where did they come from? Know these things and you’ll begin to know and understand the person.
In Pursuit of Healthy Relationships
If one of our goals is to create and foster healthy relationships in our practical, physical, three-dimensional world (and let’s hope it is), then at the very least we need to begin to explore where it is that other people “live”. They don’t live in “our world” - that is, our self-created internal environment – so how can we expect them to speak our language, understand our perspective or share our reality? We can’t. No wonder we see such widespread disconnection when we all inhabit different realities (“we” being individuals, countries, cultures, governments, religions). Even more so when we arrogantly believe that our reality should be understood, accepted and embraced by the masses.
The Lesson?
Take your shoes off, put your feet up and take a seat in someone else’s reality for a while. You don’t have to be them, but it might help if you understand them.
Ciao x
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Craig.
)
We of the RYL are doing it like crazy in Facebook and via email.
Drop in if you get a second and check us out. You’d be proud of the insights that are emerging and the successes and realisations.
Penny is certainly dropping Craig and personally, I’ve never contemplated the subjects raised as much as I have after RYL.
Checking out so many peoples realities is such a buzz and hopefully the exploration of those realities is forging friendships and helping each other work some things out.
The effect RYL has had is quite astounding.
I have to say another thanks Craig.
(Getting sickening isn’t it…all this gratitude
Hi Craig,
Hmmm, interesting. You’ve become all post-modern on us again, haven’t you?
Strangely, much of what you have said is at the core of what I do everyday.
When one approaches a history of an event or person (even if it’s just the latest McHistory on the History Channel), one must examine the reality from which the historian is producing his or her text. The reality is more than just point-of-view; it’s related to their position in time, their socio-economic-political-cultural background, personal experiences, family background, education – all the factors which influence the construction of their reality. An historian, being human, views an event through the dirty windscreen of his or her own reality with its inherent prejudices, desires and image of the way the world should be. There is no such thing as an objective historical narrative because there is no such thing as an unbiased person. It is only when we truly grasp the mercurial nature of reality that we can understand the subjectivity of the recording of that reality.
History isn’t just about mouldy books and memorising dates, it’s about developing empathy and understanding for all the realities that have to co-exist in the world (of which there are, incidentally, about 6,790,062,216). I can’t guarantee it, but I’d be pretty surprised if an historian has ever started a war.
I hope this makes sense, it’s late and cold.
Have a wonderful Wednesday.
Christina (Sydney) xxx
Hmmmm. I totally agree with this, of course. However. What happens when you’ve done this (or regularly do this) with respect to your significant other and it becomes more and more apparent that their reality is TOTALLY removed from yours .. and that the great divide is getting wider? When you’re hell bent on making the best life you can but your partner is “content” to feel powerless, negative and generally limited by things out of their control?
This is a bit of an aside, I know .. and you probably don’t want to venture into the realm of “marriage counsellor”. It’s not an issue for me personally, but it’s something I’ve observed and wondered how you would go about re-connecting. Oh, and by the way .. my personal bubble is Planet Sue. Feel free to visit – it can be a wild and loopy place at times
Suz (Sydney)
xx
Hi MK2
Good to hear that the “work” is continuing beyond RYL – that was the plan. RYL was the catalyst but you guys are the change. I tried the facebook thing but it wouldn’t let me in – clearly I don’t qualify!
Cheers Big Al
Christina the history teacher has spoken
x
Suza
It’s always gonna take two to Tango. All you can do is all you can do. You can only change you. Only you can know when the pain of staying in the relationship, is greater than the (perceived) pain of getting out of it.
“then sometimes we need to see life through the eyes of others”
Ssshhhh! Does that means to listen? To listen to their story, any story that is trying to get out, which is never heard from day to day. How many of us are only concerned about getting ‘my’ viewpoint across, without listening and being listened to?
Every story needs to be told, and every story needs to be heard.
That way, those stories can stop having a life if they have negative attachment and association.
The stories of pain need to get out!
Listen…..and the pain will be gone!
Such sensitive life…if I listen!
I’m all ears Craig!
Great post, I am going to try it out….maybe I will find a reality more interesting than my own to take a holiday in lol.
The RYL facebook thingy is administered by Linda….maybe you will have to get in touch with her…were you looking in the right place??? Jane did say she was going to let you know about it. Yes I agree with Alan, we are doing really well with it all, the true test though will we still be doing it in 2/3/6 months from now when RYL is long gone…I sure hope so!!!!!
Have an awesome day everyone,
hugs
Chelle xxxx
Hi Craig,
This is great – and something I don’t do often enough with my loved ones! Visiting another’s “world” is a great insight and I resolve to do this more – especially with my hubby. Because we are so, so different, to live in his world for a short time would give me a greater understanding of him.
Meanwhile, to try and inhabit my 2-and-a-half-year-old’s world would be just plain fun!
Oh, and my bubble is called Emtopia!
Have a superb day!
Em
( ) x
Profound as always. How often do we judge people by what we see (first impressions) rather than take the time to get to know them. I work in health and learned a long time ago that you cant judge a book by its cover. Often the patients that seem the most demanding and intimidating are in actual fact the kindest and gentlest people if you take the time to speak to them rather than at them. Cant wait for the rest of the series – its very timely. At present my reality is just a blob but I think its starting to take shape…
I try doing this with my sister and my mother but they still frustrate me. I know that I can’t make their problems my own and I work on that on a daily basis. But my sister in particular…….I don’t know where to start with her.
I am saving today’s topic to favourites,
Hi Craig,
Great and so true! You said it all, as always.
We all have different realities…thank God.
Kath
Hi Craig,
Cool! Now I know where to go for my next holiday: I’ll visit the Craigosphere, Planet Sue and Emtopia! You’re all welcome to visit Planet Xina (think about it, what’s my name?).
I think I’m going to have to tighten up security in my bubble, though. I’ve been getting a lot of illegal immigrants lately, obnoxious little buggers sneaking in whining ‘Mumeeeeeeeee’. How do you stop people from visiting your reality?
This needs some more thought. I’ll get back to you.
Christina (Sydney) xxx
I attended my first cardiac arrest today. We got him back after one shock but ? poor prognosis. When you are confronted with something like that in its rawest form (patient had been dragged out of a car on a busy road, and was on the footpath), without even realising I was doing it, I did for a few minutes step into this patients new reality (or lack thereof) and that of his family. My job is not about me – it’s about them. I like taking a peek into the reality of others for a few mintues. Transported a pole dancing teacher yesterday! She said it’s so much fun. Now, Craig – what was that you said at RYL about doing something out of character (for us) every day or every week?
Pole dancing + me = very out of character. Could possibly add it to my list of ‘things to explore’ (or not!).
I’ll never forget a story told by Brian Tracy on one of his audio series (sorry, can’t remember which, but they’re all great!) –
He was trying to work on the train commute and becoming increasingly annoyed by a man whose noisy children were wreaking havoc all throughout the carriage. The man was doing nothing, despite the fact that the children were a nuisance to everyone.
Eventually Mr Tracy stepped in and asked the man to please quiet his children. “I’m so sorry”, said the man. “They’re a little upset and I just can’t face it right now. We’ve just come from the hospital where their mother passed away”.
Talk about seeing things through someone else’s eyes.
I think I may have slightly missed the point of your article Craig, as reality is different to circumstance, but I’m going to head over to the first part now!
This is great man. Your right. A lot of times I pack my bag and leave. Some peoples realities are too much for me.