Potential and Possibilities
We’ve all had breakthrough moments in our lives. Moments when a switch flicked, a light went on and a door to a new world of potential and possibilities opened up for us. For most of us, the door was always there to be opened but, for a range of reasons, we never turned the handle. Until that day.
Ignoring Reality
Invariably, the switch-flicking and door-opening (the internal shift) was the result of a situation, experience or circumstance that we found ourselves in. And it was usually an unpleasant one. My first big breakthrough moment came after many smaller and less embarrassing, but similar, moments. It’s fair to say I was (am) a slow learner. The lessons, the signs and the indicators (to change, to listen, to pay attention) were all there for me, but for the longest time I did my best to ignore them. I never allowed reality to get in the way of the stories I told myself.
And what stories I told.
One of my favourites was the “it doesn’t matter that you weigh more than your teachers and you’re only fourteen” fairytale. I fooled not only my friends but also myself.
Or so I thought.
The Beginning of the End
For me, the beginning of the end (of my fat, unhappy self) came at a school swimming carnival when I found myself standing on a starting block at the end of a pool next to seven other kids who weighed as much as my breakfast. It was the painful reality check I needed but clearly, didn’t want. It’s hard to hide 90kgs (200lbs) of teenage lard when you’re semi-naked and perched on a block of concrete with hundreds of people staring at you. Humiliation would have been a pleasant improvement on what I felt in that moment.
Transformational Pain
Although that experience was a painful one for me, it was also something that led me to make decisions and embrace behaviours which transformed my life (on many levels), and I believe, changed the course of my destiny. If I hadn’t experienced that feeling, I don’t think I would be the person I am today. I am grateful for that experience because it forced me to step into reality, to acknowledge who and what I was, and to take charge of my mind, my body and my life. And yes, it happened in that order (mind, body, life).
Even though I had that revelation at a relatively young age (fourteen), I often look back and realise that I always had the potential to create incredible and lasting change. Over the last thirty (or so) years I have consciously and diligently worked to make the decisions, changes and adjustments before I found myself standing on that starting block again.
So to speak.
The fit, lean, stronger, happier, more productive and creative (version of) me was always in there; I just needed to let him out.
I don’t know (most of) you, but if you’re like the majority then I know that you have more ability, potential and possibilities than you have ever imagined. If amazing (and lasting) results are what you’re after then my advice to you is:
Don’t wait for a breakthrough moment: create one.
So, why don’t you choose to make a breakthough this week? Just because you can.
Tell us about your breakthrough moments (in the past or present) or just say hi and share your thoughts on this post. And yes, that means you Lurkers (non-commentors) too. 
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Having worked the last 19 years as a funeral director in the UK I have experienced many things and very sad situations which most people in every day life are not exposed to. I believe my job has helped to shape me into the person I am today (which Im still working on). We have no second chance, we are only here once, and I try to be positive, happy and helpful each and every day. I dont want to waste this life!!!!!!
It’s not always easy……………..:-)
Yeah, I can definitely remember a couple of major breakthrough moments. Most of them were facilitated by other people, who knew how to wisely put a mirror in front of me and let me see something I was blind to. I try to do the same now with my clients. It’s awesome to see people experience breakthroughs.
Eduard
It’s not a health/exercise breakthrough moment, but I haven’t been entirely happy in my current job. I’ve been kvetching about it quite a bit at home and finally decided… I need an exit strategy. I need to accept that this IS the place that I need to be for a few years (skill building, experience) but also know that I’m going to move on. So one day I took a day off and created a three year plan. Where I want to be in 3 years, and how I’m going to get there. In detail. What I need to do first, next, etc. The creation of that plan was a breakthrough moment for me.
And the AMAZING thing is that the pieces of the plan are falling into place. I know that having the plan in my head is helping this happen, I’ve also had to nudge some aspects along, but two really cool things have resulted:
1) I’m no longer as unhappy at work. I understand that being here for me, right now, has a purpose — i.e. it’s part of the plan. And so I’m more accepting of the day to day ups and downs.
2) Even if the three year plan doesn’t pan out — even if some life change sends me in a completely different direction — just having the plan is making me focus on learning things I need to learn and helping me feel like I’m moving forward. I now have possibilities in front of me that are exciting. Things I’m looking forward to.
And now I’m working on weaving some fitness goals, like my first marathon, in the plan.
Just wish I had figured this stuff out earlier in my life! But there’s still a lot of living left!
Craig, My heart goes out to your former self.
I know you don’t consider yourself exceptional, but it seems to me that at 14, you already were.
And thanks, to you and CJ for the breakthrough moments.
It’s true that things are not that easy, and at diffcult times it seems that people just want to throw life out of the window.
I’m going to make a new vow to myself that if any situations becomes diffcult not to throw what I’ve achieved so far out of the window. Because doing that you find that you end up being back at square one. We all have a choice to blow things out of proportion but if we step back, breathe for a second we can find that we then are capable of taking the action needed to overcome that problem. In my opinion that’s what I call a breakthrough
You know me, Craig
I’m quite surprised how much you know. About me.
Breakthrough moments. Here’s one of mine. As a chronic over-thinker, I decided in early-mid December to take the ‘next step’ and make something I’ve wanted to do for about 8 yrs now actually happen. That ‘something’ is doing my first ironman triathlon. Let’s face it, there’s no ‘ideal time’ for anything, hey Craig? So, it’s up to us to make now as ideal as we can. I figured I had the time to train (25′ish hrs a week) as I’m not working. So I made a commitment to do Ironman NZ on 6 March, 2010. Ideally, I would have had another 4 weeks before ‘my big day’ (that makes it sound like my wedding!!), but what I did in the 3 months prior to commencing my NZ prep I feel will get me over the line (ie. PT twice wkly). While there are no guarantees in ironman, I’m going to be at the START line. If I crash or succumb to a medical illness I won’t compromise my own health and safety. Other than for those reasons nothing will stop me from completing the 3.8km swim, attacking the 180km bike course, 5km at a time, and the (42.2km) marathon, 1km at a time. It’s what you make it. Being out there for up to 17 hrs sounds like torture (to most people) but for me it’s a massive opportunity for personal growth.
** You can follow my progress on Sat 6 March via a live athlete tracker on http://ironman.com/ from 07:00 AM NZ time. The 17 hr cutoff is midnight (NZ time). Search for me by name “Julia Shaw.” I’d appreciate you cheering me on
Crazy ironman-to-be here (again). I just checked the competitor list on the Ironman NZ website have a Race Number: 443. I’m so much more excited now!!! (like I wasn’t before!!!) I think seeing my race number just made it 1,000 times more real. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.
I MADE IT HAPPEN. I’ve created this for myself. Ironman NZ has been running now for 25 yrs. This year is its 26th year. Craig is right – it’s up to us to create our own ‘breakthrough moment.’
Sometimes I choose to make a breakthrough on my own, without a defining moment. But it takes a lot of getting myself worked up enough to go through with it. Committing to training for a race on the rowing machine took me nearly 2 years. I had to get over the fear of failure, and the fear of actually thinking I could do something like that. Me? Do that? How dare I think I would be good enough? But I finally said what the heck and jumped in.
More often, I have a breakthrough because of pain. My dissatisfaction with my corporate job situation combined with the sudden death of a friend made me realize that I better do something meaningful with my life. So that inspired what I’m doing now. If I didn’t experience that pain, I likely would not be going through with my current journey. So, I guess the pain was a blessing.
Hmmm, the breakthrough moment. You know, I’d been obese all my life and knew I needed to change that but it didn’t happen until I found myself waiting in line in the bank (April 2008). I realised that I almost couldn’t hold myself up anymore. I wasn’t the heaviest I’d ever been (but certainly very close to it) but something just clicked at that very moment. In May, I got my act together, and with a little inspiration from my older sister and TBL, I got cracking. Now, almost 2 years later and 63kgs lighter, I feel like I’m having another breakthrough in relation to my fitness. The fact that I’m not satisfied with having improved my level of fitness tells me there’s still more I want to achieve there!
Several of those moments but the one I had when I went to Sydney a couple of weeks ago bears recounted. I just woke up and stopped blaming myself and others for stuff and accepted that others will blame me for whatever. That has taken the pressure off. That is not to say not to attempt to be responsible, make amends and improve, but rather to become more understanding that I have to leave others, even my bosses and I know work repuation is very important, to their views of me. Or accept they don’t think of me at all.
That has helped me move slightly forward at the moment.
Starting this PT business has also brought my own physical reality to life…. I weigh 104kg. In order to have a successful business this will be changing…. emotional overeating is my crutch, and last night I shared this with a dear friend… admitting I have this vice has been the best gift I could give myself but I am scared to let go of the peace that sticking a piece of food in my mouth in order to not feel has provided me… time for some alternative moves- 1. take 3 deep breathes before opening cupboards or fridges 2. walk around the block 3. cry 4. call a friend and ask for help.
Thanks for the reality check Craig, and Jules thanks for the enthusiasm!
When I read this post I just had to comment. Coincidentally I‘ve seen JK Rowling speech called The fringe benefits of failure on TED yesterday and it just fits into what you wrote here. In her speech there was one sentence which struck a chord with me …”You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”…full transcript is also available…and thanks Craig for such a wonderful blog, you’ve managed to maintain, with your felllas of course:)… Im your big longtime fan:)
Hi Craigo, nice post.
I’m always amazed at the stories we tell ourselves to make us “feel better” or to “justify” our unhappiness. Then, when we have our BT moment, we look back and realise we expended so much more energy lying to ourselves than we did facing our reality and changing it. Sure, it hurts. But it’s only short-term hurt … relative to a previous “lifetime” of pain and anguish.
If only we knew how (relatively) easy it really was – how powerful we could be!
Have a fabulous Tuesday.
Em
( ) x
This one was so timely for me today. Never commented before, so hello. I enjoy reading the blog and the comments.
I’m kind of responding to the adolescent Craig standing on the starting blocks, rather than the breakthrough moment, having dropped my newly started high schooler off to school this morning in a complete meltdown because he didn’t want to show his legs and he was wearing shorts.
He doesn’t weigh that much – yet – but he is SO self-conscious, resists moving, comfort/auto eats, knows about the relationship between energy intake and output but hasn’t really made the connection to his actions. Hiding himself behind huge t-shirts. Won’t wear shorts – even when it’s going to be >34oC. I think he’d wear a burkah if he could get away with it.
Adolescent self-esteem…
I can’t manufacture a breakthrough moment for him. But I didn’t help much this morning…
Me: “YOU LOOK FINE, your body is FINE, it’s a GREAT body, be proud of it. You’re very good looking. “
(Well, actually, I said that he’s a big spunk, but that probably won’t translate well for non Australians here.)
Him: “No, it’s not. No, I’m not. I hate my body. I look really bad. I need to wear pants. I feel terrible.”
… (a bombardment? rant? from me to try and snap him out of it or stop him burrowing further into it.)
“Everyone’s too interested in themselves to be interested in what you’ve got on.. no one’s going to notice what you’re wearing. – And you look FINE. Stop creating problems…”
Him: “This is bad …” The mood is getting lower, he’s sinking into himself… gloom, anxiety, low self esteem, burrow, burrow, sink, sink.
Me: Generally increasing frustration, my voice is strained, raised, we’re running late, general theme from me is: “BUCK UP, you look FINE. Everyone’s in shorts. Get over it. What people are going to pick up on is you feeling terrible and withdrawing, not your clothes.” My body’s tense, I’m frustrated, running late now, sounding unsympathetic and a bit aggressive. Way to go in the mothering stakes.
And I so dropped my guy off looking little, lost, and wearing the extra cloak of low self-esteem that because he’s not dressed properly, and feels like he looks terrible and everyone is going to notice. Waaah!
I thought this was girl territory!?!
I don’t think I helped any this morning. Certainly didn’t help with a breakthrough moment. More whacked him over the head with a lot of words which don’t think penetrated – hence my guilt/frustration. We both ended up feeling bad. I didn’t help at all.
Any ideas? Resources? Programs?
Hi Guys – thanks for all your comments – love them.
Brano – that’s freaky – I watched the exact same speech on the same site (TED) yesterday too!! We must have some cyber-connection
Hi herenow – nice debut. You write very well. I think you did your best in that moment and even though your son is young, the decision (to get in shape) still needs to come from him. Pressure and coercion will do more harm than good (not that you did either). Self esteem and confidence take time to build – especially in such a body-obsessed culture… and especially at such a transitional (and terrifying) age. Love him, support him and tell him when he’s ready to get fitter (don’t focus on weight) you’re there to help. Or tell him to ring uncle Craig
Enjoy your day everyone…
Hey Jules – cool about your link and race number! I’m bookmarking that and will be cheering for ya!
Cdn friend (Michelle): Thanks heaps! Welcome to my online Cheer Squad! Like I said, too many people know I’m racing in NZ now (which is my own ‘stupid’ fault for plastering it all over my facebook!) Hee hee. Not finishing is just not an option (not that it ever was). Unless under medical advice/instruction.
Who ever would have thought ironman was one big party? Who said anything about (up to) 17 hrs of pain?
Besides, pain is my friend and my greatest teacher, right Craig? It’ll be fun. ** I’ll make it fun** I’ll be thinking of all my supporters here at craigharper.com
Remember # 443 @ Ironman NZ, Sat 6 March
Megan: You’re welcome honey. I hope my enthusiasm was/is contagious! I very much admire you getting into the PT business. It’s something I’m considering too but feel I need some credibility before I commit to the study. I have my business name sorted – I’m pretty excited. Where does credibility come from? It comes from walking your talk. Being a role model. Having that inner glow that people who love life have and who are passionate about what they do. I’d be happy enrolling in a PT course when I’m at my target body composition (?18-20% body fat), when I can do a dozen ‘man’ pushups, when I can do a dozen unassisted chinups, when I can run for an hour and a half at a reasonable pace… and when I’ve finished my first ironman. I have some pretty high expectations, don’t I? I’m setting the bar high. Nothing wrong with that. I don’t want ‘mediocre’ anymore. I want ‘amazing!’
I don’t want anymore self-sabotage from you, ok? Promise? When you *really* want something, nothing is viewed upon as a chore that you hate doing. It’s all about attitude. Just ask Craig here. And remember too… it’s all about YOU (in a non-selfish sense, of course). All the best