According to some of my (soon to be ex) friends, my manliness has been in question for some time now. Not so much from a ‘looking or sounding like a man’ perspective but more from a ‘doing manly things’ perspective. Apparently, I seem to be missing some kind of alpha-male gene that would enable me to diagnose and address a myriad of handyman-type issues. Allegedly, men are meant to be able to do such things. Who knew? I’m yet to see the research but anecdotal evidence and personal experience would suggest that there may be something to the hypothesis. It’s also the same gene that would enable me to have meaningful and manly-type conversations with large-testicled, beer-drinking Aussie blokes about things like building verandahs, paving drive-ways, installing satellite dishes, shaving with an angle grinder (whatever that is) and sourcing the world’s best hunting knife. And to make matters worse, not only do I not know what they’re talking about… I’m not even remotely interested.
The other day someone asked me if I can change a tap washer. “Nope” was my less-than-manly reply. Not a clue. She was surprised. And amused. Apparently, it’s a skill I should have. “Well, I can”, she gloated.
Awesome; I’m less handy than my mate’s wife.
On top of that, this morning a bloke at my local café asked me a bunch of manly questions about some work I’m thinking of having done (by a real tradesman) at my house and I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about or how to answer his questions. He started speaking about council regulations, building permits and structural specs (or something) and my eyes glazed over like a fat kid in a cake shop. It was like he was speaking another language.
Then there was the last time I tried to be handy; I painted half a room at my gym. It took forever, it looked like shit and after a day of artistic and creative disaster, I wound up paying a real painter to come and fix my mess and complete the job. To make matters worse, when he saw my work (we’ll call it work), he laughed. A lot.
That hurt.
I think part of the problem is that my somewhat manly appearance (shaved head, army shorts, singlets, motorbike) misleads people into the “I bet he services his own car, has a garage full of power tools and kills his own dinner” kind of thinking. When in reality, the only thing I hunt for is money from my wallet to pay for my teriyaki chicken. Anyway, with all this in mind, lately I’ve been thinking that perhaps 2013 should be the year I set myself a goal of developing some manly (handy-man type) skills in the hope of assimilating more seamlessly into the alpha-male herd and being less of an embarrassment to my gender.
So…
After much deliberation and contemplation, and taking into account the overwhelming evidence in support of my friend’s not-unreasonable hypothesis, I’ve decided that (1) if overall manliness is a reflection of one’s handyman-ness, then my friends may well be right and (2) maybe manliness is over-rated.
I hope. 
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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Well it is kinda sexy when a man can build and fix stuff but even sexier when he can do what are probably deemed “womanly” tasks such as cooking and housework. However the number one “manly” skill on my list is killing hunstman spiders!
P.S. Bunnings run lots of DIY courses or there is actually a DIY school in Australia:- http://www.diyschoolaustralia.com.
XXOO
One of the manly skills I taught my husband was how to catch a huntsman in a glass and put it back in the garden. Took a while but he finally learned! hahaha
So..it seems a mans masculinity is now being unfairly subjected to the same judgement a womans femininity has suffered for years. Opion was (and in some neanderthals still is ) If a women chooses not to cook, sew ,clean the house in a dress stockings and makeup or dream of a house full of children she must be butch … Thank goodness society is moving forward …
One finding – manliness is not inherited from the father’s side. My father was a fitter and turner and sporty. These things I did not inherit (he still seems puzzled by this).
Heard in a psychotherapy group I was in (in touch with my feelings – yikes, non-manly to a degree):
Sandra: The coffee machine’s broken (much coffee is consumed by people in therapy group); John, you’re a man; you can fix it.
John: No, I can’t – and it’s got nothing to do with my genitals.
Developing specific skills happens on a needs basis. If you don’t need to know how to use tools etc , then you probably have never needed to know how, as distinct from you could not be taught.
There seems to be growing confusion about what makes a man a man and what makes a woman a woman. Why is it even an issue? We can each learn how to do stuff previously defined as in the sole domain of the opposite gender but does that define us? Really?
A dear friend (a very alpha male), who, a long time ago taught me very well how to use power tools, apply for council permits and interpret builders specs along with many other “manly” things had a great saying – “It is horses for courses”. the translation of which is – for a horse to do it’s best it has to be on the right track for that horse.
In my quest to learn everything from delivering babies to changing tap washers I forgot to learn how to manage my body – go figure!
All i can add Craig is, “I know Brendon Sinclair”
You might tell your friends that they could try to overcome the unflexible gender role they carry in their heads. As Anonymous wrote women took a couple of decades to overcome most of the stereotypes. I believe now it is time that men do the same.
BTW here in Germany more and more fathers take parental leave when their children are born. This was frowned upon 10 years ago. And one anecdote from personal experience: I needed to borrow a power drill last year (I don’t own one but know how to use it) and some of my colleagues made fun of me for not owning one. Apparently a true man (TM) has to have one… Oh, the silly preconceptions some people habe
This is the first time I have come across this site…(recommended to me as I love reading new motivating techniques!) This really hit home to me. Being a woman who is creeping closer to 50…and having been on my own for most of that time, with now two teenage boys, I had no choice but to be a mum…and dad. My boys think I’m a bit of a freak (don’t know if this is a compliment?!)…I just finished painting my house, tiled floors, tiled some walls and put up a rangehood. Also sewed a Darth Vader costume for my younger son before that. Love motorbikes..but unfortunately had to sell my bike to pay for hospital bills when my eldest became ill. :0( Mmm…still haven’t gotten over that one emotionally! I think men feel threatened because I do a lot on my own…only to save money and out of sheer need. Relationships for me have been like train-wrecks so I gave up searching for “Mr Right” long ago. I am content…but sometimes I think I should try and be a bit more feminine. Argh…but I REALLY can’t stand shopping!!! :0)
You sound awesome! There’s plenty of guys out there (somewhere) that appreciate a self-sufficient woman.
I hate shopping too, though I do love owning nice things. So I just shop online instead. Way better
read your post & thought of this website.
http://artofmanliness.com
Disclaimer: I don’t receive anything from this website, they don’t even know that i exist.
lol
Nothing is missing !!!
You are right exactly the way you are and so is the bloke that kills his own dinner. We are all a perfect balance, ying & yang
As Chebbieanne said one develops a skill if there is a need for it. There would be no way that I would bother learning how to turn the compuror on, followed by a whole lot of other techie things ( that are still doing my head in) – if I didn’t recognize the need and the absolute necessity of it in my life.
And for the ‘Should’ brigade…should, according to whose values? So if, in an attempt to be more ‘ manly’- you go and buy yourself a garage full of power tools, and you try and kill your dinner ( just don’t hurt yourself in the process) ,what purpose will it serve.?..are you true to yourself?…Is that really you ? Are the ‘friends’ making fun worth your attention? Do they respect you as you are or is that not ‘manly’ enough?
Do you listen to what other people are saying?
Do you sometimes need help?
Are you nice to look at?
Do you ever have feelings?
Do you shave?
Can you admit when you’re wrong?
If the answers are yes, Congratulations! You’re a person.
Dont stress Craig. You have talents of your own. There are plenty of excellent tradie’s to create and fix whatever you want. Their skills are making and repairing. Your skills are coaching and inspiring.
Oh you are not alone.. My husband would say he was going to fix something around the house and I would say “let’s cut to the chase, you can attempt to fix it and f it up and I will have to call a real tradesman and pay for both the cost the job AND your f up… OR.. I could just call the tradesman now and pay for only the job itself”… I have every tradesman on speed dial.. We all have talents, you can’t be good at everything..
It’s a bit like the reverse of the ‘ladies’ in Little Britain.
“You must know that I am a lady. I press flowers and stroke kittens and swim in rivers wearing dresses and hats.”
It’s all a bit overrated isn’t it?
LMAO.
Hey Craig, I say, Do what you do best and hire experts for the rest!!! It creates less stress!
I understand I am not remotely interested in any sport in a country where sport is worshiped.
Please Don’t Hand Me a Grander Spanna….
because the first (and possibly the last) time I fixed a washer I broke the lever on rhe water meter attempting to turn off the water
Gender socialising also gets up my nose. I cook and clean…and my wife can use a drill and a screwdriver and also mows the lawn
All I can say is tell your so called friends to “)&@?” off. Blokey stuff/girly stuff, what ever, does not define a person. Keep up the great work at being you. Warts and all
can’t change a washer!!! LOL (I thought I was the only one who couldn’t do that!) I can go a step further …. I spent half an hour reading about changing a washer, 30 minutes going to find the RIGHT washer, 20 minutes gathering tools and swearing at how tight taps are put on, ( 30seconds being thankful that I just remembered to turn the water mains off), replaced the washer … put it all back together … congratulated myself … called my wife to see the manly job I did .. F0C#I%G THING STILL DIDN’T WORK!
Don’t even get me started on painting!
It is about self improvement Harps … pull your finger out and learn a few skills … you can’t be totally useless around the house … that’s what I told my wife to do anyway!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!
Doesn’t matter a damn Craig, they can do them and you just do you.
haha
My boyfriend has an epic beard but doesn’t know how to change the oil on his car. Who cares? We all have our talents, why try and be someone you’re not? More to the point, why are we telling you these things? You’re good at the motivational stuff, not us!
Hey Craig, Thanks for the abdominal workout haven’t laghed that hard in a while ( the bit about the fat kid….) The next time someone questions your manliness just rip off your flannette shirt and show them your rock hard abs!
I read in a book, a wife did this to her husband. He pulled his pants down, pointed and said this does not make me a plumber.
My aide at school pointed to our five year old preschooler enthusiastically sweeping the floor and said shell make a good wife miss Curtis. I thought in my head mmm okay and said yes out loud. My daughter was with me n said, usually our men in the house do that. I looked at my aide and said yep, we just aren’t good wife material. In the stereotypical wife way. The men in our house cook, otherwise they wouldn’t get fed.
Lastly, I’m not a DIY person. I know it comes down to budget, but I would rather have a job done probably. That person can do what he is expert in and I then have time to concentrate on bettering what I am trained in n interested in. And I also have wasted a lot of money on equipment n getting my mistakes fixed when I have tried the DIY stuff.
Technology wise I am challenged, but my friend is expert n I am slowly learning more, but wouldn’t have time to do a website etc as it would take me a year compared to an experts time of 2 days. An that would be a waste of my earning power n energy.
I just think you’re time wise with your priorities n that makes you smart. I love smart people. They r hot!!!
I’ve come to the conclusion that we do what we a) have to do, b) what we want to do and c) what we need to do (not necessarily in that order). I live on a farm now but grew up in the city and I have learnt a lot of things regarding farming and associated tasks but sometimes the most simplest things for my man are a hard concept for me to grab, even though he looks at me and thinks “is there a brain in there” and I can assure you, there is and it’s smarter than the average bear. I don’t care if people think I’m an idiot, because some things I do seem so trivial to me are AMAZING to others. Go figure…
It is heartening to know…….you aren’t expert at everything! If you wish to develop more skills in that area, do so, if not I won’t think any less of you and there are many qualified tradies to help!
I have made a plan to develop a few more *handy* skills of my own this year. Vegie gardening since moving back to NZ and having more space of my own is number one. I’ve actually grown some successful vegies, have got them from the garden and am in process of eating them as a base for a meal. I love that!
Happy New Year Craig. As Dr Seuss said: “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter”. Or in agreement with Gideon’s comment – you could just take your shirt off!
If a ‘real man’ must have a shed (man’s cave) full of the most up to date gimmicky tools, what is it that a ‘real woman’ must have, and where does she keep it, in order to demonstrate a balanced state-of-play in the Australian household of heterosexual partners being equal?
When one gets a bit older and wants freedom to relocate to the coast, or travel, what can I do with all of the tools and stuff now? As an old tradesman and farmer, as well as an academic scholar, I recommend that you do what you enjoy doing at any given time, do not worry about whether or not you can also do something else.
Bunnings make a mint out of DIY and tradies make even more fixing DIY Stuff ups! I would choose the tradie, its cheaper in the long run
I’m with Olivia on this one,,, Craig, “should, according to whose values?”
Alpha male. … handyman….unmanly?
Your pearls of motivational wisdom are very handy indeed!!
Thankyou …for your honesty and being you.
Craig,
and this blog made me do just that. Thanks and hey I’m looking forward to an installment on how your “man skills” progress goes. Good luck xx
I love it when you make me smile
Anon – fantastic point – It seems we are in need of a man lib movement.
Sorry Craig, going to have to pull you up on this one. The funny thing is, it would have taken the same amount of time to learn how to change a tap washer than to write this blog entry!
You have raised many issues, but I will concentrate on one – you seem to have established a negative viewpoint that you simply can’t do it – and that’s how it’s going to stay.
Having been born to a tradesman, I didn’t pick up any of the “handy-man” genes, in fact I’m useless with my hands and am a fully qualified desk jockey. But with persistence, I learnt how to paint, install wooden flooring, decking, paving and finished off most tasks when building our new house.
In fact I know a perfect example on how the right attitude towards an issue can result in wonders. It’s about a personal trainer who had no clue about the internet and social media, but now runs a successful web site
So go for it and learn some new skills for 2013! (Having a mentor will make it a lot easier though, thanks Dad!…)
Just got home and read this, Nup your gay.
Love you.
You should know.
Sweetie…