Hi Guys. So, it seems that Wednesday’s ‘Tough-Love Truths’ post resonated with many of you and created a life of its own in cyberspace, with nearly two-hundred Facebook shares as I write. Here are a few more truths to wrap up our week…
1. Marriage is not a solution to a problem. Marriage is marriage. Sometimes it’s right, sometimes not. Sometimes it’s the start of something amazing and beautiful, sometimes not. Sometimes people are more in love with the ‘idea’ of a wedding than they are with the reality of what’s required to make a marriage work over the long term. People who believe that marriage will somehow ‘fix’ their broken life (or part thereof) are in for a surprise. And no, I’m not anti-marriage; I’m anti-misery. FYI, my parents have been happily married for nearly fifty years.
2. Knowledge is not the answer. By itself, knowledge is useless. Knowing what to do guarantees nothing. Which is why some doctors smoke, some personal trainers get fat and some police officers end up in prison. There’s a vast chasm between knowing what to do and doing what we know. And some people have been not doing forever. Being educated and informed doesn’t mean we won’t make stupid decisions, do stupid things, produce terrible results or f*ck up our lives. Change comes via the responsible, intelligent and consistent application of the right information. In other words, applied knowledge is the answer.
3. New Year’s resolutions are crap. Mostly. The stats on people who create lasting change as a result of a New Year’s resolution are appalling. Whether you’ll (1) create great results and (2) maintain those results has zero to do with the date on the calendar and everything to do with your willingness to do what’s required. And keep doing it.
4. Cheating (in relationships) is rampant. If you don’t cheat on your partner or have never been cheated on, you’re in the minority. That’s right; more than fifty percent of us (some suggest as high as eighty percent), will cheat or be cheated on. Understandably, it’s hard to find accurate figures on this stuff as people who cheat aren’t known for their honesty. Yes, it’s wrong. Yes, it’s immoral. And yes, it’s very common. Don’t be paranoid but do be practical, realistic and aware. By the way, people who cheat once nearly always cheat again and despite what you might think, most people don’t get caught.
5. We’re all dysfunctional. Thank goodness. How boring would universal perfection be? Our collective obsession with perfection is destructive, unhealthy and totally delusional. The irony is that, for many people, it’s their never-ending quest for perfection that actually makes their life a nightmare and their mind a cerebral warzone. The perfection obsession invariable leads to stress, anxiety, illness and social disconnection. We can always choose to be happy and content in the middle of our considerable dysfunction. I do. Happily imperfect. :)
6. Religion is a killer. I’m all for exploring the God thing, living a moral life and/or developing my spiritual self but I’m kind of against killing you simply because your beliefs and my beliefs (about something that neither of us can prove) don’t align. Call me old-fashioned. Millions of people die every year in the name of religion. And we’re meant to be the most evolved species? Good grief. It’s ironic that some people who preach unconditional love seem to share their love in a very conditional and selective manner. Am I the only person to whom this is apparent? Don’t shoot the observer.
7. Oprah is not the messiah. She’s amazing, talented, accomplished, charismatic, highly-intelligent and… she takes a dump each morning. Incredibly, she’s human. And flawed. Kind of like you and me. For the last week or so, Miss O. has been gracing us with her presence here in the Land-Down-Under and while I admire and respect her, I won’t be erecting an Oprah statue in my front yard anytime soon. The way our society deifies and worships people is unhealthy, destructive, disempowering and just a little bit pathetic. Like them, love them and learn from them but please don’t worship them.
8. Anything isn’t possible. Some people will tell you anything to sell you a product, to engage you, to manipulate you or to make you feel temporarily good. As a professional coach, speaker and writer, I’m not interested in making anyone feel good for five minutes; I’m interested in the truth. I’m interested in what actually works for you over the long term. That is, practical, measurable results in your world. I’m all for encouraging people towards greatness, personal growth and happiness but I’m not interested in telling people lies or filling their head with self-help hype, fluff, emotion or bullshit. If ‘anything’ was possible, I’d be a professional athlete with an IQ of one-sixty and the ability to teleport, time-travel and read minds by lunch time tomorrow. It isn’t and I won’t be.
Sadly. 
* Don’t forget my new kid’s book (The Angry Ant) is out now! Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and get my FREE Ebook!
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
D’oh!
I trusted my wife and I tell my kids that anythings possible if they try………….
I suck. Thanks Craig.
Watch out, Craig! You may get put on the O’s hit list
Have greatly enjoyed your posts this past couple of weeks, just have been too busy to post.
Number 4 – I am in the minority / of not being a cheater
Why we feel we should betray someone by cheating rather than ending a relationship is still left unanswered by many. People can rattle off as many excuses as they like, but in the end they don’t matter as much as the pain caused.
When my ex cheated on me, I became ‘stronger and wiser’ about who’s a jerk and who’s a keeper!!!!I
Enjoy your weekend Craig
XXX
OMG I feel like you are repeating my conversations all week. Yesterday at our Christmas Party I was told there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t married. Now I’m not against marriage either but I’m just not naïve. I told them I had not desire to be married it was just plain hard work…
This they found unbelieveable how could a decent looking woman like me be single.. have ‘they’ considered its BY CHOICE…..
I then went on to explain that 60% of partners aren’t faithful anyway and for me I demand fidelity and YES im willing to go without if its not an option. Needless to say they changed the topic
Points 2,3, 6 just plain funny!
And as for 8 well hellloooooo Einstein I cant even believe people think it is let alone their friends encouraging it..Please do the world a favour and get to know yourself! And yes that includes what your crap at!
I had this nerd come up to me yesterday telling me his dreams.. and doing the ‘poor me ppl just don’t think im the sort of person that would do it’ Well of course they don’t your lazy nerdy and you have no people skills so NO I don’t think you could be a successful P/T not to mention the fact that your main quality at work is that of winging.. Please people wake up!
I will leave Oprah alone… but In regards to us all being dysfunctional – can you believe I only realised that 2 days ago when it came to me that I don’t have to overcome in some perfect manner all these ‘defects’ in me but if I just did healthy and regular savings more consistently I would be doing great DING DONG
These are my favourite posts .. they seem to make lights come on Kate…
Excellent post Craig. Each item is worthy of a volume in its own right.
As to 6, you are not the only person to whom the religion contradiction is apparent. Sadly there are so many other ridiculous contradictions and self serving spin machines invading many areas of our life that go unspoken as people simply do not have the energy to engage the sleepwalkers….
I have never thought of mankind as evolved. How have we evolved in the last 10,000 years?
Yes we have made unbelievable technological advances but most of it is used in weaponisation…we still behave like cavemen, we fight, kill and rape over land, power, ego, religion, ethnicity and money but we do it in ever more technolgically spohisticated ways….half the world is obese and half the world is starving….people who can hit or kick a ball are paid millions and others die because they dont have clean water to drink. Our politicians support wars which are based on lies only to later say, sorry, we got it wrong.
We are obsessed with celebrity and fame and all manner of nonsense that someone else has told us is important because it suits their own agenda…. Oh yes, we are a HIGHLY evolved species….Beam me up Scotty!!
“Willing is not enough we must do. Knowing is not enough we must apply” is one of my favourite quotes.
5 is great – following on from the other post diversity rules even if our perception of it is dysfunctional…perhaps its the norm??. A great book on our ‘quest’ for perfection by Tal Ben Shahar – worth a look.
6 is a curly one….since we are largely a product of our environment we need new stimuli to find new ways of looking at things. Imagine you are in a cave knowing everything you know and you have never been out of the cave….until one day you walk out of the cave to find everything you thought you knew wasn’t much at all. Since, like Craig says, you can not say with certainty that anything is absolute why not keep an open mind to all the paths that ultimately take us to the end of our journey….remember the tolerance post…..
Limitations you thought you had don’t exist.
Travel safe.
But the fact that I worship you Craig,…………………thats ok isn’t it.?
Hi Craig i want to say a HUGE THANK YOU for todays post. Yep i absolutely agree with all of them….and its comforting to know i am not the only one who thinks these things. You are def not alone in your views on the religion issue…..i actually had the courage to say that out loud to a group of people one day and their reaction was nothing short of me having to hide until they had all left the building so i could be assured of my safety in the carpark! I am not anti-religion at all and i do not judge those who have a strong belief in their faith….its just that its the PLAIN HONEST TRUTH that it is the number ONE cause of death and destruction in the world and has been since time began. Thank you for putting it out there to everyone Craig.
One thing i am finding a lot lately is that most people really do NOT want to hear or face the TRUTH. Whatever the subject they just want to shut themselves off and cling to the fantasy. I wish them all the best with that choice. I personally choose to face up to it, hit it head on, no matter how ugly it might be….and just get on with creating the life i want for myself.
Craig is it really THAT hard???? I am finding it much easier than living a false life….MUCH easier than trying to live by other peoples rules and please them….i happily accept who i am these days and if others dont like it then really thats THEIR issue surely???
WAKE UP PEOPLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks so much Craig for your ongoing bullshit-free ideas x
Oh yes Janelle… that’s totally different
Another great blog!- but reality overload this week.
Hello Craig,
Like this post…
I have been cheated on in the past, for me I have learnt what life is really about & what true love is.
For me I have learnt over the years that true love adds depth & meaning to life, it is not based on neediness or lack of fear, but I believe it’s a fullness which expands life….
Hugs
Charlotte
See that’s the thing, to have a monogamous relationship is wonderful but many carry on like we all HAVE TO be monogamous is disgraceful.
It is all very well quoting disease, religion and legal consequences of cheating or sleeping with others, but we live in a hypocritical society. That is why I champion open relationships and get in trouble for my views from the very same people that are sleeping with others without telling their partners.
To me your posts are a rampant soapbox of your views, though of course I agree with them 100% (I hope that does not mean i’m worshopping you as I’m not). But of course the morals police will have a stroke at the cheating comment, though I don’t want to focus on that but i’ll get to your other comments in a moment.
To me it is so so so simple – have a monogamous exclusive relationship or have an open one. There are consequences for both but no one seems to talk about the benefits of both, rather they get on a moral soapbox online yet gladly go and seek others for gratification other than their partner. That is what makes me sick. I respect any couple of any gender/sexuality to be exclusive, but don’t shove it down my throat that it is the only way, nor force me to sleep with others if I want to be with one person.
Second re marriage, I think sometimes you wear the fact you are not married as some sort of defence mechanism. Men not being married does NOT mean being homosexual. I know many men I have met have wished they were not and are hetrosexual. I wish society would let go of this but then again the view that not being married = your sexuality is thankfully on the way out.
But the most important and the thing I thank you for is this:
ANYTHING IS NOT POSSIBLE
The Law of Attraction etc, they have their place. But to run around dancing and singing it is all possible, that is such a falsehool. When it is done to make money especially.
I am not saying there are a world of possiblities. We can develop practical strategies to make goals happen. Nor is it wrong to believe in magic etc.
My point is you cannot have someone say anything is possible, then you state what you want, especially another person for romance/friendship etc, but then they go “oh you can’t have that the universe wants you to be a homeless bum not a company director’. That’s what annoys me all this you can do it, have it all, it does not materialise and then the new age people ask for more cash to ‘make it happen’.
Thanks Craig for another life changing year on this blog.
As a first time poster, long time lurker, I agree much with two things. Rich is correct we have so much abundance really especially in Australia but we fight over not having power or enough of something. Why do we want so much control over nature, animals and people is beyond me? Why do we fight over it? Sad.
Michael, my husband and I do not cheat nor do we approve of open relationships, but it is very true that people don’t keep their noses out of others’ issues, so if people want to do that of course they should if it ok by all parties and safe sex and boundaries are done, fine. We should be tending to our own relationships, we may not like what everyone does to our own moral code, but sticky beeks are a pain.
Happy Christmas Craig from sunny Canberra, but we are on holidays in Queensland.
{ 4 trackbacks }