1997
A little over ten years ago I had a professional relationship (of sorts) with a bloke who smoked marijuana like I eat chicken. That is, plenty and often. Oh how he loved his wacky tobaccy. Never having had as much as a puff (or is it a drag?) of weed in my life, I didn’t really understand the attraction but my colleague and I would often talk about the long-term consequences of his daily use of the drug.
While I would point out the obvious risk factors (natch), he would do his best to convince me of the numerous health benefits. I knew he was full of shit and so did he but it was always a little friendly banter with me hoping (in vain) that one day I might get through. Even though our dope discussions were mostly light-hearted and good-natured, there were several occasions when I intentionally pushed him about his obvious addiction to the drug, with my motivation always being to help him live a long, healthy and drug-free life – not for me to be seen as some kind of judgmental, uber-moral, do-gooder. The few times when we actually had a serious chat about him giving up the drug he told me that I didn’t understand how ‘hard’ it was to do. In fact, more than once he told me that he thought it would be impossible for him to totally give it up, although he planned to “cut back” as he got older.
Nice health plan.
2009
Fast forward to 2009 and I haven’t seen this bloke since about the turn of the century; nearly a decade ago. For no particularly memorable reason I stopped dealing with the organisation he worked for and we went our separate ways. It’s a Sunday and I’m at the local shopping centre (mall) in search of some sensible (as my gorgeous mother would say) flannel shirts, when I see a bloke walking towards me with a goofy look on his face. Being as I have a gift for attracting weirdos, I do my best to ignore him. Even when he changes his trajectory to be in my line of vision, I manage to avoid eye contact; it’s a skill I’ve developed. Until he says my name. I turn towards the weirdo with the goofy look and nothing registers. Donuts. Zippo. Blankarama. I meet a lot of people, he could be anyone. Out of politeness, I extend my hand and ask how he is. In hindsight, I should have asked “who” he is. “I’ve been great Big Man and you?”, came the reply.
The Tip of My Tongue
For a moment there I almost had it, but it slipped. My mind raced as I tried to recall who it was that always called me Big Man. Did I go to college with this bloke? Did I work with him? Did I employ him at some stage? Did I train him? Is he an ex-athlete? Did I date his sister? Sisters? Maybe he had been in one of my many courses, workshops or presentations. There I was searching my cerebral data bank and half listening to the weirdo when it dawned on me. No! It couldn’t be. His hair was short, his eyes were clear, his skin looked healthy and he was a picture of fitness and vitality. Surely this couldn’t be the same bloke who once told me that he would give up air and water before he’d give up dope. Yep, it was. I couldn’t believe it. Now I was really interested.
The Life U-Turn
After a few minutes of incidental conversational bullshit, I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Don’t so what me. What happened to Mr. I’ll-give-up-air-and-water-before-I-give-up-dope?”
All of a sudden the mood got somewhat heavier and he looked a little uncomfortable.
“You okay?”
“I’ve had a pretty rough time but I’m out the other side now.”
“What happened?”
“I was an idiot, that’s what happened.”
So what started out as a conversation that I desperately tried to avoid became one of the most interesting and fascinating encounters I have had for a long time. In 2001 Josh (not his real name of course) was driving while high as a kite; which wasn’t totally unusual for him. He was almost home when – as a consequence of being exhausted and stoned – he nodded off at the wheel, drifted across to the wrong side of the road and ran head-on into a car being driven by an eighteen year-old girl who had only been licensed for two weeks. What ensued was an arrest, multiple injuries for Josh, serious injuries and rehab for the young girl, death threats from the family of the girl, numerous charges and court appearances and finally five months in prison.
“Wowzer!”
“Yep, wowzer alright.”
“How long did it take you to give up the dope?”
“I never ever used after that day. I don’t even drink alcohol. Ever.”
“That’s amazing, was it tough to give up?”
“It was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
“So the bloke who absolutely could never give up, gave up in one day, never to use drugs again?”
“Yep.”
The Lesson
Isn’t it amazing how when our internal reality changes, the unlikely becomes likely, the impossible becomes very possible and the hard becomes incredibly easy. There is no universal hard or easy. There are simply events, circumstances, challenges and situations that we individually assign certain significance, power, influence and control in our world. Things only have the meaning we give them and the impact we allow them to have. We are the creators of hard. Yep, we construct it, refine it, shape it, re-enforce it and then we inhabit it. For some people everything is hard. No matter how good life is. Hard is built, maintained and empowered by them. I’ve seen some people deal with cancer more easily and with less drama than other people deal with a sprained ankle or a common cold. Why? Because certain people create easy while others create hard, that’s why. Josh says that one day he woke up and his world had changed but what really had changed was his attitude, his thinking, his standards and his beliefs. That is, his internal reality. Did he have the ability to transform himself before the accident? Of course he did. Almost killing someone doesn’t miraculously give a person more ability but it does create massive internal shift. It’s my experience and observation that for the most part, whether something is hard or easy is five percent about the situation or event and ninety five percent about the person in it.
Not you of course, but perhaps someone you know 
xx
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
This story Craig should be told to children at schools and the incredible lesson that goes with it. This stuff you write about is worth reading in The Age!
Gratefully
Bella
Amazing story and brilliant conclusion.
A refreshing look at how we look at things. As usual, our wisdom is brought forth out of the things we hate to face rather than the things we wish would change. Too bad that we have to face such dire situations to finally get it!
Well, I must be working on some of my own shit because I am feeling like a critic this week so here goes.
It’s true that your friend changed in one day, but the trigger that caused the change was enormous. It involved a life and death situation for himself and for another person -a rather sobering experience – I might call it the healing hand of compassion. When one takes responsibility for almost killing oneself or another then one becomes fearful of losing their freedom..the only thing they know they have. But before that, life didn’t push him enough. In a way, I find the accident created the choice or responsibility for him rather than him acting on his own part. Something more valuable in his inner perception world was threatened than his bag of weed everyday therefore the choice was obvious (i.e. it wasn’t really a choice).
How long does it take to get by a resistive trigger – of course no more than 1 second. How long can I sit there before I do it…well…years – because its not worth doing to an extreme and not worth giving up entirely – just a slow painful reality. So what’s the solution to those nasty habits that don’t kill us and don’t give us the ultimate pleasure but keep us in the middle slowly building until the problem is massive.
I don’t have an answer – I would be interested in people’s comments.
Cheers. PS – thanks for the book Craig – just received it in the mail.
What changed my long and sad fight with my mate on the weekend was just we indirectly acknowledge me had both been very mean to each other. All that time spent in anger, the friendship and possibly relationship almost destroyed because of our egos. What changed? A simple set of words that stated we were both dicks and egotistical. I can’t speak for the other person, but what a lesson, what a turn around.
With many, as your story with this bloke illustrates, we try to push health issues, the road toll, money and reputation consequences at them, but sometimes they need this, to use a cliche, wake up call. When it affects someone else that’s sad (ie the poor person that is the passenger in the car). But sometimes, that’s the only way to change.
Life has this strange thing, and it’s not good or bad, maybe you can call it karma, but it has a way of giving you something or putting you in a situation where there is no choice but to change. Sometimes, as Justine states above, yes the dire situation comes along, but somehow if that’s what has to be, it is what comes along.
Wow! What an incredible story – isn’t the mind a powerful tool? There are several people in my life who could do with a shake up like this. I am sending them this article.
Thanks again Craig xx
Funny how once our perception changes, we shift. Its also funny how for some people it can be as simple as a comment from a well respected friend to cause a shift, and for others the universe has to throw a full blown catastrophe at them for them to take notice.
But even then, some people don’t wake up and smell the roses.
I’ve decided that I’m going to take more notice of the little sign posts and constantly question whether my choices are in line with who I really want to be. I don’t want to wait for the big fat neon light that smashes me in the face….. Been there, done that and it doesn’t have to be that hard!
“Pleasure cannot be shared; like Pain, it can only be experienced or inflicted, and when we give pleasure to our Lovers or bestow Charity upon the Needy, we do so, not to gratify the object of our Benevolence, but only ourselves. For the Truth is that we are kind for the same reason as we are cruel, in order that we may enhance the sense of our own Power.”
Aldous Huxley
Whatever I am going to do is for me and no other!
Whatever I do is going to be hard, easy, simple or complicated.
Whatever I do is either going to be either confrontational or avoidance.
Whatever I do is either going to be painful or painless.
Whatever I do may initiate change or refute change.
Whatever I do may take me from my comfort zone or keep me wallowing in the cz.
The path of least resistence, and which seemingly has no pain attached, will be avoidance. The avoidance of pain, the avoidance of change, the avoidance of confronting the reality who I really am, will all create a vacuum which needs to be filled….. and addictive habits will rush in to fill the void.
Addiction will create the physical circumstance, eventually, where I have no choice but to confront choices I have made, which have led to the pain I was seeking to avoid in the first place.
The hard, the seemingly complicated, and the pain will always be there, while I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE such to support my case for the doing of the nothing, for the avoidance of what I must do next.
Each moment aches for a confrontational engagement.
That is my purpose and mission, to engage with each moment, to do what I must do, to be healthy in body and spirit and to discover the essence of who I AM.
I choose to stand tall and push into tHE challenge each moment unveils, so that I CAN BEGIN touch and become one with the pure essence of my light and being within.
Thanks Craig
I will be printing this out for someone I know who uses ‘whacky tabaccy’. I only hope maybe reading this it will sink in!! Unfortunately, I think like ‘Josh’, it won’t happen until something serious happens. This person is lovely, but I can see the changes in attitude, is very negative about everything and it’s so hard to see someone you love change in front of your eyes. But, I will never give up! Here’s hoping.
Special warm and fuzzy hugs for you x
LIttleJohn – YOU ROCK.
Craig – yep once the internal decision changes, once you decide that whatever it is you’re doing just isn’t acceptable any more and is so distasteful that you have to stop, then it is really easy to stop. But as Jeff says, the trigger that pushes you or changes your mind about it often has to be enormous and I guess that’s the sad part.
Four years ago I gave up a 14 year smoking habit. I had tried a few times to give up and managed to do so for short periods but it never stuck. I’m not sure exactly what the trigger was but one day I had a massive internal shift and decided that I was not going to be dependant and driven by this thing any more, I wasn’t going to stink to high heaven and I had psychologically had enough. It wasn’t easy. At the start it was hell but that was too bad I was giving up anyway and nothing was going to stop me, not even a few measley cravings. I stopped cold turkey and did everything I could to stay away from it. But it wasn’t until I had made that decision with every thing in me that it became permanent.
Thank God I never had to have a head-on car accident or a jail sentance to make me stop. But what it did show me was that if I want it enough, if I believe in it enough, I can do it and I’m sure it applies to just about everything.
Though it has been demonized and made illegal by the government, marijuana is actually good for you when eaten. Smoking is awfully bad because of the quick absorption and damage to your lungs, though.
Anyway, a big mistake like that does cause radical changes in your life. If he never got into an accident, he wouldn’t have improved as a person. Despite that he cannot get a job now, hurt someone else, and made enemies for life, it was a net gain for him and for the world.
You’re quite a gifted story teller! That was a compelling read!
You make such a good point. “Rock-solid” beliefs can be abandoned almost immediately if the right pressure is applied!
Very interesting story. I liked it, and your absolutely right – our whole world transforms when we transform our internal reality!
I’d like to acknowledge though that you have real misconceptions about marijuana.
First, it may be a habit, but it has absolutely no physically addictive properties. It’s as addictive as biting your nails or brushing your teeth.
Second, there are very real health benefits, whether your friend was aware of them or not. The reason it’s known to be good for asthma is because it is a natural bronchodilator, and so it opens upper airways.
That being said, it’s value when used adequately for health reasons or spiritual mediation are generally overshadowed by the many people who use it as an intoxicant. Using it as an intoxicant can be unhealthy for many reasons. Of course, misuse of protein supplements can be unhealthy too. So could misuse of carbohydrates intake.
Bottom line is, projecting your friend’s misuse of marijuana as though misuse is the only use offers your audience misconceptions of reality and, by trusting your authority, this can skew their perspectives of a plant that can otherwise potentially yield substantial benefit to humanity on many fronts including spiritual, health, manufacturing and economical progress and efficiency.
Much Love. Bless!
Thanks for sharing the story – Isn’t a COINCIDENCE that you were walking along the street at the same time! I am sure he received a lot of love and inspiration from you Craig….
I try to get my mother to stop smoking and she continues to do so. Every now and again I’ll mention the unhealthy affects. She’ll stop for a few days and then relapse. I get disappointed because she says this is it “no more smoking” with strong conviction. It’s her life and I pray she doesn’t learn to hard way like the gentleman in your story.
Big reality check. But well done to him. He could have spiralled out of control in the opposite way!
Hi,
I don’t think that Craig meant this to be a debate about MJ use but speaking from personal experience, the only outcomes from my brother’s daily use of it is that he has turned into a aggressive, negative, nasty person with very few friends and an incredibly alienated family. To me this out weighs any alleged benefits.
Don’t blame the herb for the actions of it’s abusers.
Although true .. when the pain becomes too much we change! Addiction is a tough one..I witnessed so much saddness due to drug abuse.. however i supose this guy was fortunate that he was able to wake up… Unfortunately I know many that suffer bi polar and now leave very hard lives from a simple WEED.
Hi Craig,
this article really hit a nerve. I’ve been trying to deal with many health issues and lifestyles changes for a long time and at times feel powerless.Your article made me realize its the way I perceive these issues which determines how much power they can have over me. I lose my power when I give them control. I didn’t ever realize such an impact.
I now keep the paragraph ‘The Lesson’ on sticky notes to constantly remind me I have the control of my power.
So grateful for this lesson. Thank you.
“Unfortunately I know many that suffer bi polar and now leave very hard lives from a simple WEED.”
I believe substance abuse to be an effect instead of a cause in most cases.