I like the concept of letting go. It’s mostly where I find joy, calm, peace and purpose.
It’s so much easier than chasing. And so much more effective.
Rather than chasing happiness, the Buddhist philosophy suggests that we simply choose to let go of that which makes us unhappy. The very notion of chasing something has a sense of urgency about it, doesn’t it? And, of course, with urgency comes anxiety. And with anxiety comes illness. And with illness comes unhappiness.
Maybe our gentle robe-wearing friends are on to something.
Some people spend their lives chasing acceptance and approval. Perhaps it’s time for some of us to let go of the need to seek the acceptance, approval and even permission of others? Perhaps we’re good enough all by ourselves? Perhaps we should stop giving away our power? Perhaps in the letting go we’ll find the only acceptance we need: self-acceptance.
Some will spend their lives chasing physical perfection. I have some expertise in this area. While it’s great to be in shape, it’s not great when our confidence, self-esteem and sense of self are dependant on our physical appearance.
Considering that we spend most of our lives in a slowly deteriorating physical shell, this pursuit is an exercise in frustration. This desire for physical perfection arises out of fear. Fear of not being pretty enough. Good enough. Desirable enough. And, of course, fear is at the root of unhappiness.
Some will spend their lives chasing financial wealth, only to wake up one day and discover that all they’ve created is emotional and spiritual poverty. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being wealthy, except when that wealth defines us. If only we taught our kids (and ourselves) that being rich has nothing to do with money or material possessions.
Some of us have spent years (and years) trying to ‘find’ ourselves. Maybe it’s time to stop looking and simply let go of everything that isn’t us? When I let go of everything I am trying to do, be, create and own, there I am. And while I might do, be, create and own much in my life, I am none of those things and they are not me.
I can’t be found in things. And neither can you.
What do you need to let go of?
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Timely post Mr H,
I thought I was doing OK in the letting go stakes, but my buttons got pushed big time a few days ago, which made me realise I’m still a work in progress … but I’m sure I’ll get there
Nell xxx
Good evening Craig.
Wonderful.
Thank You
Chezzy xxx
Did you write that, Craig? It seems so out of character. While you have heaps of great things to say, they’re the wisest words I’ve read/heard you utter yet. It’s like you’ve had an ephinany, or sumfink.
We’re all works in progess Nell
You’re welcome Chezzy x
Yes Robyn, I wrote it. I have my moments.
If you liked that, take a look at “Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm” parts 1-3 (in the top ranked artciels in the right side bar).
You really are the whole package, Craig.
XXXXX
Wow! Powerful! I had these feelings only yesterday. I think I’m getting better at disregarding the opinions and attitudes of people I don’t really know/respect, but it still hurts when someone I like and admire doesn’t like me back.
I for one certainly identify with being needy of being liked and suffered often with not taking a strong position but have over the years found the need lessening and now have a happy balance.
Love this: “Perhaps we’re good enough all by ourselves?”
What a thought.
How about the need to let go of the need to let go? Sounds odd but somehow I can’t put it better than that.
You have to live your life and not be consumed by peoples opinions. I learned that I have to be myself and not care if people don’t like me.
So true.
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu
Hi Craig.
This is timely for me.
As someone who has just been through an ugly divorce I can tell you that every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that’s holding you back from a better future. Move on.
Realizing who God is, what He is, and putting your trust in Him, as the One who controls all, is the best way of letting go of anything. Ps 23
I have a number of wealthy friends who are constantly watching their investments and worried about losing money. I would not trade with any of them.
You are so right! Letting go can be so enlightening.
I love this post. I noticed about 20 minutes ago as I was doing my end of day things in what should be wind down time I was grinding my teeth… again. I have been telling myself lately to do this or be that, as in be positive, be focused. Maybe to do that I need to let go of some things first. Just reading the opening sentence and seeing the balloon image made me realise I had held onto tension all day, not good. Time to get out the meditation cd sent to me by Alan Mk 2 again and learn to let go of frustration, anger, impatience hmmm I may have a bit of work to do here
Oh Wow! That is me; desperately TRYING to get in shape ALL THE TIME! Looking back at my old photos, I looked GREAT in all of them, why didn’t I see it then??? … I look in the mirror every day.. even as I am tryping I can see myself… and I see a ‘chubby’ 47 year old gal….. I actually thought today BEFORE reading your post that ‘I am always searching to be perfect’… perfect in my own eyes………I just know the moment I stop chasing, is when I am truely grateful.
Thanks Craig as always
Karen in Perth x
Hi, Craig: I could never get enough of reading your articles. All are so inspiring. Letting go I really loved. I am so happy I have found your site. I always look forward to reading your articles Thankyou very much Your writings are great.
Thanks Craig,
This came along at a very appropriate time in my life. Big career changes, end of a long-term relationship, moving to a new city. Gave me something to think about and left me feeling clear minded.
Namaste Craig
Source (currently holidaying in Thailand. Will say hello to the Monks for you
I made years ago a decision I kept to myself that I knew was right for me at the time. Once I ‘let go’ this week I felt relief, then came overwelminging anxiety, I was troubled for a few days. My storm cleared and I now feel calm. I know I am good enough at being myself and each day am finding myself again – self acceptance. I am taking back my power.
Once again Craig….. right where I am at the moment. Its very much inline with the post I wrote on my blog last night….. You must have known
Thanks for the reminder that I’m on the right track.
Cheers
Nicole
x
Morning Craig,
You seem to have an uncanny ability to put up the exact post that I need when I need it and I love you for it.
Love Mel
P.S going to go and check out “Moving Towards Consciousness and Calm” right now.
Hi Everyone – glad this post was a ‘good fit’ for so many of you.
Enjoy your day Guys
Hi Craig,
How are you?
I can’t tell you how much I needed this this morning. In my run around circular quay with a friend (who has been supporting me through my yucky divorce) at some ungodly hour, I just let some of my anger that’s been brooding, go. Nothing like tears on a run – you bloody well can’t breath for one thing but man you feel great at the end. My Cliff Young shuffle turned into a jog once I finished my rant.
I’m letting go more and more each day.
Thank you.
I hope you are well. What’s going on?
Take care
L
“Mandela made a grand, elegant, dignified exit from prison and it was very, very powerful for the world to see. But as I watched him walking down that dusty road, I wondered whether he was thinking about the last 27 years, whether he was angry all over again. Later, many years later, I had a chance to ask him. I said, ‘Come on, you were a great man, you invited your jailers to your inauguration, you put your pressures on the government. But tell me the truth. Weren’t you really angry all over again?’ And he said, ‘Yes, I was angry. And I was a little afraid. After all I’ve not been free in so long. But,’ he said, ‘when I felt that anger well up inside of me I realized that if I hated them after I got outside that gate then they would still have me.’ And he smiled and said, ‘I wanted to be free so I let it go.’ It was an astonishing moment in my life. It changed me.”
If I hated them after I got outside that gate then they would still have me.
Perhaps your right.. Perhaps it is time to let go completely..to just go!
Its strange I seem to enjoy the speed of chasing but realised that you really do miss a lot when you go so fast ! It really is that .. old check point ‘what really is important?’
Its my birthday on Monday and this year when my friends and family said ok .. lets have some fun now what do you want to do .. I responded.. Oh look guys we are all really busy lets just leave it…. Then I stopped and realised by heart had sunk!
God I became a chaser, a chaser of the money, a chaser of approval, a chaser the body , too much giving…but unfortunately NOT to the ones who care! I have NOW stopped (briefly of course) and realise it all passes .. with or without the cash, that Im 34 not 24 the body will never be as good, that it really is just about what I want to do, what I want to enjoy and make time for! … I wont have this moment again!
You are so right…so control FREAK Kate… is going to let go! I cant promise for how long but I will give it a go!
I need to let go of fear. big fat scaredy cat. afraid of making decisions,men, stuffing up my kids, men, clouds that look like fireballs,men, driving my car, men. lol ok, maybe i shoulda lurked today hehe.
letting go
I relinquish,
release
liberate self
from expectations, habits, & self-imposed demands
letting go
I surrender
relax
create space
for spontaneity, creativity, & life’s inward flow
letting go
I unshackle
lighten
experience
discover
evolve
and become
the me
I
was
always
meant to be.
I agree wholeheartedly with your article. All my life I have been seeking the approval and acceptance of others. A couple of years ago I met someone whom I thought “was the one” – he totally consumed my every thought and actions – and I definitely let him empower me. Yet the whole time I was anxious and not “me”. I decided a few months ago to let go of my bad habits and “him”. It is hard but I am beginning to feel more at peace. I have read many books on Buddhism during this time – and I am slowly being converted – we definitely have a lot to learn from “robe wearing friends.”
Hello Craig,
Great post by the way & it couldn’t of come at a better time to be honest..
I had someone close to me say only yesterday I have been out of sorts for the last 3days so what’s wrong????
I first tightened up, held my breath & said nothing…(of course)….
My whole life I have been seeking approval & acceptance of people.
This person persisted until I started to cry & released I was a mess.
To cut this story short I’m tired of people telling me what I should & shouldn’t be doing with my life, I had a huge confrontation with a family member yesterday which I think now the relationship has been destroyed because I for once stood up for myself & my beliefs & they didn’t like it.
I then felt guilt, responsible for upsetting them, felt that I owed them in some way, which I know I don’t.
Today I feel much better because I have decided to let go of how they feel about me because at the end of the day I won’t compromise my happiness for someone elses happiness.
Thank Craig!!!
Hugs
Charlotte xxxxxx
Letting go….ahh, a thing worth remembering. Thank you to Peta for the Nelson Mandela story and to Peggy (above) for the prose – oh and of course thanks Craig too.
I haven’t checked in for awhile, but today a good day (for me) to do so…..
cheers and always hugs,
Mon
Hello Craig – i’m the normal LOL Michael I did not post the above I have been on the Gold Coast and just caught up. Again, another timely wonderful post to consider. Unfortunitly, like CJ’s previous posts, I could write a soap box on how letting go, moving on, getting over it and other cliches we use, especially on others, when we don’t want to hear complaining, or delight in the fact your (insert person or pet) didn’t get that husbane/mouse/job/30 million lotto.
Rather I want to tell Karen something and I hope she reads this:
“I agree wholeheartedly with your article. All my life I have been seeking the approval and acceptance of others. A couple of years ago I met someone whom I thought “was the one” – he totally consumed my every thought and actions – and I definitely let him empower me. Yet the whole time I was anxious and not “me”. I decided a few months ago to let go of my bad habits and “him”. It is hard but I am beginning to feel more at peace. I have read many books on Buddhism during this time – and I am slowly being converted – we definitely have a lot to learn from “robe wearing friends.”
Karen, that sums up my two and bit year issue with the person I wanted. This person was, is, the one. However, you hit the nail very firmly on the head about unrequited love, another overused term we use on ourselves to feel worse. We change to suit them. They take advantage of it. We are anxious and want approval and guess what; it don’t happen. We end up hurt and lonely, we push them away. What a stupid concept the universe has set in motion for us. I also have to let go of some friends and the meditation group, I just felt I was being someone else and they were draining me, but they don’t make them bad nor is there any rule that I cannot take up with them again.
HOWEVER, please, please, please, do not make the mistake I did. I let go of this person, that was a mistake, because the person that does this to us teaches us the lesson that we need to be ourselves, and if they don’t accept it tough. Sure enough well-meaning people will run the plenty fish in the sea rubbish arguement. No, this person appeared to teach us something, there is no rule to say they will never be in our lives even as friends again. And we don’t have to take them back either; but we also have the choice to interact with them, they just, well don’t have to, but they need to accept we won’t do that behaviour now. If they don’t then tough.
Now, this also applies with employers, your mortgage and food is very important but we give too much of ourselves away to please the boss. Money is important as it love but at what cost?
Karen, you make you decision, maybe for me there is another, I won’t love that person as much as I did this one, but I have learnt the lesson of not being myself to please another makes them run away. I always wondered why obese people do have partners despite society saying they can’t; they meet others that see them on the inside (I am not going to debate the health aspects, I’m just pointing out that we wonder why the ugliest people have great partners; they are THEMSELVES).
Oh and Karen, if you change and he wants you back (as mine might) and he’s changed there is no reason he cannot be THE ONE (a stupid term there really is no such thing but meh off track). When you put yourself out into the pool for love he’s in there.
Besides when you go out and you are with some muscle man he will beg you to take him back and you can use a fly swotter on him
)))))
Let go of letting go people – sometimes the job, partner or whatever is the right thing but at the wrong time.
*thumbs up to Karen for sharing her letting go story.
Hi Craig,
I’ve been in a situation the last 3-4years that so much happened to me when I was about to make the biggest change in my life and I collapsed in to a burn out situation. I found it extremely hard to let go how could this happen, why it happened and I fell apart.
The biggest lesson I learnt the more I held on to the hurt, pain and anger made me feel worse so I had to learn to let go. Accepting my circumstances brought me answers and the struggle not soo painful.
I am still working through my issues but now I have the power to let go of the situation instead of giving it power not to let go of me.
Thanks everyone…. it’s Friday night here in Melbourne and I’m off to inhale some food… I may eat my own bodyweight in cheesecake. Stand back!
Hi Craig.
This is true.
On an unrelated note, that is pretty interesting that folks can post comments anonymously. Nice feature.
Back to the point here, it sure is powerful to let go. There are some things I am not intent on letting go of, but you are right that the power comes back when you do.
I can agree that chasing has never worked for me. I probably should have figured it out the first 1200 times, but it is okay because I eventually started to get the concept. It reminds of how Ludacris said in a song that he doesn’t go to the party, but that he brings the party to him. This is a healthy way to go.
I probably need to let go of my quest to seem like the smart guy, or like the fastest runner, or so on. This would help me. I don’t usually let go of things.
This post will probably process in my brain for a while.
Isn’t it ironic, I have been told this concept for a couple of years, not just with relationships but career and other things, when you chase you often either don’t get, get it late or get what you don’t want.
This is pretty much the opposite in this world, even in fitness, to get out and get what you want it won’t come to you. But when you chase it often it does not.
Quick example, I know someone who wanted to work for Singapore Airlines. Had the experience, but no go. He gave up. The call came later that year to join their Brisbane office. Is it karma/magic/fate any of those things? Or simply not worrying and it came. He did sent his resume 3 times so maybe that was in their face but he did say at once stage I’m not going to have it. He has that job now.
The Universe in synchronicity again… I have just been discussing my need to “let go” of my past with a few friends and here it is on your blog.
I surrender.
Cheers,
Nycole
Hi Michael
I finally read your blog. Thank you for your advise. At the moment I have the opportunity to take some time out from this person – but we will cross paths again in the future. I am going to take this time to gain my confidence find ME again. I am hoping the time a part will give us a fresh start – “as friends – as ME” when we meet up again.
Karen