Twelve Easy Ways to Create Rapport

A New Part of the Curriculum?

Creating Rapport: without doubt, one of the most fundamental, desirable and valuable interpersonal skills. Being able to create connection with others makes our lives easier, more rewarding, more productive and less stressful on many levels – in both our personal and professional worlds.

Personally, I believe it should be taught as a subject in schools.

Over the years, I’ve watched many highly-qualified personal trainers (some with Masters Degrees) struggle to succeed in the fitness industry simply because their academic knowledge and theoretical understanding didn’t necessarily equate to connection and rapport with their clients. As a teacher, trainer or coach, knowing stuff is good but being able to motivate, inspire and connect with your ‘students’ is great. By the way, knowledge isn’t power.

Applied knowledge is power.

As a person who attends plenty of conferences (mostly as a speaker these days), I’ve also watched many educated, knowledgeable and credible presenters crash and burn because their intellect, knowledge and academic credibility wasn’t supported with comparable communication and connection skills.

That is, they couldn’t build rapport with their audience.

The ability to build rapport is a skill that’s relevant and desirable for everyone from the prison inmate to the CEO. The kid in the playground to the professional comedian. The school teacher to the Prime Minister. And the waiter relying on tips for financial survival to the police negotiator working to resolve a potentially lethal situation.

Then there’s my dentist. He’s funny, interesting and genuine. And a little bit cheeky. He’s not bad at the teeth stuff either. He builds relationships and creates rapport with everyone who walks through his door. And he does it with apparent ease. In an environment where many people are (typically) terrified, this guy has an amazing ability and awareness to make people feel comfortable and confident in a short amount of time.

Now that is a valuable skill.

Especially when he’s about to invade your mouth with tools. I believe his successful dental practice has almost nothing to do with his technical competence or dentistry skills.

So, here are some connection suggestions:

1. Eye contact. Study after study tell us that something as simple as looking people in the eye when we speak to them makes them feel more valued, respected and important. If you want to create instant disconnection, look around the room or check the time while someone pours out their heart to you.

2. Remember and use their name. Fundamental and obvious but still not maximised. If you’re like me, you often forget someone’s name four seconds after you hear it. I hate to admit it but this is an area where I (often) suck. Sure, I meet five bazillion people a year, but still, I suck. These days, I find myself repeating their name straight away and then using word association. That is, I picture someone I know with the same name. Which works well unless their name is Bertulia.

3. Don’t talk about you (too much). Constantly bringing the conversation back to you is a turn off. People love to talk about their stuff, so let them. For a while.

4. Be Sincere. People know a fraud. Don’t act, be you. People recognise and value authenticity.

5. Ask meaningful and relevant questions. Asking the right question at the right time tells people that you’re plugged in to what they’re saying. Which builds trust and rapport.

6. Find a genuine reason to compliment people. Nearly a century ago, Dale Carnegie (of How to Win Friends and Influence People fame) was teaching us the value of a well-timed and sincere compliment. And yes, it’s okay to be strategic as long as our words are a true reflection of our feelings.

7. Know who you’re talking to. Knowing a little about who we’re chatting with (background, career, education, expectations, likes, dislikes, beliefs, values, etc.) drastically improves our chances of creating connection.

8. Smile. Another no-brainer but still, many of us don’t do it often enough. At times, we’re a cynical and grumpy bunch. Every face tells a story, so what story is your face telling?

9. Empathise. Acknowledging someone’s feeling is one of the easiest and quickest ways to open the connection door. By the way, acknowledging what someone feels doesn’t (necessarily) mean agreeing with them. I can understand you without agreeing with you. I can even support you without sharing your goals, beliefs or values.

10. Do something unexpected. Something nice, that is. Random acts of kindness are much more than a warm, fuzzy idea.

11. Talk with them not at them. Talking ain’t always connecting. Some people are great talkers and terrible communicators. Be engaged, pay attention and listen actively.

12. Don’t talk yourself up. It’s tacky and tells your audience that you’re looking for approval. Humility is much more engaging and attractive than ego. If you’re amazing, they’ll figure it out.

You’re Welcome.

I’m sure you have a suggestion or three to add to my list. Do share.

* Don’t forget my new kid’s book (The Angry Ant) is out now! Love this article? Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter today to receive more articles like this, and get my FREE Ebook!