Good Morning Grasshoppers
As most of you know, Thursday is the day of the week when I leave the cyber-class room (or maybe stand up the back for a while) and hand over the teaching duties to ya’ll.
Normally I would come up with a topic for consideration, dissection and discussion but today I’ve decided to publish an email I received from the never-short-of-a-word 
(but much-loved) Christina, who is a regular here at me-dot-com. Her experience, thoughts, feelings and questions are not uncommon, so I thought her email might warrant a little group discussion and exploration. As always, feel free to share your thoughts with the rest of us; even you chronically-scared, long-term lurkers hiding out there in the cyber-shadows. We don’t bite. There is no right or wrong here; only opinions. Here we go..
Dear Craig,
Now what?
As I approach the last five kilos of my weight loss (always the most difficult), I’m starting to think about how I can make the changes stick. I know there are other people who will also have had significant losses and may be pondering the same question. I’ve identified a few obstacles in my path in the hope that knowing my enemy will help me to defeat it once and for all:
- I still feel like a fat chick wearing a thin suit. I seem to have a lot of trouble making a mental shift in line with my new body. Last week, I complained to my trainer that my stomach had become ‘lumpy’. She pointed out that the lumps were my abdominal muscles beginning to show through now that the fat had gone (I think she also laughed and called me an idiot). I’m afraid that if I continue to think like a fat person, I’ll eventually revert to behaving like a fat person. Compliments don’t seem to do the trick, unfortunately. How does one adjust the mental image to fit the new physical reality?
- A passing fad. Everyone around me seems to think that this is just a ‘health kick’ that I’m temporarily on and eventually I’ll give up and become ‘fun’ again. Sadly, peer group pressure is not the exclusive domain of pimply teenagers. I haven’t had an alcoholic drink since June and at a dinner party on Saturday night I was asked to give a firm date as to when I will start drinking again – evidently I’m not that much fun without a few champagnes (and I thought I had a natural charm and wit even when sober – my mistake, clearly). I’m not even sure that I want to start drinking again. Ever. Weird. I really haven’t missed it that much and it seems pointless to start again, just to fit in.
- The same is true for food too. Why do people get offended when you won’t eat rubbish in front of them? The disapproval at the weekly staff morning tea is palpable. Some people seem to believe that you think you’re better than them if you treat your body with a little respect. Isn’t that bizarre? We all know that in Australia being seen as having ‘tickets on yourself’ is social suicide. How does one swim against the obesity tide without coming across as a pompous git?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m not complaining or making excuses (because we all know how well you cope with that approach), I would just like some mental weapons in my arsenal so I can launch a pre-emptive strike before the enemy launches its counter-attack.
Christina 
xxx
Okay, now it’s your turn to share your thoughts, ideas and suggestions. You know the drill. I have some ideas (natch) on Christina’s questions so I’ll be interested to read what you guys think and to see if we’re on the same page. FYI, our winners of free stuff from last week are Tami B, Pete and Roz Rice. If you guys can email Johnnie your postal details, he’ll send you something spesh in the mail. And yes, next Thursday I’ll do the same (for comments on today’s post).
Ciao xx
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Christina, oh yeah and what was your name again, Craig something,
Can’t remember who said it right now, but those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. I think it was Dr Seuss. If people think you’re on a health kick or think you should eat some junk they are eating, they have every right to think that and you have every right to IGNORE them and get on with your new healthy lifestyle. Don’t inflict your personal views on others and you can’t seem pompous. I mean the office gals will probably get upset when you say, “No thanks I won’t have any cake because I don’t want to be fat and unhealthy like you ugly skanks,” but only an unreasonable git could get upset at a simple “No thanks” with no further comment.
One of the forward movements I have made in the last year is that I’ve stopped being so precious about getting everyone’s approval. People sometimes want to force their crap on you because then they feel less guilty about doing it themselves. I’ve been a vegetarian for over a year and my hubby still buys beef burgers from Maccas and offers them to me. Sensitive? No. Bother me? Used to drive me insane. Now I know he wants to feel better about himself putting that garbage in his mouth and so he wants me to fold so he feels less personal guilt. You know what Christina? I’m not gonna fold and it has been a long time since I was even tempted to put that carcinogenic rubbish into my temple and if that makes him feel like a tool, good, because he’s being a tool when he does it. And if your work mates are trying to force you to ‘break’ don’t be angry at them, feel pity for them, they’re not as strong and determined as you.
Good luck sweetheart,
Jo
Privation is not the answer. Relapses feed upon frustration and lack of freedom. You never yearn for something as ardently and painfully as when it is denied you. Liberty lies in moderation.
Naturae hominis talis est (feel free to correct my Latin, if you dare offend a lady).
In regards to the food and alcohol thing – I’d start thinking along the lines of if they have a problem with you not eating and drinking that rubbish then it is their problem and not yours. I would also start being honest and a bit blunt I suppose and saying things like oh I don’t eat that rubbish anymore
I know the whole not drinking alcohol thing is quite hard for others to comprehend. I find again just being straight up front honest about the whole thing much easier and then you can get on with enjoying the event. Having said that, I’ve noticed a bit of social isolation being from the drinking capital (Darwin!!!!!!!!!).
Hi Christina,
I’ve been subjected to several quite heated discussions with a neighbour (while out socialising) about the fact that I don’t drink alcohol. Apparently I “need” it in order to relax and enjoy myself… hmmm !! Well, I’m not the one who wakes up with a sore head the next day, and I always remember what a good time I had on the night… and I DO have a good time. Strange, that !!
Stick to your guns, just say “no thanks” and let them get on with their rubbish. You’ll be the happy, healthy one !
It matters much more what YOU think of yourself than what others think about you. Alot of folks are highly resistant to change and do feel threatened by it, even by changes in others. Stick to it! They will, in time, grudgingly admire you and accept the new you. And if don’t, it’s their problem, not yours. Keep your answers brief and polite. “I’m really not sure when I will start drinking again, why do you ask?” If anyone is rude enough to tell you that you are more fun drunk, then maybe they are not such a good friend, after all. You may want to expand your group of friends to include some who are into a healthy lifestyle and will be supportive.
As far as the “thin suit” thing, just keep telling yourself over and over again how wonderful you feel and look and how great it is that you are taking care of yourself. It will take time for your mental picture of yourself to evolve as well.
Well done Christina on only having 5kg to go!! What an achievement, you should be so proud!
I’ve been at my goal weight for nearly four years and I still feel like a fat chick in a thin suit sometimes. When I showed up to my half marathon a few weeks ago I kept looking around at the fit people stretching and warming up, and even though I had trained very hard and was wearing size S clothes, I felt like a bit of an elephant and I kept thinking “what am I doing here…these people are all so fit and healthy! I don’t belong here!” But I ended up running and finishing that half marathon – so I must be fit and healthy
I think it takes a while for it to sink in that you aren’t overweight anymore. It takes a while to change those ways of thinking. The best advice I can give is to work on loving and appreciating yourself, and cultivating your self esteem, because that is really what positivity and confidence grows from. I know that can be hard if for a long time you felt (and in my case, was told!) that you were a fat chick, but it will happen! Revel in all the wonderful results and changes in your life! What you’ve worked for and achieved is real. While you’ll no doubt be feeling the high of reaching your weight loss goals, keep cultivating the positivity and loving behaviours in your life because in the years ahead it can be hard work to keep the momentum of that happy ending going. If you’ve built up a healthy self esteem in the meantime it makes it easier 
And keep challenging yourself with your fitness too – that’s something that really helped the new healthy thin me sink in!!
As for the other things you mentioned- sadly I think anyone who has succeeded with lifestyle change has experienced this. Jo is spot on, people will often be a bit forceful or make you out to be a “party pooper” so they can assuage their own guilt for overindulging, or sometimes, in the case of some of my family members, they think that you rejecting food they’ve made means that you’re actually rejecting them! I’ve found that if you don’t make a fuss or draw attention to what you’re doing (or not doing), most people won’t even notice. If anyone kicks up a stink to a polite “no thanks”, well, it really is their problem.
People who accuse you of “having tickets on yourself” tend to be rather insecure in themselves – unfortunately, whenever you succeed in life, or are seen to be doing something positive for yourself, there are going to be a couple of people who aren’t happy for you and will try and drag you down. But these don’t tend to be the happiest people on the planet, do they?
A (so-called) friend of mine was heard describing me as having “swapped a big body for a big ego” which was very hurtful. Yeah, we know that it’s jealousy or their own insecurities coming out, but it still stings. I really don’t know why people behave like this – if I had the answer it might have saved me a lot of heartache over the years!! You’ve just got to try and rise above it.
Change only happens when we are becoming who we truly are. Despite the people who want to know when you’ll be “fun” again (how rude!), I’m sure you have loads of people in your life who are proud of you for having made these changes and achieving your goals! Give your time and energy to those people.
Best of luck with the final 5!
Christina – Wow!! Role model potential! Stay strong in yourself and to your own beliefs and values. Individualism is all about the choices we make for ourselves, not for others and vice versa. I think that the majority of people secretly want you to succeed, because if you can do it against the odds, eventually they can too, if they so choose.
I do think that it is important to respect other people’s choices for themselves, however “wrong” we believe their choice to be – we can only be true to our own, whatever that may be.
In choosing to have pride in ourselves and being happy with our own choices I believe to be a far better option than to feel negatively towards others for choosing differently. You could always thank them for challenging you, because every victory on your journey will strengthen your further AND not only gain your own self-respect, but also the respect from others (whether they admit it or not)!!.
Power to you -
Debbie
No helpful comment, but I just wanted to say ‘snap’. Im having these issues myself, not so much with the people around me who are all happy for my changes, but more for my thinking of myself as a huge waddling blimp still……how can I adjust my dysmorphic thinking. I too want to enjoy my new body (as much as my husband does ;o) ) without faulting it all the time.
I am pondering the exact same questions, so I’m un-lurking over here to say congratulations on having shed the fat suit. I will read these comments with great interest!
I heard somewhere that “What people think of you is none of your business!” and found that saying to be quite liberating! I used to be an awfully self-conscious fat girl, and as I’m slimming down and getting fitter I also work a lot on growing a thicker skin and a more balanced “me”.
I practice not minding what I think people think about me and to be aware of my choices and “own” them. If I do what really want to do, people will slowly learn to expect that of me. We are creatures of habit after all.
We all want to fit in, and sometimes we can find a fitter crowd to hang out with. I’ve noticed I tend to spend more time with my more active friends. Some of those who are inactive (like I used to be) ask me what the secret is, and I have had some success motivating them to move more, but I’m wary of coming around as pompous and pontificating, so I don’t talk about weight-loss and fitness until _asked_.
I’m lucky enough that my partner has been motivated to change lifestyle along with me, so haven’t had trouble with sabotage from my close family.
I do allow myself a little bit of “junk”/alcohol at parties (in moderation), so the change in my behaviour from my friends point of view at parties is not that great. The inner change and awareness in me is greater.
Good luck with the last 5 kilos and the inner awareness and mental shift to become a fit girl!
- Marit
Christina, firstly congratulations on losing in the first place.I guess when you have been a big girl for so long you look at yourself with “fat eyes” and have been conditioned to do this. but now the fat is going or nearly gone and your eyes and mind just havent caught up with it as yet.
Sadly, as i have found when you do nothing you fit in so well but the minute you change you confront others with the visable knowledge that change can happen and if you can do it then so can they. You are the reminder that they need to get of their “buts” and do something. Another sad fact, when confronted with the truth most will avoid or try to cover it up, and saying your now “boring” is there way of wanting you to reconform to their unhealthy “fat” ways and therefore dont have to change.
As for the drinking there are many mocktails that are around so you can look like your drinking but your not.
Stand your ground, those who are your real friends will stick around and those who arent will go and arent any real loss.
There is a a saying ” when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window” so hang in there and dont surrender yourself to them.
The peer pressure thing used to drive me mad. After six years of living a healthy lifestyle, the people who know me have stopped asking “are you on a diet?” or pressing me to share their suicidal urges to stuff their faces with crap. I don’t criticise THEM and they leave me alone.
It really is all about THEM and their feelings of guilt or inadequacy or failure, or whatever. You’re proving to them that all their excuses for failing to improve their physique or health are exactly that – excuses. All you can do is just go about your business without being all holier-than-thou, and eventually they’ll have to accept the new you.
As for the fat-chick-in-thin-suit thing, that’s going to take time. You could try some affirmations, visualisation techniques, stuff like that, to hasten the process maybe, but be patient.
And once you no longer have a weight loss goal to work towards, find something else to aim for to keep you focused and motivated. A sport or fitness goal, maybe? My motto became: “Act like an athlete and one day you’ll feel like an athlete”. It took some work, but I can (mostly) wear the label comfortably now. In fact, I have the word ATHLETE printed in huge letters, stuck to the wall next to my desk to remind me….
Good luck, Christina!
Morning All,
I hear you Christina!
In fact I could be you…
I so agree with the above posts, especially the one about your eyes and mind not quite being caught up with your body. Funny how even though I am trying on S size clothing or 8 – 10 I still “see” the size 14 me in the mirror. For the first time in my life, while in the shower and soaping up {no funny ideas please people} I can feel bone and muscle, not just mounds of fat….very weird! My sister tells me this is normal, God bless her.
To those “friends” that give you grief I have one thought for you.
Have you noticed that the ones who comment most {loudly and are generally rude} are the ones that could do with losing a few kilos {generally around 10 – 20} themselves…really think about that! The “skinny” /fit friends don’t say anything or just tell you you look good! The ones that comment on the drinking are the ones who should have stopped drinking the chardy a bottle or two ago.
Enjoy your new bod, be proud, you’ve come a long way.
Can you really picture yourself trying on larger clothing again? I know I can’t and I won’t! Uh uh…that fat chick ain’t coming back, let me tell you. I love trying on clothes that fit, not clothes that I have to squeeze into wondering “does my bum look big in that?”.
Hell…size 8…my butt rocks!!!!!
Have a good one people
Hey Christina and Craig!
Christina, you are already doing better because you know better!
It is very courageous of you to identify and accept what is really going on around you. When we can all look take a leaf from your book and look honestly at what is really going on, we can let go of fighting it and the temptation of reverting back in order to be like others and move forward to the new and improved you – what a release!
Remember their comments directed at you are really about their insecurities, so leave them where they belong with them!
Proud of you, stay true to yourself, because YOU CAN DO IT!
love Mary Anne from Moe x
Hello
Th first thing I want to say is “don’t you dare”
None of what you have written here actually sounds like your problem. The reason people disapprove is because they can’t say no to the donuts or beer or 10 themselves. (Deep down they admire you but for some strange reason in the world people like to take the p!ss rather than say I admire you)
By trimming FAT from your body your actually trimming unhealthy FAT (Unhealthy people, habits, relationships etc) from your life which is why you are asking yourself these question?
Stay true to you and good friends/relationships will follow.
Hi Christina.. Well done on your achievements to date. I am familiar with that sense of fear that begins to build as you wonder how in the hell you are going to maintain the positive mental attitude that you developed in order to achieve your goals.
Your story may well be my own at this point in time. I have 6.3 kilos to goal. And everyone keeps asking me when I’ll be drinking again. When will I be ‘sociable’ again. I’m at a point where I’m wondering how I am going to fit into my life now. I am not going back to the person I once was because that was the person who had no self esteem, no self worth, and no regard for my health and wellbeing. hhhmmmmm….. its like a whole new person trying to fit into someone else’s life.
And for now the fat chick still lives inside me. She raised her head when I strolled down the beach in my size 12 wetsuit, telling me that I had no right to be there and that I look like an overweight walrus. She’s there whenever I have a ‘bad’ day. My head just hasn’t caught up with what the body has done.
I’ve been thinking about my own strategies for surviving the fat chick inside me. I’m sure she will eventually give up and leave, but for now I have to manage her and be one step ahead. And so, I have the following reminders that I regularly say to myself:
1. What anyone thinks of me is none of my business. Their judgements are born out of their own fears. And therefore I respond to them with compassion.
2. Being brave and facing my fears challenges others do the same. Some will react with resistance (critisism) others will see what I have done and think ‘hey, maybe I can do it too’. And so, my presence automatically gives other people permission to try.
3. I now value myself and my body way too much to ever treat it with disrespect.
4. I am teaching my children to respect themselves and their own bodies.
5. Live consciously. Interact with yourself and others on a conscious level.
I am very proud of what I have achieved for myself. Not just because of the physical changes, but because of all the demons that I faced along the way. I now live consciously and by that I mean I observe my reactions to others and question the fears that drive my reactions. For example, I went to my local PCYC yesterday to try a spin class. The instructor was quite overweight and my initial reaction inside my head was ‘how can she be a fitness instructor’. Of course, she ran the class efficiently and I sweated my proverbial off and the fact that she was overweight had no bearing on the outcome for me. I challenged myself afterwards about my reaction and came to the realisation that my judgement was purely born out of my fear of ever going back there. And actually, she had a lot more courage than I did when I was overweight because she’s out there, doing it. When I was overweight I was hiding in my own head, consumed by fear and self loathing.
And last but not least – and perhaps the MOST important :
5. The most important relationship I will ever have is the relationship that I have with myself.
I hope this helps Christina.. Good luck !!
Cheers
Nicole
x
How typical of society – you are fat you are not wanted, you lose weight you are rejected because you went and did something.
The other week someone asked me if I was pregnant. This person is beyond contempt and was drunk anyway so Chris, it don’t matter what others think. I am so sick of bending over to please others and it is not good enough, trying to please society by not eating/eating and consuming. So over it.
Hi Christina
In short, I find people like those you’ve mentioned, the ones that smile at you whilst trying to undermine your efforts, are just envious, jealous and a little scared. Envious that you have the self belief to follow a goal through to the end. Jealous that you now have a rockin’ body and are feeling on top of the world and unstoppable. A little scared that your choices to not drink, stop eating crap and to grab life by the proverbial balls, make their choices in life look bad. Generally, people’s reactions to a situation say far more about their own fears than they do about what ever it is they are reacting too. Don’t give in to other people’s expectations, life is too short. Amour-propre!
Rob
Your an inspiration Christina.
2 Quotes to keep in mind:
“What others do or say is their stuff; how we react, or not, is our stuff”!
“Come to the edge”
“It’s too high”
“Come to the edge”
“I might fall”
“Come to the edge” ….
And you came.
And I pushed you.
And you flew!
Good Luck
Cheers
Marie
Christine
Stay positive. Focus on your personal goal and understand that these comments serve as a test while you are on this journey. Think of this as your road-map to self actualisation. At this stage you have hit the esteem bridge – friends and colleagues are swaying the bridge to see if you will slip. Stay strong and centered and the slip will be inconsequential.
Keep well and center your attention on the good that you are doing to yourself and your body by celebrating what it is that you have achieved!
YOU GO GIRL !! Keep doing what you know in your heart and mind is right. Don’t let any one bring you down. My mother use to say, How could you let yourself get so fat.? Before I could answer she would be handing me a plate of cookies saying ,Here eat some of these.( Oh Geez, thanks mom ). Ha Ha Bless her heart. I never could tell her the truth. I just started eating fewer cookies and coming up with off the wall ideas, so she wouldn’t focus on me. I accepted the stuff she sent with me . Didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Gosh !,Our animals enjoyed that food. Made her wonder why they followed me everywhere I went. That really was fun. Oh Well ,Better for the pig to be fat then ME. Now that I’m grown,I think of the money and time spent on goodies for the live stock and feel a bit bad. Yet not weighing in at 500lbs Makes it all worth while.LOL. Its true some people, Just don’t GET IT. Laugh and carry on.
Hi Christina,
Congrats on nearly reaching your goal.
My question to you would be “why can’t you have a drink with your friends?” I don’t see it as peer group presure or others trying to sabotage you, I think people just want to see if you are still that same lovely person (without the weight). I can honestly say that when somebody who was fat suddenly goes the extreme opposite way of counting calories and not drinking alcohol and abstaining from ever eating chocolate or cheesecake or anything for that matter, just becomes tedious. I think counting calories everyday and watching every single thing you put in your mouth is actually detrimental in the long run. I think abstaining from so called rubbish and alcohol just fuels your obsession with food the other way. So being overweight and not caring is wrong and being a size 8 and obsessed with calorie counting is wrong too. I have never been on a diet. I have lost alot of weight after having 2 children, so I know its not that easy to lose weight. I guess my point is, don’t obsess about this, don’t be so precious. Have a drink when your out, eat some cheesecake when you go to a freinds BBQ. Indulging in these things every now and then doesn’t mean youve fallen off the wagon, it just means you can enjoy yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about it and socially you won’t be any different either. If youve eaten healthily all week and done some excercise then a little indulging isn’t going to make you fat again is it? I know if I go to friends or families houses that there will be cakes, biscuits etc. I indulge everytime, it just makes me work a bit harder at the gym the next day and I’m back at home eating healthy all week.
This is just my opinion and I don’t even know if you are counting calories, but this is something I feel strongly about. I don’t want my kids to eat crap and be unhealthy but I also don’t want them to turn to me one day and say “oh mum, I can’t have that my calorie count is already at 1500 for today. That to me is just as unhealthy as not caring.
My motto is….everything in moderation, whether it be food, excercise, alcohol or even sex or pokies for that matter
Goodluck with the last 5 kilos.
Hello, my sweet. Good questions and I understand what you’re feeling. Your new “self” feels very new .. not entirely yours yet .. and possibly a tenuous state, to say the least.
First, you need to realise (and consciously remind yourself when in the situation) that people making disapproving comments re alcohol or food or anything else in relation to the positive changes in you are actually referencing themselves. That’s right .. you’re not even a real factor – it’s all about them. Their issues. Guilt, envy, failure to name a few. The only thing that is going to make people like that happy is if you’re doing worse things than they are. That way they’ll feel better about themselves. Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for that cause?? Thought not. So when it happens, just let it go. Let two words float through your mind … “yeah, whatever”.
Secondly, let go of the fear of not holding on to what you’ve achieved. Acknowledge that you now have the knowledge and proven ability to do what it takes to get where you want to go. Don’t worry yourself over “what ifs”. Stop trying to solve a problem you don’t have. The thing that helps me CONSTANTLY in maintaining and pulling myself back into line when I slide is to ask myself “how much do I want this?”. This makes me WANT to take action, because I know the answer with no doubt or hesitation. Also, set yourself a “panic point”. A couple of kgs above your normal weight. As soon as I hit that point, I clean up the food side and get off my butt a couple of extra times a week to do some exercise.
Thirdly, don’t try to think too deeply about whether you feel fat, thin, fraudulent or anything else. Take that new toy that is your body and HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT! Any kind you like. Play with it, dress it up, parade it proudly, laugh with it and love it like the toy you’ve been wishing for all year and finally unwrapped on Christmas morning. Because that’s what it is. To quote our favourite guru, “it’s not who you are, it’s just where you live”. So give the deep and meaningful a miss, remember how you felt when you first started on this journey compared with how much better you feel now, AND ENJOY YOUR NEW DIGS!!
You’re beautiful – we could always see that. Your wrapping doesn’t change that one way or the other, but it can make YOUR existence a lot more fun and pleasurable. You’ve also proven that you’re driven, committed, consistent and able to do what needs to be done. Be very proud of that, because you’re in the minority.
Suz
xxxx
Congrats Christina. I agree with Robbie R…people who push you to eat cake or have wine with them often do it because they feel guilty having it, and seeing you have it too lessens their guilt! Also there are some seriously insecure people out there. I have a couple of friends who can’t comprehend why I’d give up drinking and think there is something wrong with me (funnily enough they’re both overweight).
My advice would be to make a new circle of friends or two…maybe get into mini marathons or an exercise-based social thing, like a team sport…find some like-minded healthy people. That’s not to say give up your existing friends, but just balance them out a bit with fit friends!
As for the cake-eating at work for morning tea, again I used to try and laugh off the comments about why I wasn’t having cake with polite comments like, ‘ohh, just trying to stay healthy, you know..’ (but you’re so THIN now, have some CAKE!!! Go ON!!! Have a little bit!!’).
Now, I give as good as I get. I reply with comments like, ‘no thanks, I don’t want to put crap in my body anymore’ and ‘nup, I don’t want to get fat again’ – and I don’t care anymore if the person I say that to is fat themselves! Make ‘em feel their guilt I say. If they can dish it out, they can take it too!! Who knows, you might even do them a favour and make them take a good look at themselves.
As for the being-thin-but-still-think-I’m-fat issue, I’m not sure about this one. I have the same problem. Went from 89kg after having my first baby (put on 29kg!) to eventually 67kg with quite a bit of muscle tone, but still focused on my ‘bad bits’. Even though everyone was saying how fit and slim I looked. I’m not sure how to fully overcome this one. Maybe positive mantras on the bathroom mirror??
Alison
Haha welcome to being human.. the human delemia always wanting more… (I say this with crinded teeth ABS awesome WORK babe!)
For me I learnt it is never going to be good enough…so it great you have good friends who can keep you in reality … In regards to adjusting the mental image I think the moment it is not about (you) the way we look but rather the act of staying and continuing to improve our functionability and health that is when the shift happens
A passing fad is something you just do .. and don’t continue to maintain … in regards to what others think WHO CARES! I bet they don’t have abs like you!
I haven’t had a drink for almost 5 years.. personally I find it hard enough to be average without drinking so the people that ask me when, or are coming to pub it is a simple NO…basically it is my life, you are either helping me to get there or hindering me… and if you are hindering me… get out of the way !
Alcohol is just that a hinderance!
Food, well of course they get offended… they want you to join them in their slothful pain! The easy way! I totally understand this both at home and at work but again… who CARES they will not be there for you!
THIS IS YOUR LIFE, be the best and strongest version of you, you can possibly be! Watch them all fall to the wayside! or rather roll
XX keep it coming!
Hi Christina,
Do you realise that all those negative thoughts, feelings and emotions don’t belong to you? How much of it is everyone else’s thoughts feeling and emotions and you have decided to take on that energy? When you start to feel negative and you feel a heaviness – return it to sender….those feelings don’t belong to you.
Now go to a full height mirror and look at your body…really look at your body and say to it how amazing it looks and thank your body for changing and for being sexy and beautiful. Be in gratitude of everything you have achieved and thank your body everyday and your body will respond and you will feel amazing and have a lightness in your heart that will carry you through the day, everyday. It is so easy to look in the mirror and “judge” our body but do we ever stand in front of the mirror and say “thank you body, I love my muscles, I love the shape of my bum, I love my arms and how toned they are”……and so on. Believe me it works and you won’t need to look for the answers on all the negatives (which is everyone else’s crap energy anyway that you are taking on board!) because you will be strutting your stuff, believing in yourself, loving your body and being in gratitude of everything and everyone around you. Love everything about you, don’t judge and just be in allowance of everyone else as it just simply being their point of view.
Beauty is in you and around you – acknowledge it everyday. xx
the main thing that rings true from all this is ‘what other people think of you is none of your business’. love that – applies to so much more than weight/appearances. still giggling at the first post from jo “No thanks I won’t have any cake because I don’t want to be fat and unhealthy like you ugly skanks,” lol might use that one when i grow some balls. thanks for the laugh jo
I can relate on all counts- am approaching my first figure comp and have been dieting for what seems like forever and have found out that people around us don’t like change and just how ‘unpopular’ you can become just by choosing to be ‘different’. That is, by actually choosing foods that meet your goals rather than just talking about it like everyone else!
What is working well for me so far is being really outwardly positive and confident in my decision that this is a lifestyle change, letting others know through my actions and attitude that no- drinking and eating junk is not just temporarily on hold because I want to continue to sport a lean physique and feel great about myself and new habits. I have worked long and hard to overcome a lot of ‘food demons’ and won’t let anyone pressure or make me feel guilty about these achievements. I believe we will have to continue to be extremely vigilant (stubborn even) but in time, others will accept (or give up) trying to ‘change us back’ and maybe even get motivated themselves?
Hi Christina,
I dont know if I can give you any advice or not but I guess I can understand a little of what youre going through. I started running maybe 10 years ago and to go along with the healthy life style I started eating properly too. I also rarely drink. But like you the comments you get drive me nuts!! Commenys like “have a drink live a little”, “oh youre good arent you keeping fit” etc. But I dont want or even feel like a drink!!!, I like getting up the next day with a clear head!! I love getting up early with a bounce in my step to go for a run in the beautiful morning sun or sleeting rain for that matter!! Sometimes I feel like Im from another planet but there are others out there I have discovered who share the same philosophy and thats why I run with a club.
Keep it up, look at the bigger picture (your whole life), keep it all in perspective and give yourself time to adjust to the new you. I reckon that youre true friends will understand and then they get to hang out with someone with a great attitude!! I love these blogs
Congratulations
Dom
Hi Christina
Firstly well done on the weight loss, I know it takes alot of hard work and determination to break through the barriers that keep you at your biggest.
I understand what you are going through. Those wonderful comments you are getting are not helping you because deep down you don’t really believe them, deep down you still think fat.
To help me transition from a fat mindset to a more real view of myself here is what I did. Stand in front of a mirror in just your undies with a picture of yourslef when you were at your biggest. Really look at yourself and the transformation that has happened. Very uncomfortable but trust me it helps. Then while you are standing there pick out 5 things that you like about your body. Right now I am loving my butt! The every morning as you are getting ready to do whatever it is you do pick out three different things about your body that you love. Eventually you will start to think better of yourself. It worked for me, hopefully it works for you.
In regards to the flock of sheep you work with, dig your heals in knowing that you are doing a good thing that makes you happy. Well done.
Cheers and all the best.
Hi Christina – Great email and really good questions. I too have experienced very similar things about other peoples reactions when you decline their offerings and the reactions to non drinking. I think at the end of the day its all about what YOU think not what THEY think – cos they are not there when you look in the matter and hate what you see because you did eat the offerings and drink the bubbles. I think people react to extreme situations and when we first change our lifestyle it comes across as extreme – one year down the track and I now eat and drink stuff when I want to and no one comments – and now people say things like ” you are really fit now how do you do it???” and dont comment so much on what I am not doing. Hope this helps. Remember it really is all about YOU and not “them”. People take time to adapt to our changes just like we do. Cheers Mandi
You Guys are not only clever, encouraging and enlightening today but you’re also mildly hilarious. Some of you make me laugh. Thanks for taking the time to share. I have found your comments and stories to be both fascinating and valuable. Keep it up.
Big hi to our Newbies – welcome.
xx
Christina
I like your personality, your spirit and your pensive approach to personal change in a world of disparate opinions. If you’re doubting yourself:
please don’t — your strength shines through your humility and empowers others, (mainly myself)…..
… I’m 52 and working through similar — yet different — areas of growth along with ya…
Mike B, Denver Colorado
Hey Christina (and huggable Craig),
To be honest people will get tired of trying to get u to eat/drink as you continue on your new lifestyle path, undesirable comments will only then come from the new people u meet.
I’ve never drunk alcohol,smoked or tried drugs and yes pimply peer pressure was harsh…very harsh! But my true friends got over it as they discovered that I was still just as much fun to be with. To make matters worst I became a vego 12yrs ago so thats something else that I thought ‘peer pressure’ wouldnt be an issue, especially when ur an adult at 22. SO WRONG.
So new people I meet continue to ask me; What do I do for fun? I just laugh and say; “Please do the world a favour and dont become a parent!” And that is when they normally shut up because as I am now 34 most of these people are parents…it makes them think.
One of my most fav CH sayings; ‘You cannot control peoples actions, but you can control your reaction to peoples actions.’ May not b word for word but I continue to remind my four children of this..its a handy thought tool to have.
You are doing great Christina and never let anyone tell you different. Oh and a little cheats way to deal with difficult persistant new people…….I HAVE MAJOR FOOD ALLERGIES. : )
all my hugs
Mel
Hi Christina and Craig.
Christina, well done and congrats on the fantastic achievement. I don’t have a lot to add to the above comments but as someone who has the last 10kg to lose, I do have some understanding of what you’re going through.
In regards to alcohol, the only thing that matters is what you want. If you want to reintroduce it into your life, then do so. If not, then don’t. As someone who does not drink alcohol at all, the only thing I can offer is that those who truly care about you won’t mind that you don’t drink.
Suza, I loved your advice about the body being a new toy! It’s given me a nice little kick today, as I struggle with a little of the winter blues and the insidious layers of clothing I keep having to wear to compensate for losing my fatty insulation!
Cheers all,
Laura
Look at all these comments you’ve inspired Christina!!
They are so full of encouragement.
Strategies I use – as you can have all the self belief in the world, but as someone said previously – it still hurts.
- Let them know it serves a purpose – ie. i say I’ve got a race that i’m training for, or I need to look good for the wedding
- Educate them how better off you personally feel – I realise that people are less harsh on you if they can see you’re only motivated by personal contentment – rather than from a preacher, better life point of view
- I make them realise it has nothing to do with them
Not everyone will take it on board – but you find out who your true friends are and who genuinely wants you to succeed.
It’s a little bit in our culture i think – people want to chop down those tall poppies. Stand tall, be proud of your achievements and try to remember all the compliments you receive now you look so hot and how many more things you can do as you’ve got the confidence – this will speak way louder than any negative little voice in the corner – don’t give these voices the power.
Congrats.
Pip
Narelle September 10, 2009 at 9:51 am
Hi Christina,
Do you realise that all those negative thoughts, feelings and emotions don’t belong to you? How much of it is everyone else’s thoughts feeling and emotions and you have decided to take on that energy? When you start to feel negative and you feel a heaviness – return it to sender….those feelings don’t belong to you.
I don’t agree Narelle that she may have set out to take on that energy, but your words are brilliant and apply to a milion situations. I know I took on others’ energies and paid the price so yeah well put Narelle.
Hi Christina!
Your email struck such a chord with me… as a 26 year old who lost 30kg 5 years ago and has kept it off since, I have been through ALL of the things you mentioned, and sometimes still do. Especially when it comes to Alcohol. After being a huge life-of-the-party-do-anything-for-a-laugh drinker in my late teens, when I started my weightloss journey I made many excuses for not going out drinking, even to the point of agreeing to a night out then making up a reason I couldn’t go at the last minute… Five years on and it’s not about losing weight, it’s about being healthy, and it’s about not wanting to waste a whole day with a hangover – a day where I’d rather go out for a run with my dog than lay in bed feeling like crap! These days I stick with the line ‘I’m not really much of a drinker anymore’ – as it’s true – and it keeps some of that peer pressure at bay.
I can only tell you that from my experience, and looking back at what I would change – just be honest. Tell people you don’t feel like drinking anymore. Tell them you don’t want to eat rubbish. You are NOT on a fad diet, you have made a lifestyle choice and a lifestyle change and the people who really respect and care for you will appreciate that choice.
Good luck with it all and congrats on all you have achieved so far!
Hi Christina and Craig,
Wow Christina…how well are you doing!!!!!
So you aren’t any fun when you aren’t full of booze? Well, that is a sad state. What their problem is, is that they it is so habitual for them to drink at social occasions that they have no idea how else to do it. Stand your ground, I can’t imagine you not being a fun person at all. You need to do what is best for you. Maybe you need to arrange a “dry” social thing and see how much fun you can ALL have.
As to the food issue, stand firm, tell them you aren’t hungry at the moment or have a piece of fruit handy to pull out and eat…often it is just the “seeing you eating” they need. Maybe whoever provides the morning tea needs to include a fruit platter, I bet there would be heaps of people who will eat it. People feel threatened by our success because it means they may have to do something about their own issues. You could always tell them you had a big breakfast and that you aren’t actually hungry and that you will have a piece of whatever later then change the subject.
My mum used to (if we were out at anything) pass a plate of food around and get to me and say “you don’t want any of this” and make to move away. I would say “well yes I do” whether I did or not because it annoyed me that she would make the decision for me. So I would eat the thing. Now I get in first and if offered say “no thanks” (mind you she is very supportive of my weight loss anyway) I have adopted the approach that i just don’t care what other people think, the problem is theirs not mine and they can go and…well deal with it. Remember the only thoughts, feelings, words and actions you can control are your own…what other people do, think or say is their problem. You can’t compromise your own self beliefs for anyone, you need to be true to yourself.
Well done on losing the weight you have and developing the “lumps” I am so proud of your achievements. All the very best for the final 5kg. Massive hugs to you
Mandi, I too laughed at Jo’s comment. (hi Jo, how are you doing?)
Chelle xx
p.s Craig, great to see that Mary is doing so well, that is awesome. Big hugs for you both and your dad too
My dad also finally came out of hospital on Tuesday following infection in the heart (endocarditis) and is so much better. (yay for both) Chelle x
Hi guys,
I’m so sorry that I haven’t responded earlier to all your amazing comments. I tried to post a response during my free period today but the computer kept mysteriously crashing. I suspect the education department has blocked Mr Harper. Perhaps they’re threatened by his positive attitude and subversive ideas. Or perhaps it’s just his big guns. Hmmm.
I must confess to having a little girly-teary-fest when I read your comments. The fact that you all took the time to share your advice, thoughts and experiences is just incredible. If you think for a minute that your words are not infinitely important, please read the following extract from ‘It’s the Thought That Counts: Why Mind Over Matter Really Works’ by David R Hamilton PhD (it’s a little scientific but bear with it):
“Analytical chemists use ‘indicators’ that detect when an acid-alkali titration is complete. This is a standard experiment that is carried out from high schools to university research labs to analytical laboratories in the health-care industry. Lots of drops of substance A can be added to substance B and the mixture remains colourless, then suddenly, with the addition of only one or two more drops of A, the entire mixture turns pink – an instant change.
“So it is with the mixture of our mental and emotional climates. If we consistently add drops of peace and love, kindness and sharing, tolerance and understanding, through our attitudes and our behaviour toward each other, then once we reach a critical point, the world will change very quickly.
“Just prior to the tipping point, it only takes one more drop for the colour to change. Without that drop it never changes. So every drop is important. And you wondered how important you were!”
My science ability is very ordinary at best (and don’t get my started on my maths) but I understand enough from the above to realise that there is now more love in the world than there was before you all sat down at your computers this morning – and you made me cry (in a good way).
I now feel strengthened to combat the social norms and expectations around me – with love and respect, of course, but firmly nonetheless. I will be making myself another cup of tea (Sencha Quince – yum) and reading your advice again and again.
The other point from your comments that has really surprised and saddened me is how many of you feel the same as I do in terms of the ‘thin suit’. I thought it was just me. Really. Thanks for all your suggestions about the affirmations and mirror-exercises, I will definitely give them a go. And you’re right, I should have some fun with my new ‘digs’ – perhaps the Blackmores Bridge Run (Sun 20 Sep) might be a good place to start? Any Sydney people interested?
Thanks again, guys. You are all absolutely wonderful. And thanks to What’s-His-Name for giving you the opportunity to share your love and wisdom.
Lots of love
Christina xxx
Dear Christina (and all),
I find it heartening to see so many people on this journey (me too)! We don’t see each other every day (or in reality, ever, at least for me), so it’s nice to know there is a tribe. And the “drops” of kindness and support we all can find here really do make a difference!
About the thin suit: enjoy it as long as you can wear it! By which I mean (and I don’t mean to scare you or demotivate you), it is possible that someday the situation may change (for any of a myriad of reasons). A personal example: Six years ago I changed jobs and moved to a different continent where I had that rare opportunity to really “start over”: new digs, new friends, new daily routine, lots of time to exercise. And I lost about 30 kg over 6 months. And I was the fat chick in the thin suit until one day I realized I had just run up and down several flights of stairs (helping someone move) and I wasn’t out of breath, I wasn’t suffering. Cool. I was now the healthy chick in the thin suit.
Then my life changed again (I got married, daily routine changed, not so much exercise, food habits inherited from new family) and I became the thin chick in the fat suit, i.e. I was somehow able to deny that the 30 kg had found their way back into my life (that was even hard to write 30 kg, I wanted to say 25 kg, but that’s not true – it all came back).
But I say thin chick in the fat suit because until I really started looking at photos of me and my husband bought me a mirror for my birthday I was still able to somehow believe I was the successful woman I felt like when I had first “started over”, so I was the thin “successful” chick in the fat suit. Now I know better. I really am fat again. It’s not just a suit.
And I felt guilty at first, ashamed, defeated. Said, oh well, it’s over, I guess I’m not strong enough. But since I’ve been reading this blog I find myself motivated and I’ve lost about 5 kg again. And I’m thinking, this time I just want to be a chick in a suit, my suit, no adjectives, no denial, sometimes a bit heavier, sometimes a bit healthier, but all the time who I really am.
And if this happens to you, know that you’re also just a chick in a suit, your suit, and be happy.
Hi Christina, congratulations on being down to the final five!
As someone who is at the start of that journey I can say that your friends are reacting out of jealousy. They want to eat the cake but they know they shouldn’t and they can only feel good about it if everyone else eats the cake too. That way all those unneeded calories don’t count. Stupid yes, but I’ve used that illogical reasoning myself! Their weird logic may never change so just ignore them. Perhaps one day one of them will come up to you in a quiet corner and ask for your advice.
It’s the same with the drinking – they know binge drinking is wrong but if everyone else does it then it’s okay. IMHO that’s how Hitle had so much success. And do they realize how boring they get to be when drunk? I had a similar experience with friends once. We were in Amsterdam and I wouldn’t smoke pot – despite saying nothing but “no, thank you” they acted like I was judging them.
Hang in there!
Hey Christina,
I’ve always thought the song from Mulan, that has the line “when will my reflection show who I am inside” has a lot to say.
Who ARE you inside? I think that’s probably a good direction to go with this. Are you someone who really acts like her own best friend? Is your inner dialog kind? Having inner peace is what will most probably be what keeps you at a good balanced weight and not so worried about what others say.
I’ve been saying “no” for a while to a lot of things, and after you say it enough times, people get used to it. And you can still hang out with them while they eat their donuts, or whatever, and if you bring your own munchies that are yummy and healthy- it works out. Or if you go to a bar and drink the mixer part of a mixed drink- like cranberry juice or soda- usually people don’t really notice. And if they ask me, I tell them I’m drinking coke. So what? I’m still as fun and have as much fun, and if someone has a real problem with that, that person’s not the kind I want to be around anyway.
I totally recommend that you read the book “The Four-Day Win” by Martha Beck.