Today’s the day when you do the work and I lie in my hammock. I like this day. 
Looking For Me
Okay, if that’s not me in the mirror, then who the heck is it? Or perhaps, what is it? All of a sudden I feel a little creeped out. Well, if it’s not me, is it part of me? And if it is part of me, exactly how much of me is it? Ten percent? fifty? Ninety? Does it matter? Can it be more or less of me depending on what’s happening with the rest of me? Whatever (and wherever) the rest of me is. Maybe my body is not me at all (zero percent); perhaps it’s just the place that ‘me’ (whoever that is) lives.
I know, I’m confused too.
Then Who’s That in the Mirror?
Good grief, this “finding my authentic self” thing is not nearly as easy as I had imagined it to be. I don’t even know where to start looking. If I’m not my body and if the reflection I see in the mirror is not me, then who am I and where am I? Am I my thoughts. My personality? My nature? My ideas? My work? Values? Beliefs? Achievements? Perhaps I’m all of it. Some of it. Or maybe none of it. Perhaps I am the awareness that recognises what I am not.
Or perhaps I’m a highly evolved spiritual being having a momentary physical pit stop down here on the big blue ball. But then again perhaps this physical dimension is all there is? Perhaps I’ve never even met me. The me I could be. Or should be. What does should mean anyway? Perhaps my authentic self has never been given a voice. Perhaps I’ve ignored him and built a pseudo-me? Looks like Craig but isn’t.
Craig… ish.
So, I have only two questions for your consideration, dissection, exploration and discussion today but they are doozies:
1. Where do we find our authentic self?
2. What does the term authentic self mean?
Please help a brother out 
*I’ll send a craigharper.com.au shirt to the three people who teach (enlighten, amuse, inspire, surprise) me the most…
xx
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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
You’re right, Craig – these are big points to ponder at the end of a long day!
But I’ll keep my answer simple.
1. I think our authentic self is that little quiet voice which some may refer to as our “subconscious”. It speaks so quietly that some who have minds that are full of shouty self-doubt and messy spaghetti can’t even hear it most of the time, but in the rare moments it is heard, it inevitably tells us the wisest and most productive course to follow.
2. I think the term “authentic self” can mean lots of different things to lots of different people, but the first thing that popped into my head was that it’s self that we are before the ages of five to seven, before the world gets hold of us and tries to warp us into something, someone that we are not. It’s a self still in touch with what and who it is and operating on the inner wisdom which I believe is given to us at birth.
I think the responses to this topic are going to make great reading! xx
My T-shirt please!
My comments are getting shorter by the hour, so today I decided to get straight to the point.
I think, I think we’re still that 4 year old with the wide open mind and a habit of playing in large cardboard boxes. I can feel the 5 year old in me, when I’m alone and thinking about this sort of thing, I can trace the me-ness right back to the earliest memory. Who am I? Oh, there I am. I’m also the 16 year old brat, the 25 year old mother, and so, all the way to here and now. My tastes have changed. My experiences have coloured my values. I am the sum of my memories, my feelings, my thoughts and my actions.
hmm authentic self where to find it and what does authentic self mean?
I wonder if our authentic self is the person we were born to be before self doubt, loathing,conditioning and other factors became a cancer to us and hid it from view.
did we love ourselves before we were told that to do so was to be “up oneself, selfish,conceited,etc”
I like how Dr Phil describes children has being a blank board upon our parents,friends, relatives write things that go on to define who we are.
But in saying that, it might be written on a board but it isnt written in stone and we dont have to accept others opinion of what we should be or who we are. I have a saying ” my fat is part of me, but it isnt all of me” and those who can only see the fat lose out on meeting the real me.
I guess the term “authentic self” and what it means is going back to our basic beliefs and how we were before events moulded us to what we are today.
If we strip away the shoulds and have to’s of this world i guess we would find the Iam’s and be able to say I am fat,jealous,envious etc this is me and how i am like me or lump me but I wont be changing to please you because I am important to me.
Does that make sense?
Maybe I’ll go in the back door here and talk about the reverse of an authentic self.
This guy I know is 45 years old. For all his life, he’s been living as someone he’s not. He’s gay, but couldn’t ever bring himself to “admit” it to his mother.
She recently died, and you never saw someone come crashing out of the closet faster than my friend.
So, I thought his wasted years of living as inauthentically as one possibly could were a good illustration of the following points:
1. The term authentic self means Who You Really Are.
Some of us can find our authentic self behind the social and professional masks we wear.
2. How to be your authentic self?
Figure out who you are.
Be that person.
We only get so much time to enjoy ourselves.
One more thing, on whether our bodies ARE us:
Epictetus said,
“You are a little soul, carrying around a corpse.”
Have a really authentic day
Authentic Self would be the self in harmony with ones values, life purpose and true to oneself.
Hi Craig
I’ve just found my authentic Self. From within is where that journey towards Spirit/Soul starts. It is one’s own truth and summed up perfectly like this:
I am not the body
I am not the emotion
I am not the thought
I am not the mind
I AM THE SOUL
I am a spiritual being of
Divine Intelligence
Divine Love
Divine Power
I am one with my higher Soul
I AM WHO I AM
I am one with the Divine Spark within me
I am a child of God
I am connected with God
I am one with God
I am one with ALL
I AM WHO I AM
1. Where do we find our authentic self?
I think we all know exactly where to find our authentic self. It presents itself as our deepest desires and most daring dreams.
2. What does the term authentic self mean? It means living our lives, pursuing goals, dreams, lovers and whatever else captures our hearts and minds without fear.
In a nutshell I think our authentic self is who we are minus fear.
Oh Wise One,
The answer is in the question.
The authentic self cannot be found like keys lost behind the sofa because the authentic self is the searcher – he or she who seeks enlightenment.
There was no ‘golden age’ of authenticity during childhood which has been lost or taken because the authentic self is dynamic – it is forever learning, evolving, changing, stretching and contracting.
The moment we think we’ve nailed it is the moment we have given in to pretence and superficiality.
So it’s ok to not know what it is or to never find it because that’s the whole point.
Christina xxx
when i look in the mirror i see a really beautiful woman (58yrs old!). Failing Sight ? yes i wear glasses but NOT when i look in the mirror so i see no wrinkles OR do i see any wrinkles in anyone else. some say i look through rose coloured glasses and I’M FINE WITH THAT. I like what i see everywhere, everyone looks fabulous like me! My authentic self is the person who looks back at me and i see ALL the wonderful things i have achieved and the amazing family around me (5 daughters and 7 grandchildren), the warts are just fine too. I am not wealthy by financial standards and my life has been striken with lots of pain and grief, but I am rich with Life’s lessons learned (been b. hard at times – those lessons !) i learn everyday, often from Craig. I just love my life and my authentic self, maynot be perfect but it’s perfect for me !
Authentic self could be something within in us that has many dimensions, facets and aspects.
To find and know our authentic self, we must search and practice. Some of us may even need a pilgrimage to find ‘us’. When one thinks of the religions of the world, the people of those religions do not just know themselves or their god, they search. I think it is like that for us. Another example of who we find and know our authentic sefl is that the process may be like an elastic band – we stretch and find a part of our authentic self, but then we are pulled away by ‘stuff’. I think to begin to stretch our elastic band and find our authentic self, we must question with humility and express gratefullness of the wonder that we already are! From there, the journey begins.
I think the authentic self is that quiet person that speaks to us, reminds us quietly whether we are doing what we should be at a soul level. It is accessed by listening to what in our heart we know is right. Sometimes we choose to ignore it. I think when life is flowing as it should we are operating from our authentic self. When we feel constantly railroaded and blocked we are not operating from the authentic self.
Hi Craig,
While questions like this are too deep for me – they do my head in – I have been pondering this kind of stuff lately.
Am I the me I want to be, or the me others want me to be?
We all play a role, whether we like it or not. And that role changes depening on our circumstances, surroundings, who we’re with etc.
Finding the authentic me is about challenging my self-beliefs – I used to think because I didn’t have some letters after my name and didn’t make as much money as my friends that I wasn’t smart/good enough. And I played that part – the dumb(ish) blonde. Now I know better.
I think the authentic me is the person I want to be, but like Christina says, it’s not a stagnant, set me … it’s a growing, evolving, learning, changing me.
So I may never know her.
I am not my thoughts, my body, my income (thank goodness), my social standing, my actions.
I am just me. And I may never truly find the authentic me.
But, like you often say Craig, it’s more about the journey than the destination.
Em
( ) x
I struggle with words and labels sometimes as to me a lot of them are just words with no meaning for me(Although the dictionary says they have a meaning)
This is one of those times although i feel i want to write something.
1. Where do we find our authentic self?
I believe we don’t go or stop looking, we allow it to show itself.
2. What does the term authentic self mean?
When we think we can describe it in words, That’s not it!
P.S Nice to meet you Craig (Had coffee in Brissy with you) and you can pass on I actually really liked meeting and talking to John.
I think you meet your authentic self in very still moments- usually these moments are marked by silence and immense joy….. everything else is onion skin upon another…. Ego, thoughts words, things, emotions………. the whole toss up.
Hi Craig,
Don’t think this response will be at amusing or even inspiring but I guess it ‘s just a little of what I have learnt in the last 18 months. I need to put the 18 months ‘bit’ in context because I have been alive for a lot longer than that… 18 months ago I had to step away from my full time job which was stressful and no longer satisfying. I also left my marriage, so you can get a sense of how troubled I was. That period started the beginning of a period of reconnection with myself. Previously I had been the sum of my achievements, my body, my job and what others thought of me. There were times when I felt great because all of these areas were ‘firing’ but it was also a shaky way to survive and very ego driven.
The first 6 months I concentrated on getting physically and emotionally well and for the first time in a long time I had the space to concentrate on me. I had always been drawn to the idea of meditation and the universe helped out by leading me to a course which I booked into and startd on the same day. That was the beginning of coming to know that I was more than my body, more than my job, more than my limitations and more than my thoughts. In the stillness that I had craved and experienced in meditation, there was a part of me that recognised my thoughts coming and going, so therefore, I was more than my thoughts. It was as if there was an ‘observer’ which I now identify as my spirit who witnessed it all but needed some calm and space to be able to connect with the rest of me. It has been an amazing journey and my message is this:slow down a little. If you want to know your authentic self you have to go within, ask the question ‘who am I” and just listen for the response. You may not get the answers instantaneously but being willing to ask and discover is the key to knowing. Knowing your authentic self is a lifetimes worth of work and I am so much happier for having taken even a few steps towards knowing the ‘real’ me.
Thanks for your regular doses of CH wisdom.
All the best
Helen
Your Authentic Self is all of the above and none of the above (as you mentioned in your email)….It’s not about finding something looking for something under a stone it’s about being in the present, not pretending to be something, look a certain way, act a certain etc etc…. Being present in the flesh, mind, spirit, soul just be you without trying to be something or not something.
Just stop trying and just be…being authentic is being you warts & all. We can still strive to better our selves and all those kind of things. I’m 94kg, I lost 30kg put it all back on….I keep trying to be a skinny person not a fat person, why? that is not who I am, my weight does not define me.
So stopping trying to be a skinny person, stop trying to be a fat person and so regardless of what size I am and just be me…which is made of an infinate & ever changing environment, by the people I meet, interact with, things I reed, see…..
Take a deep breath & be. You will soon recognise by feeling, sight & intuition your Authentic Self…..
We try so hard in this world to fit in with others, worried what they will think, have I done this right, what if I do it this way….we try so hard to be something others expect no wonder we look in the mirror & don’t recognise ourselves. What you see in the mirror is real, we just spend all day fighting it no wonder we don’t recognise it anymore.
Enjoy the day…
Cheers
Mich
Hi Craig, Doozy of a question! My first answer is we find ourselves in each moment our heart sings, the more it sings the more we chip away at the things that are not us – beliefs, mindsets, whatever it is we have in the mind. Our heart is a true reflection of us all, and at this stage on my journey I believe the only place were my authentic self lives. Thanks for listening xx
If you go around telling people this is your authentic self you are likely to get sneers and told you are a liar. This is something only the self knows. I mean you could be a saint but one person you might offend and to them your authentic self is horrible.
Our heart is a true reflection of us all, granted, but some’s hearts are as black as coal. Is there peace if we are authentic. I don’t believe so.
Michelle nails it – just be self that is authentic. Well said Michelle.
your authentic self is what comes out during difficult times – tragedy – heartbreak. this is when you discover what is important and who you are by the way you whether you create positives out of your situation or react with negativity. when the going gets tough – hmm thats when the truth comes out about who you really are. ouch – my brain hurts xx
Ahh well I can tell you one thing for sure you will not find your authentic self in the mirror!
Authentic means to be trustworthy, genuine and reliant it does not mean to live in gaga land on a mountain and meditate as this my friend is denial of reality … Authenticity is to conform to facts… which could be misinerpretted to meant to conform to someone elses beliefs but this is not so it means to accept reality ie… too much energy in = extra fat.. that simple!
So to find ones authentic self I believe you need only delve into your own heart.. where it is either right or wrong, where you enjoy it or not, this is where we dont conform to the masses but rather trust in the one truth of our beating heart! One and once we begin to live in alignment with this we do become trustworthy, genuine and reliant and we find our TRUE authenticity.
So to truly find our authentic self I believe we live this daily and when we do, do something against ‘our’ heart (which differs from person to person) we go to correct it as best we can, we follow the signs and listen to those wispers as they are true guidance.
We were all meant to make music and music has many different beats but when we do hit the right notes the best music is made and heard everywhere..
To stand looking at my image in a mirror and seriously question ‘who on earth are you?’ during recent months – I realised my overt behaviours to please all, constantly seek approval / achievement, love and perfection were totally going against the grain of my authentic self – to a very harmful extent.
I found that getting in touch with me (my values, ideas, interests etc) and how I feel about my behaviours, choices & decisions first – then looking at how I need, want or have to interact with others – allowed me to factor my ‘authentic self’ in – it isn’t about me above all others – it’s about me as an important and relevant factor in amongst all things – learning how to do this has been difficult and fascinating. I’m still not great at it – and I’m making some previously ‘pleased’ people a little unhappy – but its feels a little like a kid who’s just had the training wheels taken off their bike and their parent has just let go of the back of the seat for the first time ………
I think the location of the self is unknown – physiologically speaking – maybe it and our mind are hanging out together somewhere – maybe they’re one and the same – playing a game of hide-and-go-seek somewhere within us?
Hi Guys
It’s hard to see my computer screen from way over here in my hammock (and even harder to type with this six foot stick) but I’m loving what I’m reading. So much to ponder, consider, digest and learn. All this collective wisdom and insight is much more interesting than another day of me!
xx
Hi Craig,
First of all it was great to meet you (and a bunch of Craig Harper groupies) in Brisbane recently. What a nice bunch of people to spend an evening with. Thanks for the opportunity.
Secondly, I think we find our authentic selves whenever we look below the surface of our personalities and our conditioned behaviours. We find it in the shared wisdom of others, the Eckardt Tolles or Byron Katies of the world. We find it in the moment we truly connect with others and find ourselves wondering “where do I stop and the other person starts”? And maybe we also find it IN the personality… doesn’t that make us who we are also?
And thirdly, and this is a bit of an embarassing confession, I never really know who I am. Every day I look in the mirror I see someone who looks familiar yet different. So I think the term “authentic self” is just the one who is present on the day, the one who is true in each moment. She is the one without the ego, who turns up occassionally and shares her wisdom and her love with who ever is around in that moment. She is also the one with the ego, who is sometimes heartbroken or determined or happy to take on the world.
Craig, I think the fun of the authentic self is in the looking… Happy hunting
Goodness you are doing my head in Craig!
Regarding authentic self I agree with Joy and Gail. Our authentic self is the innocent child around 4 or 5- before the fear and doubts creep in. Before we ate too much or too little,but ate because we were hungry. Before we had to force ourselves to exercise but did it for the sheer joy and fun of it. Before we thought about making friends, just did it. When we didn’t notice that the other kid was a different colour or shape to us.
When we skipped and ran and picked daisies and made daisy chains without thinking about what anyone thought or if it was the right thing to do.
I don’t wish to offend anyone but I don’t believe that we are being our “authentic” selves if we are 20-30kgs over or under weight as we must still be using/ refusing food to deal with our emotions rather than dealing with and accepting them. We create our “non-authentic” selves nobody else.
I hope you’ve got your 30+ on Craigo …
( ) x
Hi Craig
My authentic self is far from perfect, as is anyone’s I presume, so if I lose the judgement of myself and of others, I find a kind of peacefulness – which is authentic (in a selfish kind of way!)
My authentic self is sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes happy, sometimes sad – hey, that rhymes
By the way, the image of you sitting in your hammock typing with a six foot stick…very funny (and the degree of difficulty is astounding!)
Love Jac xo
(yes, this is my first time – very long time lurker!)
Hey Craig,
Three easy steps
1 Sit down
2 Shut up
3 Listen
Cheers Janine
P.S I mean that in a nurturing sense of course
finding and keeping our authantic selfs is hard in a world where you have to wear the right makeup, wear the right clothes,shop at the right shops and so on. We are constantly bombarded with all these things telling us that how we are isnt ok.
Accepting that our hair is straight,curly etc is how we are and i think that if we want to change any part of us then it is up to us and not because we should or someone said so. the same goes with our bodies we are the ones living in it and therefore we are the ones who can decide its fate not those around us, but we must also be aware that we accept any consequences that may happen to us cause our bodies are a particular way.
Only when we can slience the oustside influences can we then connect to our authentic selfs and achieve who we are and want to be.
LoL one day my authentic self will learn to spell as well:P
Authentic :-
Trustwothy, entitled to acceptance, genuine
Self :-
Person or things own individuality
Authentic self, the person one perceives or is to be perceived to be a genuine individual.
You think way to much for a bloke. Love you mate.
That’s because I’m thirty percent female Vincent.
Love you too
Aww … that’s so cute guys!!!
Hey Em from Gem, Craig 30% female, Cute can be used in association with him. Cute and Vin are not to be associated in the same sentence. My testosterone level doesn’t allow it.
Authenticity is about being true to yourself. All the elements of our lives are a reflection of parts of us. For me, my roles as a wife and mother (daughter, sister, friend . . ) are part of who I am and determined by things that are important to me. I cannot separate from this. My career does not define me, but it reflects a fairly substantial part of me – perhaps this was because I stopped denying it and listened to the small, still voice guiding me into teaching. So each day I go to work knowing that I am doing what I was called to and loving it. When I give priority in my life to things that matter to me, such as exercise, it is a reflection of my authentic self. Who I am, my authentic self, is the sum of the things I do, say and believe, whether these things are positive or negative.
So, I do think that we can find our authentic self when we look in the mirror. It’s not the outward appearance, but when you look deep into your own eyes and connect honestly with the soul within. That’s authentic!
I think when we look at authenticity we need to look at little children. What are their character traits:
They love unconditionally
They trust implicitly
They are fearless
They do not doubt their abilities or question possibilities
Then life happens and as we grow doubt, fear, failure, insecurity, shame, etc etc form the building blocks of the conditioned self. Somewhere on this journey through life, be it as a result of trauma or children growing up and leaving home or simply reaching a place of questioning ‘is this it’ that leads us to the question – who am I?
I believe that the root of this question stems from – what is my purpose? Something deep within us begins to stir and it is the spiritual side which is pushing through alerting us to the fact that we were born for a purpose and that our authent self needs to reconnecting to out power source – the living God who created us. Authenically we are spiritual beings with a divine purpose !!!!
Cheers
Cheryl
p.s. special hug for Johnny ( ) just felt he needed one today
I love Maria’s response – if only we could all possess that attitude! Well… we can, if we choose to
xxx
She deserves a t-shirt!
Why do we think we should strive to be something we think we aren’t?
Is this the mission of my life…to believe I should be something I am not?
What is an authentic self?
It is just words, comparison and thought, an image conjured!
So why should I chase an image that is based on comparison and too much wayward thinking?
And if I achieve it, then what?
A new definition of the authentic self to keep chasing ’cause the ole one didn’t fit, or someone has told me there is a better way.
So maybe something lies beyond the realisation that living a life comparing me now to where I want to be, is none other than a dog chasing it’s tail!
Something powerful arises when the comparison of who and what my “I” IS dissipates…..don’t for one moment consider that this is what I am looking for…for comparison will bring back …woof woof!
Read some of the humanists, like Carl Rogers and Maslow. You may also find M Scott Peck illuminating.
Personally, I would recommend journeying inwards in search of the authentic self. You know (and I’d bet you actually do)… that essence of you without all the layers of “others” accumulated around your core self since birth. From day dot, others project their own image onto us. We have to dig deep to find out who we were, authentically, originally, uniquely, before that process began.
Very good question is:
WHAT DO I HAVE TO ASK to find/to get/to have … (whatever) – ask it to God. As often as needed. Very helpful. “What do i have to ask, God, to get to my authentic self…
i agree that our authentic self lies underneath our defenses… (http://209.85.129.132/search?q=cache:XlpYEj-5leQJ:www.awomansjourney.com/sacredyes.html+authentic+self+yes&cd=1&hl=lv&ct=clnk&gl=lv).
There are positive and negative contracts. Positive contracts are those relationships with other, that support us with love, belief in us etc. Negative contracts are the oposite.
We lose our authentic self in negative contracts (relationships that are hard, that frightens us or otherwise makes us to defend, to hide vulnerable parts of our being). Negative contracts are those, that can be solved through surrender – we get our (hidden) authentic self back through surrender.
Obstacles are meant to be such as they are. We are the ones, who has to change or better to say – to surrender… . Not obstacles.
Wish you success.
I am looking for my authentic self too…
Good luck.
Authentic self is a place where you are THE ONLY king. And you find this place by finding out what would you want to do with your life, with your time, with all possible opportunities if there were nobody whom to please by your side – if you were realy on your own. Because that is unique and nobody will be concurrent to you – YOUR CHOICE WILL BE UNIQUE because you are unique and that`s what makes you free.
People, who don`t know their authentic self, can`t stand being on their own… – they have no idea what to do with their time, with life, they don`t understand why to live, WHAT TO DO WITH LIFE. They have no their own desires. They have always fulfilled desires of others. They feel lost when they are on their own. That`s why they need allways someone by side… – they are afraid to be with the unknown part of themselves. They are not independent. They are not as such – in fact they don`t exist. They are pretending to exist.
Ask God what do you have to ask from Him to find out how does that unknown part look and feel like… Ask God what do you have to ask to find out what would you want to do with your life, with your time, with all possible opportunities if you were truly on your own…